This account contains several anecdotes demonstrating both the brilliant and the edifying sides of the life of M. A. Sheikho, and gives a wonderful insight into his canny course of action within his home.
This story is set during the time when both goodness and humanity prevailed, where people were known for their humility and devotional exercise. At that time the teachings of the religion of Islam prevailed and people looked to them not only out of habit but with reverence and respect. They applied the principle of Islam to their daily lives even if they did not fully understand the wisdom behind it. Everyone endeavored to live a good life so there was rarely any incidence of wrongdoing of any kind. Confident that little harm would come to them they enjoyed a life of simplicity and honesty according to the principle, ‘He who follows the steps of a religious scholar will be in a state of grace when he meets God.’
There was no betrayal, no sex outside marriage, and people adhered to God’s Words to the extent that they wanted to follow His Way, but imitatively.
During that time there was a group of men called the ‘Lunatics’[29]who no longer exist in modern times. The ‘Lunatics’ of whom we speak were simple, pure and very close to God. In modern times, however, their every act is the epitome of deceitfulness, hypocrisy or deception and, needless to say, they have distanced themselves completely from the Word of God and so have become minions of Satan…
But we digress, so let us return to our story…
During the last months of her pregnancy with him, Mohammad Amin’s mother was walking along the road one day, covered from head to toe in her black gown as were all women when out in public. A ‘Lunatic’ passed her by, then turned and came back to her. He patted her on the back, all the while shouting loudly, ‘You will give birth to a great saint… great… great…’
Then, off he ran, still crying, ‘Great… great… great…’ as he knew that he had seen something marvelous that only he could see.
When the women of the neighbourhood heard about this event and the good news announced by the ‘Lunatic,’ they went to offer her their congratulations. At that time everyone believed the truth of the words spoken by this particular ‘Lunatic’ whose name was Ibn Abidin, and they firmly believed that the angels spoke through him.
And indeed, the happy news became fact when, a few months later, the woman gave birth to an innocent baby of captivating and singular beauty, the like of which had rarely been seen. That was the day that the great eminent scholar M. A. Sheikho was born.
The baby grew up totally secure in the love of his parents who frequently noticed him doing the most amazing things. Like most children he was active and full of life, as well as being physically agile and mentally brilliant. And here we should also mention the sweet and captivating way he had of talking, whereby, one day he even managed to cajole the stableman into falling asleep so he could bring out the mare. His father had expressly forbidden this as he was afraid that Mohammad was still too young to mount a horse.
Years before this particular escapade, when he was much younger, he went to the stable at midnight to meet the female djinn [30]after he heard that she could grant people’s wishes. But do you know what he wished for? He wanted to catch her and keep her prisoner until she brought him all the lords in the land so he could ask them to convert to the religion of Islam!
His parents were astonished by everything he did. He was so different from any other child which made them even more devoted and loving towards him.
One day, when he was only three years old, he came out of his father’s room looking very strange and was immediately the centre of everyone’s attention!
What on earth could they have seen that attracted such attention and amazement…?
They saw him holding a stout stick, his head wrapped in a white cloth that looked like the turban worn by religious scholars, and on top of it all he had put a military hat that belonged to his brother Saleem.
They said to him, ‘You can’t actually achieve this! You cannot become a religious scholar and a military officer at the same time!’
Day by day, the praiseworthy child was growing up, glowing with grace and life, and demonstrating an intelligence bordering on genius. Some of the things he did and said seemed to be like those of a wise, mature man; and we will not even mention all manner of other amazing words and deeds which his mother could not begin to comprehend!
Soon after the death of his father, a good man, his brother Saleem, older than Mohammad and by now a young man, left his homeland to settle in Istanbul where his work was based. There he married the daughter of the foreign minister of the Ottoman Empire.
So this extraordinary child became the sole focus of his mother’s attention and she became completely attached to him since he was the only son living with her.
During his childhood, when he went out to play in the neighbourhood, he used to hold an iron chain and urge the local boys to submit and agree to his wishes. You could see him prowling among them like a lion cub, controlling them all by his courage and ingenuity. It was his admirable integrity that gave him the power of a lion over other boys of the same age. Yet there were also some boys who befriended him because of the kind way he treated them and for what he offered them, so they followed him gratefully.
Whenever he was out of the house his mother constantly worried about him, and could not relax until he came home safely. She thought of him as an orphan with no brothers to defend him, so if he was ever involved in a quarrel or a fight, there would be no-one to protect him.
She would have defended him herself if it were possible, but since she, like all women of that time, was completely covered by her veil, she could not go out to protect him from harm. His behaviour led to greater worry and anxiety for his mother, resulting in her becoming ever more attached to him. For example, when he came home after playing in the neighborhood, he used to climb to the top of the wall, some metres high, which surrounded the house in the al-Ward quarter (where it still stands to this day) and then he would sleep on top of it! On seeing this his mother was terrified that he would fall and would cry out in alarm, ‘What are you doing, my son? Come down, please… please, come down!’
She was so afraid that he would fall that her heart would be in her mouth… and through the experience of such moments her love and attachment to him grew stronger and stronger.
Anyone would understand her feelings because if he had made the slightest wrong move he might have fallen from the high wall. And if that happened, God forbid, he would certainly die and leave her to suffer in desperate loneliness.
She begged him to come down, but got no reply, for the little boy was deeply and peacefully asleep. When she realised this she flared up saying, ‘That “Lunatic” told me that I would give birth to a great saint, but all I see is an acrobat not a saint!’
He had stolen her heart by his outstanding deeds and actions which were always lively, happy and delightful. Indeed, he was the joy of all those around him and became the topic of everyone’s conversation.
The Almighty says, “And in years twain is his weaning.”[31] By the age of two a baby should be fully weaned and be eating proper food. During the first two years the mother’s milk provides the infant’s body with all the nourishment it needs and prepares it to eat proper foods when the milk teeth come through. In addition, these two years of nursing are long enough for the mother and her son to bond and create a wonderful loving relationship. During this period, the spiritual ties of mercy, clemency, love and such like are tied fast between mother and child.
On the other hand, if the mother nurses the child for more than two years, the physical benefits are diminished and the child’s rate of growth slows down. However, the emotional ties and depth of affection between the mother and her son grow ever stronger. The mother becomes more loving and attached to her son, while the child feels even greater love and compassion towards his mother and treats her with increased kindness.
So, Almighty God decreed a general law when He decided that two years for suckling an infant was sufficient time for the child’s body to be properly formed in order to grow strong and healthy.
As for Mohammad Amin, since he was an only child his mother continued to suckle him until the age of eight. So, whenever he arrived home from school, he used to drop his bag and dash towards her to suckle at her breast which only made her love for him deeper and she became even more attached to him.
Day by day, as the young Mohammad was growing bigger and stronger, so was his mother’s love and fondness for him, even until he was a young man. He was all she had in this life. So, she would have gladly born the pain of all the diseases of this world rather than see him in discomfort because of a single thorn in his foot.
Like all mothers, especially those who have only one sonwith them, she wanted her son to be married. Yet the marriage of a son, as everybody knows, often leads to natural jealousy between the wife and the mother-in-law. It is perfectly normal for a mother to have a great desire to see her son married and have a family of his own, and when her son said to her, ‘But Mother! There would soon be arguments and quarrels between you and a daughter-in-law,so why are you in a rush for me to be married?’ She replied, ‘I would truly love her and put all her comforts and needs before mine. So, do not worry my son, and don’t think about it.’
Now, as for the mother, who stood feasting her eyes on the handsome appearance of her beloved son, Mohammad Amin, her only supporter in this world , she approached him saying, ‘Oh my sweetie… oh my hope… you are the focus of all my wishes! I want you to complete my happiness. I want you to get married. I wish to see your babies before I die.’
Mohammad then agreed to her wishes since this matter was so important to her. So he replied, ‘As you like, Mother. I have no-one in this world except for you, whom I love dearly,’ then he bowed his head and kissed her hand.
With tears of joy coursing down her cheeks showing just how happy she was when he agreed, she said to him, ‘May God be pleased with you, light of my life… my heart!’
Indeed, a suitable wife was soon chosen and the wedding arranged. Then, with the marriage ceremonies over, the bride was brought to the house, where the guests came to offer their congratulations, and then departed.
There, the mother who was so pleased because of her son’s marriage led the bride to her newly furnished room, all the while saying kind and sweet words of congratulations.
She then went to her own room feeling as though she was in the seventh heaven, for the focus of all her hopes, her love, and the light of her life, had finally married.
As for Mohammad Amin, that inspired man, who radiated happiness and excellence in all that he did, now broke with the normal, accepted custom. He did not go to the room of his wife as any new husband would, but went to his mother’s room and, opening the door, went in showing no sign of happiness or pleasure with his marriage.
When his mother saw him entering her room, she looked at him in bewilderment and asked, ‘My son! My dear boy! Why have you come here? You left your beloved wife and came to me! Do you want something?’
Mohammad replied, ‘No, Mother, but I would like to sit with you. I always like to spend time with you.’
‘What are you saying, my son? This isn’t right! You shouldn’t leave your wife alone, especially tonight, her wedding night. Come on, son! Get up and go to her.’
‘No Mother, I won’t! I don’t want her. I do not want anyone in this world except you, and no-one can replace you in my life.’
His mother was so afraid that people would gossip and blame her for this situation, so she said to Mohammad, ‘But this will make people talk badly about us, my son! Other people’s daughters are not merely games to be played with whenever you want. May God look favourably on you, son! Now, do the right thing and go to your wife; tomorrow you can sit with me as much as you wish.’
But Mohammad Amin was adamant and refused to go, saying, ‘No mother, never! I will not go. I don’t like her. I love only you, my dear mother.’
When she realised that it was useless to discuss the matter with him any further, she said nothing. But after a while, she stood up, took his hand and pulled him. He did as she wanted and stood up. She put her hands on his shoulders and began to push him towards the door but he resisted, showing reluctance to leave her room. Yet his mother kept pushing him despite his opposition until finally she managed to get him out of the room. Then with all her strength, she tried to shut the door, but he pretended that he would not give in and kept resisting and pushing the door trying to open it again. She kept trying from the inside and he kept trying from the outside until finally she managed to close the door and lock it. However, Mohammad Amin stayed outside his mother’s door knocking and begging her to open it but she refused. Finally, he left and went to his new room.
Could this really be true? Here was this powerful officer, who had destroyed the heads of crime and evil one by one; can we truly believe that his mother was strong enough to push him out of her room?!
Through such wise and canny behaviour which he repeated for many successive days, he convinced his mother that her son was still hers, alone, and that the newcomer ‘his wife’ could not steal his heart from her, nor would she ever be able to do so, because he loved no-one in this life, other than his mother.
And so, the normal negative emotions did not arise; as a result, there was neither jealousy nor discord.
However things were not to change! This air of domestic peace and harmony ever lasted except for one!
The days passed peacefully because Mohammad Amin showed great tact when dealing with both his wife and his mother, and took care to avoid any situation that might cause an upset between the two women. He knew only too well that domestic hassle causes misery, depression, and unhappiness, and that harmony and friendliness in the home lead to security, peacefulness and contentment; and Mohammad Amin did not want anyone to be unhappy; on the contrary, he wanted everyone to be content with their life.
So, wanting to strengthen the good family relations which he had contrived and brought about, and trying hard to prevent the ‘understandable jealousy’ that his mother might show towards his wife, he devised a second plan. He went to the market and bought some beautiful clothes for his mother, and other things that she needed. He then returned to the house without his wife seeing him, and went upstairs to his mother’s room to surprise her with the presents he had brought for her. It was a wonderful surprise for his mother who realised yet again just how much her beloved son adored her.
But a few moments later, once she had got over her initial happy surprise, she asked him, ‘But, my son! What about your wife? Haven’t you bought anything for her?’ Mohammad Amin replied, ‘Mother, my dear, sweet mother! I care only about you, and love you more than anyone. So, don’t think of her. I don’t like her. She doesn’t need anything more, she has enough!’
Then, he left his mother and went directly to his wife and gave her some money saying, ‘ Here’s some money for you; give it to your mother and ask her to bring you whatever you want.’ His wife was overjoyed with this gift because she thought it showed how much he cared about her. She wanted her mother to bring her some items that she needed, and by giving her the money for these he had done exactly as she wished.
The following day, his mother went to sit in the courtyard so as to keep an eye on the situation. She noticed that her daughter-in-law did not get anything new. She was not wearing any new clothes and even her shoes were the same old ones she had had for some time.
She continued to watch like this for three days but nothing changed. Finally she realised that her son really had not bought anything new for his wife. She was upset by this and felt very sympathetic towards the poor downtrodden woman (as she thought)! She said to herself, ‘I enjoy having beautiful new things while this poor woman is still wearing her old clothes and has nothing new! It’s a shame!’
Then, she hurried off to her son, and out of true love and affection for his wife, she said to him, ‘It isn’t fair to treat your wife like this. You should not stop her from having new clothes. So, for God’s Sake, son, buy her what she needs!’
But Mohammad Amin answered her kindly, ‘You, dear Mother, are my chief concern, so do not think about her. She deserves nothing and I don’t like her.’
‘So why did you marry her?’ she asked, but he did not answer.
A few days later, his wife went to visit her family, and while she was there she gave her mother the money her husband had given her and asked her to buy her all the clothes and other things that she needed. Her mother promised to bring the purchases the following afternoon.
When his wife returned home, her kindly husband asked if she had asked her mother to bring whatever she needed.
‘Yes,’ she answered.
‘When will she bring them?’ he asked.
‘Tomorrow afternoon,’ she replied.
The following day, shortly before her mother was due to arrive, Mohammad Amin entered his mother’s room and sat with her. A few minutes later, they heard a knock on the main door of the house. Pretending to be surprised he asked his mother, ‘Who could that be?’
His mother replied that she would go to see.
As she had been eagerly expecting her mother to arrive, Mohammad’s wife hurried from her room to open the door and welcome her mother who was carrying a large package of clothing and other shopping.
So, when Mohammad’s mother went out to the second floor balcony, from where she had a good view of the courtyard, she saw her daughter-in-law and her mother with the package. She went back into her room and said to her son who, incidentally, knew who the newcomer was, ‘It is your mother-in-law. She has brought a package of clothes and other shopping for her daughter.’
Secretly she was glad because it saved her son’s money. But when Mohammad Amin heard this, he jumped, up, pretending to be very surprised, and angrily said, ‘Do they think we need anything from them and decided to bring us these purchases?’ Then he pretended that he would go down in order to scold both of them for what they had done, and tell his mother-in-law to leave his house But his mother stopped him saying, ‘No, my son! You don’t bring her what she needs nor do you let her family buy it for her! Do you think you are being reasonable, son?’ So, he calmed down but he was still annoyed, and sat down again.
Through this well thought out plan, he made sure that his mother became the greatest support and close friend of his ‘oppressed’ wife because with his bright, humane, diverse actions, that he often repeated, he kindled in her intense feelings of sympathy and tenderness towards her daughter-in-law.
And so, because of his plan of action, there was no room for jealousy in his house at that time. On the contrary, he instilled in his mother great feelings of compassion, love and kindness that were reflected in the way his mother treated his wife. In return, when his wife saw such tenderness from her mother-in-law and sensed her great kindness and love for her, she reciprocated in her own gentle, sweet and loving way.
The bond of love, familiarity, and understanding which developed between the two became stronger until it was like the relationship between a mother and her only daughter.
One day, our man went to the market and bought two kilos of Kebab (small pieces of meat placed on skewers and grilled), some appetizers and Leban, (curdled sour milk) which he then divided into two portions, one kilo for his mother and one for his wife. He put the two portions of food on a tray and told the little boy who worked in the restaurant to take it to his house.
It was lunchtime when he arrived home. His mother and his wife were both in their own rooms. Going first to his wife’s room, he gave her a portion and told her to bring some simple food from the kitchen, such as olives, thyme and olive oil, and whatever other similar food there was, and to hide it under her bed. Then he said, ‘If you hear my mother coming, hide the Kebab under the bed with the appetizers and Leban, and bring out only the simple lunch to show her that this is the kind of food you usually eat…’
His wife replied, ‘Yes, darling, as you wish.’
Following this he went to his mother’s room where he greeted her and kissed her hand, and then said to her,
‘Come on, Mother! Let’s eat together; I have brought you Kebab and some appetizers.’
His mother saw the delicious food laid out on the table, so she sat beside her son for them to eat together. But before she began eating, she said to him, ‘But, where is your wife, son? Call her to come here with your little child to eat with us.’
‘No, Mother! Don’t worry about her I’ve brought this just for you.’
‘But, son! What will she eat?’
‘She can eat whatever food she finds in the house.’
‘That’s completely unacceptable, my son! You should not treat your wife like this.’ Mohammad did not reply.
Then, when the mother had finished eating with her son, she left him in her room and went to his wife’s room.
The wife heard the footsteps of her mother-in-law approaching her room, so, as directed by her husband, she quickly pushed the tray of Kebab under the bed and pulled out the tray of simple foods, and pretended to be eating from it. Naturally, when the mother opened the door, she saw the ‘poor woman’ eating nothing but olive oil and olives. Overcome by her feelings of compassion and kindness, she closed the door quietly and returned to her room, sadly affected by the situation of the wretched woman!
She said to herself, ‘How could I possibly eat any of that excellent dish of Kebab and the other food while my poor daughter-in-law is eating only the simplest of foods such as thyme, olive oil and olives?’
She could not hide her feelings of sadness for her daughter-in-law, and said to her son, ‘No son… no! That is so unfair. By God! You should not deprive your poor wife like this.’ Her words came genuinely from a heart brimming with ever-increasing feelings of love for her daughter-in-law who had become as a real daughter to her because of her son’s wise scheme.
On the other hand, she became convinced that her son was not in love with his wife and that he loved no-one but her. She thought that the great attachment he had had for her since he was a baby, had led to his depriving his wife of his love and care, and she felt this to be totally unacceptable. Therefore she always stood by her daughter-in-law in so many ways.
That was what Mohammad Amin achieved through the kind and compassionate control of his household situation. The above are just a few examples of many actions leading to similar excellent results and ultimately the relationship between the two women was like that of a mother and her own daughter, and a daughter to her own mother. They came to treat each other with the greatest respect and compassion, and lived together with no further hint of any unpleasantness between them. Nothing had happened in the past except for this only unrepeatable incident.
In general some time after any marriage, the usual domestic arguments and disputes arose between the mother and her son’s wife, just as it had been predicted. The mother felt that matters were getting out of control and despite her better judgement she unwillingly found herself becoming
unfriendly towards her son’s wife; and because of jealousy, she started to think badly of the young woman. The explanation for this situation is probably that the mother felt in her heart that her son’s love was now given to another woman and not to her. Although she felt she loved him more than she thought his new wife did, the wife had soon replaced his mother in his affections!
It is perhaps understandable that such feelings quickly gave way to intense jealousy growing inside her, which quickly turned into hostile behaviour towards the daughter- in-law. Thus, she began to treat her as an adversary and lay in wait ready to pounce on any fault or mistake that the young woman may make and be prepared to blame her.
Eventually, there came a time when the aged mother interfered in a matter that was nothing to do with her. She started to criticise some of the things her daughter-in-law did, by telling her what she was doing wrong or what she was not allowed to do.