8.1. You know that you are ready to begin telling your truth when you begin doing it. Telling the truth about everything is the switch. Until the switch, these are nothing more than ideas in your mind.
Your awakening is the start of a movement toward inner truth, but your outer journey makes it real.
The new reality begins the moment you remove dishonesty as an option in your life.
Here there can be very little confusion; there is either the light of honesty or the darkness of untruth.
The shift from dishonesty to honesty is a process of change. You are changing the way you think, the way you see the world, what you do, who you give your attention to, and the way you respond to everything in life.
Beyond these personal changes, also remember that there is a process of change that you can expect everyone in your life to also be going through. Because you’re changing so drastically, they will need time to adjust.
Be not just patient with the process and with everyone involved—be endlessly patient. In fact, there is no end to this process nor a point where things return to the old normal. This is a new way of experiencing life.
You’re an intelligent, reasonable person. You probably aren’t going to announce all your previously hidden truths right away. In many cases, you still need to understand what your truths are and what you even want to say. So, it is enough to set an intention that, moving forward, you will decide for truth whenever possible. You will begin to be honest with yourself about when you are being even slightly dishonest, and you will begin to correct it.
In cases where total honesty doesn’t seem feasible—perhaps a job you know you would lose the moment you said what’s on your mind—you may simply recognize the inner truth of the situation and then choose to begin moving in the direction of finding another way to earn a living.
In other words, if you feel trapped in a dishonest situation and there is no space for truth there, the path of honesty may require that you leave the situation. This can be delayed for a short time, but ultimately the dishonesty must end for you to be happy.
The easiest way to change a situation is always to tell the truth and see what happens. You tell your truth and let others deal with you. Don’t make any assumptions about how anyone will react to anything. This is being open. Just let them know, then let them decide what to do with you.
You can be practical on some level, but make no mistake; as long as you continue to put up with a situation anywhere in your life in which you must continue to be dishonest, you will continue suffering now and the situation will build-up to a crisis. To avoid this, at some point truth and honesty is required.
The most important of all your truths are the ones about what you do want. Rather than telling others what not to do, why not tell them how much you enjoy it when they do something you appreciate. Rather than expressing what you do not want, why not express your positive visions and truths?
Positive truths open doors, while negative truths close them. Closed doors mean broken communication between you and other people. The changes you want cannot happen for you while communication is broken.
Everything you want, on some level, requires collaboration and connection with other people. Nothing done, created, or experienced in isolation is ultimately very real because it is not shared.
Lay out your wildest fantasies, your seemingly impossible visions of happiness and joy, discuss your revelations and breakthroughs—now you are leading others toward the destination of happiness that is yours. You are laying aside your dream of fear and inviting them to conspire with you in your mischief of happiness.
There are many theories about self-improvement and many paths to enlightenment. While other strategies and options can also be effective, telling the truth is the clearest, easiest and most certain path toward happiness for a few reasons.
Firstly, putting honesty into practice feels good. The moment you express your truth or confess what you are correcting, you naturally feel the weight lift from your shoulders. You can breathe again. You can rest. Then, in almost no time at all, you feel positive energy, excitement and inspiration starting to flow back into your life.
Not only does the path of truth make you feel good, your body effortlessly tells you whether you’re on the right track. If you feel anything negative—such as fear, stress, anxiety, anger or frustration—you can know without a doubt that you are on the path leading to suffering and crisis. To find the right path, simply recognize your feelings. Then allow your mind time to catch-up—time to understand what went wrong and all the reasons why.
Most people live cut-off from feelings, with total faith in a confused mind. An awakened person knows that thoughts create emotions. Fear-based, panicked thoughts have an instant effect on the body. Your heart rate accelerates, your breathing is tense, you clench-up, you feel stressed out and lousy.
This creates a negative feedback loop between the mind and body. When your body is stressed, your thoughts get even more confused, stressing the body even further. This is the cause of illness and insanity.
People pretend to be cut-off from feelings so that the logical, rational mind is in control. This is denial and illusion, however, because it is impossible not to feel what is going on within your body. That’s what your body does; it always feels. That’s also what your mind does, it always produces thoughts. But thoughts mislead you; while feelings are always real. Smile at thoughts, listen to the body.
The mind pretends to ignore what you feel, yet all its decisions and reactions flow from it. If you feel tired, your mind often assumes a grumpy attitude. If you feel overly stressed, your mind is likely to choose the reaction of anger. When the body is feeling lousy, the mind usually reacts in a way that generates more problems, more stress, and more fear.
Now there is a negative feedback loop not just between the mind and body, but also between what appears to be happening to you in the external world. You are then in a state of chaos and spiraling toward crisis.
The mind cannot be the ultimate, unchecked authority because the mind cannot feel. It only thinks. The mind may tell you that doing this or that will lead to happiness, but the mind is not an expert on happiness. Happiness is beyond the mind because it is not experienced there.
Let the heart, your inner dimension, your body tell you when you are feeling good and when you are feeling lousy. Feelings must be your guide, not ideas. Good ideas always flow from good feelings.
When all your doing is rooted in a positive state of being, you can’t fail. If you are tired or grumpy, then rest. If you are frustrated, then do something else. If you are fearful or panicked, then take a step back and remember.
The only way to break the negative spiral is to stop sacrificing and learn not to follow every train of thought. Meditation teaches you to let thoughts go, to not let one crazy thought lead to another. Thought isn’t nearly as important as your mind has led you to believe.
Whatever you are feeling at any moment, be honest with yourself and others about it. By telling the truth, life conspires to fix how you feel. If you decide to delay telling the truth and pretend that everything is alright when it isn’t, you are delaying feeling good. Not only this, you are generating more problems in your life by acting from a position of confusion and powerlessness.
Doing your best means doing when you feel your best. No doing that comes from a negative state can lead to a positive result. What you create is always a reflection of how you feel. Feelings are always leading the way.
Relax. Much less doing is now required of you. Now you have learned to cut out all that which isn’t leading to the results you want. Furthermore, you are starting from the result you want: the state of feeling good. Because you are already there, no doing is required at all.
When you have turned the switch, truth and honesty become the status quo in all areas of your life. Not just in your relationship but also with all members of your family. Not just with friends but also with colleagues, your customers, relatives, neighbors, and everyone else.
Even the entertainment you consume should be more honest to reinforce your new reality. At a minimum, you’ll probably want to avoid advertising. Even movies and music can reinforce the confused thought system of the world.
Don’t try to force yourself to stop enjoying the entertainment that you do enjoy; but stay aware of how it affects the way you think and feel. Be sure you do enjoy the content you are consuming. You may find yourself becoming bored with all the cliché and simply choosing to do something else with your time.
Today’s entertainment is mostly about drama, and drama can only flow from the error you are undoing here: dishonesty and illusion. Most popular entertainment models and reinforces the supposed realness of confusion, dishonesty, drama, chaos and crisis. Some of it does so with humor, showing the ridiculousness of it all, and this can be enjoyable and helpful. Other types of entertainment take ego seriously and, when you see this, you will ultimately become very bored with it.
Entertainment may not matter much to you now, because everything you need to fulfill you and entertain you will come from your real life. That need to escape into entertainment to forget your problems—the need to escape from your own life—will be significantly diminished when you have awakened.
Everything you have been attempting to escape from are only fearful illusions caused by dishonesty. Your escape from illusion is not found in more illusion; rather, only in truth. When you tell the truth, no escape is ever necessary, and your life becomes more enjoyable than the best movie.
The moment you begin telling the truth, the people who have been controlling and manipulating you will start to convince you to back away from what you are saying or doing. They will say that they can’t believe it, they will ask you if you are sure, what it all means, and now what they are supposed to do.
You can easily respond that it is the truth, you’re sure that it is your truth (at least right now), that it means exactly what you said, and that they are supposed to respond by expressing their truths as well. Your truth is not a negotiation, though it is subject to change.
As important conversations unfold, others may try to tell their truth by saying, “Honesty, I feel like you just want to…” or “What I really think is that you’re crazy!” In such cases, it is best to ask the person to express a truth about himself or herself; rather than a judgment about you.
“I need you to…” isn’t a need. A need is something that comes from within oneself. In other words, “I need you to be on the couch with me every night” is a tactic the person thinks will get a need fulfilled; whereby “I need to feel connected to you and not alone” is the genuine need.
Learn to connect on the level of needs and you easily find ways to meet everyone’s needs without any sacrifice or conflict. For this result, total openness and unconditional acceptance is, however, required. This can be a fun and exciting process because you are experimenting in a way that will change your lives for the better.
In any real relationship—romantic, friendship, business or otherwise—it is always enough to simply state your needs. Because it is a relationship, you have a shared purpose. Because there is a shared purpose, you both want the relationship to work. Because you both want the relationship to work, you will both do your best to respond to needs and to respect one another’s truths. If this isn’t happening, staying gentle yet firm in your honesty will gradually repair the situation. If not, you may begin to see that there is no relationship at all.
It isn’t necessary to make demands, threats, attacks, or blame and shame anyone to get needs fulfilled. If there is some amount of love and respect in the relationship, it is enough to calmly, lovingly state the need. Saying to your partner, “You should cook, I’m tired of it” will have a far less effective result than simply saying the personal truth: “I’m tired of cooking every meal.”
Using the second option, you are simply stating your feelings. Because everyone in your life cares about you, they will do their best to respond. If they don’t respond in exactly the way you hope or think they should, then you will have to accept that as the reality of the situation.
If the reality of any situation becomes unbearable and you genuinely don’t feel like spending time together, then leave. But do so without any blaming; rather, only as a need you have. Maybe you simply need time for yourself. Let the other person deal with the reality of the situation. Nobody has a right to make you do, say or think anything you don’t want to do, say or think.
The trick to smooth sailing here is to express your truths and do what you want to do without burning bridges. You do this by being as sensitive as possible without compromising your truths.
Whatever you need to say or do, say it or do in the way that is likely to minimize the negative impact on other people without you having to sacrifice your truth. Of course, the other part of this is being sensitive and caring in response to the truths of others as well.
You do value the people in your life, right? Then give them the same space for honesty you want for yourself. By the way, if you don’t value that person or the relationship doesn’t inspire you on some level, it is okay to gently and honestly let someone go.
In any situation or in any relationship, there is a true path that meets two criteria: 1) all parties have their needs met and 2) all parties can be honest. Failure to reach that path always has to do with one party’s unwillingness to communicate.
Of course, the only true form of communication is honest communication where what is said is also heard and accepted. Do you think that, in taking this approach, it is possible that you will not find a solution to any challenge?
Is there not always a compromise or a way to move forward where everyone can be satisfied? There is, but only if all parties believe this and communicate accordingly. Don’t be the person who shuts down the communication.
If someone else is causing resistance, sometimes there is no other option but to calmly explain your perspective on the matter and to back off for a while. All situations and relationships are an ongoing process. If you create the space of honesty and let it all play out with patience, you can’t fail.
Imagine how your life would feel if you had no conflict anywhere and an abundance of everything you want. This is the natural, inevitable outcome of the switch.
The problems of this world were created by people willing to sacrifice. This idea probably goes so much against your way of thinking that you find it opposite of everything you once held to be true. But what is sacrifice? Sacrifice is the setting aside or doing away with what you do want in exchange for what you do not.
There are endless reasons for sacrifice, and none are valid or true. Your body’s response to sacrifice is always the same; you feel lousy. Deep down, to the core of your stomach, you feel a little bit sick when you enter a state of sacrifice.
Your attitude becomes negative, you complain, you become skeptical and sarcastic. Do you expect anything done in this state to lead to anything good? The only positive ending to sacrifice is the ending of it. End sacrifice sooner, rather than later.
Those who are successful in sacrifice do earn a sort of reward, but it is no reward that you want. Success in sacrifice always earns you the opportunity for more sacrifice. Become good at a small job you do not like, and you will be promoted to a big job you dislike even more. Feign enthusiasm in a relationship that fails to fulfill your needs, and you earn the prize of spending even more time together with that person.
The beginning of honesty spells the end of sacrifice. If you find yourself sacrificing, first understand why. The reason is always that, somewhere along the line, you were dishonest about something. But let’s be sure about what is and is not sacrifice. Work, for example, is necessary to some extent and ought not be called sacrifice at all. If you know why you are doing what you’re doing, and exactly what the result is as something you do want, then work is no sacrifice.
Honest work that leads to fair pay is not sacrifice. The work that goes into the creation of something you feel passionate about is not sacrifice. Doing something that somebody else wants to do because you love them or enjoy their company is also not sacrifice. Complying with the law or playing by the rules is also sometimes practical or necessary; and need not be considered sacrifice.
Just be honest with yourself about what you are doing, why you’re doing it, and how it feels. Is the good you want worth what you’re putting into it? If not, then don’t do it. Does doing it allow you to continue feeling good? If not, stop doing it.
You don’t ever need to sacrifice, but sometimes you do need to do what needs to be done for the right reasons. Be honest with yourself and others to abolish the error of sacrifice. Find a way to fulfill all your needs without ever having to sacrifice. This is considered finding your true path.
Whenever you feel any fear, it is because you have surely gone off course. If you have awakened, you will not feel any real sense of fear.
If fear is still present in your doing, then this is a clear indication that you need to set yourself free in your inner world. Any recognition of fear is a signal to go more deeply into meditation and into your daily practice.
If you fear, your love for yourself isn’t strong enough. You have forgotten your identity. You still believe that you are separate from the universe and vulnerable. You are not living in the present moment.
If you were in the now, you would see there is nothing you cannot respond to or handle. You may have believed, for a moment, that time is real, that things are happening to you which are beyond your control, and that you are somehow vulnerable. If you have feared, you must have believed some sort of illusion. Any illusion, upon a simple recognition, can easily be dispelled. This is how you let fear go.
Presence of fear is lack of faith in truth and honesty. You can be practical and responsible—you can use the present moment to confront a challenge or to make plans—but even in a present moment that is not entirely enjoyable, there is still nothing to be fearful about. What is the worst that can happen? No matter what it is, can you not respond from a position of honesty using all your skills, experiences and personal assets?
Do you feel as though your life is being threatened? Seen from the perspective your eternal identity in the realm of nothingness, even this most extreme case isn’t anything to be fearful of. In this bold recognition, are you not released from all fear? This is the lesson that Jesus taught on the cross. But your life isn’t being threatened, so now what do you have to fear?
Whatever happens in life is to be accepted. That is the constant, the only starting point in dealing with anything. If you are afraid of something or find it difficult to deal with, then focus your attention inward on how you feel about it.
Go directly into the problem. Find out the full truth about it by doing more research or through true communication. If you can look at anything honestly and without fear, you can find a way to either accept the situation, find out it isn’t as challenging as you thought, or you can easily change it. In any case, you will always find out that there is nothing to fear.
Nothing can be solved from a state of fear. All challenges can be overcome. If you panic, if you don’t think straight, if you have no control over what you do or say—then your fear leads to total failure. You can become powerful and effective by rooting out all fear and by responding to reality as it is.
Ending fear is a process and success here isn’t always immediate. You are unlearning years of conditioning. But, if fear remains real, then your journey toward perfect honesty and truth is still incomplete.
Just try to be honest. If you can do this, life will show you that there is nothing to fear.
8.10.1. To give is to receive. Give what you can—the most value you feel inspired to give—and the value flowing back to you will be equal yet more valuable to you than what you have given.
Giving will balance your life. You offer your abundance where you have a surplus. Abundance flows back to you where there was lack.
You have unique strengths. Those areas where you are blessed with abundance are the areas where you can be most generous and most helpful to others. Your gift of generosity will naturally and effortlessly lead to a gift of abundance received in areas where you were lacking.
True abundance means having enough in every area of life. If you lack money, offer the abundance of your skills and service. If you are wealthy but don’t have much spare time, pay others who do have spare time to focus on those areas you have neglected. If you enjoy parenting or taking care of stuff around the house, offer this to a life partner who appreciates this and who brings different strengths and benefits to the relationship.
You have so much to give, and much of it is unique. There’s no reason you can’t offer your expertise. You have acquired so much through years of hard work and service. You are creative, honest, loyal, and skilled. The value you offer is your source of abundance because others want and need what you bring to the table. Deliver your value completely and others will reward you in the way you need to be rewarded.
8.10.2. Being open and honest is a requirement for collaboration. Even if you are the expert, don’t try to do things all by yourself. You may not be the best in the world at anything, but you’re better than 99% of people in at least one area. How can you turn that into a business?
What jobs have you held and what unique skills or insights have you gained from your work and other experiences? How might you do things better than your employer did? How might you offer the role you once provided as a valuable service to other companies?
Design your product or service, get a business license, open a bank account, be prepared to pay your taxes, now get to work selling and delivering.
8.10.3. Whatever business model you come up with, do only the parts that you do best—the parts that nobody else can do. Hire people for all the other parts.
Far too often, what holds small businesses back is that the owner tries to do everything. If you have an idea how to create value, the next step is to create a process that generates profit, operates smoothly, and allows you to step back from the business so you aren’t sacrificing all your precious time and energy. Ideas are a dime a dozen. Processes that generate value and profit are what businesses are all about.
When you do hire people, let them work rather independently. You can do this by defining the role and your expectations precisely. How exactly is the role performed, how many times per day or week, and what result needs to happen?
Understand, inside and out, what you are asking someone to do by first doing it yourself. Then, patiently train the person. Finally, let go a bit. Give the person space to do things in their own way and on their own schedule.
Forget about the obsolete notion of how many hours someone works per day. Think, instead, about what you will invest financially to get what outcome. Consider what is reasonable to expect a person to do, what is the going rate for that work, and what financial result you expect from your investment.
Hire contractors who perceive a personal benefit from the work you are offering and who find the role a better option for them than what other companies are offering. They will stay loyal and will help you to succeed.
8.10.4. This is your idea, your process, your company, so you’re the salesperson. While other people can support you in the process, the customer relationships are yours. This is about you serving and creating value for other people or businesses. The money you bring in is always just an outcome of that.
Create maximum value honestly and set a reasonable price. In so doing, you will get paid what you need. In your honesty, you become the kind of leader who others will honor, follow and can trust. As a result, you will always get paid and will always be treated fairly by everyone you work with. You are safe, your life is abundant.
If you aren’t there yet, get started in the present moment and have patience. This doesn’t have to happen according to any set timeline, but you can start somewhere and take each next step whenever you feel inspired to do so.
8.10.5. You probably didn’t expect that a discussion about giving would be about starting a company to deliver a product or service. This is because the world has gotten giving all wrong, and you still retain fragments of the flawed thought system of the world.