The choice to return back to Singapore is a probably the only choice by the second half of 2007 – my grandmother is likely to have breast cancer. This was confirmed by October 2007 – she is diagnosed with terminal stage breast cancer. It was a tough act as I will much prefer the lifestyle back in Melbourne. On the other hand, after seeing the collapse of Dairy CRC, I asked myself – is this really worth it? Do I want to spend a third of every year writing grants that I am not likely to get?
Looking back at the entire 6 years in Melbourne is waves after waves of emotions surging up in me – almost a turbulence of emotions. Back in 2002, I was feeling the anxiety of going to Melbourne and at the beginning of 2008, I am feeling the anxiety and nervousness about coming back to Singapore. Every year when I came back to Singapore for a break, everything changes – I am not sure if I can fit back into the society again. I really love Melbourne for all that it had given me, except the giant housefly-like creature that plagued everyone in summer which resulted in the so-called Melbourne salute. Houseflies in Singapore attacks food. Those fat flies attack holes – ear, nose, mouth and everywhere. You can really smack some of it into your friend’s mouth if they are unaware.
The only consolation back in Singapore is that I had gotten a lectureship in Singapore Polytechnic (SP) which starts on April 4, 2008, about 36 hours after I reached back in Singapore.
How I got into SP was an interesting occurrence. In October 2006, Melbourne University had an open house in Singapore. I was introduced to my current director by Professor Derek Chan, Deputy Dean of Science in Melbourne University. After a few round of discussion on the bioinformatics curriculum, Dr Thomas Chai (Director, School of Chemical and Life Science, SP), asked me to apply to them. That was January 2007. I was evaluating the bioinformatics programme in SP. For that, I wrote a proposal to Thomas as well. After about 2 to 3 meetings with Thomas, he asked in front of Dr. Pho Lay Koon (Course Manager for Diploma in Biotechnology, SP) if I will be interested to join them. That eventually got me the job offer in December 2007.
As I have to come back to Singapore, I rejected a potential job offer to Google, eiher to be stationed at their Sydney office or in America. At the same time, I took a lapsed candidature from my PhD from July 2008. However, this means that I will have to continue writing up and submit my thesis by July 2010 as lapsed candidature can only last for 2 years. I had reckoned that if I could stay on in Melbourne till June or July 2008, I could have finished my thesis. However, time is not on my side as my grandmother was really very sick by then.
With a very heavy heart and almost unwilling heart, I flew back to Singapore on April 2, 2008. My grandmother passed away in the afternoon of June 22, 2008, and I wrote this to conclude the acknowledgement of my doctoral thesis.
Perhaps my only regret is not able to finish this thesis fast enough for my grandmother to witness my graduation. She had passed on with dignity by removing her own oxygen supply on the afternoon of 22nd June 2008, 8 months after being diagnosed with terminal breast cancer caused by MAP kinase mutation in the insulin signalling pathway – a subject that I know intimately from this work. This thesis is for you.
I made a 3 weeks trip to Melbourne on March 2009 to try my best to finish up my thesis and to give my final doctoral seminar. Genevieve Leach and Ruth Taylor, as well as my close friends, Edwin, Joly, Joel and Phil, made it to my seminar and I am very grateful. By then, I had 2 other data chapters published, making a total of 3 of the 4 data chapters published. I think I am in pretty good shape. By then, Kevin and Christophe had moved to Deakin University to be Professor of Biosciences and Associate Professor of Bioinformatics respectively. Sonia had moved on to be a project coordinator with another CRC. I respected Sonia a lot for all her care and concern from my honours years. Of course, the biggest memory is during Lorne in 2004.
Joly drove me to Deakin on the second day of reaching Melbourne and I can remember that Kevin was in lab meeting. We were invited to sit in. I thought I had gone through this and had decided that I am not likely to be a research scientist, which is why I had decided on a lecturing position in SP. I thought that the balance had been tipped in place but I was wrong. The balance had been un-tipped and I was in dilemma again – dilemma about my future and career path.
The Balance Un-Tipped
Two days to the South
I looked myself in the path
It seems the winds had swept
A mixed thought I thought the sand had kept
Warm rays beat the ground
Words around
Lighting glows I found
Boy, in this, can I drown
Why had I walked from this rivers
Of the pleasure it givers
The jot of hot sun delivers
With moans too, that grievers
Stacks of words in a year
For the work I can hold dear
Seen by flickerness of the wind
it may all be an unfulfilled dream
Packaged thoughts
Pain and worry
Use the line
All these game I sight
I wonder where I can light
Admist the blight
Yet yearning
The excitement forthcoming
In this seemingly homecoming
How can I be receiving
With the balance lie untipping
- 09/04/09
I submitted my thesis for examination in May 2009, 4 years 10 months since I started my doctoral route, and begin my long wait for the examination results. Thanks to Edwin who had been helping me to print and submit my thesis on behalf. Eventually, he also helped me greatly on binding my final thesis – one of each available colour.
On Christmas Eve of 2009, I reached Singapore Polytechnic at about 8.15am and went directly to Foodcourt 4 to have my usual breakfast of bread and runny eggs. Opened my email and found an email from Martin Hendrick Lee who is an examination officer at Melbourne School of Graduate Research in my university and my thesis examination came through – passed with minor revisions from 2 of the 3 examiners. The remaining examiner was critical and decided that I should not me awarded my doctoral degree as yet. No wonder my thesis examination takes this long to complete.
As examiners, they can opt to let me know who they are. In the words of the university, they can release their identity to me or not. The 2 examiners who passed me did – Peter Wynn and I-Fang Chung. The one who decided that I should not pass chose to withhold his identity. It is a stroke of luck that I was searching for someone online and I came across a CV with my name on it. I read it and found that he was the one whose name was withheld.
