MISTAKE #8: OFFERING AFFECTION WITHOUT YOUR DOG EARNING IT
A major mistake most folks make is to offer affection first. Then later they make some attempt at discipline (which is usually ignored by their dog)… and then they may get around to exercising their dog at some point by walking them or throwing the ball for them for a while.
This makes sense from a human perspective. We usually approach others wanting to be liked and we try to be friendly, right? Like we would with another human that we just met, we often try to show ourselves friendly and non-threatening. So our attention is more on being liked than on setting clear boundaries for the relationship.
This may work ok for most people relationships… But, it just doesn’t work for dogs. It goes against the Natural Dogmatic Rules of the Canine World.
The top three Happy Dog rules are: Discipline, Exercise and Affection – in that order.
Discipline tells your dog who the Leader is, what the rules are, where they ft into their pack, and what their job or role is . When they are being rewarded for doing their job, they feel safe and fulfilled, satisfied that they truly belong there and are doing what they are supposed to be doing. That boosts their confidence and supports your role and authority as a good, trustworthy Leader, someone they can look up to and feel safe with.
When you communicate with your dog in a way that they can understand and follow through, then you have established a great foundation for respect and pleasure – for both of you. And you are now speaking a common language that you and your dog can understand, which opens up a whole new wonderful world you can both enjoy.
Some people have trouble with the concept of Discipline because to them it means tyrannical, bullying, and an authoritative abuse of power. That’s not what a good dog pack leader’s role is.
But that’s not at all what I mean when I say offer Discipline as your dog’s pack leader. Your job is to start the relationship in the way you want it to go, from a calm, centered, confident place of clarity.
Your job is to set clear boundaries, establish the pack rules (i.e., house rules) and territorial limitations, ownership, pack status and hierarchy, and offer the roles (jobs) you want your dog to play for the family pack.
Without that being clarified right up front and then re-enforced in the right ways over time, you won’t have a healthy working relationship with your dog.
If you don’t get anything else from this book, please get this one thing: Your dog’s last most critical need is for Affection. Dogs need Discipline and Exercise before they need Affection!
The order of this is so crucial to their well being, I can’t begin to tell you! And it’s the one folks have the most trouble with.
Only offer your dog affection when they’ve earned it. Think about it: adult dogs do not automatically offer affection to each other when they first meet or greet, even if they know each other.
So if you are showing affection to a dog without immediately taking control of the situation and creating respect right off the bat, then you are actually approaching them as a puppy would. You are saying, “Please like me, please! I’m no threat, I mean no harm. You don’t have to listen to me, I’m nobody!”
WE may need the affection, but our DOGS need Discipline followed by Exercise, and then Affection.
And please give Affection for all the right reasons. When we get this right, then we can enjoy all the affection we ever wanted – and will have almost none of the bad behavior that nobody wants.