Heavy Heart

Time and wisdom took its toll

Wearing down my very soul

Words can sometimes cause us hurt

When searching for the truth

Telling someone how to grow

Destroys their fragile root

~ Gemini Joe ~

missed my mom so much. The first thing I did when I got home on leave from the Army was to visit her grave. I didn’t even wait to change out of my uniform.

The clerk gave me the lot number and I searched for her gravestone, but there was no name on it, so I went back into the office.

“Why isn’t there a name on my mother’s gravestone?”

The clerk searched his records. “No one ordered the engraving,” he said.

“I want my mother’s name on her grave. How much will it cost?”

“Sixty-five dollars, but it’s going to take a week or two. We’re really busy.”

“Can’t you do it sooner? I’m only on leave for a week.”

“Well, maybe,” he said, contemplating the situation. “But it’ll cost you another twenty dollars.”

I pulled out another twenty dollars. My mom was worth it.

On Sunday, I went to visit my father for dinner. My sister-in-law, Marie, made sauce. She was a very good cook, but I thought my mom’s sauce was better. Of course, I didn’t let on. That wouldn’t be nice.

Like old times, the whole family sat around the table talking in louder-than-necessary voices. I kept thinking about Mom.

“Pop, why did you leave Mom in an unmarked grave?”

“What’s the difference?” he retorted. “It won’t bring her back.”

“Don’t talk like that, Pop,” Dominic said.

“You don’t really care!”

“Marie took care of Mom,” Dominic said, “and she helps to take care of you. I don’t see anyone else volunteering!”

“I know your game. You just want to see me dead so you can get your inheritance, but you’re in for a big surprise.”

Fighting to catch his breath, he reached for his ventilator.

“And another thing! Get rid of those two police dogs you have upstairs. They crap in the hall. In fact, why don’t you take your family and leave? I want you out … all of you!”

“Stop it, Pop,” I pleaded. I didn’t like all the verbal battering.

“If you don’t like it, Joey, you can go too.”

All I wanted to do was escape. So after dinner I went to see my friend, Prunes. He had married his high school sweetheart, Beth. While he and his wife whispered in the bedroom, I thought I should leave, but one minute later, Jim came out smiling with a pillow and blanket.

The next day, Dom called and asked if I would take our dad to his doctor’s appointment. I tried my best to remain neutral as my father complained about my brothers, but I think his illness made him very irritable.

When he came out of the doctor’s office, he said, “Get me home.”

I helped him back into the car and started driving, but before we got to the house, I changed my mind. I pulled in front of a candy store.

“Sit tight, Pop, I’ll be right back.”

Before he could protest, I jumped out of the car. I came back, holding two Italian ices and gave one to my dad.

A rare smile crossed his lips. “It’s lemon,” he said, just like I used to make,” he said.

“Yeah Pop. It’s not as good as yours though.”

With the ice in my left hand, I steered the car with my right and drove to a place that my father used to take me when I was a small boy, La Guardia Airport.

At the edge of the runway, we sat in the car, ate our ices, and watched the planes take off and land.

“Look at that sign.” I pointed. “It says, “Warning, Low-Flying Planes.”

That made my dad laugh, which made me feel good.

“That was never there before,” he said. His sour disposition seemed to sweeten as we sat under the thunderous sounds of the planes. “I guess people must have had their heads chopped off.”

We both laughed.

On the way home, I opened the windows so he could breathe better. Funny thing is that when I was small he let me stick my head out of the car window to get air. Now, I was driving he was getting some air. Boy, we were a mess!

We sat in the car for a moment, staring at our three-story brick house, which at one time had been a place of joy. I opened the passenger door and took my father’s arm to help him out of the car.

“I can manage on my own,” he said, and pulled free from my grasp. I watched him enter the house with a heavy heart.