Fresh from his experience in Israel, Martin returned to Swinburne for his third year of studies in 1986.
By this point he had decided to major in literature. One of the authors he studied was David Malouf, and in that author’s novel An Imaginary Life he found a passage that resonated with him deeply, in which the author describes life as a “continual series of beginnings” and “painful settings out.” {9} Martin certainly felt that his life had been like that, and unfortunately, there was more painful learning still to come.
By now he had pretty much discarded any thoughts of going back to the MSC’s. If asked about his religious beliefs he would have declared himself either an agnostic or (after reading several books critical of the idea of papal infallibility) an Anglican! So he went back to Swinburne for what turned out to be a very good year academically but a very bad year in other ways. Trouble was on the horizon, although in a very attractive form.
Kristina (not her real name) was a tall and very good-looking blonde… a blonde and not a redhead? I’m surprised!
MARTIN: She had some Scandinavian in her background – Norwegian, if I remember correctly. Looks-wise she reminded me a bit of Nancy Allen, who was in Carrie, Robocop, and a few other movies around that era.
FERDINAND: Kristina was not actually in Martin’s intake year – he thinks she was a year or so ahead of him. Another classmate introduced them in late 1985, and Martin happened to mention his plans to go to the kibbutz the following Christmas. After his return from Israel, he met the young lady again by accident between classes, and she asked him about his kibbutz trip.
He would see her occasionally around the Swinburne campus for a while after that.
But then, in the last semester of 1986, they ended up in an English Literature class together. As it happened, Martin was almost the only person whom Kristina knew in the class, so she made a habit of sitting next to him and occasionally asking him for advice.
Well, the inevitable happened as far as my poor human’s feelings were concerned.
MARTIN: I think I can actually remember the moment I fell for her. One day she came to class a bit late. During the break told me she had misread her timetable and gone to the wrong classroom, so that she charged into a room full of people she didn’t know. Describing her embarrassment, she clutched her chest dramatically (a very nice chest, by the way) and said, “The shock! The shock!” Then she burst out laughing. My fate was sealed then.
She actually was a bit of a classic ditzy blonde, I must admit. I don’t really know how much we had in common, except for us both struggling with English Literature at the same time! But anyway…
I wound my courage up – feeling almost physically sick with nerves at times - to ask her out. Then I found out that she already had a regular boyfriend I hadn’t known about. I guess I should have done more market research! But for me it was devastating. I know now that it was the first time I had fallen in love, and it took me a very long time to recover.
FERDINAND: Why do you think that is?
MARTIN: Well, for one thing, I had mostly shelved my idea of becoming a priest at that time, although it would come back a bit later. But now that this stunner had turned up in my class and seemed to like me, I thought (foolishly, naively, selfishly, whatever word you like) that it might be God’s will for me to marry her! So that is why I am very careful these days about trying to figure out what is or is not God’s will. You can very easily mistake your own wishes and desires for the divine will! I’m probably not the first or last person to do that.
FERDINAND: Martin also admits that Kristina herself was a little bit insecure, clearly enjoyed having him around, and did not tell him to back off when maybe she should have. But it was too late, and the damage was done.
My poor human took it really badly. I hadn’t slept in his bed for a long time, but that night he took me to bed with him and wept into my fur.
MARTIN: Sorry about that.
FERDINAND: Oh, it’s what teddy bears are for!
Ironically, the semester in which this happened was Martin’s best semester ever academically: he received one High Distinction, two Distinctions, and a credit.
Kristina finished at Swinburne that year, so my human didn’t see her at classes anymore, which was probably just as well. But they spoke on the phone a few times and early the next year, Martin visited her flat and had dinner there with Kristina and (rather awkwardly) her boyfriend. This helped heal his emotional wound a little bit.
MARTIN: We dropped out of touch after that. Later on I heard she had moved interstate and I don’t know what happened to her. It took me a long time, but eventually I reached the point where I was glad to have known her, and glad to have experienced that kind of hopeless, romantic, throwing-yourself-at-her-feet love! However, as you’ll hear, it took me quite a while to get to that stage.
FERDINAND: Martin also should really have finished at Swinburne at the end of 1986, but he had to go back in 1987 to pick up a few extra classes… and that’s when things started to really go wrong. Unfortunately, the Great Romantic Disaster, as Martin called it, would have lasting effects.
MARTIN: Yep – psychosomatic effects! I suppose it was poetic justice for someone who had always thought that the mind and the soul were far more important than the body.
FERDINAND: He found that he started to get very nervous in Literature classes, even though Kristina was no longer there. He started to get panic symptoms, with sweaty palms, upset stomach; his bladder would start to fill up rapidly, and so on. This spread from Literature classes to other classes at Swinburne, trams and trains, churches, and eventually any public place. It began to look like it was developing into fully-fledged agoraphobia.
Despite this, he made other efforts to be sociable. Somewhat to his staunchly Catholic parents’ disapproval, he attended an Assemblies of God church in Richmond, along with a Kenyan girl called May who had been in some of his classes (May returned to Kenya soon after this). Martin has said that the minister at that church, Pastor Phil Hills, was possibly the most dynamic preacher he has ever seen in his life.
More to his parents’ liking, he also became involved with a Catholic organization, the Focolare Movement. He attended a weeklong annual festival called Mariapolis held in Ballarat.
MARTIN: I loved, and still love the people in the Focolare because they practice Christianity at a down to earth level. In particular, they believe in the idea of unity - on the world or international level, between groups, and between individuals. All your interactions with others should be devoted to creating or preserving unity. They also have a wonderful saying about finding Jesus “in the present moment” – asking how God might be coming to you in your present circumstances, whatever they might be.
FERDINAND: When he wasn’t going to the Assemblies of God, Martin was still attending Mass on Sundays at the historic St Francis’ Church in Melbourne’s CBD. About this time an attempt was made to start a youth group at St Francis’ and Martin became involved with that. The group never really took off as a youth group and it fizzled out after a few years, but my human did make some good friendships through that group. In fact, he had his first proper date when he went to see the movie Cocoon with one of the girls in the group.
And finally, just to make his last year at Swinburne even more dramatic — one day while he was out having a walk during a break between classes, a car came careening off the road and knocked him down.
MARTIN: It knocked me unconscious, in fact. That was the first (and so far, the last) time I’ve had the experience of time seeming to slow down. I remember looking at the car and thinking almost casually, “That’s coming towards me! I should do something!” Then I woke up in the back of an ambulance.
FERDINAND: He was taken to St Vincent’s Hospital, where he had a few stitches put in his head, but then was sent home. He had a terrible headache for several days; concussion, for humans with their vulnerable brains, is no laughing matter! Still, when he got home, he was telling me about a cute little trainee nurse who was looking after him, so his condition can’t have been too bad.
MARTIN: Did I really…?
FERDINAND: Yes, you did… Despite all of these issues, my human finished his classes at Swinburne at the end of 1987 and graduated with his Bachelor of Arts.
MARTIN: A proud moment when I got my scroll, I can tell you!
FERDINAND: He had already decided to complete the Bachelor of Theology he had begun with the MSC’s and was arranging to do some part time classes there the next year. But…. what else would he do?
As a new year approached, my human reluctantly accepted the fact that he would have to enter the workforce. At his Dad’s recommendation, he took the Public Service entrance exam, and following in his old man’s footsteps, became a government worker.