1. Relaxation
Stress is a gradual consequence of anger. If the mind is tensed, it will certainly lead to anger. Relaxation will relax your body as well as your mind; it is akin to meditation. This meditation could be done either by sitting or lying down. It is more easier to do it by lying down.
Either sit or lie down. Focus your attention on every part of your body from the toes to the forehead. Wherever there is stress in the body, give a mental instruction to that part to loosen up. Give an instruction that the body is getting relaxed and stress-free. The moment you give this mental command, that part of the body will get relaxed. Move to the next part. Your body and mind will get relaxed through this meditation and it is difficult to get angry in a relaxed state of mind. Where there is no stress, there cannot be anger.
2. Concentrate on the ten states of mind and the breathAn important solution has been provided in ‘Yoga’ which helps in controlling anger. What yogis noticed is that the rate of breathing increases when you are angry. Hence, according to Yoga, if you are successful in controlling your breath, then it will be difficult for you to continue to be angry. In order to control your breathing, take deep breaths. If you succeed in doing so, then you can control your anger.
To control anger, control your breath. What is even more beneficial is to just watch and be aware of the changes in your breath in all states of mind, not just anger alone. All that you have to do is to observe the state of your mind at any given moment. Given below are ten anchors. Against each of them, become aware of the changes in your breath. What happens to your breath with A? With B? and so forth.
AAnger : When angry, observe the rate of your breathing, whether it is slow or fast. Also observe how your breath has lost its rhythm.
BBoredom : Boredom is a great sickness these days. After the age of 3, even a child starts saying that he is bored! The whole idea of everything that happens in society is to escape boredom by engaging in one form of excitement or the other. When you are getting bored, instead of going out, all you have to do is to go within and observe what is happening to your breath.
CConfusion : When you are in trouble, you fail to understand what should be done and what not. Observe your breath at this stage and the mind settles down and everything becomes clear.
DDepression : Observe the changes in your breath when you are sad or worried.EEgo : Your ego may get hurt due to some incidents. And then starts a series of conversations with self. Instead, just observe what happens to your breath.
FFear : Every person is afraid of something in his life. Fear, be it small or big, does affect the breathing. Continue to study your breath when you feel scared.
GGreed : Note your breath when you develop a greed for something.HHatred : Switch to the awareness of your breath the moment you harbour thoughts of hatred for someone.
IIllwill : If you intend to harm anybody, switch your attention to your breath. This will prevent anger from arising.
JJealousy : With the advent of jealousy, your breathing loses its rhythm. Become alert towards this.3. Increase your willpower
A person who does not have willpower will definitely lack in self-confidence. The one who has no self-confidence can never get rid of fear or anger. He will always remain scared and lead a life of fear. He will always harbour the fear of failure. He may get frustrated or disappointed with anything and everything. Due to this fear, he will get irritated and thus angry at every minor thing. Thus a vicious cycle begins. To come out of such a vicious cycle, one should improve his willpower.
Every person makes promises to himself and to others. He is unable to fulfill them. And willpower starts to diminish. Therefore, as the first step, do not make a promise that you cannot keep up. If you have made a resolution, you must fulfill it. Thus begin with small resolutions. E.g.: I shall keep my hand raised in the air continuously for 2 minutes. I will not bring it down before the end of 2 minutes. Or I will study for 2 hours. I will not move from here. I will not have my lunch today. Fasting is a very good experiment to increase your willpower. As these smaller resolutions get fulfilled, you could take upon bigger ones and add to your self-confidence.
You could perform another experiment before you go to sleep. When you hit the sack, ask yourself, “Is there one more task that I can complete before I go to sleep?” Go ahead and complete it. Even if the task is trivial and not urgent, complete one such task every day. If you do so, you will find your willpower increasing tremendously.
Practice all the above and increase your willpower to ultimately get liberation from anger.4. Choose and get angry
Do not get angry always in the same manner. People get angry, scream and destroy things in the same manner as they have always been doing. This technique suggests you to get angry but with a difference and a novelty in it. Adopt a different manner of getting angry every time you feel anger. By expressing your anger creatively, you can influence people around you to a great extent. Think and write down some ways of getting angry and choose one of them when you get angry the next time. Man is choosing something or the other every moment of his life. Now, choose the manner in which you shall express your anger.
A teacher used to teach children that their clothes should be clean, shoes ought to be polished, and so on. But his students seldom practiced what he preached. One fine day, he expressed his anger, but uniquely. He himself got a brush and a shoe-polish and sat outside the classroom door and announced: “I am going to polish the shoes of the students whose shoes aren’t clean.” The students were shocked. Some started crying. They learnt their lesson and promised never to have unpolished shoes again.
It is not an easy task to express anger creatively. It needs courage. It needs you to choose. There are times when you do need to express your anger. But let it be your choice, not arising out of compulsion.
Getting angry on anger is the real cause of misery. Man is suffering because of what is called as dual anger. Say you are upset about something. And then you are feeling upset over being upset. This is what is termed as dual anger. Another example could be when the body is in pain. When the body is in pain, the mind is upset over the pain and raises questions such as,“Why do I have pain?” “Why me?”,“When will I be relieved of this pain?” and so on. Such pain over pain is multifold pain. The body was in pain. The body was being treated. The body is capable of handling and healing the pain. Nature has endowed the body with healing power. But the mind made this pain as “my” pain and aggravated the pain. First stop getting angry about anger to completely eradicate anger.
Let us understand this with another example.You felt angry.There is no problem with that. Look at a child in anger. It is angry one moment and the next moment it is playful. But when you are in anger, you tend to create ‘anger’ over anger – ''Oh, why do I have so much anger!'' ''I shouldn’t get so angry.'' ''I am frustrated at my lack of self-control.'' Even after the bout of anger is over, you tend to dwell on it for hours together. This is precisely the problem. Thus it is anger over anger that upsets the mind. The more you understand this, the more easily you will be able to get rid of double anger.
Going forward, whenever you feel anger, remember these steps:1. Accept your anger first. “Yes, I am feeling angry.” 2. There is no need to be angrier about being angry.“Anger on anger” is the result of ignorance.
3. When there is no anger on anger, then it will be fairly simple to get rid of anger.
4. Repeat to yourself that now that this anger has arisen, there is something I need to act upon.This action ultimately leads to my growth.
5. Whenever there is anger, it would have left you with a lesson – a lesson of understanding. A lesson that would have taught you the art of being calm and peaceful even while in anger.
Not only can you use the five steps mentioned above for anger, but also for fear and worry.6. Laughing
A laughing person will never be able to get angry. A sad and sick mind alone can produce anger. A laughing person does not take seriously any situation that can provoke anger. He finds every situation quite okay and takes every situation in his stride with ease. The habit of laughing makes one pure. It cleans away the dirt of the past and gives a new point of view. Laughing makes a person feel alive, energetic and creative. Medical science today claims that laughing prevents many diseases. During the course of a disease, if a person is able to laugh, then his recovery is faster. Anger itself is a disease and laughing can prove to be a sure medicine for its cure.
Even today therapists are treating so many mentally ill patients using laughter therapy. If you start the day with a laugh then you will feel so many tensions easing away. Laughter in the morning can save you from being grim throughout the day. It’s a simple and beautiful start to the day. Just like we take three meals in a day, similarly if we are able to simply laugh without any cause, then the thrill of happiness will run through us the whole day and we will feel that anger is miles away from us. If we rise and laugh in the morning then we will feel like laughing throughout the day.
7. Who is feeling the angerOne thinks a lot about the question, “What is the solution for anger?” Instead ask a new question, “Who is feeling the anger?” Then the truth shall arise. As soon as anger arises, we have to remember that whom are we getting angry at, who is the other person, and who is getting angry? This is the process of selfenquiry. Doing this honestly is the key.
In this method, you have to ask that who is feeling anger – the body, the mind or you? When you are standing on the shore, your reflection falls on the water. When the water starts moving, even your reflection begins to move. Seeing this, if someone tells you, “You are moving”, then you will reply,“My reflection is moving, not me. Any movement of my reflection makes no difference to me. Whatever is happening, is happening with my reflection.”
When you understand this truth, you find out that I am not feeling anger, it's my mind that is feeling the anger. If you are given an object to use, then you use that object. You don’t become that object. If you are using a microphone, you don’t become a microphone. If you are using a car, you don’t become a car. In the same way, you are using your body-mind mechanism. You are not the body-mind. When you will find this truth, you will realize that whatever is happening is happening with this body-mind mechanism. Anger is a delusion. Whenever anger arises, see who is feeling anger.‘You are separate from anger’.When you will know this by experience, a great change will occur in your life. Then you will realize that there is no need to get angry. Now you are feeling so lively that you don’t need any fuel from outside. Right now close your eyes and check your feeling; the good feeling you have within you. This is the feeling of life. It is your being. You have just forgotten to feel that. So somebody should remind you again that life is within you, which you are searching outside. If you realize this, then you will start getting happiness (fuel) from within yourself.Then you won’t need to feel alive by fighting with others.