Chapter Thirty-one: Naked Workshop
I was 16 years old in 1964 when I attended a weird and wonderful two-day Coming of Age conference for young adults. The Liberal Religious Youth (LRY) sponsored the event, and it took place in a Unitarian Church located in a small town about 15 miles west of Boston.
The LRY was an independent and autonomous, youth organization affiliated with the Unitarian Universalist Association. As far as church youth groups went, the LRY was unique since it was a member-run organization. Leadership came from a member elected board of directors made up exclusively of kids between the ages of fourteen and nineteen years old. Adults served in an advisory capacity.
My stepfather was a Unitarian minister of a large church in central Massachusetts, and he strongly suggested I attend the conference. In fact, he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse: either attend the weekend event or spend the next two days cleaning the basement.
The purpose of the LRY’s weekend get together was to help educate young adolescents (like me) about sex and the changes we were all experiencing as we tried to deal with this strange thing called puberty.
I was still coming to terms with my own mixed bag of sexual experiences. My mother had molested me; my babysitter raped me, and a gang of bullies sexually abused me. I was one confused little puppy.
The sexual assaults and molestation left my capacity for sexual feelings and sexual identity floating like wreckage on an ocean of hormones. After discovering the joys of masturbation, I thought sex was the greatest and most freighting thing in the world. I was not sure that sharing my discomfort with my peers would be helpful but it damn sure sounded like more fun than mucking out the basement. I packed an overnight bag and set out the next morning with my parents in their 1960 Ford Fairlane Town Sedan.
Two conference events stand out in my memory: The first is the "Naked Workshop" and the second is sneaking out and playing cards while smoking cigars in the church's belfry.
When I arrived at the conference site, a large framed photograph of John F. Kennedy draped in black bunting dominated the check-in area. It had been less than a year since the assassination of President Kennedy, and the nation was still in mourning.
Registration was the first order of business. I had to join one of the five clusters named after colors - a group of eight kids evenly divided between boys and girls. By the time I signed in most of the clusters were filled and choices were limited. I took the last open seat for a boy in the Orange Cluster. For my efforts, I got a little orange circle affixed to my nametag.
After lunch, we assembled with our clusters to do our thing. Every cluster had a workshop of one kind or another. The write-up for our session was as short as it was cryptic: "Naked Workshop: An opportunity to explore the human body." I shrugged my shoulders and assumed the workshop would be an anatomy lesson and group discussion.
It took a bit of searching to find my cluster's gathering area; a cozy corner tucked away at the far end of the parish hall. Eight folding chairs were set out around a modest coffee table with a large orange craft paper dot in the center.
Four girls from our group were already in place sitting at the table and were chatting together. I was dismayed to see that I was the first male to check-in. I preferred to blend in rather than stand out.
Talking about sex in mixed company was bad enough. Being the only male four very attractive co-eds was frightening.
I put on my best game face and sat down across from the most beautiful girl there. I started to say hello and instead blurted out some inane comment about the weather. My opening line died a quick death as the girls ignored me.
To cover my embarrassment, I pretended to study the cup of coffee in my hands as if it was the most I enjoyable cup of coffee in the world.
As I took a sip of the lukewarm coffee, one of the girls pointed and exclaimed, "Here they come."
We turned to see three boys striding across the hall accompanied by our workshop leader, an LRY volunteer named Alex.
Alex was a college senior from Harvard, and he wore a full black beard and a head of hair flying out in all directions. A black beret-capped his beatnik looks. Overall, his appearance was a cross between Che Guevara and Ulysses S. Grant.
Alex had a friendly, outgoing, and confident demeanor. To help break the ice Alex gave us each two minutes to introduce ourselves.
The cute girl I was interested in introduced herself as Susan. She had bright blue eyes and waist-length blond hair braided in such a way that she looked like a Scandinavian fashion model.
Despite her stunning beauty, it was clear that Susan, like me, was painfully shy. When she spoke, she looked down at her hands clasped in front of her like a shield.
Susan told us she was an only child and a big fan of science fiction.
When it came to be my turn to introduce myself, I ignored the others and stood up, took a deep breath and spoke directly to Susan.
"My name is Dennis, and my step-dad is the minister of the First Parish Unitarian Universalist Church in Fitchburg. I’m happy to meet a girl who shares my love of science fiction; especially someone with such a beautiful smile."
Susan blushed and gave me a quick smile before looking back down at her hands.
"It's also nice to meet a girl as shy as I am," I stammered as I quickly sat down; too fast as it turned out. With my butt half on and half off the seat, I lost my balance and fell off the chair.
In an instant, Susan was standing over me and helping me to my feet. She whispered, "Are you ok?"
It was my turn to blush as I nodded yes.
"If we've finished with the gymnastics, maybe we can get on with our workshop," Alex said with a laugh.
"Welcome to the Naked Workshop. This workshop is just what the name implies. It is your opportunity to learn about the human body: Specifically the bodies of members of the opposite sex. Each of you will have one hour in private with your partner. Girls can ask boys any questions and boys can do the same. Although the name of this program is the Naked Workshop, please understand nudity is entirely optional. You can remove as much or as little clothing as you are comfortable taking off. If you become uncomfortable with being alone with your partner, you may end the session. You are free to ask your partner questions about their body, or their feelings. You can ask them what it is like to be a boy or a girl. Your partner is free to answer or pass on any question," Alex explained.
I listened to Alex in stunned silence as I tried to process the possibilities. To be close to a girl my age without any clothes on was both terrifying and exciting. I didn't mind the idea of looking but was not sure I would be comfortable getting nude myself.
"This exercise is more than just a variation on the old game of I'll show you mine if you show me yours, it is an attempt to satisfy sexual curiosity in a safer context than the backseat of a car on lover’s lane. Too often one thing can lead to another as hormones take command while judgment and reason go on vacation.'" Alex continued.
"There are two rules you must agree to follow if you want to take part. The first rule is everything is consensual. Nothing happens without the full consent of your partner. The second rule is that there will be no sexual intercourse - with or without mutual approval.
"Now that you understand the rules and purpose of this workshop, by a show of hands how many of you want to take part?" Alex asked.
There were nervous shuffling and mummers as our cluster thought about Alex's statement. Ever so slowly, one by one each of us raised our hands. Susan was the last to raise her hand.
One boy asked, "How do I pick a girl to be with?"
Alex looked at us as he said, "Sorry fellows, this is lady's choice. The girls choose, and the guys get to say yes or no."
"Susan, let's start with you. Who do you choose as your workshop partner?" Alex asked turning his attention to Susan.
I held my breath as Susan looked at me and then studied the other three boys. I was dying inside. I had enough experience with girls to know that my social skills were abysmal. I attended a few school dances and spent the evening lined up with the other male wallflowers. I never ended up with a dance partner.
Today, among kids I did not know, I was going to try something different. I was going to pretend to have the self-confidence I lacked. In other words, I was going to fake it.
I was scared she would pick me, but I was also afraid she would pick someone else.
After the longest thirtyseconds in recorded history, Susan touched my hand and said, "I choose Dennis as my partner."
Hearing her words, I felt like I was melting as a wave of joy washed over me followed an instant later by a chilling fear, which froze in place whatever had melted. ‘Now, what?’ I asked myself as my fake self-confidence started to crumble like a sand castle at high tide.
"I, err, I accept Susan's choice," I stammered.
Several private rooms were located off the main function hall and since we were the first couple, Susan and I got the pick of the litter. We selected a small stateroom with a fireplace and an ornate oriental rug.
The room featured dark walnut paneling, stained glass windows, a few overstuffed chairs, and a small sofa.
Alex told us he would lock the door for maximum privacy and, like any good landlord, he had the master key in the event of an 'emergency.'
"OK you two, the next hour is yours. Enjoy and explore," Alex said as he closed the door leaving Susan and I standing alone in the room that quickly filled with silence. Susan and I stood a few feet apart, and each of us waited for the other to move or speak.
I did not want this quiet moment to become an awkward barrier that would grow increasingly impossible to cross the longer it lasted. One of us had to say something. The trouble was that I had no idea of what to say. Then I remembered my stepfather’s advice. “If you find yourself at a loss for words, ask the other person a question and then shut up and listen to their answer. “
‘Well, here goes nothing,’ I thought as I turned to Susan, and with a smile, I asked, “This is a rather odd situation. Are you as nervous as I’m?”
Susan seemed to relax a bit as, with a hint of a giggle, she answered, “Yes I’m nervous. I’ve never been alone with a boy where we are supposed to talk about sex and maybe get undressed. Of course, I’m nervous. Why are you nervous Dennis?”
“I’m not sure nervous is the right word; more like scared to death. Let's sit down on the sofa and get to know each other," I suggested.
As she sat down, Susan asked me, "Do you have a girlfriend? Do you go out with lots of girls?"
"No. I don't have a girlfriend, and I'm too shy to ask anyone out on a date," I answered.
“You don’t seem all that shy,” Susan observed.
“Don’t let me fool you, it is all an act, and I’m 100% faking it,” I said with a grin and explained that since I was with a group of kids who did not know me, I was going to pretend to have the self-confidence I lacked.
“You had me fooled,” Susan said with a laugh.
"You are beautiful Susan. You must have a ton of boyfriends," I said.
"That's the problem. All the cute boys I know are too shy to ask me out because they think I’m too pretty. The only guys who ask for a date are only interested in getting me to have sex with them. They don’t want to know me. They only see me as a prize or something," Susan's eyes watered as she spoke.
Her next question caught me by surprise as she asked bluntly, "Dennis. You are a handsome boy. Are you still a virgin?"
I blushed as red as a rose, "Yes. I'm still a virgin."
Susan laughed as she said, "That makes two of us."
Feeling a bit bolder I asked, "Have you ever seen a boy without his clothes on?"
Oh my God! I couldn't believe I just asked a girl that question.
"If you take your clothes off for me you will be the first boy I’ve seen undressed," Susan said with a shy smile.
I took her statement as a hint that Susan might be just as curious about a boy’s body as I was about seeing an undressed girl. I stood up and told Susan, "I'll take off my clothes if you get undressed with me."
Susan stood in front of me and after a long, thoughtful pause said, "OK. But you go first. I'll match whatever you take off."
I was aware of conflicting forces in my body as fear wrestled with a surge of hormones and intense curiosity. Curiosity won.
I unbuttoned my shirt and laid it on the arm of the sofa.
After a few moments, Susan unbuttoned her blouse and set her shirt next to mine.
She was beautiful, and I could not help but stare at her bra and chest.
I took off my tee shirt and tossed it on the sofa. Susan laughed and said, "No fair. You have on more clothes than I do.
"Technically that's not true, but I'll give you a pass anyway," I said with a chuckle as I unbuckled my jeans.
Susan unbuckled her slacks and waited.
I let my jeans drop to the floor and stood in front of her in my whitey tighties. There was no way to hide my growing interest.
Susan let her slacks slide to the floor. She was wearing pink cotton panties, which hugged the contours of her body.
As much as I was staring at Susan's panties, I noticed that she, with equal interest, was staring at my underwear.
Next, I sat down on the sofa, removed my sneakers and socks, and untangled my feet from the jeans around my ankles. Susan sat down next to me and did the same with her slacks and shoes.
We resumed a standing position, and each of us waited in our underwear for the other person to make the next move.
Neither one of us had ever been a member of the opposite sex dressed only in our underwear. Both of us were unashamed as we checked each other out.
I had a crew cut style haircut, stood 5’5”, and weighed in at around 150 pounds. Susan was a few inches shorter than I was and had the body of a girl who was physically fit and active in sports. She was beautiful and looked like she had just stepped out of a Sears catalog. After a long awkward pause, I lowered the waistband on my underwear just enough to expose a few strands of dark brown hair.
Susan again followed my lead and dropped her panties enough to give me a glimpse of a thin patch of wavy blond hair. As she did so, I noticed that two tiny bumps were pushing against the fabric of her bra.
The room virtually crackled with sexual tension as Susan started to lower her panties still further. Abruptly she stopped and said, "I'm sorry. I can't do this. I want to but I just can't."
A small part of me was disappointed, but a huge part of me breathed a sigh of relief.
Thank God! I did not know if I had the nerve to get completely naked with a beautiful girl. Like a dog chasing cars for sport, I had no idea of what to when I finally caught one.
“Dennis, I’m so sorry,” Susan said. She looked like she was about to cry.
“I’ve never seen a boy undressed, and I wanted to see your private parts, but I do not feel comfortable exposing myself like that,” she said.
I could not help myself. I burst out laughing and abruptly stopped when I saw the hurt look on Susan’s face as she started to back away from me.
“Susan, I was not laughing at you. I was laughing at myself, and I’m laughing at both of us. You said aloud precisely, what I was thinking. I’ve never seen a girl undressed, and I wanted to see your private parts, but I do not feel comfortable exposing myself like that either,” I explained.
Suddenly we were both laughing so hard we each had tears in our eyes.
After a few minutes, the laughter became a few giggles and then subsided into a comfortable silence. We just stood there holding hands and looking at each other. I smiled at Susan, and she rewarded me with a warm smile and a hug as she whispered, “You are so sweet. Thank you.”
As Susan released me from our hug, a strange expression passed over her face. She looked like I must have looked like when I was trying to work up the nerve to jump off the high diving board at the YMCA. I watched as she slipped her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and took a deep breath.
As she moved her hands to her panties, my mind flashed back to the time my babysitter raped me. I could clearly recall the feelings of arousal, humiliation, and embarrassment. I too did not want to do what I did, but to my shame, I allowed it to happen anyways.
“Dennis, if you really want to see me then…” I reached out my hands and gently, but firmly, held her wrists.
“Don’t do it, Susan. If it does not feel right, if it does not feel comfortable, then don’t do it,” I said all the while knowing I was going to be kicking myself later for blowing the best chance I had ever had to see a naked girl up close.
I was surprised when Susan wrapped her arms around me, and with a relieved smile and tears welling up in her eyes, she gave me a huge hug and again whispered, “Thank you so much. Thank you.”
"Dennis, will you please give me a backrub?" Susan asked as she walked over to the plush carpet and lay down.
Dressed only in a pink bra and matching panties Susan was as erotic and stunning as any 'Playboy' centerfold.
She lay down, and I straddled her back and began to massage her shoulders. The physical contact did nothing to diminish my rising curiosity.
As I massaged her, I took note of every detail of her body from a sprinkling of freckles on her arms and shoulders to the pale tan color of her skin offset by her thick braids of golden blond hair.
We both relaxed and talked about sex and dating whatever came to mind. We even talked about science fiction and our favorite authors.
Susan asked me if boys were always horny. I told her the littlest things turn us on, and yes, we were usually horny 24/7.
"Are you horny now?" she asked.
"What do you think?" I answered.
Susan just giggled.
“Do girls ever get horny?” I asked.
“Of course we do. We’re just like boys in that department,” was Susan’s answer.
I was stunned speechless. Susan's response caught me completely by surprise. Somehow, I had assumed that only boys felt the urge to merge.
After I had massaged her back and shoulders several minutes, she reached behind herself, unsnapped her bra, and let out a sigh. "This feels much better."
The side curves of her pale breasts and a small birthmark exposed by the unfastened bra straps hinted at things yet to come. I resisted the desire to cop a feel; instead, I scooted down and began gently massaging her lower back.
My fingers traced lines down the contours of her spine and then across the waistband of her panties. Hearing no objection, I started to caress her bottom.
"Dennis, you have a gentle touch. That feels good," Susan sighed and shifted a bit.
The movement was just enough to show the beginnings of a valley between two hills. I continued to trace a path across Susan's waistband, and each pass nudged her panties slightly lower until they were about a third of the way down. Her pink bottom was starting to become clearly visible.
Things were starting to get interesting.
The mood and moment vanished with pounding on our door. We heard Alex's shouting, "Time is up. You two have been in there nearly an hour and a half."
Susan and I both let out a frustrated groan of disappointment. Neither of us wanted the moment to end.
We both had shy smiles for each other, as we got dressed. Before I opened the door, Susan gave me a hug and kissed my cheek as she said, "Thank you, Dennis, for an excellent time."
After the conference, we traded phone numbers and addresses. We hugged, kissed, and promised to see each other again. Like the promises made at the end of summer camp it never came to pass.