My first trip to South America was amazing: six life-changing months spent backpacking.
On this trip, I began to comprehend many things; some of which had been obscured to me until that moment, but others I had been completely ignoring.
In those few months, many of my beliefs, gathered from a lifetime of existing within European society, unexpectedly collapsed; it was like an old stone house giving way to the fury of a magnitude 10 earthquake. The experiences lived on that journey became the earthquake that rocked me to my core.
Surrounded by the rubble, I was able to see that what appeared substantial was in reality ephemeral; what appeared solid was in reality being propped up by beliefs and planted ideas; what appeared important was in reality completely superfluous. All that rubble was nothing more than a conglomerate of superficialities, uselessness, and ignorance.
I re-evaluated and reconsidered many certainties which I had previously considered a core part of my set of values.
From the rubble of my old beliefs, a completely new path opened up to me, too clearly to pretend I hadn't seen it.
When I returned to Europe I was a different person.
Since the day I returned, my task was clear: to completely change my life.
It was not easy to set out on a new path. So many years of study dedicated to a career that I had dreamed of since I was a little boy... a brilliant, fast-paced career at that, which would guarantee me a secure and respectable place within society. Now I had to give it all up.
The main reason for my hesitance was the fact that I was leaving ideal conditions, which were stable and secure, for a future which still held no prospects... even worse, I didn't have the faintest idea of what I would do from then onwards, how I would support myself; what I would eat; I had some savings, but I knew that they would only last a few months. It was a leap of faith.
I held only one certainty: that path, which was still completely unknown to me, attracted me enormously. I had a strong feeling that it would bring me joy, serenity, and happiness.
Already at various points in my life I had relied on my sixth sense, but only for secondary decisions; until that moment, I had never tested it.
There was also another factor which spurred my choice to turn the page on my life: I had always felt as though something was wrong with the world around us. I did not know what it was - I could never begin to guess what exactly felt out of place - but I perceived it clearly. This feeling was shared by a few of my friends; some of them put their trust in theories which claimed to explain that feeling and the problem from which it stems. However, I never shared their beliefs; they always felt wrong, or at the very least, incomplete.
I was almost completely certain that if I embarked upon my new path, I would understand the origin of that feeling.
I had two choices before me: I could bury my head in the sand like an ostrich, continuing to live my former life of luxury, secure and satisfying in some respects - or I could take a leap of faith, with no expectations and no certainties.
I was convinced that the majority of people would have chosen the ostrich option: it was the safe option, what everyone does... things could only go up from here, so why take a risk?
- Better the devil you know than the devil you don't - . That's a simple, clear saying, meant to forewarn those who intend on making irrational changes, asserting the importance of all they've built... and I was just about to go completely against its advice. Leaving a concrete position that I was in the process of consolidating, with prospects that could only improve, to dedicate myself to something that I didn't yet have the foggiest idea about. All I had to go on was a shapeless glimmer, peppered with vague and extravagant ideas.
Courage, non-conformism, adaptability, and probably a little insanity: I armed myself with these (almost) virtues and decided to take that leap of faith. I thought to myself - I only get one life; at worst, I'll certainly have a few stories to tell... -
Without realising it, my new journey had already begun... the hesitations were just the final throes of a dying part of my former life.
I don't know whether the choice to change my life was the result of various thoughts accumulating over time before suddenly reaching a conclusion, or if it was a bolt from the blue. But I do know for certain that at the moment I realised that I had made a decision, many things within me had already changed: the concept of a career had lost its significance, and the desire to belong to any sort of group had dissipated into thin air.
At the beginning of my new journey, I knew one thing I couldn't compromise on, but which would have clear consequences: for a period of my life, I would have to make a clean break with society. At the start, I didn't even have any idea why I had to abandon all forms of society; I only knew that I had to do it. With hindsight, all has become clear, obvious even: to be able to understand humanity and its social system, I had to detach from it; I had to cut all ties; I had to assume the position of the foreign and neutral observer, neither affecting nor being affected by the environment I was studying. And so it was for various periods over the following years.
I predicted from the start that it would not be easy, and indeed it was not, but I have been repaid abundantly in return, by my experiences, spiritual growth, and personal attainments.
I thought that I would never live again experiences like those on my first trip to South America, in terms of personal, cultural, and mental revelations and changes, but I was sorely mistaken... I now see my first trip as a type of psycho-physical-spiritual preparation for the experiences that followed, and above all, preparation for comprehending and absorbing the teachings of Pragnil.