CHAPTER 5

FRED THE ODD, AND MAJOR MAD

Ok, I have grown up a bit now and know much better, I know that drugs are bad, and in my early twenties hard drugs are a no no, and party drugs were for parties, and that was where my line was drawn.

Now then, my drug philosophy was that if you were at a party, and party drugs were around, you would let someone else take a pill or tab first, and then, if after an hour or so later they look like they are having a bad time and look ill, then leave the party pill’s and tab’s well alone.

But, if after an hour they are still standing up, dancing, and having a great time, then try a small amount of the drug and party on.

But all these drugs have to had come from somewhere don’t they? I didn’t care really, but I got to know some people that did care where they came from.

And so, I met Fred, in a pub. Fred was a bit of an odd character, he was Short, with long balding hair, he was in his mid to late thirties, five foot two high, waddle walk, a pot belly, and he had some teeth, but mostly gaps, or gaps with teeth in between, if you prefer.

Correction, he had just a few teeth (maybe).

He always wore a long trench coat, and because he was short, and the coat he wore almost touched the ground, it looked like he was hovering when he was walking along.

He was a bit of a scrooge, and in my opinion, a scrooge to look at. He also had Seven kids and a wife. Oh, and he did not work or intend to either.

Well then, I used to go for a drink with my dad on alternate Sunday’s at a local pub that served free roast potatoes for lunch if you bought a drink. That’s why Fred went there. Dad knew Fred, but not as well as I was going to.

This particular Sunday, I met Dad at the pub. I drove over in my newly acquired ex Ford Granada mini cab. As I walked into the public bar, Dad and Fred were chatting.

DAD: Hello Leo, this is Fred,

ME: Hi Fred,

FRED: Allo!

DAD: Fred has got a TV that he needs to get back here for the pub manager, can you help him get it back here in your car. A drink will be waiting for you,

ME: OK Fred, lets go and get it now,

We get in my car and Fred tells me it’s only a short drive. Fred directs me to a where the council had demolished a row of houses in order to build a block of council flats.

FRED: Stop the car here, can you give us a hand. It’s a bit heavy,

We scramble across this demolition site over piles of old house bricks to where the houses small rear garden had been. Under a pile of rubbish and a large cardboard box is and old twenty-six inch colour TV.

Fred starts unscrewing the back of the TV and removes its cover. He then gets what I recognize as a power supply module for a TV from a large inside coat pocket. He pulls out the old power supply from the TV and replaces it with the one from his pocket.

FRED: That should do it, it’ll work now. When I saw this TV the other day and checked it out, I knew it would be the power module, good thing I had one. This is worth two free drinks and a tenner.

After Fred dusts the TV down with his coat (Not for the sake of getting my car dirty, but to make the TV look better for the customer, that’s how Fred thought!) We put this big TV on the back seat of my car.

Ten minutes later we are back in the pub. We put the TV next to the bar on the floor. The pub manager has a look at the TV, then he directs us to an upstairs living room. The TV is plugged in, it works. Fred adjusts the picture and he is paid.

Dad, me, and Fred all chat, we consume the free roast potatoes in a bowl on the bar that bring in the punters on a Sunday until the pub closes in the afternoon.

As we leave the pub Dad mentions that Fred lives close to me in east Greenwich, so I drop Dad off and Fred directs me to his council house just around the corner from where I lived at the time. Fred invites me into his house for a tea or coffee.

I meet the wife (Lyn) and kids (Several) and sit down for a cup of tea.

LYN TO KIDS: Make us and Leo a cup of tea,

ME: No sugar,

Four of the kids rush off to the kitchen.

FRED: So, Leo, I got some more TV’s stashed in different places, I want to get them back here cause it’s gonna rain and if they get wet, they can catch fire when you turn them on. Could you help us get them back here, Leo?

ME: Yeah, that’s ok,

LYN: For fucks sake Fred, not more TV’s

FRED: It’s for money! for fucks sake Lyn!

LYN: I never see any of the money, you fuck wick!

The kids bring in a tray with mugs of tea and a sandwich on a plate.

KID MARSHA: This cup is yours Leo, and this is your sandwich,

ME: OK, but I’m not hungry?

KID MARSHA: Oh!

Marsha puts on a sad face. I feel sorry for the kid and start to eat it, the other kids watch me. I think, strange? Why are they all standing here, watching me eat, and smiling at me like that? The first bite of the sandwich is Ok, until I start chewing and take a swallow. It has an odd taste, a bit like paper.

I seem to be chewing something that doesn’t seem to be breaking apart between my teeth. I put a finger in my mouth and pull out something grey looking,

ME: What sort of sandwich is this?

KID DAVID: A puzzle one!

I look at what I have removed from my mouth and unfold it.

I see I have in between my fingers a small wet and chewed picture of a double decker red bus.

KID DAVID: What did you win?

I look at David and annoyingly grin at him.

ME: A red bus,

David just looks at me and smiles for a while before he replies,

KID DAVID: Oh, good!

The other kids laugh.

LYN: Sorry, but the kids do that sometimes,

I pickup the mug of tea and try to gulp down the rest of the Trafalgar square jigsaw sandwich. But the tea has sugar in it, and pepper, salt, and marmite stirred into it.

I don’t say a word, I just put the mug of tea back down. The kids all look disappointed that I did not react, and they go off and play.

I did ask and say that I didn’t want any sugar in my tea. But silly me, I should had said that salt, pepper and Marmite should not be added.

I avoided any sandwiches offered to me by the kids after that. But I did fall for the tea trick again and again. Over time I tried, budgie seed tea, oxo tea with sage, and crumbled dogs’ biscuits in tea. And kid David, if you are reading this, the dogs vitamin chocolate treats was my favourite tea additive (Not).

Anyhow, one Sunday afternoon after a Sunday pub session, I found myself dropping off a TV with Fred at his house and being invited in for a cup.

I sit down on the settee and Lyn brings three mugs of tea, but Fred’s has not got any sugar in it. He swears at Lyn and goes to get the sugar bowl from the kitchen, while he’s away Lyn puts her finger across her mouth like a SHH! Be quiet Leo!

She gets a small wrapped piece of paper out of her purse and pours a pink power into Fred’s mug of tea. She giggles at me. I don’t know what the powder is.

As Fred drinks his tea, I watch him curiously, but nothing happens, he doesn’t foam at the mouth or leave the living room via the ceiling.

It’s time to go, Lyn sees me out.

LYN: That’s the third lot he’s had today, he had some this morning, he had two loads. He will be up all night.

ME: What?

LYN: That’s the third lot of speed he has had today. He sold our working TV yesterday, and I am pissed off with him, now we got nothing to watch. Fucking serves him right; he’ll be wide awake and up all night with no TV to watch now, LOL!

I leave wondering what an overdose of speed will do to Fred. I don’t have to go to work until Tuesday night this week, so my girlfriend Sammy stays over.

It’s quite late Sunday, and Sammy fancies a cheeseburger. So, we go out in the car to find somewhere open late that can fulfil her craving. Driving though Greenwich late at night it is dark and pissing down with rain.

As we are driving along the main road Sammy spots a short guy that resembles Fred, he is walking really quickly like he is in the London marathon. He is almost jogging. His long dangling wet hair is swinging around in the wet breeze. His short legs going so quick his hobnail boots are skidding in the puddles of rain. (It was Fred)

SAMMY: Look at that little guy go!

As we pass Fred.

ME: Yeah! Looks like he’s got to be somewhere fast,

We get food and drive back the long way across Blackheath (about a three-mile detour)

SAMMY: Look there’s that little guy again!

Fred seems to be doing a grand tour of the London borough of Greenwich on that dark rainy Sunday night, don’t know what was going on in his head, but he must had been very extremely wide awake, counting from 1 to 999 over and over again with a brain and body full of speed.

Poor sod, attempting to burn it off, all his family tucked up in bed, and since there’s no TV to watch. What can you do.