"Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead." - Scottish Proverb
Everyone says, "How the time flies." The days go by and they are years, and the years finally become our whole life. Each daily portion can be wasted, or it can be a pleasure, before it is gone forever. If a bedtime review of the day concludes that we were too stressed, too busy, didn't accomplish anything, didn't have any fun, then it has been another lost piece of precious life.
Perhaps we are putting off our enjoyment until we have more time, or money, or some other improved condition. The trouble with that is that it might never happen, or it may be too long in coming. It's so important to accept this time, this very minute, as something of tremendous value that will very soon be gone forever. There are many ways to ensure that we make the best of our time here on earth.
In our daily routine let's include time to enjoy others and thus ourselves. Look and wonder at the trees, fields and mountains, smell the flowers, hear the birds, and watch the clouds in the sky.
"This world, after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it." - Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
Face your problems bravely, confidently, and improve on your situation, no matter what state it be in. Be good to feel good. Be active and improve your mind. Laugh, relax, and sleep well.
- Adam Gordon (1833-1870)
2. Worry
The harm that worry causes in our lives has been well documented by health professionals and others. Worry can weaken and sicken us, and make our days unbearable. At the very least, it prevents us from living fully and happily the only life that we will ever have. At its worse, it can destroy us.
"A god, invisible but omnipotent. It steals the bloom from the cheek and lightness from the pulse; it takes away the appetite and turns the hair gray." - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
It does a lot more than that, Benjamin!
But the worry disease can be cured and it certainly can be reduced. Of course it requires a change in our thinking - how to view and react to situations. Worrying over things that 'might' happen can waste large portions of our lives, considering that so often it is for nothing, and almost certainly does no good.
"If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?" - Shantideva
Worrying about things that have happened will not turn back the hands of time to give you another try at doing it right. So that is a waste of time too. So many of our anxieties and fears are for nothing. Most of the rest can simply be discarded because worrying just isn't going to do any good. So let's spend our time thinking about the good and pleasant things in our lives, and move on in a peaceful and contented state of mind.
"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever." - Isak Dinesen
A program to become knowledgeable on the subject of worry, through reading and other instruction, can help in turning our lives around. A life filled with contentment and lacking stress and worry are the goals to be achieved.
It's never too late to start eliminating worry.
We all face situations in our lives that cannot be changed and that make us feel helpless and hopeless. Perhaps it is less serious than that, but we are stressed and worried. It might be an event that has happened, is happening, or will happen.
It should provide some immediate comfort to consider that these situations do not directly cause these awful feelings, but it is what we think of these situations. Changing our thoughts can have an enormous effect on how we are feeling. This has been stated by many great minds, over very many years.
"I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet." - Ancient Persian Saying
By reviewing some of the good things in our lives, past and present, we can feel good even in what appears to be a very disturbing situation. As long as there is nothing we can do to fix a problem, dwelling on the negative aspects of it will only make us feel worse and will do absolutely no good. Since it all depends on what is in our thoughts, we can control this.
"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven." - John Milton (1608-1674)
So start listing the things in your life that make or have made you happy. Stuff your mind with other things that make you smile or laugh. Keep it up so as not to let the negative creep back in.
Study babies. They fall and get up and try again and again, and then they walk. They are usually always ready to laugh, at the littlest things. They are constantly interested in new things to learn about, and normally sleep well. If they brood about a bad experience it's not for long.
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out." - Art Linkletter
Most of us experience anger at one time or another. Others may get angry with us, justifiably or not. We may become angry at others, sometimes with very good reason, sometimes not. One thing is for sure, it is not a pleasant experience.
We cannot always reason with those that are bitter towards us and sometimes we may need to accept that it exists. To counteract this with retaliation is something that needs careful consideration.
"Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved." - Marcus Antonius
Perhaps we are guilty of hostility more than we would like to be. Greater interaction with people should reduce these feelings. Less anger should result in more confidence and less stress.
Is a discussion possible and is it worthwhile? A few words and an exchange of viewpoints might result in one or both sides having a change in attitude. Try to see another point of view no matter how unreasonable it appears.
Consider how you are feeling. It is common, perhaps good advice, to let anger be expressed, to not hold it inside. My personal experience is that sometimes I have regretted this because I was wrong or over reacted. Sometimes the anger still lingered. Avoiding anger in the first place, through conciliation or acceptance, can result in feeling better all around.
Hatred is a prolonged anger towards a fellow human. There are various forms of hatred, motivated in different ways, and mostly without cause. Prejudice, jealousy, gossip, bullying are hard to deal with. This is where friends can be a great help in trying to understand these harmful actions. They can offer comfort and foresight. Be a friend.
"Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame." - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)
Life is thought, and when we cease to think, we are not living. How we think, is the kind of life we live. Since we are able to control our thoughts, we can determine the course of our life and the way we feel during our time here.
"We are what we think." - Buddha (BC) It is very important to establish good thinking guidelines and follow them. Placing thoughts of peace and happiness in our minds will help to make our lives peaceful and happy. If we do not set our thoughts properly, we travel through life by way of places where we will wish we had not gone.
"It is the mind that maketh good or ill, that maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor." - Edmund Spenser (1552-1599)
Our daily life includes thoughts associated with responsibilities concerning work, other people, and handling problems. If possible, try not to think of too many different things during your day, and don't move or think too quickly. Start your morning with a plan to come through to bedtime relaxed, contented, and ready for a restful night's sleep.
"Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission." - Arnold Bennett (1867-1932)
Reflect about things that can improve your feelings - learning, completing tasks and duties, pleasant and relaxing experiences, kind words. Think about your happiness, goals, life and its pleasures, your principles and your conduct. Think about enjoying the moment.
"Garner up pleasant thoughts in your mind, for pleasant thoughts make pleasant lives." - John Wilkins (1614-1672)
What are you thinking about?
Interacting amiably with family and friends is a super stress reducer. Instead of the mind working overtime on worries and problems, it is occupied with thoughts of other things and other people. There is less mental capacity left for anxieties and self-doubt.
"Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief." - Marcus Cicero (BC)
Good friendship is healthy but it isn't easy for everyone. Getting people to like you is the starting point, and that should be fairly easy to do. People have a basic need to be liked themselves. Show interest, appreciation, and kindness. Smile. Praise given out sincerely is a great act of friendship. Be a good listener and try to see the good, not the bad qualities in people. These actions will usually be returned to you, sooner or later.
"The only way to have a friend is to be one. . . A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
As a friend, try to let an unfavorable incident or remark fly right over the top of your head. We all blurt out something stupid or do something regrettable at times, and it's so nice when the other acts as if it never happened. This is a dear friend.
"The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words." - Buddha (BC)
At the end of today, if it has been preoccupied with thoughts of enjoyment that might be coming, we will find that we have lost something valuable that will be gone forever. Today!
In hoping to be happy about something in the future, instead of being happy right now, we are missing out. We often want more time, more money for that new purchase, a better job, better health. The list may be long.
This is such a waste because there are probably many things to feel really good about each day. Unfortunately we are encouraged to dwell on things that we have yet to acquire. If we were bombarded with daily reminders of how lucky we are and how much we have to be happy about, we would retire at night with wonderful days behind us.
"No matter what looms ahead, if you can eat today, enjoy the sunlight today, mix good cheer with friends today, then enjoy it and bless God for it. Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated of it." - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1878)
Our day should be free of other stresses and worries. An analysis of a bad event that has happened, or may happen, can be worthwhile in determining a course of action. Beyond that, to continue worrying about it is a completely useless waste of time and is harmful to our health. Worry does not help the future experience and could make it worse, and the past cannot be changed.
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could, some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
So enjoy yourself today because it is not coming back.
"If you aren't happy, why aren't you?
Chances are it is because you want something which you do not have, objects or conditions. This is probably not a good enough reason and a review of your situation and perceptions may be in order.
You may have seen video of children in very poor countries laughing and playing, unconcerned that they should have more to be happy about. They are happy because they are playing, because they have their friends and family, and some food to eat that day. Everyone has the right to be happy, and if they can be in their situation, shouldn't you?
"Happiness consists more in small conveniences of pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life." - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)
Happiness is inside us, in our minds, in our thinking. It is not external material things or experiences, but the enjoyment of our thoughts and feelings. This is good because our thoughts, and therefore our happiness, are up to us.
Start by reviewing the things that you have to be happy about and dwell on these. Don't overlook the little or basic things that you take for granted.
Make a habit of substituting unhappy thoughts with happy thoughts. Whenever an unfavorable picture enters your mind, eject it and replace it with a pleasant one. We all have some nice experiences to recollect and there are usually little pleasures around us most of the time. You can even imagine enjoyable experiences, and it will have a similar positive effect.
"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." - Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864)
Establish good principles and conduct yourself according to these principles. Love, or at least be tolerant of, your fellow humans. Don't strive too hard for that which, in the end, will not make you happier.
When faced with a serious problem the first thing we can do is determine if there is a way to fix it. If there is a way then we can lay out a plan and go to it. If there is not a reasonable solution then we can resign ourselves to the fact that it isn't going to change and move on. Acceptance of the situation can provide some immediate relief from the anger, anxiety and stress that might be burdening us.
Why wouldn't you accept it, if it does not have a solution? Rehashing it over and over in your mind will not make it disappear and is just self punishment. The Serenity Prayer as used by the Alcoholics Anonymous organization puts it in this way.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Most of our worries are about something that has happened and is still with us, real or perhaps only as a memory. If it has already happened, what can be learned? It is the experience of struggling, surviving and carrying on, that makes us better humans.
How often have you worried intensely over something that turned out to be not as bad as you initially thought, or not a problem at all? Even some of our most serious personal problems often fade away in a month or year.
Acceptance is an important ingredient in the formula of life. It makes an irritating situation acceptable, a major problem minor. Acceptance should be waiting to take over whenever there is not a way out.
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about the things which are beyond the power of the will." - Epictetus (55-135)
The feeling of despair and hopelessness may seem very appropriate and particular to your situation, but you should know that others have been there and have suffered similar or worse experiences. They have survived to enjoy life and so will you.
"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." - Winston Churchill
All things pass, have they not always before? To counteract the feeling of hopelessness, list those assets and pleasures which you have but seem to be ignoring. Perhaps some of these words will turn your thoughts: family, friends, health, job, home, nature, pets, garden, music, faith, books. Start thinking about the nice things in your life, things you value and make you happy. Leave the negatives behind.
"Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies." - Erich Fromm
The feeling of guilt often results in despair and depression. We should think about the wrong we have done, but just long enough to realize the full extent of what we did. If there is something that can be done about it, consider doing it. The only other thing that we can do is to assure ourselves that we will avoid that mistake in the future. Beyond this, stewing over it and rehashing the event endlessly, will do no good. It is a complete waste of time and makes us feel sick with worry.
Avoid experiences that result in guilt by not judging, blaming, or bringing down other people. Try to find their good points, and try to avoid anger. Be nice to yourself too, accept that you make mistakes, and don't hold a grudge.
One of the best ways to recover from despair, guilt, or sorrow, is to keep busy.
"When all else is lost the future still remains." - Christian Bovee (1820-1904)
Have you often admired the person who is friendly, relaxed and talks easily in a crowd? Most of us have wished that we had more of these outgoing attributes to help us in our work and daily lives.
Confidence comes easily and naturally for some, for many others it seems impossible. The good news is that it is a habit that can be learned to some degree by anyone. It will take some training and practice, but what a great way to be more successful and to feel better.
"The control of the thinking machine is perfectly possible. And since nothing whatever happens to us outside our own brain; since nothing hurts us or gives us pleasure except within the brain, the supreme importance of being able to control what goes on in that mysterious brain is patent. Without the power to dictate to the brain its task and to ensure obedience - true life is impossible." - Arnold Bennett (1867-1931)
A great source for learning self-confidence is of course books. You haven't been alone in the need for information on improving your ability to interact positively with people and there are numerous self-help books available to get you started. Just take an easy approach and read a variety of the best sellers that you feel will benefit you the most.
Using autosuggestion, by repeatedly filling the mind with thoughts of calmness and composure, can improve self- assurance. Picture in your mind, as vividly as possible, a scene in which you are performing very successfully. Picture this again and again so that your mind is totally occupied with your easy performance. This will push out doubt as there is not room for both trains of thought. Every time a negative thought pops up, immediately replace it with positive thoughts.
Affirmations are a similar technique that can work wonders. This is the repeating of positive words about yourself, concerning what you wish to do. The words cram the mind with confident thoughts that have a direct effect on how you feel and act. As an example, if you have to make a presentation - ' I have nothing to lose. They like me and I feel good and comfortable with these people. I am concentrating on them, not on myself. They are not here to be critical of me. I am doing everything slowly, calmly, surely. I am relaxed and breathing deeply and easily. I feel confident about this and am in control.'
"They can because they think they can." - Vergil (BC)
Practicing relaxation techniques can help calm our days when they get too stressful. It's easy to miss out on enjoying a day in our life if our minds are filled with worrisome thoughts and our bodies are tense with stress. A day lived is not coming back and we should not lose it in this way.
For starters, eliminate some things. Avoid running around frantically trying to do too many things. Slow down and move with an easy manner.
If you cannot avoid problems and busy days, get in the habit of pausing to breathe slowly and deeply. Try to continue with easy breathing as you continue on with your tasks.
When tightening up, say at your desk, relax all your muscles. Let them go limp and loose like a soft towel. Don't try, just let it all go. Consciously let the muscles relax every time you feel them tighten, which might be all day long to start with. It is almost impossible to feel stressed if your muscles are relaxed.
If you can get a short break create a detailed peaceful retreat in your imagination and go there to calm your feelings. Picture it in vivid detail. Perhaps a comfortable room with soft music, a quiet place in the woods, a placid lake, a beautiful garden with flowers, trees, birds. Perhaps such a place already exists. While you are there, let go of everything except where you are.
Create a personal selection of calming words like serene, tranquil, peaceful and repeat them to yourself as you move through your day.
After work perhaps you can have a relaxing pastime such as walking or listening to music.
"There is however, a true music of nature - the song of the birds, the whisper of leaves, the ripple of waters upon a sandy shore, the wail of wind or sea." - John Lubbock (1834-1913)
Many of us at one time or another have wondered what we are doing here. This can be both at times when we are having hectic, stress filled days, or at a standstill in a fog of boredom. We have temporarily lost sight of our purpose.
On average, the hours we work constitute a relatively small portion of our life and should not control our well being. If you are too tired or do not have enough time to do anything after hours, then your daily routine may be out of balance and may need to be adjusted. Your work may be too difficult or unsuitable, or you may need to change your routine. Perhaps a simpler lifestyle would change your focus on your work and life in general.
To obtain a healthy purpose in our lives we need a good balance of our time for work, goals, recreation, and relaxation. The daily routine should be examined, a plan established, and then it should be followed.
We can make good use of our time away from work to increase our knowledge of things and life, to work at a hobby or project, and to just relax. There may not be much room to maneuver, say if you are a working single parent, but perhaps a few hours can be found during your hectic week to do something that you want to do.
Most of us use only a small percentage of our capabilities and can do so much more. Learning new things gives us a feeling of achievement. Reading nonfiction books increases our knowledge and teaches us new skills, but it should be enjoyable. In undertaking a new after hours project do something different from what you do all day at work. Start with something small and complete it, so as not to get discouraged and to get a feeling of achievement when it is done.
If you are too busy and under a lot of stress, a more passive and relaxing undertaking might be in order, at least to start with. A day a week, or a few hours on certain days, should be set aside for your favorite enjoyment. Walking, listening to nice music, reading a novel, or leisurely working in the yard. Avoid news or entertainment that is saturated with disasters and violence. But whatever you do, don't sit and stew.
"When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." - Seneca
Many of us at one time or another have wondered what we are doing here. This can be both at times when we are having hectic, stress filled days, or at a standstill in a fog of boredom. We have temporarily lost sight of our purpose.
On average, the hours we work constitute a relatively small portion of our life and should not control our well being. If you are too tired or do not have enough time to do anything after hours, then your daily routine may be out of balance and may need to be adjusted. Your work may be too difficult or unsuitable, or you may need to change your routine. Perhaps a simpler lifestyle would change your focus on your work and life in general.
To obtain a healthy purpose in our lives we need a good balance of our time for work, goals, recreation, and relaxation. The daily routine should be examined, a plan established, and then it should be followed.
We can make good use of our time away from work to increase our knowledge of things and life, to work at a hobby or project, and to just relax. There may not be much room to maneuver, say if you are a working single parent, but perhaps a few hours can be found during your hectic week to do something that you want to do.
Most of us use only a small percentage of our capabilities and can do so much more. Learning new things gives us a feeling of achievement. Reading nonfiction books increases our knowledge and teaches us new skills, but it should be enjoyable. In undertaking a new after hours project do something different from what you do all day at work. Start with something small and complete it, so as not to get discouraged and to get a feeling of achievement when it is done.
If you are too busy and under a lot of stress, a more passive and relaxing undertaking might be in order, at least to start with. A day a week, or a few hours on certain days, should be set aside for your favorite enjoyment. Walking, listening to nice music, reading a novel, or leisurely working in the yard. Avoid news or entertainment that is saturated with disasters and violence. But whatever you do, don't sit and stew.
"When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." – Seneca
We all make mistakes. Sometimes they are very bad and cause ourselves and others much worry and suffering. We can be depressed and burdened with regret for many years, never forgiving ourselves, never forgetting our actions. Carrying on in this way is another big mistake, disturbing our lives in very unpleasant and painful ways.
It is not necessary. Worrying about something that has already happened is a complete waste of time if you just keep wishing that it hadn't happened. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.
"We ought not to look back unless it is to derive useful lessons from past errors, and for the purpose of profiting by dear- brought experience." - George Washington (1732-1779)
Perhaps there is some way to make amends and that should still be a consideration. If not then regard it as a learning experience. Review what has happened enough to draw conclusions about what to do, and what not do, in the future.
But then forget the stupid or bad thing you did and start thinking about something else.
Negative thoughts about the past will keep coming back again and again unless there are other thoughts occupying your mind. Begin feeding your brain with encouraging and fun ideas especially when that 'thing' from the past returns. Be generous, kind and forgiving to others and yourself.
"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." - Alexander Graham Bell
You no longer have yesterday; you only have today and tomorrows.
A better life has been achieved when we are no longer trying to achieve a better life. It means that we are content, as we should be, with ourselves and what we have. To be anxious for more or to envy someone else's life or possessions is self- defeating. We are then in a constant state of frustration, always hoping and waiting for more happiness.
So what is important? Enough, not more.
"Think of what you have rather than of what you lack. Of the things you have, select the best and then reflect how eagerly you would have sought them if you did not have them."
There is, here and now, much to appreciate. There is life itself with friends, family, and everything that is naturally before u