Personal
Spirituality

I believe that once a person has mastered Self, their external life begins to flow towards truth, and although there are four other sections to this book (and other compartments to a person’s life); I consider this one to be the most important, because the others extend from it.

Get To Know Your Self

Let me stress right at the beginning, how important it is when embarking on your spiritual journey to take the time to get to know your Self. That is because; if you are going to focus on being an individual you will at some point need to know who that individual actually is.

“But I do know myself” I can already hear some people say, which I am not going to dispute because only you know how true that statement is, and it is beyond my means and sense of bothered-ness to check, so good for you!

Anyway, as much as I have been accused of Devil possession or moving in with cult members, the truth is it took me six years of working on my Self before I even attempted to connect with other spiritual people. That was because of the negative reception I first received when coming out, so in my mind there were no spiritual people for me to actually connect with in London (and the fact that all the really glamorous events and gatherings happened in America).

Yes, I was a sensitive child who took things very personally, which you may have noticed by the way a few people’s actions managed to put me off and taint my view of institutions, religions and even countries.

But I have grown up a lot since then; I have become Self-centred, emotionally and mentally stable, and best of all I know myself very well. I know how best I operate, what makes me tick and what makes me smile, I am open to trying out new things but I am discriminating about what or who I do and do not get involved with.

I make conscious decisions and am always aware of what I am thinking and feeling. Everything I do is from a place of truth, and as a result I am not as affected by the outside world as I once was.

My goal is ascension, and that involves a lot of healing to uncover my Higher Self - the part which is not clouded by negative emotions that create unreal characteristics and go on to build a false personality that originally came traumas in my past.

I clear, I cleanse, and I heal myself on a regular basis, and make it a priority to keep the connection open to my Higher Self so that I can reach my ultimate state of Being for this lifetime.

Do make it a point to get to know your Self while embarking on your spiritual journey, because it is very important! Not only will it allow you to become self-aware so that you can monitor your thoughts and feelings to create consciously, you will also know what you are receptive to and what you are not.

I believe it will stop you being too reliant on getting from the outside world what you are more than capable of giving to yourself (love, acceptance, happiness, peace) or having others impose their views on you and stop you thinking for yourself.

Here are a few things I do to connect with myself:

• Writing. I keep a journal in which I write my feelings, thoughts, goals, aspirations, even random ramblings that I feel are relevant to my life. I am always open and honest about everything because there is no room for ego (when dealing with Higher Selves). I date my entries because I like to go back months later and read over who I was back then; it is a great way to monitor my progress and keep from forgetting my achievements. Because you have the right to allow all sorts of thoughts to pass through your head (savoury or unsavoury), which you may feel the need to share with your journal, I would also suggest you keep it private, unless having your inner most thoughts and vulnerabilities leered over by nosy busy bodies is your thing, of course.

• Creativity. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the implication that imagination is a medium to the Soul, and creativity is the tool to uncover it (creativity + imagination = Soul connection) okay, I’ve just made it up but now you know. Children are very spiritual and this has a lot to do with their gateway to the Soul being permanently open (until they become tainted by traumas or grow up). So where you can, spend time creating (with or without children) and do things like writing stories, drawing pictures, colouring in, painting, inventing games… yes, I do these things but mostly alone in my room on a Wednesday afternoon when I should be at work.

• Walking. I discovered the wonderful properties of this during a time when I was so broke I could not get on the bus (let alone the train) because I couldn’t afford to, so I had to walk. I like getting slapped by the cold English air just as much as the next person (not much), but it has its advantages and one of those is clearing cob webs that fester about in my head when I spend too much time agonising over an issue I cannot immediately see the solution to. I will also add that I like sitting in the park or by the river, which is grounding and liberating at the same time. And although I am cold and weather beaten when I come back, I always feel lighter and more aware of who I am (having connected).

• Feeling Good. Contrary to popular belief, torturing or depriving yourself of feeling good is not the quickest let alone best way to God (or Higher Self). Think about it, when you are miserable and sad you are closed off and have all your barriers up so nothing can come through. But when you are happy and having fun you are open and free, which is when all sorts of wonderful information comes tumbling through. Don’t ask me what information that is, because is up to you to find out for yourself; I know what mine is so it is your turn to find out yours. I also love to laugh, nothing is better than rolling around in fits of laughter because it releases tensions I didn’t know I had, and let’s face it, it feels good! So, I make it a priority to give myself laughter therapy at least once a week, which includes watching television (Friends, Frasier, The Simpsons), a film (Shrek, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Coming to America), reading a book (Skipping Christmas, The Portable Door, The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency), or calling up a friend I just know will make me laugh.

• Connecting. Have you ever reacted to something someone says or does in a way you never thought yourself capable of? Well that is the beauty of relationships; connecting with other people is a very affective way of getting to know yourself. And as tempting as it is to coop yourself up while you grow (especially after a break-up) and then emerge when nothing can affect you, it is actually through being affected by other people and situations that you grow the fastest. So, I like to gather a few friends together and do something we all enjoy, meet up with likeminded people and share ideas. I try to see a tarot card reader and a regression therapist (who also happen to be my friends) as often as I can, all with the goal of getting to know myself better; other people are the best mirrors that reflect me back to myself.

Try all the above (in your own way) for about three months and see how much better you get to know and start liking yourself at the end of it. There are many other things you could do and ways you could try, which I obviously haven’t mentioned; it is up to you to go find them and try them!

Mind you, getting to know your Self is not a quick route to kicking out your dodgy relationship problems (I’ve been trying for years), but it will contribute towards it on an overall level.

I consider “Self” to be an umbrella (Ella, Ella, Eh, Eh, Eh) term that encompasses the mind, the body and the spirit, which altogether make up an entire Being, so obviously there will be many levels on which to explore and get to know your Self. We all know how limiting words can be so hold on, coverance (I know it doesn’t exist) time again:

The words I have chosen to describe certain things (in any instance throughout the book) work for me, and although you may chose to use them differently, just like an encyclopaedia would, that doesn’t matter because I am writing this book.

I have chosen to use them this way because that is how understand what I mean and am trying to say. For example (even though it may get confusing) I may chose to replace mind/body/spirit with mind/body/emotions, because I consider emotions in their purest form to be from Spirit, and emotions in their lowest form to be from the (wounded) mind, so look out for that reference.

If however, you still don't understand where I am coming from, I would suggest you read other wonderful books on spirituality, self-development and ascension (some listed at the back) to help you open up further. Alternatively, consult your intuition, which is a fabulous source of untapped wisdom that is best of all, free!

The Mind

The mind to me is the chakras, and for those of you who don’t know what they are I will explain how I have understood and interpreted them.

A chakra is an energy centre that links your body to your mind, to your Spirit, and it contains all sorts of information about who you are on all levels; memories and experiences from your past, even experiences and memories from past lifetimes.

Your chakras hold the answers to phobias, health conditions, why you may react in certain ways to certain things, and even why you may keep attracting the “wrong” partner into your life.

They are a wealth of information, seven of which run along your spine spinning at different vibrations, radiating different colours, connected to different systems in your body, and dealing with different aspects and purposes in your life.

I believe the flow of things in your life accurately reflect the flow of energy running through your chakras, so if you find yourself fighting for everything in life, look at how and why the energy is fighting to get past/through which of your chakras.

The base chakra is red and located at the bottom of your spine, the sacral/sexual is orange and located in your naval or lower abdomen, the solar plexus is yellow and located in your upper abdomen underneath your ribs.

The heart chakra is green for healing and pink for love, it is located in the centre of your chest, the throat is blue and located in your throat and the space between your ears, the third eye is indigo and located in the centre of your forehead. And the crown chakra, which some say is violet but I see as a diamondy-silver (indigo and violet are too close in colour and often confuse me) is located at a centre spot at the top of your head.

I associate the base chakra with grounding, family and financial issues, the sacral chakra with creativity, sex, intimacy and my inner child, the solar plexus chakra with power, fears and being myself. These three are also known as the lower chakras which cover the physical world and its issues; personality, lower emotions, the body etc, so when they are blocked, things in my outer world tend to stall as well.

The heart chakra is the bridge between the Higher Self and the Lower Self, and I associate it with love, compassion and all things emotional, so when it is blocked, my ability to deal with other people and my feelings for them goes haywire, and my lower energy doesn’t rise to my Higher Self nor does my higher energy descend to my Lower Self.

The throat is the first of the higher chakras, the centre for communication on all levels (with Higher Self, Spirit Guides, Angels, other people) which means listening and receiving as well as speaking and projecting, it is centre for the psychic ability clairaudience.

The third eye chakra is where the psychic ability of clairvoyance is centred, and manner of seeing and connecting with the truth (higher and lower). In fact, I see this chakra as what we are referring to when we talk about thinking, because we point to the temple where it (in the centre of the head) is located; thoughts are in pictures and not in words (which we use to decipher them), and saying "you read my mind/thoughts", I see as someone tapping into the images floating around in the shared consciousness and saying them before someone else does.

The crown chakra is where connection to the Divine, and channelling of esoteric information happens, it is the centre of imagination and the psychic ability of clairsentience. When my crown chakra is open, and I am connected to the Universe while my base chakra is firmly connected to the earth, amazing things happen!

The above explanation is deliberately short because I do not want to fill your head with my interpretation of what the chakras are and represent (to me). There are plenty of books on the subject that will explain them thoroughly and in depth so that you can understand.

I would highly recommend coupling your research with practice, so that you get to know yourself through them, and with time you will form your own interpretation, which will be different to mine.

Either way you will have a better understanding (if you do not already) of the chakras, what they are, what they do, and how best to make use of them for your highest good.

Go forth and begin/continue your journey, and see what you uncover!

 

Unhelpful Mindsets and Beliefs

I have spent a lot of time healing and clearing and cleansing myself in body/mind/emotions (pure and higher emotions come from the Spirit, and lower emotions come from the wounded Self in the mind), which also meant ridding myself of learned conditionings that no longer served my highest purpose, and one such conditioning is the God and Devil theory.

One second, let me cover myself again;

 

I am about to shock a lot of people with what is coming next, and this I know because of the reactions I have received when I said it aloud. I am not going to let it stop me from expressing my truth because it feels right for me to do so.

However, I would like to apologise in advance if it offends you or your beliefs, but these are mine and they coexistent with yours. If you feel you cannot accept this, then I suggest you put the book down until such a time as you can (if ever), or perhaps consult your intuition which will guide you on what to do next.

It is the strongest source of truth you will ever know and the most valuable at this point in your journey, because it comes from who you are, and it will let you know the highest truth about you, and all the information around you.

This is an attempt at my sharing:

I do not believe in God, I do not believe in the Devil, I don't believe in a place called heaven and I don't believe in a place called hell, I believe that they all have to do with creation and that is why I have put them in the mind section.

One random day while sitting on the bus, I came to a realisation about the above, that I found quite amusing to start off with but eventually changed my whole outlook and perception of what we call God (or rather what I see it as).

I realised that God is a play on the word "good" and Devil is a play on the word "evil", then my perspective widened as I saw that God is the supposedly "good" male figure who lives in a white place called heaven somewhere up in the sky direction while the Devil is an "evil" male figure who lives in the red place called hell somewhere under ground.

Now look at how literal this is; up above are clouds that are white and wherever in the world you go, clouds will always be above you. And I read somewhere that the core of the earth (which is under ground and below wherever you are in the world) is a very hot place. And what do we strongly associated with hot, but red fire?

Anyway, for the longest time I had been struggling with the concept of God, the Devil, heaven and hell, so this realisation shattered any scraps of seriousness I still held in regard to the subject as it stood. Which for the first time ever, allowed me to freely think (without fearing incurring the wrath of God) that every human being, be they a priest or a murderer has the capacity within them (thanks to free will and a whole host of emotions stemming from love or fear) to be good or evil: God or the Devil.

Let me give you an example; I have a positive and enthusiastic view of the world (regardless of the current state of affairs) to do with raising consciousness by sharing and loving, being good to each other and growing to reach our ultimate state of awareness, where anything is possible.

But then, I also have thoughts that can be classed as evil, especially when I am battling with hurt, old wounds and fear. The amount of times I have thought up revenge strategies to make ex-boyfriends pay for hurt they caused me, or exbosses/teachers/random people for humiliating me to make themselves feel better.

And what a fantastic job I would have done too, because of how observant, creative and down right patient I am! I would have hit them where it hurt and they would know exactly how they made me feel... except, that wouldn't have cleared up any of my pain.

In fact, I am not even sure it would have made me feel any better to hurt them, even though they had done it to me; one wounded animal lashing out against another (even though one would be retaliating to provocation) wouldn't solve anything. So, I thought it would be better to put my energies into looking at the pain and dealing with the root cause of it then letting it go, which in affect would allow me to let go of the people who brought the wounds to my attention.

Ironically, when I cleared, healed and was doing pretty well for myself I bumped into some of the people who’d hurt me, and their reactions (which weren’t always pleasant but they couldn't hurt me anymore) always had me feeling a lot better about myself.

But best of all, I knew I had not done anything to them that would have me expecting karma knocking down my door at night. I can now happily vouch for the absolutely true statement that "the best form of revenge is success", because I have experienced it!

So, like I said we are all capable of being good or evil, and it is our choice which of them we choose, because people who do evil things are capable of being good, just like people who do good things are capable of being evil. On a higher level I even consider good and evil to be relative, depending on where you are coming from.

Either way, we all have the capacity to be God, and the capacity to be the Devil; that is how I have chosen to see it and how I have chosen to be; God!

Now, God the Almighty powerful Spirit/Energy/Source of love and everything Divine, I definitely believe in, but I do not like to use the term God very much anymore, so if I do it is quite loosely because I find it restrictive, and I will tell you why in a minute.

I believe that God exists in EVERYTHING from the trees to the sky, from the dogs to the flies, and from the humans to the Angels - for God to have created everything; everything must still retain the energy of God in it, right?

That’s why I try to see God in everything, and every situation for that matter, though I am still working on snakes, cockroaches and certain people (but I still believe on a level God exists in them).

Now, I use the term God mostly when I am speaking to other people so that they can identify what I am talking about. But within myself I like to vary the terms because “God” automatically conjures up the image of a big male figure with human features, voice and characteristics such as the need to control people, which just doesn't fit in with my view of the Ultimate anymore… if it ever did.

That is because I have chosen to be God, and even I am still subject to emotions that stem from fear and hurt, that I don’t think the Almighty, in It's highest form actually operates (even though It can if It so chooses) from.

I like to use different terms such as the Almighty Source or the Ultimate Energy, and I refer to it as "It" because in Its highest form, Source encompasses both male and female energies in a balanced state, none being more dominant or weaker than the other (for those who have questioned whether I feel disrespectful in calling Source "It").

Another reason I use different terms, is because using just one limits and restricts me, which I believe It is not. Source is an intangible, uncontrollable, uncontainable Energy that flows through EVERYTHING that exists.

I believe that It encompasses the ability to be good, loving, sharing as well as evil, hateful, greedy in amounts, but exerts Its right to choose what state It operates from. That is the best way I have come up with to explain (in words) my belief of God; who I am, who you are and who that madman in the tree behind you is!

While we are on the subject of evil and it's daddy the Devil, I just have to put forward my view point on Spirit possession; I do not believe that a Spirit entity can one day decide to take over a person's mind and body without their permission, and lead them on a killing spree.

This is because, although I believe that someone can be Spirit “possessed” without their conscious knowledge, it can never be without their permission (on a level). And permission (in this instance) doesn’t necessarily have to be saying “yes, I allow you to possess me - go on”, it can be anything from being scared of being possessed, to being worried some thing/one has actually possessed you, as well as invoking possession.

I know this because I have been possessed by Spirit entities before, but my body was never "taken over"; I was totally aware of everything I did, thought and said, I remember everything that happened, and most of all I chose everything, even to allow myself to get possessed (albeit unconsciously).

This happened just after I got out of a difficult and intense relationship that meant a lot to me, and I felt totally lost and depressed without it, so unhappy in London once again that I wanted to get out at whatever cost.

I didn't want to deal with the pain or the fact that it was over, I chose instead to obsess myself with thinking that living in London was the cause of all my problems, and that everything would be alright if I just left.

I got so focussed on getting out that I lost all interest in everything to do with London; eating, sleeping, meditating, enjoying myself, and even connecting with my Higher Self and Guides (those who had my best interests at heart). I felt as though I was incapable of feeling these things because I just wasn't supposed to be in London.

So, you can imagine the Spirits I attracted, while at such a low point in my life; Lower entities with nothing better to do than cause mischief. They would tell me to do things and I would do them, even though my gut instinct was dead against it and things turned out for the negative anyway, I would still ask for their guidance and hang onto their every word.

I was, as people later told me, possessed: I couldn't think of anything beyond trying to leave London, and did very stupid things trying to get out. My chakras were blocked, my aura riddled with holes that these Lower entities had attached themselves to me through, and was obsessed as hell.

But even though they contributed largely to how I thought and what I did, ultimately it was all my choices and decisions, because I could have simply refused to obey and listen.

Ask Your Guides (Paperback) by Sonia Choquette is a brilliant book that helped me see things clearly, it explains the whole concept of Spirit Guides and Angels very well, and I would highly recommend it.

So, I finally came back to my senses and realised the extent of what I was doing while traipsing along a very quiet street by myself at 3am dragging a suitcase containing a laptop and cash (amongst other things). I was scared as hell, praying that I wouldn't get attacked, kidnapped or raped, especially as nobody knew where I was, so if anything did happen to me it would have taken ages for anyone to find out (if ever).

When I got back home, I knew something had to change, so I started getting back in touch with my Higher Self and seeing how I had lost touch in the first place. I went back to writing my feelings and thoughts down (something I hadn't done in months), I went back to meditating daily, balancing my chakras, clearing, cleansing and healing myself, invoking Angels and getting guidance from Higher Guides and people who had my best interests at heart.

Oh, the mischievous entities tried to hold on for dear life, they even tried to trick me into listening to them by masquerading as Higher Guides, but a liar will always be exposed by the truth and light, which was what I had started to surround myself with by filling my mind with positive and empowering affirmations.

A lot of other things happened around that time, including taking a proper look at the energies and people I had in my life and (unconsciously) getting rid of the ones that were no longer contributing to my overall growth.

As a result, I lost friends, which hurt to start off with but then I realised they we were no longer on the same wave length as me so there was no point in having them in my life.

This was also around the time I discovered The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, and began putting into practice the art of being happy from within, instead of choosing material things that I thought would make me happy.

I started attracting light to myself in the form of other people/Light workers, Angels and Higher Guides. The difference between the Guides I am now in contact with, and the Lower entities I had dictating my planned escape from London, is that they guide me with love (instead of control), but always make it clear that it is my choice and therefore, my responsibility to accept the consequences my actions will bring me.

If I lean on them too much, they always step away and let me come to my own conclusions however long that takes, but I can always feel them sending me love, support and guidance in many ways, every time I need it.

A beautiful quote from them is; "we are here to guide you, not to live your life for you, but we will always be around for you, just ask".

It was also around this time that I discovered what will always go down as my saving grace; chakra dancing, which I will tell you more about a little bit later.

Anyway, I used a number of different methods at this time to heal, cleanse and clear myself of the blockages stopping me from moving out of my limited state of mind and continuing to create experiences that weren't doing me any good.

I thought to mention this in relation to spirit possession, and why when someone says "I was possessed" or "I had no choice", it doesn't fly with me anymore. Come to think of it, neither does voodoo for that matter, because I believe it only works if on some level you expect (through fear) or want (through belief) it to.

Keep yourself psychically protected if it bothers you!

 

The Past and the Inner Child

When you undergo healing, clearing and cleansing you will undoubtedly come across the inner child, I can recommend two wonderful books on the subject, that went a long way towards helping me deal with my traumas. A Little Light on Ascension by Diana Cooper which touches briefly on it, and In The Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant.

I also came across a wonderful free manual on the Internet that helped me put my issues into perspective; it's called Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul and Erika Chopich (details at the back).

So, after coming to terms with the fact that my obsession to leave London was a defence mechanism to protect myself from having to feel the pain the break-up was causing me. I forced myself to start dealing with it by answering the multilayered question of "what's wrong with me?", and boy did I uncover a whole new toxic dump site full of issues I didn't even know existed, especially as I thought I had dealt with the majority of them.

I found out that I was insecure, not very confident in myself or my abilities, I felt unworthy and undeserving, and this one shocked me the most: I had an inferiority complex that stemmed from how I perceived myself in the scheme of things as a black woman, which (in my mind) was two strokes against me.

I was scared as hell of telling people what I thought of them, especially if I disliked or disagreed with things they did or said to me. This was because I was afraid they wouldn't like me after that, and would hit or lash out at me in some way; I constantly felt threatened.

I would place myself at the bottom of the social pile everywhere I went and with everything I did, allowing myself to be used, abused and taken advantage of because I didn't really feel I deserved any better.

I was striving for acceptance and approval but never seemed to get it from anyone (even myself), instead I would have my vulnerabilities thrown back at me by people I trusted enough to let into my core. And one day, I even managed to find myself in an abusive (psychological and verbal) situation, which was very hard to come to terms with at first.

I had always considered myself an independent twenty-first century woman who would never allow a man to disrespect me because I was worth more than that. But to uncover all these root thoughts and feelings, and then wake up to find myself in one of the worst situations of disrespect was almost enough to make me top myself.

But I didn't do it, thanks to my rock solid belief that I could get through anything an