A London Boy by Leslie Stringer - HTML preview

TOBY: Do you think he will catch him?

JACK: Don’t know, must have got his licence plate number though!

TOBY: Alright, Cripple!

ME: Fuck off, you both left me in the road to get run over,

JACK: He ran first!

TOBY: Well! I could have got run over!

ME: What about me?

TOBY: I thought Jack had you!

JACK: You ran first!

ME: OH! Fuck off both of you, now help me get home!

At least the weather was good to be able to walk in zig zag fashion all the home that day.

 

CHAPTER 13:

Party Balloons

 

Getting a deposit return fee on used fizzy drink soda bottles was a good way of raising a small amount of cash if you could find them. Another way to raise some cash was by collecting cigarette coupons. Embassy, Players number six and a few others put paper coupons inside the cigarette packets, they put 10-point coupons in packs of twenty, and 5-point coupons in a 10 pack of cigarettes.

You could save these coupons up and request a catalogue from the manufacturer that had “Gifts” that you could exchange the coupons for. It was stuff like, kettles, electric blankets, sets of cutlery, you get the idea don’t you.

Some people could not be bothered collecting these little coupons, so when the packet of cigarettes was empty the box and coupon were thrown away. If we ever saw a used cigarette carton on the floor (Littering was worse when I was a kid!) we would check to see if the coupon was still in it. Generally, there was about a 30% chance of finding a coupon card in a discarded packet.

So what use were they to us? Since you had to be 16 plus anyway to get a catalogue, we just saved them up. There were quite a few newsagents, tobacconists and shops that bought these coupons from you. The newsagent would purchase these coupons from you in bundles of 100 points, or a mix of 10 and 5-point coupons adding up to 100 points.

Then newsagents would use all these coupons to get a “Gift” from a catalogue and sell it in their shop. Shops that did this exchange often had a glass shop counter dedicated with these gifts on display with a sign “Guaranteed for 12 months”.

The three of us were walking down the high street on our way to Greenwich Park to get some fallen chestnuts to roast on a bonfire later that day. I saw an Embassy 20 pack discarded on the pavement; in fact, we all saw it at the same time. We all started to run towards it, but Jack and Toby knew that I was ahead of them and stopped running.

JACK: Huh! Bet its empty!

TOBY: Yeah! Bet there’s no coupon in it!

ME: Just because you didn’t see it first!

I picked the box up and looked inside, no coupon, but what was this other funny shaped box inside? the writing said “DUREX”. I pulled this box out and looked at the writing. “Durex, gossamer for family planning” I opened the box and got out the three packets and the paper instructions.

I remember seeing these in the barber’s shop on a countertop display. Often, when I was sitting down getting my hair cut, the barber would offer these to the men waiting their turn. He would ask each of them if they “would need something for the weekend, sir?”

 

JACK: What is it?

ME: Jonnies!

TOBY: Gis one, come on! I can see three!

ME: What you gonna do with it? Put it on your cock!

JACK: His cock isn’t big enough!

TOBY: Fuck off! I’m going sell it!

We all stood there squishing the outer wrapping and pushing the condom around in its little packet. I got mine out and unrolled it down my fingers, I pushed it into Jack and Toby’s faces.

ME: Look! Greasy isn’t it,

I was playing with my condom while Jack was blowing his up. Jack succeeded in blowing up his condom to a huge size, but it was slipping between his fingers as he was trying to tie a knot in it without succeeding, the condom kept going down and Jack would blow it up again, I found this amusing, but I was distracted by this rhythmic hissing sound coming from Toby who was standing behind me.

I turned around to see that Toby had pulled the condom down over his head and over his nostrils, but above his top lip. The condom was full of air and twice the size of his head, I could see two fuzzy eyes though the condoms skin of absolute concentration as his mouth inhaled and he exhaled his breath though his nose and into the condom, his chest was going in and out like a mechanical bellows in time to a fast beating Metronome.

Jack had managed to tie a knot in the end of his now huge blown up condom and was parading it around to onlookers by holding it close to his groin like he had a massive penis, while Toby had finished blowing up his condom that was over his head, and was nodding back and forth intensely so that his massive oversized condom head was wobbling about like a pigeon pecking for food. I couldn’t compete with this, I walked onwards with big balloon penis man and condom head following behind me. I was trying to look like I didn’t know them.

 

CHAPTER 14:

Big boys School

It was to be my first day at secondary school, I was dressed smartly in my new school uniform. I went to the bus stop at the top of my road where Toby and Jack were already. We all had the same Green oversized Jackets on, except that Toby’s was a hand me down one from his older brother that was noticeably worn out, it had brown leather elbow patches made from an old leather bag.

I knew this because I had seen his mum sew them in. She had let me in their house to sit and watch TV while he was still eating his dinner, and I watched his Mum skilfully cut and stitch a patch of leather from an old handbag onto the jackets elbows like she had done it many times before for his other older brothers. But this was not to protect the elbows, but because there were holes there already.

Me and Jack had been bought oversized jackets because we would “Grow into them” as we were told by our mothers, I guess that was partly true, but it was to save money buying another jacket later. I was strangely jealous of Toby’s worn out jacket, because it made him look like he fitted in, while Me and Jack looked like new virgin material for the second years kids to bully.

So there we were, standing at the bus stop, waiting for the red London transport double decker bus, a 180 or 185 bus would take us to Lewisham where we would get another bus, which would be either a 21 or 122 to Eltham Green.

As we stood there discussing what our first day at our new school would be like a few girls turned up in the same uniform as ours. They were older, maybe second or third-year girls, makeup on, short skirts, cheap jewellery. They stood there chatting and looking over at us, they seemed to be laughing at Toby and Jack.

I looked down at Jacks shoes as that seemed to be where the girl’s attention was. Oh dear! Jacks trousers seemed to have had an argument with his shoes, his black trouser legs must had been around four inches above his ankles. Toby seemed to be getting agitated by the girls looking at him.

 

TOBY: Just because I got an old jacket, it’s not funny!

Jack is looking down at his shoes.

JACK: What’s wrong with my shoes?

I Know what the girls are laughing at, but don’t want to tell Jack.

ME: It’s because we are new, they know what’s going to happen to us today.

JACK: I’m not scared,

Of the three girls chatting, one has her back to me, the two I see are beautiful. The tallest is looking at me and smiling, she nudges the girl with her back to me to look around, she turns and is laughing. I get embarrassed as our eyes meet, for a second there is silence and the world stops, I think, WOW! she’s drop dead gorgeous.

Long Black hair, little pearl earrings, pearl choke, perfect makeup, long black stockings, short skirt, two perfect legs. The laughing stops and a smile starts. Who is she?

TOBY: Come on!

The bus arrives, as usual all three of us try and get up the stairs to the top deck at the same time. The seats at the back of the bus are free, we bundle into them for the short trip to Lewisham. The girls follow us up to the top deck of the bus.

Girl one: There our seats!

JACK: WHAT! Does it have your name on it then?

Toby laughs and cockily replies back to the girls,

TOBY: Yeah! Show us where the name is on the seat then!

The girl pushes Jack across the seat and points at a place just below the back window on the cream coloured painted shelve amongst all the other graffiti.

Girl one: There! See! This seat is for Tania! Bridgette! Anna!

We all looked at each other, and there it was, scrawled in permanent black marker ink, “This seat is reserved for Tania! Bridgette! Anna!”.

So, we all moved. But I had a question that I dare not ask, who was Tania, who was Bridgette, and which one was Anna? As they sat in our seats, “Pearly” as I called her in my mind, smiled at me, the other two girls smirked at us.

We had moved to seats further down now, Toby and Jack were arguing about something, while I strained and cupped my right ear to try and overhear the girl’s conversations, so I could get a name, any name, any information at all, who was who? anything. But no luck.

 

We got off at Lewisham where many buses from other routes intersected. 36, 36-B, 1, number 177, buses from all-over south and south-east London, kids poured off these buses all in the same uniform as ours. Some kids had new uniforms, everyone milling about, chatting, lots of shouting. I felt a little easier about my first day at big school now. A number 21 and two 122-buses pull up, 100 or 120 kids bundle and overfill these buses.

You could see the school a couple of miles away on a hill from the front seats of the bus. It was a big school, not an amalgamation of schools or buildings, but a sort of experiment of mixed sex comprehensive secondary education, it was a first for the UK. Over 2000 children, yes you read it right, look it up on the interweb!! Over 2000 kids! Several floors, 4 big lifts that could hold 40 kids at a time (usually 70 when unattended) 5 gymnasiums, tennis courts, metal work and woodwork buildings, a huge playing field, a drama hall and stage and a huge 2 level main hall.

It was a sort of back to front building made in a “H” or “X” shape. There was a Ground floor and lower Ground floor entrance because it was built on a slight hill, the main entrance concourse had 3 inset ponds that were full of pondlife. Apart from the pondlife there were pens, floating pencils, metal chairs, table lamps, board rubbers, various colours of board chalk in them as well.

Ok then, we had arrived at our new comprehensive education school and were standing in a huddle looking up at the big building. Hundreds and hundreds of kids milling about, some chatting, laughing, some had the latest fad toys (Clackers) some were smoking (yes smoking) some kids were laying down by the ponds overhanging edge with rolled up sleeves and their arms in the water trying to catch the few fish in them.

One kid who was squatting down and leaning too far over the edge of a pond gets pushed in by another. We watched as a teacher came from nowhere and seemed to have captured the culprit who pushed the kid into the pond and led the pair off to an open side door.

 

ME: What’s the time?

JACK: 8:51

 

A rough looking older kid, maybe a third year, was hanging around us, he was listening and looking over ours shoulders. He grabs my tie and pulls it around my neck, he then ripped of a small label attached to the tie. He holds the label high.

Rough kid: I got one! I got a tag!

ME: What was that all about?

TOBY: Me brother told me about that,

ME: What?

TOBY: Getting Tagged!

ME: What’s Tagged?

TOBY: The school ties have these tags on the back, if you get 30 you can take them to a school cloths shop and get a pair of Levi’s!

ME: Really,

TOBY: Yeah!

Jack starts tucking his tie into his shirt when he sees the rough kid mugging someone else. Jack then decides to take his tie off. We all see another kid get mugged for his tag, Jack eventually tucks his tie away into his pocket.

JACK: Tagging? That’s bollocks never heard that before!

 

The school doors open, and the kids flood into the building. We walk into the crowd and get pulled along like fallen tree leaves being washed along a road gutter. We just go where everyone else is going and find ourselves in front of the entrance to the main hall. Stairs go up and down.

JACK: Up or down?

ME: Up!

We find some seats in the upper main hall and sit, its very noisy with kids talking loudly and shouting, two well-dressed men walk up onto the stage with a dozen or so teachers. The teachers sit down and one of the well-dressed men goes to a microphone stand on the stage, he taps on the microphone and starts speaking.

Headmaster: TAP! TAP! TAP! Quiet! QUITE PLEASE!, Welcome back to Eltham Green School, some of you are new and it is your first day, the rest of you will had moved up a year, and some of you have left, Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes, err, umm. The school has been re-decorated and painted, and I am happy to tell you all, that the Arson, I mean fire damaged gym has been repaired and is now ready for use. I am going to hand you over to my deputy now who will introduce you all to the new teachers starting this year sitting here behind me.

 

Some Kid shouts: FUCK OFF!

Kids laughing…

Headmaster: If I find out who that is!

Deputy Headmaster: Ok, first can I introduce Miss Janet Payne,

The schools fire alarm then goes off.

Deputy headmaster: Ok, all out, slowly, John! George! can you open the side fire doors please!

The Headmaster is trying to take the microphone from the deputy and is overheard.

Headmaster: I should be doing that, the fire evacuation, not you, not the deputy, ME, it’s my job, it’s my turn, anyway, next time John!

We are giggling at the headmaster and deputy arguing.

 

CHAPTER 15:

Sometime later

 

It’s now over a year later and we are all settled in. It’s the mid-morning break and we are in the playground.

JACK: LEO! LEO! LEO!

ME: What you been doing this morning?

JACK: The new timetable’s,

ME: Me too, Seen Toby?

JACK: No,

We walk around a bit and can see what looks like a grey cloud of smoke hanging around in the air over one of the gymnasiums. Curiously, we go and investigate. When we get to the gym and go around the back there is Toby, smoking a cigarette with lots of other kids, all of them smoking and passing around the various brands.

ME: Tobes, you smoking?

TOBY: Yeah! What of it?

JACK: Giss us a fag Toby!

Toby hands Jack a cigarette. Then Toby starts to cough and spits out some grey looking phlegm onto the grass. He bends down to look at it.

TOBY: Is that cancer?

JACK: Where did you get these from?

TOBY: Jack, Is that cancer?

Jack is trying to smoke but starts coughing. His face contorts.

JACK: These are nice aren’t they? (Coughing) where you get them?

We hear the school bell go for the end of break. We all run back; Jack is still smoking his cigarette as we all bundle into the large elevator on the lower ground floor. The lift is very overcrowded, and we are all squashed.

The lift doors open and close a few times as more kids squeeze in. The doors eventually stay closed and the elevator heaves up slowly under all the weight.

I look around at Jack, his eyes are popping, and his face cheeks are straining, he looks like he is going to be sick. The lift doors open and we all burst out of the elevator like a squashed face pimple. Jack blows out a lungful of smoke and is coughing madly.

ME: Fucking hell Jack!

JACK: I’m dying,

A teacher sees all of this, and I am laughing.

TEACHER: Where is the cigarette boy?

JACK: I put it out downstairs sir!

The teacher pats down Jack looking for the cigarette packet.

JACK: I was given the fag sir!

TEACHER: Hmmm? Go to your class boy!

We both have the same English class on the 6^th level, we sit at the back in the middle of the classroom. The teacher walks in and takes the register then stands at the front of the class.

TEACHER: Ok then, I want to you to think about writing an essay today, eh? about your family, just day to day life, a sort of short story, and eh? Can I smell a cigarette? Yes, I can can’t I? who is it?

ME: Jack! It’s you! you got a lit fag in your pocket!

JACK: Fuck!

ME: Do something!

The teacher opens a window.

Jack waits until the teachers head is turned and opens the lid of the desk he is sitting at, then puts the contents of his pocket into the desk.

The teacher wanders over to us both, we are over acting like we are good boys. The Teacher is sniffing around us.

The desk has a 2-inch hole at the top where an old ink well had been some years ago. Smoke starts to appear out of the hole like an old steam train waiting at a station.

TEACHER: What’s that?

JACK: Sir?

TEACHER: This smoke, is it you?

JACK: No, not me sir, it was smoking like that when I sat here sir,

TEACHER: Do you think I am stupid?

JACK: Yes sir!

I pinch Jack, and cough a couple of words to him,

ME: Say no!

JACK: Say no sir?

TEACHER: WHAT?

The smoke goes black, the teacher opens the desk lid and flames emerge. The contents of the desk contain rubbish, greasy crisp bags, sweet wrappers, and a lighted cigarette. We jump up.

TEACHER: Everyone out!

The fire alarm sounds. The school is evacuated, the fire engines come. We get summoned to the new headmaster’s office. A Mr Peter Dawson, AKA “Batman”.

BATMAN: You can both be expelled, who was responsible?

JACK: Sir! It was already like that!

ME: Yes, that’s right, it was like that when we sat down, Jack said to me, look! there is smoke coming out of that desk, should we sit there? He said we must, because they are the only spare seats left in the classroom, sir!

JACK: Yes sir!! That’s right, sir!

BATMAN: So, you sat at a desk that was smoking, and you said nothing to the teacher?

JACK: EH? I forgot.

 

Our explanation was questionable at the very least. We got detention and a hundred lines each for not telling the teacher that a desk in his classroom was on fire. Quite light punishment really, considering.

 

CHAPTER 16:

Schools still not out, Yet!

 

Second year of high school is not the same as being in the first year, your school clothes are now worn, but not yet worn out. Your shirt is untucked and hanging over the top of your trousers, your shoes no longer get polished, and the laces are only in the middle two lace-up holes because they are broke and are now too short to fill the many holes they once did when new.

All the kids I had made friends with on the first day of secondary school had moved onto new friends that had more in common than with you. Once you are established you tend to move into a group of kids that suit you, like a group of nerds or cool kids, or kids that like pop music, you get the picture don’t you.

Well, Mike Newall was a school friend of mine, he was pale, tall, skinny and gaunt with long scruffy hair and NHS glasses with a plaster in the middle to stop it rubbing his nose. He was also very clever. I had met him on the first day of high school and we were good mates, he was always smiling.

He came from a poor family (like all of us), and I could relate to that, his trousers were always the same ones, they were about 3 inches too short like Jacks, but his trousers seemed t