LOVE THE UNIQUENESS IN EVERYONE
The ego—the aspect of ourselves that appears to be running the show and using our mind, via the voice in our head, to do it—is deeply conditioned, or programmed, to react to differences as alien to itself and therefore potentially dangerous. It views others as a threat to its survival, and yet it needs others to survive.
What a dilemma and interesting situation we find ourselves in. As long as we see ourselves as the ego and identify with the voice in our head, we are bound to feel tension between ourselves and others, especially when we perceive differences. Since every person is entirely unique from every other, this tension is nearly ongoing. We experience occasional relief from it when we meet someone who is similar to us in some way, or when we think someone is similar, but eventually the differences show up.
The ego feels that it must do something about these differences. It points them out, judges them, argues with them, attacks them, and tries to change them. Differences make the ego feel superior, inferior, defensive, frightened, or angry—not loving, kind, compassionate, or even curious. For the ego, differences stir up inner and outer conflict and plenty of feelings. This is the ego’s experience of relationships.
For the ego, relationships are difficult and stressful, and other people are never quite right. “If only . . . ,” it dreams. It’s sure the problem is that the right person just hasn’t come along: “If only the right person would come into my life, then I could relax and live happily ever after.” Even those in relationships often secretly dream of another more perfect relationship.
This is the way the ego deals with every aspect of life, not only relationships: It longs and hopes for a better this and a better that. It isn’t satisfied with life, no matter what life brings. It sees life as falling short no matter what happens, and it sees relationships this way as well. As long as our identity is tied up with the ego and its servant, the egoic mind, we will never be satisfied with life or with our relationships.
Fortunately, we are not our ego or the voice in our head. We are only programmed to think we are. Once you see this, you can begin to experience your true Self—Essence—and live your life and carry on your relationships from there. From Essence, true love is entirely possible. But true love is not possible from the ego. What does the ego know about love? It knows only about protecting its interests, and there’s no room for that in true love.
From Loving in the Moment