6 - Happiness Is Important For A Good Memory
Memories
In living we all create memories, and we store these memories in a mental tape recorder. We can use these memories constructively or destructively. What should we do with memories? Keep them in proper perspective.
I remember on one occasion I was asked to attend a reunion of my medical class. I couldn't accept at that particular time, but fortunately, twenty-five years after graduation, I attended a class reunion. I put on my tuxedo and went to the hotel to meet my colleagues, but I couldn't find them; I couldn't recognise them. When the guests finally seated themselves at their respective tables — those who graduated before me and those who graduated after me — I looked for my table — the Class of 1923 — and there I saw nine people seated around the table and one empty seat, mine.
I sat down, and the man to my right, a short, fat, bald-headed man, suddenly said to me, "Maltz, what happened to you? Your hair is grey; it used to be black!"
I looked at his bald head and remembered that he had had beautiful blond hair, and I said to myself, "I wonder what happened to him?" Both of us abused our memories.
We must learn to use memories only to remember happy moments, so that we can utilise them for the present undertaking. In doing that successfully, we build memories — happy memories — for tomorrow. The misfortunes of yesterday must be forgotten, lost in the tomb of time. Every day is a new lifetime that must be lived to the full: Creatively.
Remember the words of Macedonius (sixth century):
Memory and Oblivion, all hail!
Memory for goodness, Oblivion for evil!
Are You Creative?
Many of us are firmly convinced that people are born creative or non-creative, that only a limited number of people can create in different generations. Leonardo da Vinci, Shakespeare, Beethoven, Alexander Graham Bell, and Einstein all used their creative gifts widely. Each one had the power to use his imagination properly, productively.
What are the characteristics of a creative mind? First, a sense of direction, a goal. Then, a problem, clearly defined, and all the possible solutions. After that, the selection of the best solution and acting on it. You must have the ability to forget a problem, temporarily, if it defies solution and the capacity to rise above failures.
I believe that all of us are creative. We have a creative mechanism working for us that steers us toward success. For example, the simple exercise of picking up a pencil. We forget that as children we picked it up clumsily, zigzagging in the direction of the pencil until we learned to do it successfully. This successful performance was registered in the mental tape recorder for future use. This, in a mild sense, is a creative effort.
We all can create because we all have imagination. We use it daily without raising it. For example, when we worry, we use imagination in a negative way to create something that doesn't exist. We project on the screen of the mind scenes that haven't happened as yet because we fear we will fail. On the other hand, when we are happy we use the imagination constructively. We picture a worthwhile achievement of the goal we seek by remembering past successes to achieve pleasure in the present.
We are all made up of failures and successes, and to think creatively we must rise above the mistakes of the past and use the self-confidence from past successes in our present undertaking. We can think creatively when:
The greatest creative effort for all of us, great or small, is to create the habit of happiness. This we can all do by making a habit of it every day, by recalling the happiness of past successes and using this good feeling in our present undertaking. Remember Elbert Hubbard's words, "Happiness is a habit — cultivate it!"
Ideas
What are ideas? They are the product of the imagination, of thinking and concentrating on a specific subject. An idea is a brainchild, but what kind of a child is it? Is it a child born of resentment or hatred? Is it a deformed child born out of deception and trickery? Or is it a beautiful child born out of love and encouragement, out of hope and belief? These latter children of the mind and spirit are so desperately needed in these chaotic times when it seems that a cannon is more important than a human life, that money is more important than good will, that the destructive thought of taking exceeds the creative thought of giving.
It is now, this very minute, that we have to search for self-respect, for the assurance that peace of mind can be ours in this lifetime. It is at this very moment when reason and patience are undergoing an eclipse, when wars are intended to destroy the world forever, that we must live in the hope given us by creative ideas. We should strive to build ideas on compassion and humility, on love and friendship, on taking less and giving more while we are alive, if life on this planet is to be sustained for the future.
It is at this very moment that man's fulfillment demands that we see the good in others not the evil; see the hope in others not the frustration; see the joy in others not the sorrow; see the faith in others not the despair.
Great ideas are truths waiting to be fulfilled, and no idea is worth anything unless and until we turn it into worthwhile performance for the benefit of all humanity.
Oliver Wendell Holmes said, "The ultimate good is better achieved by the free trade in ideas".
Our Impulses
Should we obey an impulse? We should if the impulse is constructive. Impulses can also be destructive. When we hate we often, through imagination, dispose of the individual. This creates negative impulses that have no value because they distort the self-image.
We live every day with imagination. Worry is a form of imagination. Here we throw on the screen of the mind past failures, which inhibit us in our daily tasks of the present. When we are happy, we throw on the screen of the mind past successes, which give us the confidence we exercise in the daily tasks for the present. A good impulse is nothing more than imagination that seeks action to improve the self-image.
When I was a young man I had the impulse, the desire, to be a plastic surgeon. This was during a time when the specialty was practically unknown. Despite tremendous objections from my family, I obeyed my impulse.
I know a doctor who, twenty years ago, had the impulse to be a baby specialist. He loved children and would have been excellent in this specialty. But he was undecided. He said he'd wait until he had saved enough money, until he could properly provide for his wife and child. One indecision followed another and he never became a baby specialist.
Indecision is unbelief. Unbelief is fear. And this constant fear prolongs tension and finally puts us in a state of paralysis. This scars and distorts the self-image, making us less than what we are, preventing us from reaching our true stature of fulfillment.
I know a married woman who has two children. She suddenly had the impulse to do abstract painting. She followed her impulse despite objections from her family. Now she sells her paintings. She has made her family happy and herself happy. The point to remember is to obey your impulse, the good impulse. It is a challenge to be happy. It is a chance to put the imagination to work, to reach a worthwhile goal, to fulfill ourselves.
Remember the words of George Herbert, "He begins to die who quits his desires".
Praise
What is praise? It is a varied expression of love and friendship, and we should use it more often to compliment someone for a deed well done, for a word well spoken. Why be effusive in our praise of someone when he is put to rest in a cemetery and can't hear a word of it.
What is praise? Something we all need now and then. Every human being, whether he is a beggar or a tycoon, a peasant or a philosopher, a student or a teacher, whether he is alone or married, searches desperately for recognition. One of the greatest goals for every human being is to feel needed, wanted for something somewhere. We deserve this praise not when we demand it or search for it, but when we receive it naturally in the process of doing something for others, while we are doing something for ourselves.
On Stubbornness
Life means change. Your image changes every day simply because you are different every day and the situations of each day are different; and that is the way it should be. Man progresses by change. Nature progresses by change — spring, summer, winter, fall. Can you imagine if a tree in the spring were stubborn and refused to bud and bear leaves, if a flower were stubborn and refused to bloom, if a vegetable or fruit were stubborn and refused to grow and ripen?
Are you stubborn? Do you refuse to change and grow in stature? Are you resistant to creative living, to a smile, to friendship, to forgiveness, to the Brotherhood of Man?
Michel de Montaigne said, "Obstinacy and heat of opinion are the surest proof of stupidity".
To get more living out of life you must start getting rid of negative feelings that create stubbornness and obstinacy, envy, indolence; they all give rise to resistance that makes you shrink to the size of a microbe.
Are you a microbe or a whole human being? You have the answer within you, if you overcome stubbornness through forgiveness and friendship to yourself.
There is one kind of stubbornness that is creative. If after sharp analysis you find your beliefs worthy of humanity, fight for these beliefs. That is not pig-headedness, that is constructive determination, growth for yourself and for others.
Faith And Belief
Often at the beginning of my career as a public speaker, I would be overcome with the panic of doubt, a lack of belief in myself, just before I got to the platform to deliver my talk. How would I begin? What would I say? What mistakes would I make? How could I stand there for an hour and face hundreds of people? How could I get through? But when the time came, I was there. I carried on because I had something to say. I did the best I could and I came through with flying colours. And I learned that many of our best actors and actresses are especially nervous just before the curtain goes up.
All of us have self-doubts at the beginning of some undertakings whether we are doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers, students, poets, or salesmen.
Where does faith and belief come from? From within ourselves. We are faith. We are belief. We are also doubt and unbelief. We as individuals must make the decision where we want to go in life, to be the big self or the little self. We must think of our faith and our belief as wings that can make us soar to our destination, to achieve our goals and reach self-fulfillment no matter how crucial our times may be.
With doubt and unbelief our creative wings are clipped for the moment and we can't get off the ground to rise above our self-imposed dungeon. We must thank God for doubt and unbelief. It is our moral responsibility to rise above them to make something of ourselves through faith and belief. These characteristics are eternally within us waiting to be recognised, waiting for action. Remember the words of William Blake:
If the sun and moon should doubt, They'd immediately go out.
On Knowledge
Aristotle said, "All men desire by nature to know". He wrote this over two thousand years ago but it is still true today. Of course when he said "all men", he meant everybody: men and women, rich and poor, black and white, young and old. I suppose there are about ten percent of people who never want to learn, ten percent who know it all; but look at the potentiality of the Brotherhood of Man when eighty percent of all people want to learn to improve, to get more living out of life, and to share this good fortune with others.
Man lives in three worlds: the body, the mind, and the spirit. If he stops eating, something happens to him physically. If he stops wanting to learn, something happens to him mentally and spiritually. No food, anemia of the body. No learning, anemia of the mind and spirit. In neither instance can you move in the world creatively and amount to your big self, because you will be working under severe handicaps.
Aristotle tells us what we already know, that every American — every human being — needs, deserves, and should have education. It is as natural for people to learn as it is for them to breathe. Learning is their nucleus of growth and accomplishment. It is also well to remember that the greatest adventure in learning is in getting to know yourself better, and that envy, hatred, stubbornness, indecision, indolence, and fear prevent such an experience. We must resolve to educate our minds to search for and find our big self.
On Vanity
Thomas A. Kempis said, "He is truly great that is little in himself and that maketh no account of any height of honour". These words are the quintessence of humility, when one is not arrogant of his successes nor does he complain about his misfortunes. He insists on living creatively every day, every minute, to give happiness to himself and to share it with others.
The reverse of this characteristic is vanity, a common trait that infects the mind and spirit of humanity. As a matter of fact, no one can escape it entirely in a lifetime.
When you have vanity, you have conceit; and in both instances you falsely believe you are more than what you are which, as a matter of fact, you know the truth — that you are less, much less, than what you can be. Then, in your secret embarrassment, you scratch for attention, but it leads to naught. It's like scratching on marble. If the truth be known, you wind up disliking yourself, lost to yourself, neglecting opportunities to find your big self and worthwhile goals. There is nothing in vanity but defeat. Perhaps you would think twice before being vain if you realised that you are playing a depression game, a losing game that automatically makes you a member of the opinionated club; that you become a little dictator who cannot win, who cannot relax, who cannot sleep.
The cure: Think kindly of yourself, but don't gloat over successes. Be a good friend to yourself and you will be a good friend to others. Like Thomas A. Kempis said, you will be truly great if you don't make too great an account of your honours.
Being Yourself
Most people who have failed in an undertaking don't like what they see when they look in the mirror. Young people particularly are affected by this kind of emotional reaction to a problem that seems to defy solution. Just remember that as long as you live you'll be making mistakes now and then; and when you do, it is only natural for you not to like yourself, not to like the image you see of yourself in the mirror, not to like your little self. The point to remember on being yourself is that you must rise above your little self. You must rise above mistakes and misfortunes of yesterday. You must try to reach your big self.
People are mistake makers, but they are also mistake breakers. The business of being yourself — your big self — is to accept yourself for what you are when you make mistakes. Look at yourself in the mirror with kind eyes and realise that you are much bigger than any error, any blunder, any misfortune, any heartache.
You must live beyond your mistakes instead of with them. You must accept your weaknesses, stand on your feet in moments of crisis, and rely on the confidence from past successes to turn crises into creative opportunities.
If you don't like what you are, get off your own back. Stop living with this hang-up, because you and you alone can either like or dislike what you are. Realise now that you can be your better self, your big self, by rising above your mistakes. That's what successful living is all about. That's what being yourself is all about.
By Maxwell Mate M.D., E.I.C.S. America's Wisest Man