This first step may unsettle you in a big way but if it does you have taken the first step in your personal transformation towards happiness. I assert that there is no other path or route towards happiness than this first step
The foundation to developing EI is to love and accept yourself. You cannot make progress with EI if you have issues about your own self worth and lack self approval and self confidence.
Rather than skipping ahead I advise you to concentrate for now just on the advice in this first section 2.2.
People look at others who they mistakenly believe are more fortunate and say, “Well I would be happy if I was them!” People say , “I could be happy if I was you. Try being me for a day and see how that feels!” Well that stops here and now.
I want you to make a new best friend now and that is YOU. You cannot make progress with EI until you understand and really believe that YOU are the best friend that you have. I know at first that is going to sound weird but trust me for now and try it. Take you new best friend out with you for the next day or so and feel immediately how much nicer life is.
I do not mean loving ourselves in a narcissistic and vain way but in the sense of treating ourselves and having a relationship with ourselves that is just like the one we would have with another person who was ‘the love of our life’.
Self care and self love are fundamental; not in an arrogant and egotistical sense but in the sense of self approval and acceptance. You ARE good enough.
Listen to how you talk to yourself-is it kind?-and ask yourself would you talk to a friend that way?
Value yourself rather than trying to find validation through others.
Get to know yourself. Enjoy your own company. Many people’s lives are lived in such a whirlwind of social interaction and social networking , always searching for approval and endorsement from others, that they never spend any time alone or just being themselves. People become almost afraid of being on their own as if it indicates they are a social failure or reject. Time spent on your own just ‘being’ is more than just desirable, it is vital to maintaining who you are, and maintaining your confidence and knowing yourself. It also gives you the time and opportunity away from the constant bombardment of life to review your choices and friends and relationships to make sure they are all still good for you.
You should feel that it is fun being you, and that you are lucky to be you, and that there is no one else you would rather be. You are doing an important job being you that no one else can do.
We must love ourselves before we can unconditionally love everyone else .We have to love ourselves for others to love us. Others will treat you the way you treat yourself. You must enjoy your own company for other people to enjoy your company. You must enjoy spending time with yourself for other people to enjoy spending time with you.
Do not find identity in love from someone else. If we measure ourselves by how much someone else loves us we give away self worth.
Accept and be yourself. Like yourself. You are good enough. Cut yourself some slack.
A strong sense of self worth and self esteem is the key to an anxiety free life. Self liking is the foundation for happiness. When you build up your self esteem you become less ‘needy’ of others.
Remain positive with your choices, and have faith in your ability to know what is right for you. One of the good things about growing older is that (hopefully) you build self esteem through experience, and the knowledge that you have successfully handled and will again successfully handle life’s situations and problems.
Do not obsess about what other people think.
Embrace your inner disaster area and laugh at it. Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you are the sort of person who is very hard on yourself, then be prepared to let yourself make mistakes and to encourage yourself when you do – extend the same care and love to yourself as you do to others. That does not mean excusing yourself, but remember we are all ‘works in progress’ and you can be open to yourself and others that this is the case.
Humility does not mean humbling ourselves but the ability to face ourselves honestly and examine our own behaviour and when we are wrong, to admit it to ourselves and others. In contrast, blaming the ones that we love in order to protect ourselves and our own ego is reprehensible . Similarly in our more arm’s length relationships, being open and honest about our own failings where this is appropriate is not demeaning, it marks us out as someone who is confident, honest and free of their ego.
Be careful how strongly you hold your opinions and how sure you are that your view of the world and how things should be is the ‘right’ one especially as you get older. Develop the wisdom to know that issues are rarely ‘black and white’ and that ‘things change’ and that there are different ways of seeing things none of which are necessarily ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Have the wisdom to know that there are always two sides to everything. And really try to understand the other point of view and how that point of view might arise regardless of whether you agree with it.