H. INTROSPECTION
An essential part of what is known as yoga, or sadhana, or spiritual life is transformation from that which is base and gross into that which is sublime, subtle, refined and pure. It is a transformation from the mere human to the Divine, from the purely mundane or secular, into the spiritual.
This process should be consciously made to prevail. If outer sadhana is accompanied by this inner process, then it is being done in the right manner and will have the desired effect. Our sentiments, emotions, thoughts, feelings, reactions should undergo this transformation. They must begin to partake of the quality of the Spirit.
Therefore one should always keep checking up on oneself: Is this inner transformation taking place within me? Day after day, as I do my japa, puja, upasana, svadhyaya, asana and pranayama, is this process of essential alchemy taking place within my inner being?
56. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: INTROSPECT
If you want to know anything about yourself—the pattern, the conduct and the quality of your life—you have to search yourself, you have to examine yourself. For, all change for the better, all transformation starts from self-examination. Without self-introspection no progress, no attainment is possible. Towards the end of his Twenty Important Spiritual Instructions, Gurudev instructed us to do daily self-analysis and to keep a self-correction register. This means know yourself and correct yourself.
The first and foremost reason for your sorrow, your problems, troubles and sufferings—and the troubles and sufferings you cause for others—is you. You have to learn to take responsibility, to squarely look at yourself: “No, it is not something or someone or some other circumstance that is responsible. I am responsible. It comes from me.”
Recognise this! Recognise that Lord Krishna has spoken a home truth when He says that one is one’s own friend and one is one’s own enemy. What He said is correct. “Here it is that I have to find a cause. Here it is that I have to correct myself.” Then all things will fall into their proper place.
Ponder this. Try to know how important it is. Do not remain a baby always trying to find some other reason for what is wrong with you, always attributing it to someone or something else. Say: “No, I won’t go outside to find what is wrong. First and foremost let me look inside. Let me take responsibility and correct myself. Everything will be all right then.”
Therefore, grow up, be mature, be bold, take responsibility. First look within and then talk about other things. If this is your attitude then no one can stop your progress. No one can obstruct your steady upward ascent unto perfection. This is the essence of the matter.
The sixth chapter of the Gita tells us that, ultimately, successful sadhana is only possible when it is supported by vairagya (dispassion). And successful vairagya is possible only through self-examination, self-analysis. Otherwise, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Unless there is alertness inside, wakefulness inside, vigilance inside, and keen self-searching—every day, at every step, in everything that you do and think, in every reaction and action— vairagya is not possible.
Vairagya has to be supported by your vigilance, alertness and self-awareness upon this inner dimension of your psyche. Then alone vairagya can be present in your life, and your sadhana will succeed. And vairagya cannot be given to you by your guru, nor by God, nor by any sage. They can inspire by their example but they cannot give it to you. This is entirely something that the sadhaka has to work for and keep on working for with all vigilance, all alertness, all awareness, all wakefulness.
There is no sleeping for the true sadhaka. Therefore, be wise and engage in self-culture, attain Self-realisation and become self-blessed. God’s and Gurudev’s blessings will shower upon you automatically.
You know why you are doing something. And if it is against your whole life, your principles and ideals, it is bothersome. And, no one wants to be bothered. So, you conveniently try to curtain it off, turn a blind eye, put it out of sight so it won’t bother you. This is what the mind does. It will not allow you to see yourself straight in the face and accept and admit what the real motive is behind what you are doing. Therefore, always scrutinise your inner motives.
57. ALWAYS SCRUTINISE YOUR INNER MOTIVES
Prompted by the Divine, we share during these morning hours whatever is meant to come to you at this point in your life. It is from Him that all sound, words and thoughts arise. It is He, who entering into the inner being of man, awakens the dormant power of Sarasvati, the Goddess of knowledge; and what He means to give that alone can be given.
And each one receives a declared truth according to one’s inner state, according to one’s own clarity, sincerity, earnestness, integrity, depth of inner understanding and subtleness of grasp. You all know the Upanishadic story of a deva (celestial) and an asura (demon) going to Prajapati, Brahma, to receive knowledge. The same upadesa was given to both and each one grasped and understood it according to his own inner state. This is an eternal truth. It is a fact that does not change.
So what a declared truth will be to an aspirant depends entirely upon what the aspirant is. And sometimes the mind is extraordinary. It only takes what it wants and very conveniently bypasses or leaves aside what it does not want. In the positive sense—like the swan separating the milk from the water—this is very good. But sometimes it works the opposite way. That which is good, but may not be very convenient or palatable, is conveniently bypassed. This is the mind. One must try to understand how it operates.
In his Song of Karma Yoga, Gurudev has emphasised and repeats: “Scrutinise always your inner motives.” This is indispensable if a sadhaka wants to progress. Because the mind is always very deceptive. You may engage in an action which may seem to be very good, virtuous and praiseworthy, but you alone know your motive. Or, you may not know. If you do not scrutinise your inner motive, you may be deluding yourself, deceiving yourself. You may not know.
Therefore, Gurudev told us to do daily self-introspection, self-analysis, to scrutinise our inner motive. It is not enough if an action appears to be praiseworthy to the world that sees with an untrained glance. They may praise you. But have you come here to collect the praise of foolish people who have gross sight, who do not go deep into anything? You are a trained sadhaka. You must have an in-depth understanding of yourself and scrutinise: “Why did I do that? What was my hidden intention?” The inner motive and its hidden intention will not be easily visible. Therefore it has to be scrutinised. “Scrutinise” means to look intently, with an intention to find out.
A passport officer scrutinises a passport. A bank teller scrutinises a big denomination note. They look intently with an intention of discovering. And Gurudev said: “Always scrutinise your inner motive—always.” Then you will be the gainer. Otherwise, you will be the loser. You will go deeper and deeper into wrong even though being regarded by all as being very righteous. For instance, sometimes we may do charity or are kind to someone for an ignoble ulterior motive; maybe we want to gain control over the person we are helping.
Therefore a hundred per cent alertness, wakefulness, vigilance, integrity and honesty with oneself is indispensable for the spiritual progress of a true sadhaka if he wants to go higher and higher, to attain something beyond the petty things of this mundane world. Therefore, always scrutinise your inner motives.
It may be difficult. It requires tyaga (renunciation) also. It requires the continuous tyaga of that which is merely pleasant, attractive, palatable. Then alone it is possible. If you have that inner strength, if you are a true sadhaka of the Nachiketas type, then alone it is possible to do this continuous renunciation. Leaving home and coming to Rishikesh is a big act of renunciation; but that is only the beginning. Here the real inner renunciation starts.
It is a continuous process until the very last breath— every moment, every step. It is not easy. No one wants to do it because it is not pleasant. Sometimes it can be positively painful. You have to be at war with yourself. Then alone this continuous renunciation becomes a habit. It becomes your second nature. It loses its difficulty. It becomes natural, instinctive. There is no longer any problem.
If you have this spirit of tyaga, then renouncing the pleasant becomes possible. Tasmat etat trayam tyajet (Therefore, one should abandon these three—lust, anger and greed). That means you must go on renouncing that which is standing in the way. But, first of all, you must recognise: “There is something standing in my way.”
If my motive is not clear, it is a dead obstacle, an iron wall, in my way. This must be clearly recognised and seen as such. Then only your attitude towards it will change. “Nothing which is of a base, unspiritual motive will be allowed to prompt me to take an action. This I determine. Nothing that is against my principles, my sadhana, my divine life will be allowed to prevail in me as a motive for any action I engage in. And I shall see to it that I scrutinise, look keenly and make sure that my motive is as pure, holy, lofty, noble, sublime and sacred as my goal—God.”
Therefore, let us always keep in mind this great injunction of Gurudev, and always scrutinise our inner motives. Let us thus be wise, save ourselves from harm, and rapidly progress towards the Goal!
58. ASK YOURSELF A PLAIN QUESTION
Just think for awhile. Suppose you are alone—maybe on the banks of the Ganga or walking in the jungle or in the silence of your own room—and you put yourself a plain question: “What exactly am I? Am I an extrovert or an introvert? Am I a self-controlled person or a self-indulgent person? Am I a well-wisher of all beings or do I have negative intentions and motivations towards others? Am I a paropakari, putting the good, happiness and welfare of others before myself, or do I habitually look after my own interests first? Of course, I try to do good to others, but that is my second consideration, not my first one. If I refer to the Gita, am I of a daivi or asuri temperament? Is my disposition sattvic, rajasic or tamasic? What exactly am I?”
Have you ever thus queried yourself about yourself and tried to come to some understanding, some definition, some opinion about yourself—impartially, frankly, in an objective, impersonal manner? Only if you do this will you know if your actions are genuine, real, or just sort of an appearance put on. Because it is not difficult to deceive ourselves, for there is a faculty within us called fancy which can lead us to believe something about ourselves which is far from the truth.
Let us be charitable. We are not hypocrites. We are not deliberately wanting to deceive anyone or are we pretending on purpose. Unconsciously we are all on our own little ego-trips. Every day we are upon the launching pad and we fire off the rocket. We want to go up high above and be something unique. If your ego-trip is harmless and just makes you feel good, one can be tolerant and say that that is okay. God does not hold it against you, nor does maya or the law of karma hold it against you. But unfortunately, most of these ego-trips are very dire. They are not innocuous, harmless. They are not just in the subjective realm of our own fancy about ourselves.
Many of these ego-trips are terrible sources of suffering to others. They can even be such terrible sources of mental torture that the person who is a victim, who is on the receiving end, may commit suicide. And all the while the person who is the source of this terrible torture does not at all think that they have done anything wrong. Because we do not see or experience ourselves as others see or experience us.
Therefore it is important to ask: What is my real disposition, totally devoid and shorn of all pretensions? How am I disposed in my silent inwardness, unknown to others? Unless we ask these questions, which Gurudev has urged us to do each day, we will be to a large extent strangers to ourselves. For our mind is outward going; it knows and observes things outside, but is a stranger to our inside world.
Therefore, what is our essential disposition? And what ought to be our essential disposition? It ought to be a thing of joy and beauty forever. It ought to be a prolific source of unending good to others. It ought to be satyam, sivam, sundaram (truthful, auspicious, beautiful). What ought to be our essential disposition? The simple answer to this question can also be found in our ancient wisdom heritage where they have declared that our real essential nature is no other than that supreme, transcendental, all-full, all-perfect, all-beautiful Being. We are as invariably, inextricably, inseparably related to It as a leaf to a tree, as a ray to the sun, as a wave to the ocean, as a note to a symphony.
Well, now you know what your disposition ought to be, what your thoughts, speech and actions should be if they are to be genuine, true, real—not an abnormality or aberration. Your real essential nature is no more, no less than God. Divinity is your real essential nature. This is enough to tell you how you should live; it is the sure unerring signpost on the road to your divine destiny.
Thus, Blessed Divinities, hold on to your real essential nature. Then your disposition will take care of itself. It must take care of itself. If you constantly strive to root yourself in your real essential nature then your disposition will automatically be what it should be. You will be a thing of beauty and joy forever. You will be a true, noble representative of God on earth. That is your mission.
You can do it. You must do it. That indeed is real sadhana—ever being rooted, aware of, and manifesting your real essential nature. Your sadhana need not be confined to one place, one asana, one altar, one corner of your room. It requires none of these trappings. At all times, wherever you are, this sadhana goes on. It is a spontaneous, ongoing sadhana of living your life as it ought to be lived, as God made you to live it.
If this sadhana goes on side by side with your specific personal sadhana then who can come in the way of your attaining perfection and liberation in this very life? No one can. You have deserved it and it is yours.
59. METAPHYSICAL INTROSPECTION
Where else will you seek for God except here and now? Somewhere else, some other time is all bhranti (delusion). There is no some other time. There is only eternity where there is no time. That is the only truth, the only reality.
Now and then, here and there are created by your mind, which is maya, the net in which you are caught. Instead of being ever aware of the ever-present, omnipresent Divinity, we focus on time which says that God is not here, you have to strive for Him.
This is because we talk glibly of the Upanishads; we never study the Upanishads. Who studies even the first Upanishad, the Isavasya Upanishad—the smallest, easiest and simplest one? That one Upanishad is enough to know that you are constantly living in the presence of the Divine. It is near; It is far. It is within; It is without; It is everywhere. It is the one and only fact.
To reveal this one great truth, our ancestors not only declared: “isavasyamidam sarvam yat kincha jagatyam jagat (All this whatsoever in this universe that moves or moves not is indwelt by the Lord),” but they also proclaimed: “sarvam vishnu mayam jagat (All this is pervaded by Vishnu)” and “sarvam khalvidam brahma (All this is verily Brahman).”
They wanted to remove from our mind this peculiar mental delusion that we have to go in search of God in some remote forest or mountain cave. If you go there, you will just find that all you get are all the hundreds of memories, imaginations, fantasies and thoughts that you have in your mind.
You do not have to move from place to place to go to God. Gurudev said: “Why do you search in vain outside? Be silent and know that within you is the I AM God.” He is always saying: “I AM. O man, why go hither and thither? I AM. Listen, I AM.” That is what God is constantly saying, but we turn a deaf ear because we are busy listening to the clamour of this world and its powerful mayaic attractions.
God is calling, but this truth is cast aside. And the wonder and the pity is that it is not cast aside by atheists, agnostics, people of delusion or those steeped in worldliness, but it is ignored by serious sadhakas, devotees of God, spiritual seekers and aspirants. You put a distance between yourselves and the ever-present God unthinkingly, because maya will not allow you to think properly—with keen discrimination, with keen self-analysis.
You never take a look at yourself. You don’t dwell upon yourself to find out the state of your interior, the state of your consciousness, with what vision, with what bhava you are living each day, each hour. Introspection is not just to find out your faults and correct them. Introspection is also meant to know yourself, your inner metaphysical content, your spiritual content. If we do that, then we will be able to know what is to be done.
Each one has to find out for oneself why one refuses to acknowledge the ever-present Truth, why one refuses to see. Then alone one can correct this defective vision. Sometimes it is an unwillingness. Sometimes it may be due to the consequences that would arise out of such a perception. It may be uncomfortable, inconvenient. Sometimes it is not that. There is earnest and sincere desire to perceive, but old habits die hard. It is difficult to uproot certain habitual ways of perceiving things. Or, the circumstances, the environment, the atmosphere, the surroundings in which one lives pushes one into a wrong perception or into persisting in a wrong perception. Wrong perception is already there. We are born with wrong perception, and we are fed and grow up with wrong perceptions. Therefore, one has to work at it very diligently and keep on working at it until they are eradicated.
Therefore, we should be keenly observing and analysing at each step. We should also take recourse to satsanga and diligent daily study of the scriptures. We should try to keep the company of such people in whom there is this type of awakening, this type of right perception, who are also similarly plodding along this path, who are spiritual people. All these are helpful processes for succeeding in eradicating this wrong perception, this wrong approach which blinds us to the self-evident truth which is central to the great Vedic vision and experience.
Thus we should strive to progress in spiritual life, ever moving closer and closer to this grand vision of the ever-present Reality. Then we begin to open up a new phase as we literally begin to live, move and have our being in God. We live in God and God lives in us. We and He are more closely related than anything else and anybody else.
This great truth should become the basis of your living, your sadhana, your spiritual life and your ongoing, constant, prevailing consciousness. That is the fruit of sadhana and svadhyaya. That is the ultimate reward one gets from one’s entire spiritual life. It is meant to create this inner state, to bring about this orientation—when the sadhaka becomes God-centred, when the sadhaka dwells in constant light.
All sadhana is aimed at creating this transformation in consciousness. Therefore, do this and try to experience and make into fact the last line of Gurudev’s Universal Prayer: “Let us abide in Thee for ever and ever.” Then and then alone this line will hold some meaning for us.
And to this end you should earnestly and sincerely strive to be aware that it is His presence that fills all creation. Be aware that each moment you should try to live in that all-pervading, omnipresent Divinity. That is divine life. That is the inner core of spiritual living. That is the inner core of all sadhana, yoga, devotion and spiritual knowledge.