Housed under his sarong, I took to thinking about what a sudden turn my life had taken in only a matter of weeks and just how obvious the law of synchronicity had been operative since my first meeting with Roy, suddenly I became aware of how free and liberated I felt. I was no longer a man treading water while he waited to drown, instead I was in the current and happily going with the flow; and I was wondering what would happen next when I heard a car full of cheering and stoned Noosa bound surfers pull up and order me to get into their vehicle. „Cool umbrella, man. one of them cooed at me, while another cheerily asked, „Wheraya goin? I surfaced from my shroud and beamed a broad grin and told him, „Im going with flow, friend…Im going with the flow.
Chapter 3.
“If angels can be said to wear disguises, then it can be said that we can see through them”…Ann Brooker.
When I walked into the lounge bar of the Noosa Hotel, I saw Roys head of silver hair shinning like a beacon. He was enjoying a conversation with an extremely attractive woman of about thirtyeight. At first I wasnt sure if I should approach for they seemed so intimate with each other, animated and laughing and almost affectionate. Then he saw me and gave a beckoning wave and introduced me to the delicious Margot, who I soon learned was the dear friend hes made while undergoing chemotherapy; in fact it was she who advised him against continuing with such a traumatic procedure and go to Africa. Margot was a mother of two equally attractive teenage daughters, Summer and Spring, whom I met later that evening. Roy planned to spend three days with them before beginning our journey northwards in his Kombi van which Margot had been using while he had been away.
I fell in love with Margot, but then everybody did because she had that kind of energy, that softness and strength personified in a woman of substance and personality. She was surprisingly well travelled, having taken her two girls with her overseas and around Australia. She worked as a psyche nurse and a part time counsellor, and she was an excellent masseuse,and Im glad to say that I was the recipient that night of the most sensuous and energised hands ever to massage my body.
Based upon the understanding of complete honesty between her and me, she combined the relaxation of massage with dialogue in attempt to open up physical, emotional and psychological wounds. And in that one session, using her skills and acute psychology, she drew from me not only my confession that I had been very near to suicide because of the loss of my mother, but also the pain deposits caused that trauma.„Realise that it is you who feel injured. Yet why should you feel injured when you understand where it is that she is, nestled in more love and joy than you could ever have given in a multitude of lifetimes. Instead, rejoice and be happy for her…for to cloud your vision and darken your heart is not only doing yourself a disservice, but her also. Allow your mind and your body the freedom to heal and let go as it is designed to do, naturally and lovingly.
With her hands, her voice, her intent and sincerity, I felt the room grow large around me and my body experienced spasms as blocks of repressed pain dislodged from the tissue of my flesh and sprang loose from deep and jealous moorings within me. Then she laid it on me. „Now, once again and for the last time ever, acknowledge the loss. Let go with love, and mourn and then mournno more, she instructed me, her voice compelling and suggestive.
Ordinarily I would have held back in the presence of another, but she had that gift to allow a person to be themselves without restraint or embarrassment, and so I let loose my anguish through my tears. We both knew that I was not releasing completely, but it was enough to open up the channels and loosen the tightly locked taps of my emotional containment. When the session was over I couldnt move from the bench, and it took a long time before the body aroused itself. When I finally came to life I was famished and so while Roy and Margot played chess in her incense scented living room decorated with all its crystals andBuddhas and bric-a-brac from the beach, I cooked myself scrabbled eggs and a salad and luxuriated in the bliss of another new experience. Later that evening Margot and Roy prepared their stall for tomorrows market at a bush setting not far from Buderim, the ginger growing capital of the north coast area.
The next morning we all drove to the market and set up the large specially designed tent in which Roy and Margot plied their trade; it had open windows on the side and behind, just high enough to not allow people to see in. It was so rigged that the hem furled up which allowed for breezes and light, but also prevented passer byes to see in, unless they dropped to the prone position. While Roy and Margot set up inside the tent, the girls busked outside, one with a classical guitar and the other an acoustic. They were very good and made for a most appealing picture; two beautiful blonde teenage angels. They looked like angels at a celestial fair.
Roy asked if I would mind just sitting in a meditation pose outside the front of the tent to give the appearance of solemnity and peacefulness. I obliged andadopted the „cobblers pose on Margots meditation mat, which Phil had shown me and focused my hearing on the casual ebb of the activity around me the music of intermingling voices. Margot and Roy had a good system working from what I observed. They hung a very artistic and ornate collage-sign outside the front of their tent. It comprised a large painting of the YinYang symbol, earth signs and other esoteric looking symbols which certainly caught the eye, under which was printed in large yellow calligraphy letters,
HELPERS HERE FOR YOU.Please inquire within.
And on either side of the entryway a sign advertised what exactly was available to be had. On the right the one sign read,
You may, discuss a problem
Make a confession
Reveal a fear
Release a burden
Speak of a dream
Or just have an old fashion cry.
And on the left the sign read,
Aromatherapy
Foot and hand massage
Deep tissue search
Light hypnosis suggestion
Hands on healing
And people came and inquired, and some stayed for a consultation and paid by way of a voluntary donation. I expect Margot was quite well known because she had a host of acquaintances popping in just to say hello; and of course word of mouth played its valued part. Margot had earlier explained to me the format of their procedures. Irrespective of what treatment they chose, the prime purpose to subtly delve into the persons feelings, looking for clues, either through talking and listening, or through massage, that might reveal how to probe further their pain body and subsequently to best give counsel. They both relied on their intuition, and Marot said it was quiet amazing how open perfect strangers could be with people with whom they felt trust and affinity.
They worked individually and if a case presented itself, they would collaborate, one doing tissue massage, while the other nurtured dialogue as well as massage. In cases of injured bodies, each would do a variety of combined healing procedures, ranging from massage and manipulation, to the laying on of hands and their own form of hypnosis with which they would insert ideas and beliefs of refreshment and hope. I saw people enter tentatively, some out of sheer curiosity, while others were either dragged in by their spouse or partner, or cajoled into givingit a go…but each left with an obvious degree of some kind of self improvement…I could see it in their body languageand hear it in their voices. Hell, Id experienced it for myself.
After playing around wit my video camera filming Phil surfing and doing Yoga and generally clowning around, I thoroughly enjoyed filming the atmosphere of the market. The stalls, the people, their dress and the sweet cacophony of human voices pitched one against the other made for a pleasant atmosphere. I particularly liked filming the buskers. As an actor myself I admired their courage, because although I could perform rhetorical pieces publicly, it was in the playing and singing department that I had no confidence. Phil had told me I had a voice and that my guitar playing was okay as an accompaniment, but there was still a huge mental block about performing publicly.
I got to chatting with Nina, a female busker who told me she had gone through the same ordeal of facing the public and that it had taken her years to actually get there. I asked her what got her over herfear. „One day, I just put the worry aside and got out there and played, she said…and I recalled a quote by Matti Finn, “from the mouth of babes and in the most unexpected ways, the truth falls at my feet.”…and I knew that was exactly the way I would have to deal with my own reluctance to perform.
Then quite unexpectedly she handed me her guitar and told me to take my time and just muck about a bit. My first impulse was to refuse outright, but then something in me made it clear that this was another of those synchronistic twists that had been appearing in my life of late, and I was compelled to act in the positive. I felt awkward as I stood there with her guitar slung over my shoulder strumming a couple of casual chords as I got the feel of the instrument; it had a wonderful tone and after a couple of well known choruses and bits of broken songs to help my voice loosen up, I attempted to perform the song Seven Spanish Angels.
By imagining myse lf onstage and the audience „not there as I used to do when I was acting, I quickly relaxed and found myself getting into it. I started to feel my voice find its way into the rhythm of the song and I became quite excited. Instead of completing the song, I simple made up a fresh verse as Brother Phil did and just kept it going, impromptu verse after impromptu verse. It was obviously a popular song because before too long a small audience had gathered, which instead of creating a tension my voice, as it usually did, it served to relax me more. Then suddenly Nina joined in for the chorus and her voice combined quite well with mine. My timing was slightly out but she managed to cover that and I had fleetingly recalled how Polly and I would sing together and shed do the same.
It was wonderful and I was overcome with happy embarrassment when some of my audience gave a flattering clap and tossed some coins in the open guitar case at my feet. I must have been the happiest busker they ever saw; I was beaming smiles wide enough to swallow up the day. „After that, youd better do an encore, Nina said giving me an encouraging and congratulatory wink. Okay, I thought, if thats the case then theres only one song to do, Me and Bobby McGee.
Nina supported me in the chorus I was barely into the second verse when the sound of nearby guitars joined in. It was Margots girls playing a nice accompaniment as they sidled up next to me. Spring was doing rhythm and Summer was picking a light lead…it was incredible how well we all blended in. They covered my slow chord changes and when we got to the chorus they joined in with a wonderful backup harmony which just blew everyone listening, away…so much so that when we got to the ending chorus where you sing that La-la-la-la-la-la-la/ La-la-la-la-la-la-la bit, for as long as you like, the small crowd joined in backup and clapping.
In a state of euphoria I did my bow and handed Nina back her guitar with a hug of thanks and merged into the crowd, my feet gliding above the ground because my heart was soaring so high.
Chapter 4.
“It is an inevitable challenge to us all that we should embrace compassion with a fury.”…Ian Allen.
I was still euphoric when Margot found me sitting on a shady patch of turf watching the colourful kaleidoscope of humanity wandering by, and sat beside me. After a while I asked her if she knew about Roys plans. „Lightning man? she smiled knowingly. „Roy believes hes can do it, I told her, curious to know her opinion.
„Thats how itll be then, she said simply.
„You dont believe thats possible, do you?
She chuckled and slapped my shoulder gently. „Marty, if Roy chooses to believe that, then hell believe it into reality…believe me, she said.
„Ill believe it when I see it, I said with disbelief.
„I believe you will, she concurred with a tone of mystery to her voice, „if you see him to his journeys end, she added challengingly.
„You two seem very close, I told her.
„Were soul mates, she replied casually.
„Soul mates? I asked, wondering what makes a soul mate, and how does one know a soul mate when one meets one? What is the criterion for soul mate-ship? She smiled beautifully and as if intuiting my thoughts she explained the theory of soul mate ship.
According to her they were ancient entities of consciousness that had materialised many times in the flesh, through the rich strata of historical periods, who used the earth existence for a multitude of reasons, but primarily to achieve a complete empirical understanding of earthly existence in all its variation and ramifications through a physical, mental and spiritual format, including the negative aspects of life also.
Because free choice permitted error of judgement, there existed the potential for all kinds of erroneous behaviour, which could be either worked out during the course of the present lifetime, or in another.
„So you also believe in the after life, I said, recalling Roys feelings on the matter. She gave a confirming nod and told me that in the after death existence, the entity could realise the errors of its choices and so choose to rectify them by entering into a new earthly existence with the basis of some plan in mind of how to achieve that. It could do so as a sole participant, or in joint participation with other aspects of its Identity.
„Rectification is usually a painful process in the sens e that the personality has to live through the experience of what it had done to another, she said. „The Law of Attraction very much applies in this case. The initial act of negativity on the part of a person requires that person to then experience an equal act of negativity in order to cancel out the original offence. This attempt at rectification can be done slowly and with ease over several lifetimes, or it can have a highly negative experience and get it all over and done with in one fell swoop. It depends upon the nature of the personality involved; some like it cool, some like it hot and heavy. She smiled at her slight lasciviousness and then continued.
„Personalities can gr oup together in one lifetime to assist one another in their overall growth. They do this by agreeing beforehand on the general game plan and the purposes that their co- operative lives will take. That is why it often feels as if we have met or known others before. This is where the soul mate aspect begins, she said scrutinising me and no doubt wondering if I was following her. Theoretically I had no trouble understanding what she was saying. But I was no slouch either, and already my mind had picked up on a few key issues of her dialogue. I particularly wanted to know more about the victim- villain relationship in regard to the working out of bad Karma. But first I wanted to know what her soul mate connection with Roy was all about?
„It has been our overall purpose to awaken in ourselves the spiritual nature and expand our capabilities in the field of healing and empowerment, a goal all of us are destined to achieve by virtue of our connection with the Source. Roy received his gift of spiritual enlightenment late in life, but he has more than made up for that, she said with obvious affection and pride. „I on the other hand, although I have always carried the Spirit within me, I have also in the past, allowed the difficulties of life to shunt aside a deeper acceptance and understanding of it.
„What difficulties in life? I wante d to know. She smiled and her crisp green-grey eyes sprang into life with a thousand degrees of sensuality. She was truly quite beautiful and far too easy to fall in love with. „I had the great burden of being beautiful, she said, with no conceit whatsoever. „I wasted a lifetime being a slave to my vanity, and I used my body and beauty for the gain of material wealth and the control over others. I married for all the wrong reasons and then used my children as a weapon in my efforts to fleece my husband of all his assets and investments, and then I neglected them for a life in the fast lane with other “beautiful” people and got sadly lost in drugs and sex addiction. Finally my self absorption brought me abuse and tragedy. I was brutally gang raped and as a result became anorexic and suicidal and had to behospitalised. I listened, but could not believe the story that she told. This was not the Margot I had come to know. I saw no traces or traits of this impostorthat she described…yet obviously something had caused her to change.
„Due to my emaciated condition I started to hallucinate heavily, she said, brushing a blonde lock from her cheek. „All manner of imaginary things invaded what was left of my normal senses. Then one day I felt myself rise up out of my body and float upwards through the roof of the building to find myself sitting alone in a small darkened room, looking at a softly lit screen that occupied the whole wall in front of me. That room made me feel so painfully alone and abandoned, she said with a quiver in her voice.
„Then the imagery came to life on the screen wall. There appeared a beautiful blonde woman; she was dancing about in bare feet, twirling like a love struck teenager. She was fluidic and free and her abandon evoked in me an excruciating need to fly like a bird and float off like a cloud. She was vital and gay, but she danced in such a way that I could not clearly see her face. And then at some point she collapsed violently to the ground and struggled and squirmed like some creature dying from electrocution. Oh Marty, it was horrible, she groaned agonisingly and scrunched her eyes shut before continuing. „I could so emphatically feel her agony in my own body, convulsing and contorting and doing an altogether different kind of dance, she said, taking a couple of quick relaxing breaths to stabilise her emotions.
„Finally the woman collapsed completely into a motionless heap with her face turned towards me. At first I didnt want to see her face, but the compulsion to stare into that face was overwhelming, and when I did, I saw that it was me. And as I stared, I tuned into the truth of the type of person I had been. I saw clearly the treachery and cunning and duplicitous use of my beauty…and then I began experiencing the pain that I had caused others during my life of falsity. I saw my two beautiful babies suffering and I literally drowned in an ocean of guilt and unrelenting sorrow.
She shook her head as if to caste aside the recall of that event, and that blonde curl fell again with sublime sensuousness across her perfect cheek.„And yet, from the immensity of that self loathing came my liberation and my spiritual enlightenment. It just swept through me in an instant and I was made anew, never to return to any aspect of theformer bitch Id been. It was exquisite, she said, as she closed her eyes and was silent for a few extended moments.
From somewhere a clarinet player started playing an up tempo jazz number and the delicate arrangement of notes floated through the thick accented air of the fair and made me think of a line from a poem by Kram Marky.“I saw phantom forms find mass in the music that I heard.” My poetic moment was snatched away by Margot who continued with her story. „With that realisation, she said earnestly, „was born the motivation to return to the sane world of health and happiness. I took control of my life and began to act with impeccabilityand sought to find my true path.
We were silent for several minutes and I was only vaguely aware of the activity of the market as I recalled Brother Phils story of how he too had changed his world view and behaviour after years of self importance and abuse. And then there was Roy, who also had forsaken the lesser life of his former self, and once again I sensed the synchronicity at work, acquainting me with all this esoterically oriented New Age knowledge. It seemed that iconic figures were popping into my scheme of things, each surreptitiously prising open the lid of a Pandoras philosophical Box. The idea did occur to me that I might also be a candidate for change by subtle degrees, because already there were things about me that were different, new and rearranged.
„Tell me more about the relationship between the villain and the victim, I asked of the Goddess seated beside me, now dappled by sunlight. I basically wanted to know how the process of atonement worked in the so called afterlife.
She explained that once the personality genuinely accepted the consequence of its negative behaviour, then atonement was automatically cancelled out on a metaphysical level by the Soul identities involved. But because the personality has the power of choice, it may insist upon negating its atonement by initiating another physical experience in which it undergoes the experiences its former victim., which then necessitates the need for a villain. Then she asked the question I was about to ask. „But where then does the villain come from?
I told her that I imagined there were villains aplenty who were only too happy to oblige the masochistic tendencies of a villain now turned victim. She agreed that there were indeed villains aplenty who existed only to deepen their karmic history of violence and ill doing, which was terribly unfortunate because they seemingly never sought the freedom of atonement found by acceptance of the their spiritual heritage and the nature of their misdoings. She paused and then locked her perfect eyes onto mine and slowly said. „Could not the villain have an agreement with its victim to swap roles rather than be at the mercy of these other eager inveterate villains? What better form of judicial atonement…to have the villain become the victim of its previous victim? she said seemingly pleased with her delivery.
„But then by doing so, wouldnt the new villain then accumulate a need for its own future atonement?
She smiled, pleased that I was getting her drift. „Not if that were the arrangement made before the next incarnation.
„But why would a victim choose to place itself in the potential horror of villains role? I asked with much interest, as I watched the gold sunlight spotlight her purple cheesecloth blouse and sight of her inviting cleavage sent a ripple through parts of me I thought to be dead.
„If there were a spiritual connection, a soul fa mily relationship between the two personalities, then it would be only natural to help out one of your own, she replied. „Take Roy and I, for instance; as soul personalities our deep connections would necessitate that crucial offer of help to one another, she said, reading my face to ascertain if I had understood her. I had, and I had to admit that theoretically, it did make some kind of sense.
For a few minutes neither of us spoke. Her stare was toward the festivities before her, while I mentally tried to digest the possibility that what she was telling me might actual be so. It was she who renewed our conversion.„I told you I was gang raped, she reminded me, „well suppose that you were one of my attackers, and one day you reached an understanding that what you did was dreadfully wrong, and in order to rectify the fault you chose to enlist me to play the villain to your intended victim.
„But why would you choose to do that, if we are not as connected say, as you and Roy are? I queried.
„One of my reasons may be to help you to spiritually self improve…or it may be my desire to have you suffer as I was made to suffer, which would imply that there were issues of forgiveness on my part which I had not fully resolved, and which could interfere with my own evolution towards spiritual betterment. In any event, by playing the villain, I get to understand your personality and its own circumstances better, without actually accumulating a negative karmic debt myself.
„And what if your forgiveness and subsequent help is not forthcoming? I asked, becoming quite engrossed in the content of our conversation…and I could tell that she also was enjoying our lively rapport.
„That then would leave you open to another means of making good your wish for repentance by your playing the victim role in a carefully arranged incarnation involving others, who for their own karmic and spiritual reasons are happy to oblige…failing that, as we discussed earlier, theres villains aplenty ready to apply, she said eyeballing me, curious to know how I was going with all this. I gave a small nod to assure her that I was more than just a condescending listener.
„According to your rationale then, I said, „the victims of a serial killer like Ted Bundy, who were at the time decent loving people, were previous villains, who for the sake of atonement chose to undergo the horrific experience that they themselves had once vented upon their own victims.
„It would seem to make judicial sense, she said softly.
„But how would that equate w ith thousands or millions of victims as in the case of the holocaustin which there were many more victims than villains? I asked in earnest, knowing of my strong affinity with the Jewish tribe.
„Sometimes individually and collectively , personalities can take on a bit of the negative global and racial karma that has accumulated throughout history, she said, throwing me another curved ball. „In fact at times it is necessary as a safety release from the naturally destructive effects of accumulative bad karma. Every loving or fearful act has a rewarding or retributiveoutcome, she maintained, wagging a feminine finger. Then she said that she personally believed, that the Jewish race as a collective whole, and on a metaphysical level, choose to atone in the eyes of the world, for their supposed historical betrayal of the Messiah personality, while at the same time shedding accumulated human karma on behalf of the world.
It took a few seconds to get my head around that one. Okay, that could be, I thought; but what about the mass victims of Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Robert Mugabe, etc? Did the same principle of racial, tribal and global karma apply to those scenarios? She said she believed that they did, but was astute enough to admit that of courseshe didnt have all the answers, so she might well be incorrect in assuming that to be so.„Truth, knowledge and wisdom are continually expanding with our ability to perceiveand understand it, she said in closure. Fair enough, I thought as I quickly danced my eyes over her ample cleavage and fell that little bit more in love with her. By God, she was a beauty, in all ways.
„So in your case with lightning man, whos the victim and whos the villain? I asked with keen interest. She smiled, and teeth and lips danced seductively. „Roy and I are no longer playing that game, she said assuredly, „we have reached a level of enlightenment in which there is no longer a requirement for atonement, and as such we are compelled to act impeccably in everything we do. Her face beamed with amusement as she looked at me directly. „Were here to create love and harmony, to heal and help and sponsor joy in others whenever and whereverwe can, she said with absolute conviction.
Then the question that had been loitering with intent since I had first met her, voiced itself. „Why are you without someone in your life, Margot? I asked.
„Because I choose to be, she said curtly.
„But you can choose any one, I told her frankly.
„Theres not just any one for me, she said. „I still have problems with my attractiveness. Men come to me for the wrong reason. I am therefore waiting for the one who comes for all the right reasons. And because I wait with joy rather than with impatient expectation, I am open to the glory of surprise. I liked the music of her voice as she said all that. It was true to the core and lulling like a mothers coo to her baby. Ah yes, the glory of surprise, I thought, thinking in particular of her.
„And what about you, she asked, „why are you without someone?
„To use your own parlance, probably because my energy level is not evolved enough to attract anyone…but Im working on it, I said glibly. She looked at me intently in the way that Roy had looked whenhe was „reading me, and I was more than happy to get lost in those crisp dreamy bedroom eyes, even if for a moment or to. But then suddenly I also saw in those eyes a hint of secret knowing, and I became a little uncomfortable; but she held my stare a few moments longer before saying, „Marty, if you continue with Roy and follow his lead,your energy will increase in leaps and bounds and your problem will disappear, she said judiciously.
My problem! What problem was she alluding to, I wondered? „And what problem would that be, Margot? I asked with keen interest. She looked at me like a mother would look at a child rolling around in a pool of wet sloppy mud, and a most approving smile lit her face up as she brought her mouth so close to my ear that I could feel her breath. Her voice, when she spoke, was a sensuous whisper.„Follow Roys regimen of living, do you hear…and your problem of impotence, will disappear. Oh shit, here we go again, I hissed mentally to myself.
I needed a few momen ts to accept that she had done a „Roy and intuited my problem correctly, before I asked her if she really thought his way would indeed remedy the situation.
„Such an enterprise would require discipline and sacrifice, but if done accordingly, I can guarantee you your success, she insisted. Of course I was curious to know exactly what kind of sacrifice in particular?
„The surrendering of old ingrained habits, she replied.
„Such as?
„You could make a serious start by refusing