Grief for Those Who Live
The dying individual will experience grief differently from the individual who loses a loved one. The dying person has only a limited amount of time to grieve or not grieve for themselves before death runs its course. The individual who loses a loved one has the rest of their lifetime to experience or not experience the effects of grief. Some will grieve and then move on with their life, some will continuously grieve in one form or another for the rest of their life, and some will grieve on and off throughout different periods of their life.
Here we will discuss grief for those who live on after the death of a loved one. The same basic stages of grief apply; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The difference between those who are dying and those who will live is the amount of time involved as mentioned above. For some, the different stages of grief can become a cycle they seemingly cannot escape from throughout the rest of their lifetime. For example, depression may become a reoccurring problem as they try and cope without their loved one by their side. For others, they will experience their loss with different stages of grief and move on with their lifetime to fulfill their life’s purpose in learning and growing toward their spiritual awareness.
Grief has no time limit. An individual grieves for their loss as long as it takes them to come to terms with the loved ones death. Many factors affect how a person grieves. Was the loss sudden; by suicide, or murder or war? Was it a gradual long term illness? Was it from the natural process called old age?
An individual will grieve differently for someone murdered for example then for someone who died naturally from old age. If the murderer is not known or ever found, the grieving individual may find it very difficult to move on with their life, always seeking closure to many unanswered questions. For someone who dies of old age for example, it is viewed as a normal expectation of a long life coming to a natural ending.
Your grief may have caught you off guard, for you truly didn’t realize how much you loved or disliked the individual until they died, and now you realize their true impact they had on your life. Don’t play the blame game, thinking you could have prevented the individual’s death in some way if you only had been more aware of your true feelings.
The Effects of Grief
Grief is experienced by the average human through many different avenues of expression; emotional, mental, physical and/or spiritual. The grief stricken may exhibit anger, anxiety, depression, despair, fear, insomnia, nausea, night sweats, weight loss, and/or weight gain, and on the list goes. For the specific individual these may be some of the normal symptoms they experience when faced with the grieving process. For other individuals they may not experience any of these symptoms of grief. Each experience loss in a different way; so do not judge another for how they grieve or for how long they grieve.
The person feeling and/or experiencing the loss will deal with it in their own private and particular way. They may cry, laugh, scream, sulk, or do nothing at all to show emotion, it’s up to them to grieve however they wish or wish not to grieve. Do not tell them to stop grieving and get on with their life. They must work through the loss and when ready they will emerge from their grief and continue on with their life. If you think its taking someone too long to get over their grief, the problem may be that ‘you’ have not truly come to terms with the person who died. You may not have liked them or you may not want to acknowledge that you had deeper feelings for them then you led others to believe. Examine your own true motives before trying to pressure someone else into reconnecting to their life path before they are truly ready.
If you truly wish to help the person caught up in grief, then be willing to help them with basic life functions. Assist them with laundry, grocery shopping, house cleaning, paying bills, child care and the like until they re-connect with their life. Don’t force yourself on them if they say ‘no’ to your offer of help. If they wish to talk about their grief; then listen without judgment. If they just sit and cry, then let them cry, it’s their way to grieve; for there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Should they desire to seek out someone to assist them with their grief then supply the phone numbers and names of those who could offer counseling such as; medical doctor, psychiatrist, clergy, and/or a support group. Don’t pressure them to call, let them decide when the time is right and who they wish to deal with. Some grieving individuals do not need such support, so allow them to work through their grief in their chosen way.
Alcohol and/or Drugs
For those who decide to self medicate themselves through the use of alcohol and/or drugs just remember; they will only mask the sad feelings and physical symptoms you are expressing and experiencing for a time. You must come to terms with your grief at some point in order to continue on with your path of spiritual awareness. Alcohol and/or drug usage will only prolong your grief and cause other health issues to arise, which will have a profound negative effect on ‘you’ and the remaining loved ones in your present life.
A medical doctor or psychiatrist may prescribe medication to help you cope with your present situation, but remember pills only mask the grief you are experiencing. It is still up to you to come to terms with your grief and move on with your life. Do not allow drugs and/or alcohol to take control of your life.
Establishing Your Life Again
Once you have experienced your grief to its fullest, you may emerge once again ready to tackle the demands of life itself. This is indeed a new beginning in which you may seek out family, friends and/or support groups to aid you on the road to reorganizing your life.
Physically, mentally, emotionally and/or spiritually you may now venture into new areas that are open to you. Start an exercise program to physically help yourself remove fear, anger and depression. For example, join a book club to expand your mind and/or become socially active in your community to help others who are now going through what you have experienced personally. Get outdoors and rediscover nature; there is nothing like watching a sunset or sunrise to reconnect your soul to the spiritual awareness that lies deep within each one of us.
Helping and assisting others for whatever reason can bring great joy and love into your life. Focus on things that bring you happiness and open your heart and mind to experience joy and love. There should be no immediate focus on sadness and/or frustration. There is no true joy in the sadness and hurting of others. Joy comes from expressing your heart and mind together in a beneficial and positive way.
Laughter is most notable and acceptable because of the true happiness that you experience, which is similar to the everlasting love and pleasantness of your true spirit home. Dancing, singing, clapping and even obnoxious body movements can be thought of as those that might be used by children. These simple things will engage those around you in laughter and ‘lighten the mood’ which is only the energy and vibration shifting in the area surrounding you and those who are near you.
Your body posture can also have an effect on your mood. This is true if a particular feeling is associated by you with a particular posture or you express certain feelings only in a certain posture. There is much attention paid to this by those who are aware of their bodies and simply adjusting your posture and body mannerisms can cause a positive shift in your energy field and vibration of your body. Movements and posture can increase blood flow and increase the energy flow in your body allowing it to be raised to new heights.
This is why a child might appear happy though a parent might want them to calm down and stop their behavior. This is simply the child’s natural way of interacting with the world though they are unaware of how much is based on their energy body. Sloth like mannerisms can be attributed to negative energy, slow sluggish energy and to a lower vibration pattern. Raising your vibrations can change your mood and create positive energy helping an individual to move forward with their life.
Walking and physical activity on a daily basis, especially activity where the body is in contact with the outdoor elements, not indoor, are vital to energy vibration. Laughter is the best medicine because of the energy being expressed and the energy being felt by those who are in a group experiencing this.
Fear is the only thing that stops humankind from becoming truly great on this planet. Stop fearing everything and start expressing love in all its forms; from the simplest kind act given to a total stranger, to expressing love on a larger scale. Try it; you have nothing to lose except the fear that you yourself have created in this lifetime.
Forgiving Yourself and Others
If you and the person who just died did not have a very good relationship while they were alive, you may have mixed feelings about their death. Whatever transpired between the two of you while still alive, you may still harbor anger and/or hatred toward this individual. Your feelings now that they are dead may cause you regret or guilt that you could not or did not rectify the problem between yourself and the individual.
What transpired between you and the now deceased individual may have been, for example, as basic as just not getting along, loss of love, not seeing ‘eye to eye’ on most things, divorce and/or the like, or it could have been much more profound involving, for example, incest or rape, or something extremely negative or hurtful which caused ‘you or them’ mental, emotional and/or physical pain. You may be the one who hurt the other, or you may be the one who was hurt by the other.
Forgiving them for what they have done to you can be just as hard as forgiving yourself for what they did to you. Subconsciously you may feel as though you deserved the bad thing(s) they did to you, when in fact it may just have been a learning experience agreed upon by the both of you in order to grow spiritually.
As an example, say you were raped or molested by a family member or by a total stranger; just know all major events in your life were programmed by you before you were born into this physical dimension. You wanted to experience certain things for your spiritual development.
Rape, for example, is a wonderful event to experience from the point of attacker and from the point of victim for souls seeking to understand unconditional love. If you, as the one who was raped, can truly understand the spiritual lesson rape can teach, then you are advancing your spiritual growth, which is why you chose that lesson to experience. If you, as the one who committed the rape, can truly understand the spiritual lesson rape can teach, then you are advancing your spiritual growth, which is why you chose that lesson to experience.
Two souls come together and decide on who will be the victim and who will be the assailant before they incarnate to earth. After those lifetimes are completed, the two souls will switch roles and the one who was raped becomes the rapist, and the one who was the rapist becomes the one to be raped. This is so both souls can experience the lesson from both sides, thus learning the spiritual lesson conveyed that only souls, our true selves, can understand as we seek to experience unconditional love on many different levels.
Once you understand we come together here on earth to experience, what are perceived to be negative events, then you will see it is simply done in order for us to grow spiritually. Forgiving yourself and forgiving others becomes much easier once you understand the true nature of what has transpired between you and someone you know or one who is a seemingly total stranger. That stranger may in fact be a very close friend from the spirit side that is assisting you in learning a lesson you yourself wanted to experience; whether they are playing the role of the rape victim or the role of the rapist.
Think deeper, and then forgive yourself and forgive the others that have caused you harm in whatever shape or form you perceive it to be; after you have fully experienced the event that has occurred in your life; fully experiencing the emotional, mental, physical and/or spiritual results of the lesson, then you are ready to move on to other chosen lessons you came here to experience and learn from for your spiritual advancement. Nothing happens by chance; you chose the event to experience before you were born or you allowed the event through your ‘free will’ to manifest in this lifetime.
So experience the physical event fully, and then look deeper into what really transpired on a spiritual level and then come to terms with the death of the individual. Forgiving or not forgiving them is your decision to make, for it is your life and only you can live it. No one else can feel as you feel, think as you think, experience an event as you experience the event to be in your life. So whatever you decide to do is right for you.