Conjugial Love.
A wise man might well suspect the soundness of any system of morals which did not take into careful consideration the conjugial relation. Marriage—the most important event in life, the relation which occupies the whole thought of one sex, and the most serious regards of the other, the institution around which all that is highest find holiest in life groups itself, family, home, all that human hearts hold dear—must ever hold a prominent place in a true code of moral and spiritual laws. How then could the subject be omitted from the heavenly writings of the New Jerusalem? or how could its apostle forget or pass it by.
Swedenborg, in his treatise on Conjugial Love, first speaks of marriages in heaven. He shows that a man lives a man after death, and that a woman lives a woman; and since it was ordained from creation that the woman should be for the man, and the man for the woman, and thus that each should be the other’s,—and since that love is innate in both, it follows that there are marriages in heaven as well as on earth.
Marriage in the heavens is the conjunction of two into one mind. The mind of man consists of two parts, the understanding and the will. When these two parts act in unity, they are called one mind. The understanding is predominant in man, and the will in woman; but in the marriage of minds there is no predominance, for the will of the wife becomes also the will of the husband, and the understanding of the husband is also that of the wife; because each loves to will and to think as the other wills and thinks, and thus they will and think mutually and reciprocally. Hence their conjunction; so that in heaven, two married partners are not called two, but one angel. When this conjunction of minds descends into the inferior principles which are of the body, it is perceived and felt as love, and that love is conjugial love.
To this doctrine of marriage in heaven will arise an objection from the Lord’s words to the Sadducees, when they asked Him whose wife, in the resurrection, a woman should be, who had been married in succession to seven brethren. The Lord replied: “The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage; but they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage.”—Luke xx. 34, 35. To understand this reply, we must bear in mind the nature of the question. A woman had been married, quite in accordance with worldly usage, to seven husbands. Of course, nothing of this kind takes place in heaven; for, as the Lord says, there “neither can they die any more.” After that fashion indeed there is no marrying or giving in marriage in heaven. In truth, marriages, such as they are in heaven, could never have been comprehended by the gross and carnal-minded Jews; and had the Lord entered into detail, He would have been as grossly misapprehended by them as when He said, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.” And they said: “Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days?” not knowing that he “spake of the temple of his body.” John ii. 19-21. Now Swedenborg very plainly shows that Christians think as naturally of marriage as the Jews did of the temple, if they suppose that the true marriage of minds does not take place in heaven, or that it was any but the carnal and sensual connections of earth that the Lord declared had no place in eternity. In the spiritual sense of the Lord’s words, by the marriage that does not take place in heaven, is meant the spiritual marriage, or union of goodness and truth in the mind; in other words, regeneration: this must be accomplished in this life, or not at all. When the spiritual sense of the Word is understood, this interpretation becomes manifest as the only true and rational mode of understanding the text; and all the rest of Scripture goes to confirm it.
Moreover it is true that there is no marriage in heaven in the exact sense of the word. Partners are born into this world, and by life in it are disciplined for each other. Separate, they are but parts of one whole; and in each there is a continual longing for unition. Seen by the eye of Omniscience, they are ever married; they are one, however divided they may be by space or circumstances. Their meeting in heaven and recognition of each other is only the external completion of what had before in essentials been effected. And in this sense it may be said that there are no marriages in heaven; for all are married, in reality, before they reach heaven.
Marriages on earth, Swedenborg teaches, are at this day entered upon so generally from merely worldly and sensual motives, and with so little regard for similarity of mind, that, save in few cases, they are not maintained and perpetuated in the other life. Married partners commonly meet after death; but as their internal differences of mind are manifested, they separate; for no married partners can be received into heaven, except such as have been interiorly united, or are capable of being so united into one; which is understood by the Lord’s words: “They are no longer two, but one flesh.” Such as are thus separated—possibly both very good people—meet, in due time, congenial partners, whose souls incline to union with their own, so that they no longer wish to be two lives, but one.
The meeting of young partners in heaven is thus charmingly described:—“The divine providence of the Lord extends to everything, even to the minutest particulars concerning marriages, because all the delights of heaven spring from the delights of conjugial love, as sweet waters from the fountain head. On this account it is provided that conjugial pairs be born, and these pairs are continually educated to their several marriages under the Lord’s auspices, neither the boy nor the girl knowing anything of the matter; and after a stated time, when both of them become marriageable, they meet in some place as by chance, and see each other, and in this case they instantly know, as by a kind of instinct, that they are pairs; and by a kind of inward dictate, think within themselves—the youth that she is mine, and the virgin that he is mine; and when this thought has existed some time in the mind of each, they accost each other from a deliberate purpose, and betroth themselves. It is said as by chance, by instinct, and by dictate, and the meaning is by Divine Providence: since, while the Divine Providence is unknown, it has such an appearance; for the Lord opens internal similitudes, that they may see each other.”
We are now led by Swedenborg, and introduced to a knowledge of the nature of conjugial love, and shown in what consists its essential blessedness. He shows that this love originates in the marriage of goodness and truth. Every one who has experienced anything of regeneration, knows that there is no bliss so intense, no joy so extatic, as that arising from well-doing, and submission to the will of the Lord. When right is done because it is right, when truth in the understanding is carried into action, then good is inseminated in the will by the Lord, and conjoining itself to truth in the understanding, the soul overflows with the sweetest peace, and the most interior delight. The conjunction of goodness and truth is the heavenly marriage, to which the Lord compares the kingdom of heaven; and He says that it is not here, nor there, but within us. Under the symbols of marriage and love, the regeneration of the soul is continually described in the Word; and the meeting of Jacob and Rachel at the well, when “Jacob kissed Rachel,” and for very joy, “lifted up his voice and wept,” beautifully typifies the meeting of goodness and truth, and the gladness resulting from their approaching union.
It was said that in man the understanding predominates, and in woman the will. In the mind of each, then, it is evident, there never can be a perfect marriage, seeing that individual minds are in themselves imperfect, the balance of the will and intellect being in no case equal. The mental perfection or wholeness of man then necessitates marriage. Truth loves good, and good loves truth; and so the will and the understanding ever long for conjunction. It is plain, then, that in man there must always be an unsatisfied desire, if he remain by himself; and so, also, to even a greater degree, with the woman. This insatiable desire for conjunction of soul, can not well appear in its strength in this life for many reasons; nor can it receive here its full satisfaction, as it will in eternity.
True conjugial love can exist only between two; and in polygamists and adulterers it is utterly destroyed. Again, it can only exist with the regenerate, with those who love the Lord and their neighbor, and delight in keeping the divine commandments. In proportion as married partners so live, they become more and more closely and interiorly conjoined; and their minds flowing into one, their peace, joy, and bliss are ineffably increased. With the wicked there is no conjugial love. Their life, being internally evil, conceals the deepest hatred; and the apparent affection which they may display in the world, arises either from sensual love, or worldly expediency. Be it well noted by all, that marriage can yield real happiness only to the religious—to those who love God and honor His laws.
It is impossible for us to give, even by way of catalogue, a view of the details into which the treatise on Conjugial Love enters. It is so richly studded with great principles, that no condensation is possible. It is thus with all of Swedenborg’s books; so that an exhaustive review is impossible. He never treats his readers to long moralizings that can be condensed into one paragraph; but all his writings are crowded with thought, so that one is prompted not to condensation, but to expansion. This excuse, which we have had to present on previous occasions, must form our apology for the following extracts, selected as illustrations of some of the leading truths in this treatise.
The Delights of Conjugial Love.—“As conjugial love is the foundation love of all good loves, and as it is inscribed on all the parts and principles of man, even to the most particular, it follows that its delights exceed the delights of all other loves, and also that it gives delight to the other loves, according to its presence and conjunction with them; for it expands the inmost principles of the mind, and at the same time the inmost principles of the body, as the most delightful current of its fountain flows through and opens them. The reason why all delights, from first to last, are collated into this love, is on account of the superior excellence of its use, which is the propagation of the human race, and thence of the angelic heaven; and as this use was the chief end of creation, it follows that all the beatitudes, satisfactions, delights, pleasantnesses, and pleasures, which the Lord the Creator could possibly confer upon man, are collated into this love.”—n. 68.
Love truly Conjugial is essential Chastity.—“The reasons are, 1. Because it is from the Lord, and corresponds to the marriage of the Lord and the church. 2. Because it descends from the marriage of good and truth. 3. Because it is spiritual, in proportion as the church exists with man. 4. Because it is the foundation love, and head of all celestial and spiritual loves. 5. Because it is the orderly seminary of the human race, and thereby of the angelic heaven. 6. Because on this account it also exists with the angels of heaven, and gives birth with them to spiritual offspring, which are love and wisdom. 7. And because its uses are thus more excellent than the other uses of creation. From these considerations, it follows that love truly conjugial, viewed from its origin and its essence, is pure and holy, so that it may be called purity and holiness, consequently, essential chastity.”—n. 143.
Conjugial Love in Ancient Times.—“I have been informed by the angels, that those who lived in the most ancient times, live at this day in the heavens, in separate houses, families, and nations, as they lived on earth, and that scarce any one of a house is wanting; and that the reason is, because they were principled in love truly conjugial; and that hence their children inherited inclinations to the conjugial principles of good and truth, and were easily initiated into it more and more interiorly by education received from their parents, and afterwards as from themselves, when they became capable of judging for themselves, were introduced into it by the Lord.”—n. 205.
Marriage elevates Humanity to its Highest Form.—“The most perfect and noble human form results from the conjunction of two forms, by marriage, so as to become one form; thus from two fleshes becoming one flesh according to creation. In such a case the man’s mind is elevated into superior light, and the wife’s into superior heat.”—n. 201.
The Children of Good Parents.—“Children born of parents who are principled in love truly conjugial, derive from their parents the conjugial principle of good and truth, by virtue whereof they have an inclination and faculty, if sons, to perceive the things appertaining to wisdom, and if daughters, to love those things which wisdom teaches. Hence a superior suitableness and facility to grow wise, is inherited by those who are born from such a marriage, and also to imbibe the things relating to the church and heaven.”—n. 202-4.
The capacity of women to perform the duties of men, and men those of women, is thus spoken of.
“The wife can not enter into the duties proper to the man, nor on the other hand the man into the duties proper to the wife, because they differ like wisdom and the love thereof, or like understanding and the will thereof. In the duties proper to the man, the primary agent is the understanding, thought, and wisdom; whereas in the duties proper to the wife, the primary agent is will, affection, and love; and the wife from the latter principles performs her duties, and the man from the former performs his; wherefore their duties, from the nature of them, are diverse, but still conjunctive in a successive series. It is believed by many that women can perform the duties of men, if they were initiated therein like boys, at an early age. They may indeed be initiated into the exercise of such duties, but not into the judgment, on which the rectitude interiorly depends; wherefore those women who have been initiated into the duties of men, are bound, in matters of judgment, to consult men, and then, if they are left to their own disposal, they select from the counsels of men what favors their own particular love. It is also supposed by some, that women are equally capable with men of elevating the intellectual vision, and into the same sphere of life, and of viewing things in the same altitude; and they have been led into this opinion by the writings of certain learned authoresses; but these writings, when examined in the spiritual world, in the presence of the authoresses, were found to be the productions, not of judgment and wisdom, but of ingenuity and wit; and what proceeds from these two latter principles, on account of the elegance and neatness of style in which it is written, has the appearance of sublimity and erudition; yet only in the eyes of those who call all ingenuity by the name of wisdom. In like manner, men can not enter into the duties of women, and perform them aright, because they are not in the affections of women, which are altogether distinct from the affections of men. As the affections and perceptions of the male and female sex are thus distinct by creation, and consequently by nature, therefore, among the statutes given to the sons of Israel, this was also ordained: ‘A woman shall not put on the garment of a man, neither shall a man put on the garment of a woman; because this is an abomination.’ Deut. xxii. 5. The reason is, because all in the spiritual world are clothed according to their affections; and the affections of the woman and the man can not be united, except as subsisting between two, and in no case as subsisting in one.”—n. 175.
The latter portion of the treatise on Conjugial Love is devoted to the melancholy subject of the disorders of the married life, to coldnesses and quarrels, separations and divorces; and finally to adulteries, fornications, and all the abuses of the sexual relations. Of this it would be out of place to speak here, except to remark, that it follows, as a consequence of the fact that conjugial love makes man’s highest bliss and purest heaven, that its violations and abuses must needs lead to the bitterest misery and deepest hell. This portion of the treatise has subjected Swedenborg to some gross calumny, which, if sincere, could only have arisen from a very superficial acquaintance with the principles of its author. And yet it is hardly possible for a man to write on such subjects, without provoking the censure of the sickly virtuous and the hypocritically pure. Religious people too generally treat the dire sexual evils which infest and corrupt society with silence and aversion; passing them by as the priest and the Levite did the wounded traveler. When the spirit of Jesus more fully actuates the church, and the love of the neighbor prompts to heal the world’s evils by all efficient means, then, we have no doubt, Swedenborg on Scortatory Love will be taken into council.
We have used the term “conjugial,” after Swedenborg, who generally uses the Latin adjective conjugialis, in preference to conjugalis, perhaps because softer in sound.
Interspersed between the various chapters of the treatise, are memorable relations of scenes which the author beheld in the spiritual world, and conversations which he had with spirits and angels on the subject of conjugial love. Many of these possess the most fascinating interest, and convey at the same time the most profound and beautiful truths. One interview which he had with two angels of the third heaven is so beautiful that we present it at length.
“One morning I was looking upwards into heaven, and I saw over me three expanses, one above another. I wondered at first what all this meant; and presently there was heard from heaven a voice as of a trumpet, saying, ‘We have perceived, and now see, that thou art meditating concerning conjugial love. We are aware that no one on earth at present knows what true conjugial love is in its origin and essence. Yet it is of importance that it should be known. With us in the heavens, especially in the third heaven, our heavenly delights are principally derived from conjugial love; wherefore in consequence of leave granted us, we will send down to thee a conjugial pair for thy inspection and observation:’ and lo! instantly there appeared a chariot descending from the third or highest heaven; in which there was seen one angel; but as it approached there were seen therein two. The chariot, at a distance, glittered before my eyes like a diamond, and to it were harnessed young horses white as snow; and those who sat in the chariot held in their hands two turtle doves.... When they came nearer, lo! it was a husband and his wife; and they said, ‘We are a conjugial pair; we have lived blessed in heaven from the first age of the world, which is called by you the golden age, and during that time in the same perpetual flower of youth in which thou seest us at this day. I viewed each attentively, because I perceived that they represented conjugial love in its life and its adorning; in its life in their faces, and in its adorning in their raiment.... The husband appeared of a middle age between manhood and youth; from his eyes darted forth sparkling light derived from the wisdom of love; by virtue of which light his face was radiant from its inmost ground; and in consequence of such radiance, the skin had a kind of refulgence in the outermost surface, whereby his whole face was one resplendent comeliness. He was dressed in an upper robe which reached down to his feet, and underneath it was a vesture of hyacinthine blue, girded about with a golden girdle, upon which were three precious stones, two sapphires on the sides, and a carbuncle in the middle; his stockings were of bright shining linen, with threads of silver interwoven; and his shoes were of velvet: such was the representative form of conjugial love with the husband. But with the wife it was this; her face was seen by me, and it was not seen; it was seen as essential beauty, and it was not seen because this beauty was inexpressible; for in her face there was a splendor of flaming light, such as the angels of the third heaven enjoy, and this light made my sight dim; so that I was lost in astonishment: she, observing this, addressed me, saying, ‘What dost thou see?’ I replied, ‘I see nothing but conjugial love and the form thereof; but I see, and I do not see.’ Hereupon she turned herself obliquely from her husband; and then I was enabled to view her attentively. Her eyes were bright and sparkling from the light of her own heaven, which light, as was said, is of a flaming quality, which it derives from the love of wisdom; for in that heaven wives love their husbands from their wisdom and in their wisdom: and husbands love their wives from that love of wisdom and in it, as directed towards themselves; and thus they are united. This was the origin of her beauty; which was such that it would be impossible for any painter to imitate and exhibit it in its form, for he has no colors bright and vivid enough to express its lustre; nor is it in the power of his art to depict such beauty. Her hair was adjusted in becoming order so as to correspond with her beauty; and in it were inserted diadems of flowers: she had a necklace of carbuncles, from which hung a rosary of chrysolites; and she had bracelets of pearl: her upper robe was scarlet, and underneath it was a stomacher of purple, fastened in front with clasps of rubies. But what surprised me was, that the colors varied according to her aspect in regard to her husband, and also according thereto were sometimes more glittering, and sometimes less; in mutual aspect more, and in oblique aspect less. When I had made these observations, they again discoursed with me; and when the husband spoke, he spoke at the same time as from his wife; and when the wife spoke, she spoke at the same time as from her husband; such was the union of their minds from whence speech flows; and on this occasion I also heard the sound or tone of voice of conjugial love; inwardly it was simultaneous, and it likewise proceeded from the delights of a state of innocence and peace. At length they said, ‘We are recalled; we must depart:’ and instantly they appeared again conveyed in a chariot as before. The way by which they were conveyed was a paved way through flowering shrubberies, from the beds of which rose olive and orange trees laden with fruit. When they approached their own heaven they were met by several virgins, who welcomed and introduced them.”