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How to be Happy
A Complete Guide to Rational Living
By Joseph Miller
Copyright 2006 All rights reserved
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How to be Happy: A Complete Guide to Rational Living
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Disclaimer
The advice contained here might not be suitable for everyone. The
author provides the information only as a broad overview by a lay
person about the subject based on her personal experience and
information from sources believed reliable, but the author neither
implies nor intends any guarantee of accuracy.
The author, publisher and distributors never give legal, accounting,
medical or any other professional advice. The reader must always
seek those services, when required, from competent professionals
that can review their own particular circumstances.
The author, publisher and distributors disclaim any liability, loss, or risk taken by individuals who act on the information contained
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Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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How to be Happy: A Complete Guide to Rational Living
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Contents
Please Read This FIRST! .................................................................... 2
1. How to be Happy – An Overview.................................................... 6
2. The ABCs of Happiness.................................................................. 8
3. The Secret of Happiness............................................................... 10
4. Where to Begin Your Quest for Happiness ................................. 11
5. Characteristics of a Psychologically Healthy, Happy Person ... 13
Specific and Evident Characteristics of Self-Actualizing People..................... 13
6. Is Happiness a Conscious Ultimate Concern? ........................... 15
Is it possible to make Happiness your Conscious and Ultimate Concern?.... 15
7. Why is it Wrong to Make Happiness Your Top Goal? ................ 17
8. How to Focus Your Energy and Intelligence to Attain Happiness
9. How Satisfaction of Values Determine Our Happiness.............. 21
10. Learn How to Be Happy – Preparing Your Self-Development
11. How to Control Your Emotions .................................................. 25
Factors helpful in controlling your Emotions..................................................... 25
12. The External and Internal Routes to Happiness ....................... 27
13. Using Self-Exploration and Problem-Solving Skills to Achieve
14. Six Steps to Find the Underlying, Internal Causes of
Unhappiness...................................................................................... 31
15. How to Make Radical or Lifestyle Changes to Attain Greater
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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16. How to Know What Will Make You Happy ................................. 35
17. How to Resolve Your Conflicts to Bring Happiness................. 37
18. Self-Actualization – Learn to Attain Higher Self Power............ 39
19. How to Imagine and Create an Internal Model of Happiness in
20. Two Worldviews - Negative versus Positive Thinking ............. 43
21. How Can You Be Happy in an Imperfect World? ...................... 45
How to be happy amid such imperfections ........................................................ 45
22. Deficit Motivation vs. Abundance Motivation ........................... 47
23. How to Develop Positive Thinking and Feel Happier in
24. Increasing Your Self-Worth to Get Greater Happiness ............ 51
25. How to Develop a Positive Self-Image....................................... 53
26. Learn to Accept Self and Others ................................................ 55
27. How to Be More Self-Confident .................................................. 57
28. Using External vs. Internal Expectations to Evaluate Yourself59
29. Sources of Dependency and External Control ......................... 61
30. Sources of Internal Control ........................................................ 63
31. How to Be Internally Directed and Effective with Others......... 65
32. How to Control Other People ..................................................... 67
33. How to Achieve Peak Functioning of Your Mind and Body..... 69
34. Optimal Learning as the Basis of Happiness............................ 71
35. How Does Harmonious Functioning Affect Happiness............ 73
36. How Does Harmonious Functioning Affect Emotions ............. 75
37. How Mental Control Increases Your Level of Happiness......... 77
38. Learn to Be a Master of Your Emotions .................................... 79
39. Resolve Your Inner Conflicts to Bring Harmony and Happiness
40. Looking at a Problem from a Higher Level of Understanding . 83
41. How to Overcome Depression and other Negative Emotions . 85
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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42. How to Overcome Grief, Sadness and Apathy in Your Life..... 87
43. How to Lower Your Anxiety and Stress and Increase
44. Learn to Be Happy in All Situations........................................... 91
45. How to Funnel Your Energy to Maximize Happiness ............... 93
46. How to Stay in Control of Your Life and Be Happy .................. 95
47. How to Achieve Your Goals in Life and Be Happy ................... 97
48. How to Manage Your Time and Create Happiness in Your Life
49. Your Checklist about How to Be Happy .................................. 101
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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1. How to be Happy – An Overview
Happiness is an emotion and, ideally, an individualistic view. To
you, happiness is something different from what somebody else
feels. It is a particular state of mind. Everybody has different views
on happiness and so, the ways of attaining happiness will differ from
person to person.
Normally, happiness is synonymous with joy, well-being, delight,
love, safety, and health.
The term, “happiness’ traces its origins to the Greek ‘Eudaimonia’,
which means being a good soul. It refers to having virtuous habits
through moral and honorable deeds. However, people define
happiness differently. It is a culmination of achievement of specific
ideals like (not in particular order) health, family, money, physical
appearance, intelligence and humor.
It can be spiritual and refer to attaining certain goals. Every culture has their own idea of what makes them happy. And, every person in
that same culture will find happiness in different levels. To some,
happiness can be praying that there will be supper and supper
appears. Happiness means different things to different people.
You can take for an example, a person with an attractive
appearance with clothes of the latest fashion and that person will
feel happiness. Now, take a lack of either attractiveness or the
latest design clothes and a person can have lower self-esteem,
which could hurt their feeling of happiness.
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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Another group defines happiness as a fulfilling life according to one’s ideals. Normally, you can attain such happiness through dedication,
hard work, and sacrifice.
It is not possible to define happiness in definitive terms, as it is a
subjective feeling. It is an internal experience and characterizing or
labeling it in clear language terms may be a difficult, if not an
impossible, proposition.
Happiness is often associated with feeling content. Satisfaction is
the key to achievement. You find contentment in trusted family,
friends, or community relationships. You have to open your feelings,
talk, and discuss things to experience happiness. Again, happiness
comes by talking about topics of your interest. A music lover may
not find sports interesting and may not find happiness in such
discussions.
Engaging and immersing yourself in what you excel at is a source of
happiness. Such engagement leads to contentment, producing
happiness. Looking forward to something like a vacation brings
happiness. An optimistic focus of life, with the view that the glass is half-full, creates feelings of happiness.
Happiness is the utmost in giving unto others. Happiness is within
you and you can experience it by sharing with others.
Happiness can be momentary, such as setting a goal and reaching
it. The feeling of euphoria that one can get with reaching a goal can
be happiness.
Let’s see what you can do to become a happier person.
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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2. The ABCs of Happiness
Happiness is a subjective feeling. So, you determine happiness by
your preconceived views and opinions of what should happen or not,
by the incidence of an event. You are guided by your thinking,
rather than occurrence of the event.
This is the main determinant of people locating and identifying
happy situations everywhere.
In simple language, you should accept events as they happen
without giving any credence to pros and cons of the event, its
occurrence, implications on future events and so on. Your ideas
about happiness or occurrence of events governing your happiness
levels fall within certain segments. These segments define your
philosophy and beliefs on life.
Such a clear proposition does not engulf you in different negative
emotions like fear, anger, and depression or shame. They,
therefore, do not preclude the presence of your greatest positive
emotion - happiness.
You should proceed by stressing on the ‘It could be better’ factor
rather than ‘It should’ factor. The first proposition highlights your
compromising and rational attitude, while the second tends directly
to anger, a negative feeling pulling you away from happiness.
Feelings of shame can arise if you are unable to perform or reach
accepted achievement levels in society. This could be about
anything like your smartness, reputation, family background, and
similar facts.
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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Shame is self-disapproval or criticism for not being able to attain
accepted norms. Accept such incidents as occurrences in life and
look ahead to overcome obstacles on your way to achieving
happiness.
Dwelling on past mistakes is not the road to happiness. You must
learn to forgive yourself for mistakes and learn from them as a
lesson in life. Punishing yourself over and over for mistakes is
painful and will hinder future attempts at finding happiness.
Depression arises from irrational thinking. It is also a culmination of all negative emotions, leading to lack of self-confidence. The
underlying cure for depression lies within you. You have to love
yourself first to be able to love and receive love from all. This opens doors to your happiness and success.
Fear is worry about your ability. You should be brave enough to
allay your fears and confront them. Do not lie low and accept
everything. Instead, strive to do beyond your expectations. This
focus is more likely to bring you happiness.
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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3. The Secret of Happiness
The secret of happiness lies in your decision to be happy.
Happiness is missing in you if you fill your mind and heart with
weary and dreary thoughts. You disturb your state of mind with
doubts and set preconditions for attaining a level of happiness.
If you are able to meet your conditions, you are happy. If not, you
may be unhappy and depressed. Hence, you decide about
functioning of your brain and set preconditions for your feelings of
joy or happiness. However, the irony is that once you meet the said
conditions, you decide on another set of conditions. This goes on
and so, happiness evades you or, rather, you do not allow
happiness to come near you.
The secret of happiness lies in your continuous decision to remain
happy, whatever be the circumstances. You should enjoy your
journey to reach your set goals.
Some people tend to stress over the activities and behavior of other
people as determinants of their happiness. Your happiness is yours
and you must not blame others for the lack of your happiness. You
control your mind, your thoughts, and hence, you hold the sole
decision toward your own happiness.
Simple solutions to secure happiness are to be optimistic and look
to the present without worrying about the future or the past. Boost
your confidence levels to attain higher self-esteem by being true to
self, and always striving forward.
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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4. Where to Begin Your Quest for Happiness
Happiness does not only mean feeling joy; it can be a feeling of
peace, serenity, and tranquility. Rather, happiness is something,
which pushes away all negative emotions like stress, sadness,
anger, guilt, depression, and apathy. All these stressful emotions
are often the cause of many illnesses like cancer, cardiovascular
diseases, AIDS, and other infections.
Possible Locations for Happiness
You could look for happiness at different locations like your family,
friends, career, and education. Your aim is to do away with negative
occurrences like illness, poverty, failure, rejection and other difficult situations. Hence, your key to happiness lies in striving and rising
above such negativities to attain the level of happiness.
Where to start your Quest
The foundation of your happiness lies in your choice to be happy.
You have to commit yourself to be happy and make it the most
important aim of your life. The onus of your happiness is with you
and you cannot transfer this responsibility to anybody else. You also
cannot hold anybody else responsible for causing you unhappiness.
Both happiness and unhappiness lies within you and you alone can
make the right choice of the two.
Although there are different social organizations, self-help books,
and counselors to help you in your quest for happiness, nothing
works better than your own effort for your quest for happiness. The
first step towards this quest lies in prioritizing your personal growth.
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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Set goals, achieve, and then set higher achievement levels for
yourself. Do not overdo your goals as then it could lead to more
unhappiness if you keep setting goals one after another. Focus on
realistic and practical goals.
Consider an obstacle as an opportunity to grow and reach closer to
your goals. Your failures are your steps to your success. Do not
brood over your disappointments and look beyond them. Learn from
your mistakes and proceed towards your main goal of being happy.
Become mentally strong to deal with all hurdles and become
capable of dealing with difficult situations. Locate role models like
happy and successful people to start with your quest for happiness.
Look deep into their attempts to overcome depression, stress, and
other negative emotions and come out as a highly successful person
in life.
Copyright © 2006 Joseph Miller
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How to be Happy: A Complete Guide to Rational Living