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words from their heart, not a stunning piece of oratory.

Your Caterer

You should do some investigating of your catering options before

settling on the caterer or venue. Some venues have in-house

catering which may give you a better price than if you hire a venue

and arrange an outside caterer who has to bring in their equipment,

staff and supplies, then pack up everything afterwards.

Of course, deciding to use a specialist caterer will give you a wider

range of food options and some may cost less than the in-house

catering.

Focus on the sort of food which you both like and also your families,

but be aware of the likely preferences of your guests, especially any

from different cultures and the elderly.

This is an area where you are unlikely to get more than you pay for.

Catering is fiercely competitive and costs are steadily increasing.

The best recommendation is word of mouth from friends, colleagues

and people in other businesses you deal with. You could ask the

people that organize your office’s Christmas party or the people at

any other reasonable-sized business you deal with who caters for

their functions and what they like or don’t like about them.

You need to be sure that you won’t be let down on the day, so

inquire what provision the caterer has if there is a problem with the

number of their regular staff available for your event.

Don’t just go for the caterer with the most eye-catching or largest

advertisement in your phone book. You might find out that eating

the Yellow Pages would have been better!

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Don’t want a Professional Caterer?

If members of your family really want to prepare the food for you, tell them up front that they will have a lot to do and you won’t be

able to help much because of the rest of your commitments.

But, if they’re determined to go ahead, then give them what support

you can and be mindful of this major contribution to your wedding

when you’re thinking about asking them to help with other

preparations.

There can be problems too if someone, like your mother or favorite

aunt, offers to make your wedding cake for you.

Preparing a wedding cake really is a major project, requiring a lot of

effort and time.

But, if your budget is very limited, thank them and keep an eye on

their progress so that you don’t become cake-deprived at the last

minute.

The easier option all-round might be to use a professional caterer

and ask the generous relative to maybe take part in the reception or

give a reading during the wedding itself.

The Right Cake for the Occasion

Whatever your choice of cake maker, I strongly recommend that

you stick with one proven tradition, have your wedding cake made

with fruit cake and not some other type.

Fruit cake may not be your favorite but a well-prepared one will

probably remain edible for longer than most other kinds. Even after

being frozen and revived, it will still taste okay!

You can’t expect a fruit cake to stand up to being dropped even a

few inches but you could send a piece around the world without its

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flavor or appearance being seriously affected.

But, please don’t send any fruit cake or any other food to someone

in another country or even another state without first carefully

checking if you might be breaking their quarantine regulations.

If you do get a home-made cake, be very careful about who you ask

to deliver it to the reception. They are very delicate and need to be

well-wrapped, then transported on the floor of the car.

Don’t put the cake on a seat or shelf, even if it is in a well-padded

box. If it falls or even just tips over, major irreparable damage will

probably result.

Leave the final assembly of the upper tiers and decorations until it’s

safely on the table at your reception venue.

Live Music or Disc Jockey

The choice of entertainment will depend in part, like everything

else, on the budget. Then, it starts and finishes, in my opinion, with

the desires of the bride and groom.

You need to talk with the people you are thinking of hiring and,

preferably, see them work for the same sort of people as yourselves

and your friends.

Try really hard to get references of people they’ve worked for

recently. Don’t pay too much attention to critics’ column in the local

press or their agent when he or she is trying to get you to book

them.

When you’ve settled on a group or a DJ that’s within your budget

and won’t completely freak out your beloved elderly relatives, you

need to let them know of any special requirements you have.

For instance, your Uncle Jack may want to sing a ballad. If that’s

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okay with you, make sure that the DJ or musicians can accompany

him or give them the name and other details of the song so that

they can get the music.

Some musicians can pick up a tune just by hearing it. Even if

someone in the group can do that under normal conditions, it might

not work when Uncle Jack is the singer.

The band will have their own needs, like a room to change into their

stage gear, check their equipment and relax with a drink (that you

pay for) between sessions.

When you decide how long you want them to work, they will say

how many breaks they need.

It’s also wise to allow about, say, half an hour between the finish of

the meal and the first music session. That’s because your musicians

or DJ will need time to set the equipment in place and check it

thoroughly.

There’s also a 99% likelihood that the meal will take about that

much longer than the caterer suggested.

You should also arrange for someone to keep the band happy. That

requires someone that is sober and reliable.

That person needs to be supplied with the fee in the agreed form to

pay the band when they have finished and, preferably, to keep an

eye on their equipment when they take a break and leave the

stand.

He must not let any of the guests, not even Uncle Jack, fiddle with

their equipment.

Amateur Comedians

Amateur comedians are one of the hazards of these events.

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The professional comic spends years perfecting a personal style that

looks effortless.

But that makes the untalented, or drunk joker think it must be easy

enough that even he can do it.

If you want to make a great impression with your jokes, try to

follow these tips from a very funny friend of mine:

1. Rehearse everything you are going to say, including any

apparently impromptu jokes (ad-libs).

2. Be careful that you offend no-one.

3. If you must make someone the butt of a joke, use it against

yourself. It worked pretty good for Bob Hope.

4. Don’t just leave them laughing. Stop before your run out of

your best material and leave them wanting more!

5. Many people think that a little alcohol before they give a

speech or tell a joke will “loosen them up” and help them

fight their stage-fright. Instead, alcohol relaxes your

inhibitions and reduces your coordination – a recipe for

disaster!.

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Feeding the Horde

I’ve included some suggestions for using a professional catering

service or co-opting friends and family to reduce strain on your

budget.

There’s a few other important points that you need to keep in mind.

Frugal Food

If your family is providing the food for the reception:

Choose dishes which are simple

to prepare such as lasagna, cold

meats, salads.

Limit the number of dishes to

simplify preparation and

transport.

As a rough guide, figure a

pound of dry pasta enough for maybe eight guests and a pound of

mince for meatballs might be enough for twelve guests.

Not all guests will eat each dish and some will eat more than

anyone could expect.

Have plenty of bread (plain and wholemeal, or garlic if appropriate).

It’s fairly cheap and will probably reduce the consumption of the

main dishes a little.

While there are many kinds of cake which might

be used for the Wedding cake, stick with plain

fruit cake; it is cheap, keeps well and almost

everyone can eat it.

Make sure to check for special food requirements

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of your guests and advise your caterer or family food preparers as

early as possible.

When deciding the menu, take into account the preferences of the

bride and groom and their parents. Stop there or you’ll never make

a final decision.

Be doubly careful about hygiene, storage, transport and serving of

food. When wedding guests become ill, it can sour a relationship,

not just a meal.

It’s your event, so the people that it’s most important to cater for

are you, your partner and your families.

Be mindful of other religious and cultural sensibilities as far as you

believe reasonable but the bottom line is your preferences and your

budget.

Check with all the guests about any dietary requirements and give

the full information to the caterer, if you are using one, well ahead

of time.

Things to Avoid

Peanuts: These little nuts are tasty but even small traces can cause serious problems for some people. Your caterer or your team of

amateur food preparers must avoid using any item which contains

traces of peanuts. In many countries, this is required to be shown

on all labels of packaged food.

Fish or Shellfish: They also can cause problems either because of

religious restrictions, allergies or random outbreaks of

contamination

Pork: Banned by some religions.

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Things to Avoid or Provide Alternatives for

Spicy foods: Many people love a dash or more of hot spice with

their food but it’s likely to cause discomfort to some other guests.

So, have some less aggressive options for those who would prefer

them.

Maybe, you could have these available in small dishes for the more

adventurous eaters.

Alcohol: You’ve probably seen the effects on an event and the

other guests where someone has had too much to drink. It is also a

significant contributor to the road toll and other problems.

Make sure you offer non-alcoholic alternatives, fruit juices and

sodas for those who are driving and anyone else that prefers them

or wants to space out their alcoholic drinks.

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Financing Your Big Day

Even if the bride’s parents are strict traditionalists and insist on

paying for the wedding, you will face significant expenses and need

to start setting up a realistic budget right at the start.

You need to decide together:

? how much money you currently have which can be used for

starting your wedding fund

? how much you can manage to put aside without living on

beans and hamburger (you need to keep up your strength

and complexion), and

? what contributions you are certain to get from loving and

better-off relatives.

That’s all you can really count on and, of course, some urgent

expense or the non-arrival of a promised cash gift may require a

quick and significant change between now and the big day.

But, without the budget as a first step, you would know what you

could afford and that’s likely to bring disaster.

Make sure that you stick within your budget unless there is some

unexpected development. Maybe you can think of ways to increase

the available amount?

Emphasize the Essentials

It’s time for another list. This one is very important because it will

save you time and help you to keep within your budget.

You need to list every relevant item that each of you can think of

which you need or want to buy between now and your wedding.

Then, draw all the essential expenses into a new list. Things like

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supplier’s accounts, stationery, minister’s fee, hire of venues,

registrations, passports, insurance, accommodation (for guests and

the honeymoon) etc.

Now you should review the remaining items together and remove

any that are very low priority, then save the remainder on a list

called something like “if possible”.

Your budget needs to have an untouchable cushion as well as the

amount set aside for each item in the two new lists.

If you manage to reduce the cost of something you listed, move the

amount actually saved to the cushion or use it to promote

something from the “if possible” to the must have list”.

If you are unsure, then put it in the cushion for a while.

Who Pays for What

Like many things that were laid down as L-A-W for all weddings in

past days, the decisions about who pays for what are observed to

varying degrees by people today who are more realistic and decide

who pays according to ability and whether the couple actually need

or want help in that area.

The bride’s parents traditionally paid all the expenses of the

wedding but that was really a relic of the old view which had a girl

worth less than her brothers. The bride’s parents either paid the

expenses or a dowry (cash or cattle) to the groom for taking her off

their hands!

Things have changed.

Many times, both sets of parents share the costs or the bride and

groom pay the bulk or all of the expenses themselves.

It depends on the ability and willingness of each to contribute.

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If someone can’t or won’t, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you as

much as the other parents. Accept their position and set your plans

in line with what you have.

If you decide to get some debt to ensure you have the sort of

wedding you really want, make sure that it’s a joint decision

because you will both have to live within the reduced income until

that debt is cleared.

One advantage that comes from paying for your own wedding is

that you don’t have the burden of any obligations that sometimes

come with large sums of cash.

If you feel that a parent or other relative has put emotional strings

on their cash, talk to them before accepting the gift. Thank them for

the money and ask them to understand that you will have full

control of how the money is used.

Otherwise, you’re probably better to get them to pay for a specific

item, like the catering or keep the check so you avoid any ongoing

obligation.

This can be more complicated with second and subsequent

marriages, which seem to be increasing.

There can be no reason to believe that any parents have any

obligation to contribute substantially to these. Some will without

being asked.

And it’s probably more responsible and caring not to ask those who

don’t.

Cutting Costs Without Pain

The first thing to do is to talk to all the people involved.

If someone promises you a contribution, either you or your partner

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must follow up and sort things out.

That’s a task for whoever is more closely related to the person or

couple that made the promise.

But, understand if their circumstances, or their priorities, change.

You will have a, hopefully, long-term or even lifetime relationship

with them, and starting off with a heated discussion about money is

not a good omen.

On the other hand, don’t accept an obligation to pay some expenses

or for a gift for someone where you don’t think it’s reasonable.

Outfitting the Wedding Party

The mothers of the bride and groom will choose their own dresses

and pay for them themselves.

If the outfits for the groom and groomsmen are hired, the bridal

couple will probably pay those charges if they’re not picked up by

the groom’s parents.

The bridesmaids’ outfits are most often either paid for by the bridal

couple or their parents but many people now ask the bridesmaids to

buy their own outfit.

If they are to pay for their own, then the bride needs to be as

flexible as possible, either settling on a design which all are

comfortable with and letting each bridesmaid choose their own color

or setting on a color which complements her outfit and letting the

bridesmaids choose a design which each feel suits them.

You may still have to help one or more of your friends with some

money or lose their services.

You might be able to get a better deal from the bridal salon if you

all buy the same style at the same time. But, you can also check out

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other dress shops and even factory outlets in your area.

I don’t recommend buying dresses from online auctions because of

possible delays, bad descriptions and the ever-present possibility of

fraud.

Their shoes and the bride’s should be the same color, or dyed to

match. Be particularly careful to choose shoes which are supportive

and they must be comfortable.

Many venues have floors which suck the strength from your legs

over a few hours. Waking up the next morning with aching legs is

not a good way to start your marriage.

Maybe you could wear more stylish, but less comfortable shoes for

the ceremony and change them for a pair which look after your feet

better when you get to the reception venue.

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Insurance

Make sure that you include any necessary insurance cover when you

first plan your budget.

You can get insurance for most parts of the wedding and the

reception, including a sum to cover another photo-shoot, damage to

the bride's dress and a couple of million dollars in public liability

cover to give you some protection if someone drops the punch bowl

on a bridesmaid’s foot.

Any hired gear, clothing or equipment, is usually covered by

insurance but be sure to check with the hire company before you

sign the contract.

Check that your home insurance will cover the gifts and dress while

they are at your home. If they’re not covered, you may be able to

get a low or no-cost cover note for a few weeks if you are a good

customer of the insurance company.

Don’t forget to get medical insurance that covers you for the

honeymoon if you are traveling outside your own country. The first

place to check is with your current supplier of domestic medical

insurance.

You also need insurance for your luggage, clothing and any

expensive cameras or other items which you carry with you.

This is also something that you should remind any guests who are

coming from overseas to your wedding.

Yes, some companies offer insurance for the biggest disaster,

cancellation of the wedding. But, you really need to examine the

fine print on any policy which you are considering and get any

clarification in writing before you write a check, or you might be

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doubly disappointed if you make a claim.

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Children at Your Wedding

Your Children

If either of you have children, you’ll want them to attend the

wedding and the reception.

You will also need to involve them in a meaningful way with the

preparation and put their name(s) on the invitation.

If your children are still getting to know his children, there may be

some unsettled tensions. <