Paradise

To dream of a chance, to turn back the time,

As I watch through this night, in this loneliness of mine

Soon to leave my kingdom that once was home

Making ready to face the unknown

~ Gemini Joe ~

he court proceedings were ugly. Having worked for the county, I knew all the right people. As they filed into the courtroom, the county officials smiled and greeted me by name.

“Joey, baby, where’ve you been?” a man shouted. “I haven’t seen you at the club.”

“Gemini!” another man yelled. “Let’s get together Friday night, and I’ll buy you a drink.”

The judge entered the chambers. He awarded your mom the house, but no alimony. Her sister convinced her to move to Florida, and she sold the house.

I settled into the relationship with Ann. She was a strong woman. I liked that. Ann seemed to be a perfect match, a real go-getter who enjoyed the nightlife. She took the reins and we became the “it” couple, dancing, and laughing as we frequented local bars. I thought things were going to be better, but there was no escape from my depression. I soon discovered that my relationship with Ann wasn’t as perfect as I had imagined it would be.

“Joe, you need to wipe down the tiles after you take a shower,” she complained. “And why is the soap wet? Put it on the rack after you use it.”

“What? You have to be kidding.” I resented being told what to do and unaccustomed to her constant scrutiny, so I found myself another place to live on Long Island. Ann didn’t try to stop me when I announced I was moving out. In fact, she seemed relieved. “We can still be friends,” she said, but I didn’t think I had any of those.

I packed my belongings into a box and walked to the car. I didn’t know that Ann was watching me from the living room window. Before I opened the door to my car, I bent down over the garden hose, unscrewed the nozzle, and put it in my pocket. Ann started knocking on the window to get my attention, but I jumped in my car and took off. I don’t know why I did that. Now, I feel badly about it.

Even though I had broken off the relationship, I felt like I’d been kicked again. Alone in my rented apartment, I wallowed in my solitude and often woke up during the night in a panic. Sometimes I could fall back asleep, but most nights I lay with my eyes open and my mind racing.

Maybe I made a mistake leaving your mom. I imagined her, surrounded by her family. They must blame me for everything, I thought. Stripped of everything I worked for, all I had left was scotch.

The phone rang, cutting through the silence and I jumped.

Lisa’s, voice was on the other end. I hadn’t seen her since spring when she left with your mother.

“Hey baby. How are you?”

“Dad, I hate it here in Florida. It’s too hot, and I don’t know anyone,” she complained. “Can I come back and live with you?”

I hesitated. “I only have a one bedroom apartment!”

“Pleeeese, Daddy. I promise not to get in the way and I’ll clean and cook for you.”

I’m ashamed to admit it, but it gave me some satisfaction that she didn’t want to stay with your mother.

“I guess it would be all right, but….”

Before I could finish speaking, Lisa asked, “Have you seen my boyfriend around? Tell him I’m coming home.”

When she hung up, I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or alarmed. I wasn’t sure I could handle a teenager living in my small apartment. In spite of my reservations, I picked her up at the airport.

“Dad, I need a car,” she said as we walked to baggage claim to pick up her suitcases.

“Okay, baby. We’ll look for a small car, but it will have to be used. I can’t afford a new one.”

“Great, Dad. Oh, and I need to go to an eye doctor. I would love to have contact lenses … green ones.”

“Sure, honey, okay.”

“I’m so happy to be home, Daddy!”

As we left the airport, a cold autumn breeze blew. Lisa shivered.

“Where’s your coat?” I asked.

“I guess I forgot to bring it. We may have to add that to the list, along with boots.”

At the apartment, Lisa set her bag down. “Where am I going to sleep?” she asked.

“I thought you could take the couch.”

“I can’t sleep on a couch. I need a bed.”

“I guess you can take my room.”

“Thanks, Dad!” Lisa rushed past me to put her luggage in the bedroom.

“I have to go out for a while,” I said. “Are you going to be all right here alone?”

“I have the phone and the television. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, then, I’ll see you later.”

Unable to stop the jumble in my mind and lamenting my decision to have Lisa live with me, I drove to the bar. Lisa had gone to bed by the time I returned. I couldn’t go into the bedroom to retrieve my pillow or a blanket, so I stretched out on the couch with my feet hanging off the end. It’s going to be a long, cold winter, I thought.

I tried to stay out of the apartment as much as I could. I did side jobs during the day and went to the bar every night. It was better than arguing about the mess. I couldn’t think straight with all the clutter. Sometimes, I went home for lunch while Lisa was at school. That was the only time I had the place to myself.

One day, I opened the door and found her with her boyfriend. They were surprised to see me home from work, and the boy jumped up to put on his pants. He ran past me and flew out the front door. I just shook my head with disbelief. Now, it seems kind of funny. He was in such a hurry he left his shoes.

I didn’t know what to do. I had to get her back to Florida. Your mom said, “It was paradise. The skies were always blue and if it rained, it stopped in an hour or two. I started to think. Maybe we could get back together. The only thing I didn’t like about that idea was your aunt. She lived only two blocks away from your mom. Then I thought, oh well. Maybe it’s time to turn the other way on that.

“How would you feel if your mother and I get back together?” I asked Lisa.

“Does that mean we’ll buy another house and Mom will move back to New York?”

“I don’t know. We’ll have to stay in Florida for a while.”

I gave my landlord notice that I was leaving. We loaded my stuff into the truck and headed south. As soon as we crossed the Florida state line, I felt my lungs tighten. The heat made it hard to breath. It didn’t take long for me to realize why Lisa had wanted to leave. Everything in Florida was different from New York, even the food. They didn’t know how to make pizza and the bread was soggy like a wet sponge. They put it in plastic bags, even if it’s still warm. “Where are all the bakeries? Where’s the pork store?” I asked. There was nothing Italian about the place!

Your mom said, “You’ll get used to it.” But I didn’t. I just couldn’t take the heat, so I went back to Long Island. I’m sure your mom was glad to be rid of me. She didn’t want to cook anymore and I guess I can’t blame her.