Chapter Four - Fights, Flights and Fiesta’s
At the end of my first year (well actually just over it) I was a 3rd kyu green belt in aikido. Its not too unusual in some martial arts to get to the mid point towards a black belt in a year or two, but I was probably a little quicker than most, although by no means the fastest.
For those of you who have no idea about martial arts and the grading system, most modern martial arts use similar systems. Normally you start at red or white belt travel through yellow, orange, green, blue, brown and then on to black, known as a dan grade in Japan and duan in Chinese. There are variations with other colours being popped in arbitrarily here and then, or belts with stripes or sashes introduced, like brown belt first stripe etc.
However, the real understanding of an art or system rarely comes before black belt. When someone tells you they got to the heady heights of green belt, what they are really saying is that they are half way through the basics! But it does depend on the style and/or system. Take kung fu for instance. Wing Chuan (the style Bruce Lee started off in) is a pretty basic but effective system. It’s designed to teach someone to reach a good standard quickly. Another style, like one of the shaolin systems might take 20 or 30 years to master, in the early days the Wing Chuan exponent will probably have the edge, but as time goes on and the Wing Chuan practioner hits a plateau the Shaolin exponent will continue to grow and will eventually have the edge.
Anyway as I was saying, here I was a year in and a green belt. I visited and trained with more instructor’s than everyone else bar Dave Miller. And things were going well. On the mat anyway.
In other areas of my life things were not so good. I was still quite shy back then and couldn’t pin down a regular girlfriend. I was drinking a lot. My mum was on my case because she thought I would end up a bit of a drunk like my dad. And I was suffering panic attacks! And of course work was crap!!
To help alleviate tensions I carried on drinking and partying. And also started to develop a bit of a mean streak when it came free style.
On a visit to George Pears club in South London I demolished the club champion in about 30 seconds. He wasn’t happy, but he was a good guy and we became friends. He also had a gorgeous girlfriend, Sally! It was only later I found out that she was the sister of Sue who had started to come training at Ahmeed’s classes. Sue was a nice enough girl, although a bit mad and Dave and I got on well with her. Down the line she and Dave would end up wed.
A visit by Dave and myself to one of our rival clubs was interesting. Especially when I came across another rising star. He also lasted about 30 seconds, but I nearly got thrown out of the club by the instructor Lesley, because she claimed I had done an illegal move! Such are some clubs, illegal this and illegal that, all a load of crap really. I beat her star pupil and she didn’t like it. Lesley would go on to co write some well known books on Tomiki Aikido Kata with Ah Loi Lee.
Now there is a thing, not all black belts are good at fighting, actually most of them are crap at fighting. Loi is an example. Knows lots about technique and kata etc, couldn't fight for toffee, weighed about six stone soaking wet.
Aikido and Tai Chi probably boast more ’masters’ and instructors who can’t fight than any other systems! A shame, as both can be used wonderfully well by someone with the know how and intent.
So, when I wasn’t beating up other aikidoka there were things like holidays to organise and indulge in. During my early training days in aikido (the first 6 years or so) I went on five ’martial art’ holidays. The first was in my first year of training. It was the last holiday I went on with both my mum and dad. We went to Tenerife and Dave Murphy and Tony Christopher tagged along too. It wasn’t too memorable but for Dave doing a great nosedive in to the Spanish dirt when we decided to do a runner from a bar. And all three of us showing off in hakama (divided skirt) and cheesy kung fu tops while practicing our aikido.
The second holiday was a little more memorable and took place in Rimini Italy. Too be honest I can't remember that much about it, but there are one or two things that stand out. This time it was me, Neil, Phil and Jim Newcombe, Graham, Loch and another guy whose name escapes me, but I didn't like him anyway. Oh I just remembered it was Ashley.
The two things that stand out are getting in to a fight and Loch 'accidentally stabbing Jim! First the fight, and how these things can grow out of nothing. There we are, a couple of drinks, down walking from one bar to another. And then I see this guy peeing against a tree. It was innocent enough, I called out 'I can see what your doing', that was it, didn't even do it in a nasty way. Of course I had to do it to the local nutter!
Before I knew what was happening there were a few words exchanged behind me and on turning around I saw the guy who had been having a pee in a heated exchange with Ashley. All of a sudden this guy grabs Ashley by the throat and, like something out of a James Bond movie, lift him off his feet with one hand and pin him against a wall! At this point I am thinking 'bugger I started this better finish it', so I yell out to the guy and tell him to let my 'mate' go.
At that point the guy drops Ashley and storms over to me, and it was then I realised how big he was. Mind you I wasn't small, six feet tall and at that time weighing about 12 stone. But he was 6'2" or 6'3" and pretty heavy built. He spoke with an accent and it later turned out he was French. So he comes over and grabs my chest and asks me if I am queer, so I push his hand away and tell him to get lost. He does it again and this time I slap his hand away with some force, it probably hurt but at the time I didn't realise that. The next instant I am trying to figure out why I can't breath and my chest feels like there is an anvil on it. Then it dawned on me he had punched me! I have never been hit so hard either before or since. But despite that I am going forward trying to swing a punch at him when suddenly the Umper lumpers arrive in force ( Sorry Mr Wonker think that may be spelt wrong). By that I mean the local Italians. Turns out this guy was well known for starting fights and as soon as he threw a punch about six of the locals jumped in and grabbed us and pulled us apart. Have to admit in hindsight they were brilliant and probably stopped me from getting the first proper beating I had since I was about ten! But, the aikido had almost certainly saved me from greater injury, I was toned, used to being hit and within a few minutes I was fine.
The incident involving Loch and Jim was equally as stupid. A few nights later we are all sitting in a pizza parlour. I am sitting with Loch on my right, next to him is Jim and next to him Phil. Jim wasn't feeling too hungry and he offered his left offs to anyone who wanted them. There was an argument between Loch and Phil as to who should have what, and in the middle of Jim trying to calm things down Loch turns and points at him with his knife, well that was the idea. But in the confusion Loch just had no idea he was as close to Jim as he was and 'thud', he manages to stick the knife in Jim's neck, blood everywhere!
Now if we had been sober things might have been different. But we weren't, so Phil's reaction isn't 'oh my poor brother what can I do', its more ' I want to kill Loch but he's my mate, so I am going to kill my plate instead', and with that thumps his plate, which does a 360 degree turn as it sails about 15 feet through the air. At more or less the same time his chair does a 360 in the opposite direction. Mean while everyone is sitting there shocked, no one more so than Jim who is trying to stop the flow of blood.
Fortunately the knife had missed the main blood vessel in the neck and it looked worse than it was. Although Jim still has a pretty good scar to this day! But Phil had no idea and I think in his mind his brother could be bleeding to death and he wasn’t going to stick around and watch. He stormed back to our hotel, just a hundred yards or so away and I followed him to ensure he was OK and didn’t kill anyone!
On reaching his room Phil showed why a fit martial artist can be a force to be reckoned with. Having demolished his plate and chair back at the restaurant, Phil completed a hat trick with his hotel door. Now I know what your thinking, he either kicked or punched a hole in it....wrong! He wrenched the handle off, well not quite, that doesn’t sound too macho until I tell you that Phil is only about 5’ 8”, and at the time weighed about ten stone. And that when I say he took the handle off what I actually mean is that he removed the handle and about an inch of door surrounding it as well! One thing you get in aikido is strong wrists!
Anyway, it all turned out OK in the end. Phil and Loch made up, Jim didn’t bleed to death and the door got fixed the next morning and there was no charge by the hotel.
If I remember rightly the next holiday was quite entertaining too and took place on the Norfolk Broads! Oh yes....a boating holiday.
On the first morning of our holiday something was missing, it was Loch, he couldn’t be bothered to get up. So that left me, Neil, Dave Murphy, Phil and Jim. Poor boat, had no idea what it was in for!
It was a disaster from the word go or launch! Or is it anchors away!
Anyway, within minutes of getting on board we had buggered something up. Think it was Neil, jumped in and smashed a side light as he did. In fact the initial light breaking set the tone for the rest of the holiday. All in all by the end of the week when we limped the boat back in, we had added a few other problems.
The catalogue of disaster reads as follows. First night we moored Jim backed our boat in to another, but no damage done. Second night I jumped in leaned on the windscreen as I did and it collapsed. About third day out we raced another boat, they tried to run us in to some reed and to avoid that I rammed them and knackered the bow (front of the boat for those who are not nautical). Last night we moored with the rope too loose, next morning started off without noticing the back of the boat was trapped under a jetty....hence no back of boat. Add to that Phil suffering food poisoning and telling the ambulance crew to 'fuck off' when they arrived. And Jim taking an unexpected trip in to the broads and nearly drowning! Apart from that it was a good holiday.
Oh nearly forgot. Also upset actor John Alterton and wife Pauline Collins when we accidentally hit their boat while waving at them. We didn't get autographs.
There were two more 'lads' holidays after that. One in Tenerife where I encountered Kay, the girl who had been on crutches the night I had taken up the sofa with my belly dancing friend. And New York.
Up until the trip to America I think the longest flight I had done was about four hours. That said I had done a fair few by then, something in the region of 24, in a range of modern passenger jets. Some of those flights stand out more than others, especially one.
I think we were on our way back from Ibiza and got caught between two thunder storms. All the usual turbulence and a bit more. But it was the landing that really topped it off. The weather was awful, rain, fog etc. The plane came in to land and we touched down, for about two seconds and almost immediately took off again and circled around for a second attempt. Normally my dad, a crap flier who always had to get drunk to get on a plane, would have been climbing the walls, but he was so concerned with trying to calm a woman sitting opposite that he forgot about his own fear.
Anyway the approach for the second attempt at landing was like something out of a film. Children screaming, women crying. Some kid, nearby, was even saying the Lords Prayer out loud. The captain wasn't pulling any punches either. Told it as it was, diabolical conditions, one more attempt to land and if that didn't work he was hoping we had enough fuel to get to Birmingham.
Final approach, plane pitching and rolling from side to side. Can hardly see the runway. Touch down, engines go in to reverse, breaks on......bang and the plane slides to a halt at angle of 45 degrees to the runway. One of the tires had burst on impact! Phew!!
Fortunately the trip to New York went without a hitch. However, bet you knew there would be a but, the helicopter trip over the city was interesting.
Things never go the way you expect, sometimes that's good sometimes not. Its not like the helicopter trip was a disaster or anything. There were three of us and we were just taking our first ever 'copter trip over one of the world's greatest cities. The helicopter was a run of the mill affair, although it seemed to have way too much glass for me! It held the pilot and had room for four in the back ( I think) and another passenger up front next to the pilot. We piled in the back, and an American couple joined us, she sat with us while he went with the pilot.
What we didn't find out straight away was that the guy in front was the pilot's cousin and his wife was scared shitless of flying, no wonder he went up the front! It should have been a ten minute trip of us going 'oooh' 'awwwww' out of the windows. Instead it was a twenty minute trip consisting mainly of us trying to calm this poor woman down! Did see some great sights though. I just wasn't that impressed when we hit a down draft at one point and we dropped 100 feet nearer to the Empire State Building in about two seconds!
Sadly one of my best memories was going up the World Trade Centre. It hadn't been built that long and was famous as the world's tallest building as well as the thing King Kong fell off in the remake of the classic film. It had a huge impact on me in later years to watch it collapse during the terrorist attacks on it!
The trip to New York was one of those that stick in your head for years. I loved the place, loved the American people too. Did all the usual sight seeing bit's. Grahame, the same one from aikido and some of the previous holidays was working in New York for six months and we stayed in his luxury pad on 73 West Street in upper Manhattan.
He did have a different line in entertainment though. His apartment was on something like the 20th floor and overlooked another high rise across the road. When he was bored with TV he would switch all the lights out and watch the other apartment's!
OK, you got me, I called this chapter Fights, Flights and Fiestas. No Fiestas, just thought it made a good title.
