Chapter 6
“Silence can be a Killer”
Paul arrived at our house at 7pm, dressed in designer jeans and a white T-shirt. He looked as handsome as ever, although I was still very confused about how he got my address and why he wanted to take me out for dinner. I resolved to ask him that evening.
I invited Paul in and asked him to follow me to the living room where my Dad and Mom were sitting having a drink. My Dad stood up to greet him.
“Nice to meet you, Paul,” he said, passing him a cold beer.
“Thanks Hannes, likewise. I’m not much of a drinker, but I will have a couple of sips, thanks,” Paul smiled. “Thank God he took the beer” I thought to myself. I knew my Dad would have had serious doubts about Paul if he hadn’t accepted the beer from him. Not that there was anything wrong with Paul or the fact that he was not a social drinker, but my Dad had always had this crazy idea that men who didn’t drink had something to hide, or there was something wrong with them. That was the last thing I wanted him to think or believe about Paul. I was crazy about him and hoped that he would make a good impression on my Dad. It had been a bit of a shaky meeting with my Mom that afternoon.
My Dad started the conversation by asking Paul about his business. I pottered around the room while they chatted.
“Hannes if you don’t mind us leaving, I think we need to go, I don’t want to bring your daughter back too late.” Peter said.
We left the house and drove to Vereeniging Spur, where he had booked a table for us. The first chance I got, I asked him how he found my address.
“I made it my business to get hold of you. I was quite upset when I got back from Johannesburg to find your room at Majella empty. So, I bought the women downstairs a bunch of roses in exchange for your mother’s business name. I remembered you said she had an estate agency in Meyerton. Well, as you know your Mom’s business boards are flooding this small town, and by asking around a bit I got her business address. Turns out I was lucky because that’s also where you live. Not easy to hide from me young lady, I have contacts everywhere,” he replied with a grin.
We chatted about his work, and he told me that he would be working in Vereeniging for the next couple of months. I was very excited and hoped that I would be able to see him more often.
Just before we left the restaurant, I decided to go to the bathroom. When I was done in the cubicle, I walked over to the basins. A beautiful woman entered and looked in my direction. She walked over to the basins and opened the tap, glanced over at me and smiled. I returned her smile and thought to myself, what a nice, friendly woman. She turned away and then suddenly looked at me again, as if she wanted to say something to me, but she didn’t. She simply dropped her head down, turned around and left. I thought to myself, “Now that was weird”. I could swear she didn’t wash her hands. She just opened the tap, closed it again while staring at me, and left. “Strange woman, very strange woman”, I thought to myself.
I walked back to the table and looked around to see if I noticed her anywhere. But she was gone. I sat down at the table still looking around trying to locate her in the throng of people, but to no avail. Paul leaned forward and asked what was wrong. I told him about my strange encounter in the bathroom and the eerie feeling it gave me. He laughed and said, “Perhaps she has Alzheimer’s and forgot what she wanted to do in the bathroom”. I smiled.
“Nope, she’s too young for Alzheimer’s.” We laughed and stood up to walk out.
Paul had parked the car on the other side of the road, and we walked across hand in hand. When we got to the car something told me to turn around. As I did, I saw her again, in a black car right in front of the restaurant. She looked me straight in the eye and started to close her window.
“Paul there she is, the woman from the bathroom!” I exclaimed.
He turned around and spotted her just before she finished closing her window.
“Azelene that’s Desi!” Paul said softly.
“Do you know her? Who is Desi?” I asked.
“She’s my ex-girlfriend, Azelene. I suggest you stay out of her way if you ever see her again. I heard via the grapevine that she has a new boyfriend. Good luck to him because she’s not all there. She has a bit of a reputation. I’m warning you, if you ever see her again stay out of her way she’s bad news. She’s not the type of person you want to get to know.”
I wondered if she wanted to say something to me in the bathroom or if that was just my imagination. But I didn’t say anything to Paul.
We got in the car and drove back to the house. He dropped me off just after eleven o’clock that evening.
“Would you like to come in?” I asked.
“No thanks, Azelene. I have a busy day tomorrow, I need to get home.”
“Are you driving all the way back to Pretoria tonight?” I asked.
“Nope, I’m sleeping in my grandmother’s apartment. She’s visiting my father’s sister, so her place is free. I’m not working in Johannesburg anymore, or should I say for now. I’m busy with a school in Vereeniging. The phone call I was busy with this afternoon was my client in Johannesburg, claiming he paid me too much for what I had done, and now he doesn’t want to pay me anything else, and says I need to finish the job. I told him to finish it himself. I’m not going to stay on a job where I’m not getting paid.”
“But didn’t you tender on the job?” I asked.
“Fuck Azelene, what’s this now, why are you questioning me?” He sounded irritated.
“I’m not questioning you, Paul. I’m just asking, because if you have a contract then he has to pay you what you quoted him for, isn’t that right?” I replied, shocked by his reaction.
“I’m not getting into this. You wouldn’t understand, you’re not in my industry. You get a lot of sharks in the building industry, and clients that don’t want to pay. So, I’d rather walk away before I get burnt. Anyway, I have to go now.” He got into his car and drove off. I looked at him, wondering why he got so irritated when I asked him a simple question. It was very strange.
I went to bed, but spent hours tossing and turning before I finally fell asleep, exhausted. I struggled to get Desi out of my head. I wondered why they broke up. I wondered what she had wanted to say to me. She was beautiful. She had long dark hair, with deep blue eyes that seemed to be trying to tell me something. But exactly what that was, I didn’t know.
Chapter 7
“The Show Stopper”
For as long as I can remember, modeling was part of my life; I loved it, and it came naturally to me. Perhaps it was because of my Dad’s modeling career many years ago. My Dad was the first male model in South Africa, and he was popular during his time as a model. He was a very handsome, charming man. So, when I was in primary school, I started modeling and loved every second of it.
I was fortunate enough to work with excellent instructors. Peter van Eck had one of the best modeling schools in Meyerton and the two of us grew very close. I used to go out with him almost every weekend. My Dad didn’t mind at all, because he trusted him. He was gay and at that stage in my life my best friend ever. He took me to the most incredible places, and I was always his plus one when he had a function to attend, as he was not seriously involved with anyone.
We were working very hard on an upcoming modeling show and spent lots of time together. Paul didn’t like it very much because he often phoned, and I had to say no when he wanted to take me out. But, I wasn’t too concerned because we weren’t an exclusive item. I was single and only went out with him occasionally.
We had loads of photo sessions before the show. The plan was to exhibit these photos on a big screen, and as we walked out in our outfits, that particular shot would be displayed while we were on the runway. One of our shoots was at a place called ‘Fere’ in Henley on Klip. It was an enormous success, and the girls had lots of fun. I was especially excited because I couldn’t wait to hear what Paul, whom I had invited, thought of the show.
The evening of the fashion show arrived, and everything went well. Nobody screwed up and we all remembered what to do. At the end of the evening we were able to put money on the showstopper - I loved the dress, and my Dad knew it, so he bid on that dress till the very end. When he won the bid, I was ecstatic! It was the most beautiful gown I had ever seen.
After the show, I ran down the steep stairs to meet my parents and Paul. My Dad was so proud of me. He took me in his arms.
“You looked beautiful out there Azelene, absolutely beautiful. You were confident and carried the clothes with style. Well done my angel,” he said. My Mom was smiling from ear to ear. I walked over to Paul and hoped that he would greet me with open arms, but as I approached him, he took a step back. I stopped in my tracks.
“Hey, did you enjoy the show?”
“I was disgusted! I feel utterly sick at the thought of you walking around the stage with just a see-through top and panties on. Your nipples were visible and everyone in the room noticed; in the flesh and on the huge projector photo! I’m leaving. This show was one of the worst I’ve ever seen, utterly tasteless!” He fumed, looking me straight in the eye.
I froze in front of him, in total shock. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.
“Paul I’m a model, I model clothes and unfortunately, some clothes you have to model without a bra. I spoke to my Dad before the shoot to find out how he felt about it and he told me that if I was comfortable wearing the long black top with only panties, it was ok with him. He told me never to do anything I didn’t feel comfortable with, but if it felt good, to follow that passion. So, I followed my instinct and honestly, I felt magnificent tonight. I believe I carried myself with dignity and if I had a choice, I’d wear it again. It’s not as though I did a pornographic photo shoot!”
Paul just stared at me for a moment, spun on his heels and left. I stood there sobbing. My Mom saw me and walked over.
“He’s jealous Azelene, stop crying and enjoy the after-party. Peter poured you a glass of champagne and he also wanted to have a dance with his number one model,” Mom comforted me as I told her what had happened.
I walked over to Peter and he grabbed me and twirled me around.
“Azelene Riekert, you owned that ramp tonight! You were gorgeous. Well done sweetheart. Do you have any idea how far I’m going to take you in your career? Watch out world, here comes a top model. I’m so proud of you.” I felt myself blushing and started laughing.
“Peter, if I didn’t know you better I’d think you were the vainest person on the planet! You know as well as I that you would love to be a famous model’s agent. And yes, I can imagine what you’re going to say now.”
“My Bella, darling and what would that be?”
“So, what’s going to stop us?” I said, and Peter started laughing uncontrollably.
“You know me so well Azelene, like I’ve said so many times, if it weren’t for my love of men, I would’ve married you yesterday! Come here you, let’s dance the night away. Oh, and your Dad asked me to drop you at home tonight - he said you had a bit of a quarrel with Mr. Handsome. They’re not staying late, and I promised to look after his baby girl. So, let’s go boogie hot pants - there are heaps of people looking for your signature!” He said with a cheeky grin.
“Ha, ha, ha, you’re totally nuts Peter, but that’s why I love you. Who’s going to make who look good on the dance floor tonight?”
I turned and caught my Mom’s eye on the other side of the dance floor, blowing a kiss in my direction. I returned it and then rocked the night away with my best friend in the entire world.
Chapter 8
“Judgment Day”
I hadn’t heard from Paul for a couple of days after the fashion show and spent most of my time helping my Mom with her business.
I still went to my modeling classes every week but hadn’t gone out with Peter for a while. He seemed very preoccupied and busy with his new toddler models. But it didn’t bother me in the slightest, because I knew he was just a phone call away.
One morning however, Peter called me and asked if we could meet. He sounded strange on the phone and I was worried about him, so I asked my Mom if it was ok to leave at eleven that morning to go and see him. I knew something was wrong and that I had to see him as soon as possible.
When I arrived at his house, he opened the door, grabbed me and started sobbing. I was so confused and just held him for a moment. When he had calmed down a bit I asked him what was wrong. He let me in, explaining that he needed to talk to me. We walked into the kitchen and he made us coffee.
“Azelene I have to tell you something, but first I’d like to ask if you know what HIV is.”
I nodded my head and said I had heard of it before. I knew that in May 1986, the International Committee on Taxonomy of Viruses gave HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) its name. I also knew that one of the male hairdressers in town had died of something and clients speculated that AIDS might have been the cause.
“Ok then, now I’ll go on. You know Randal, the guy I dated about six months ago for a short period, but it didn’t work out between us?”
“Yes, I remember...” I replied.
“Well, Randal phoned me a few weeks ago to tell me that he was diagnosed with HIV. After looking into his sexual activities over the past few years, he discovered that he got it from a guy he used to date. In the meantime, he’s been a bit of a slut and slept around with a number of guys, including me. The doctors suggested he phone every guy he’d been intimate with, so they could get tested too. Azelene, I had a blood test done a week ago and they called me at 8 o’clock this morning to tell me my test was ready, and I can fetch the result from the lab. I’m too fucking scared to go on my own and wanted you to go with me. I need somebody to hold my hand.” I started laughing and gave him a big hug.
“Peter, Peter, you don’t have HIV my friend, you are healthy and beautiful and remember, we still need to conquer the world!”
“Now that’s why I phoned you, you always make me laugh and cheer me up when I need it most,” Peter smiled.
“That’s better, be positive darling, be positive.” I replied. Only after I uttered the words did I realize that perhaps ‘positive’ was not the best word choice under the circumstances. We finished our coffee and made our way to the car.
“Let’s drive my car, Peter. I’ll be your chaperone today.”
“Sounds good to me, Bella,” he said and smiled.
The trip to the lab was tense and we didn’t exchange many words. When we arrived, I switched the car off and placed my hand on his leg.
“Do you want me to go in with you?” He looked over at me and smiled.
“Well you said you’d be my chaperone, so let’s go, beautiful. Let’s go and hear what’s up with my blood.”
We walked hand in hand through the big glass doors of the lab.
“Good morning, may I help you?” The nurse looked friendly and cheerful.
“Yes, I got a call this morning to inform me that my results are back and that I can collect them.”
“Sure, what kind of test did we do and what is your name?”
“Peter, Peter van Eck. They ran an HIV test a week ago.” She nodded without speaking and grabbed a box out from under the table with white and red envelopes and leafed through them.
“Tell me Mrs. Jenkins do the red envelopes mean a positive result and the white ones a negative?” She gave a soft giggle and looked up.
“No, Mr. van Eck. All our HIV tests come back in a red envelope and the rest in white. It just makes finding the right test a bit easier.” As soon as she finished speaking she pulled Peters test out and handed it over. Peter exhaled dramatically.
“Thank God, because if you had handed me this red envelope before I asked my question, I might have fainted on the spot! My first thought would have been, it’s Judgment Day, the damn test came back positive.”
“No, no Mr. van Eck, please don’t worry about that, it’s just because of the sorting process that they are all placed in a red envelope, nothing to do with your result, so please don’t faint in front of me.” We all burst out laughing, and the two of us walked out with a wave.
“Ok, baby, now we have to stop at a bottle store.”
“A bottle store?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“Yes, it’s after 12 and I’m going to celebrate my results with a bottle of wine.” I noticed Peter’s hand was shaking and I knew he was worried. We climbed into the car and I looked at him.
“Aren’t you going to open it?”
“Nope, let’s get some wine and go home. I’ll open it there.”
“Okay Mr. van Eck, let’s go.” I smiled reassuringly.
We got back to his place and he went to grab a couple of glasses. He placed them in the center of his living room carpet with the bottle of wine between us. He pulled the envelope out of his back pocket and threw it on the floor next to the wine. We both fell on our butts opposite each other. I loved this spot, it was the best place in his house. I loved the longhaired, soft, snow-white carpet. It always felt like I was sitting on a cloud and in winter cuddling up with my best friend in front of the fireplace drinking a bottle of red, was something I would never forget. Unfortunately, that particular day the red envelope that stared at us didn’t fit into our regular, relaxing routine. I just wanted him to open it and to get it over and done with. I wanted to get back to our normal routine. I hated this dark cloud hanging over us.
“Peter, please just open it and get it over with!” I begged.
“Later, I’ll open it later. Let’s drink a glass of red first.” We polished off the bottle of red in no time and I decided to go with the flow. “If I’m too drunk to drive home, I’ll just sleep over.” I thought tipsily. I knew he needed the courage to open the envelope and I also knew he was scared. I didn’t want to pressure him and decided to just be there for him. He opened another bottle of wine and picked up the envelope next to the empty bottle. He threw it in my direction and said,
“Open it my Bella.” I looked at him and shook my head.
“Peter, I’m not going to open it.”
“Azelene, please open it, I’m not able to. You’re stronger than I am; please open it.”
I held it in my one hand and tapped it with my other hand.
“Peter van Eck I’m telling you now, you’re not HIV positive, you’re healthy, you’re not going to die before you make me a top model and we conquer the world.” He smiled and winked at me.
“Then just open it.”
I opened the envelope slowly and pulled out his results. I looked up to find his eyes fixed on my face and the tears started flowing down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Peter, I’m so very, very sorry.” He shook his head and said. “No, no, for
God’s sake don’t tell me I’m going to die. God no! Beautiful, I don’t want to die, not now.”
I stood up and went to kneel in front of him. I placed my arms around his neck to give him a hug. He pushed me away and shouted, “Stay away from me, stay away! I’m going to kill you; I’m going to kill you! I have a killer virus and I’ll infect you!”
“Peter stop.” I said calmly “You won’t infect me, let’s go read up on it first before you push me out of your life.” I moved over to him again and grabbed him tight in my arms. Together we cried and cried for hours. After that everything was a bit of a blur, I’m not sure if we passed out crying or because of the wine.
All I remember about that night was that red envelope. To this day I hate red envelopes. What Peter asked me to do that day was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! When I look back on it, I find myself thinking, “I know exactly how God is going to feel when Judgment Day comes.” It’s not easy telling somebody you love, they’re going to die - trust me. My friendship with Peter changed irrevocably after he was diagnosed with HIV; he wasn’t spontaneous with me anymore; he didn’t want to kiss me hello and goodbye anymore; he seldom hugged me. It broke my heart seeing him change so much.
My happy-go-lucky friend slowly disappeared before my eyes. Not long after his results came out he started exhibiting more and more symptoms of the HIV virus. He often said to me his glands were very painful and that he had made the decision not to wait till he got too sick, before he died. He told me that he’d decided to take an overdose of cocaine when he felt that it was his time to go. It made me sad, but I knew he had to figure it out for himself. All I could do was be there for my friend, no matter what. I phoned him a couple of times to find out if I could pop round for a coffee, but he always made an excuse as to why we couldn’t have coffee at his place and then he would meet me in town or come over to my parent’s place. One day he phoned me and said he wanted to take me out for lunch. We drove to one of the horse ranches and spent the day walking in the fields, chatting, eating and laughing. It almost felt like the old days. He took my hand in his and gave me a big hug.
“Beautiful, thank you for being there for me, I will never forget what you’ve done for me.” He pulled me closer and gave me a kiss on my forehead. I wished that day would never end. I had so much fun with Peter, he was my best friend.
The next week I phoned him a couple of times, but he never answered. That Friday I decided to drive to his house and see what was going on. When I arrived I was shocked to find it empty. Peter had moved out; he moved without telling me! I jumped in the car and drove into town, stopping at all three hair salons and asked the guys there if they knew where he was. They were all shocked to learn he had moved out of his house. I searched for him everywhere, asking around town, but I never found him. I never, ever saw Peter again after that day we went out to the ranch.
I believe he died shortly after, I think he moved or sold all his things and took the overdose of cocaine he said he was going to take. I think he decided not to tell me because he thought that it would be better for me not to know. Peter didn’t have family or other friends that I could phone. I just had to accept it and move on. But I never truly moved on. It was more than twenty years ago, and I still wonder what happened to him. I just hope he died peacefully and not alone.
Chapter 9
“Lying to yourself is one thing, but lying to your parents is something else”