I later discovered rap and heavy metal. Both of which are still my favorite musical forms to this day. I had a boombox and a Walkman and somehow came into possession of tapes by LL Cool J, Run DMC, and The Beastie Boys.
I remember our house being burglarized and how upset I was that my boombox and LL Cool J tape “Bigger and Deffer” were stolen. Fortunately, my other tapes were on my person and remained safe.
Heavy metal came into my life slightly later, when I was in a store with my mother and I saw the Ozzy Osbourne cassette tape “Diary of a Madman.”
Buffalo Bangkok: Juvenile Delinquent Ozzy, on the tape’s cover artwork, looked a lot like the zombies from “Dawn of the Dead,” which drew my attention, and I felt like it couldn’t be a coincidence.
This time it didn’t scare me. Maybe because I hadn’t been seeing zombies for a little while, at this point, and it made sense that Ozzy was one of them. Maybe the other zombies were trying to lead me to Ozzy, after all…
I asked my mother, pointing at the tape, what it was, what was that thing on the tape’s cover, the grotesque creature that fascinated me, the creature that I couldn’t distinguish from zombie or man. My mother said it was a man, a terrible man, named Ozzy Osbourne, a terrible man who made loud horrible music.
“Cool!” I thought, smiling at the Ozzy tape like it was my Christmas present.
Immediately I loved Ozzy. To this day, any terrible man making loud horrible music or noise or inflammatory writing, that is what I’m all about. I knew this, even as a child. Ozzy won my approbation instantaneously.
Despite Ozzy being a terrible man who made loud, horrible music, my mother still bought me the tape. Why, I’m not sure. Probably to avoid me making a scene in the store, begging her, in tears, or throwing myself to the floor, writhing and screaming for her to buy me the Ozzy Osbourne tape.
Her aversion, use of cash to avoid a temper tantrum a common tactic of hers to mollify me.
And the threat was worth it. How lucky I am to have been such an annoying little shit and that my mother shelled out that 7 bucks to buy that tape!
That tape was gold. Pure gold! I loved it and still do. From the opening riff of
“Over the Mountain,” I was floored. Hooked. I’d never heard anything like it. I couldn’t believe anything as amazing as Randy Rhoades’ guitar playing could even be possible. And the song “Believer,” the creepy vibe, Ozzy’s sonic voice and Randy Rhoades’ virtuoso guitar work, that song, the first time I heard it, had me terrified, thinking the zombies would be back, like it was a siren call to them, and I hid under my bed, worried they’d pour in from the windows and eat me!
The record still is a favorite of mine.
Buffalo Bangkok: Juvenile Delinquent Not long after I got cable, discovered MTV, and I found more heavy metal,
“Headbanger’s Ball,” and metal is what has given me countless joy, purpose in life, to this day.
Hard Rock. Metal. Loud aggressive, distorted guitars. Screaming vocals. Pounding drums. Dudes who dressed like women and sang songs about Satan.
There’s something comforting to me about heavy metal. No matter where I am in life, what I’m doing, it’s a music I can always return to. Watching heavy metal videos instills tranquility in me. Takes me back to safe places, happy places that I existed in as a child. The music soothes me. It protects me, even now, from zombies…
Metal is still an obsession of mine, and I went through phases where I’d only listen to hard rock, nothing else. However, as I’ve aged, I’ve become more open-minded about music. Though rap and hard rock remain my favorites, I enjoy listening to pretty much everything.
I have two external hard drives, packed with over 1TB of various tunes, mostly metal, rap, electronic music, and pop. I keep two phones, both packed with songs, and one of my pastimes is listening to and watching music videos, mostly on YouTube these digital days.
And yes, I still occasionally will close the blinds, doors, and if I’m by myself and I get the urge, I will dance, dance alone, when no one else can see my Elaine from
“Seinfeld” moves and gyrations.