Chapter 3:
Getting The Whole Picture
Synopsis
When we consider a certain object, a painting for example - we won’t be able to appreciate what’s in it, what is painted and what else goes with it if the painting is just an inch away from our face. Yet if we step back and consider it a bit further, we’ll have a clearer vision of the entire picture.
Getting The Information You Need
Here’s an example:
Try putting frog A in a pot of simmering water. What occurs? He twerps! He jumps out! Why? Because he is not able to endure sudden change in his surroundings - the water’s temperature.
Then try frog B: place him in tepid water, and then turn the gas range on. Wait till the water reaches boiling. Frog B then considers “Ooh… it’s a little warm in here”.
Individuals are like frog B in general. Today, Lisa thinks Joe detests her. Tomorrow, Jim walks up to her and tells her he detests her. Lisa stays the same and doesn’t mind what her friends say.
The following day, she learned that Kim and John also loathe her. Lisa doesn’t realize the importance and the need for self-reformation till the entire community detests her.
We learn our lessons once we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when matters get harsh. When do we recognize that we have to change our diet? When none of our clothes fit us.
When do we quit eating chocolates? When all of our teeth get rotten. When do we realize that we have to quit smoking? When our lungs have broken down.
When do we pray and invite help? When we recognize that we’re gonna die.
The sole time most of us ever learn about unlocking our confidence is when the whole world is crashing and crumbling. We believe and feel this way because it is not simple to change. But change becomes more atrocious when we ignore it.
Change will occur, like it or detest it. At one point or another, we're all going to experience different turning points in our life - and we're all going to sooner or later unlock our confidence not because the world says so, not because our acquaintances are nagging us, but because we recognized it’s for our own good.
Happy individuals don’t just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don’t have to feel an enormous pain before recognizing the need for confidence. Unlocking your confidence means letting go of the thought that “it’s simply the way I am”. It's such a poor excuse for individuals who fear and resist change.
Laura repeatedly tells everybody that she doesn’t have the guts to be around groups of people. She heard her mom, her dad, her sister, her instructor say the same things about her to others.
Over the years, that's what Laura believes. She thinks it’s her story. And what happens? Each time a crowd was in her house, in school, and in the community - she stepped back, shied away and locked herself up in a room. Laura didn’t only believe in her story, she lived it.
Laura has to recognize that she is not what she is in her story. Rather than having her story absorb her life, she has to have the spirit and show individuals “I'm an important person and I ought to be treated accordingly!”
Confidence might not be everybody’s favorite word, but if we see things in a different light, we may have greater chances of enjoying the whole process rather than counting the days till we're fully improved.
3 sessions in a week at the gym would result to a healthier life, reading books rather than looking at smut will shape more profound knowledge, going out with acquaintances and peers will help you take a step back from work and relax.
And just when you're enjoying the whole procedure of unlocking your confidence, you’ll recognize that you’re beginning to take the correct steps for speaking to prospects in the correct way.
Next is asking the right questions:
When you've introduced yourself, ask your prospect meaningful open-ended questions. Reply briefly with gratitude for them, validation for their feelings, and endorsement for their thoughts. If you begin by asking what is working well in their lives, their hardships will arise by nature.
Remember -- they're able to resolve their own issues. Resist the temptation to make suggestions unless they ask you directly. Listen and reply with understanding. Let them have the floor. Be curious.
When it's your turn to talk, be concisely enthusiastic about what you do. Weave in a short success story or two about your customers (no names) that relates to the challenges your prospect has just told you about.
We require data from others daily. Techniques we utilize to gather that data may have great impact on both its quality and quantity. Open-ended questions are not only friendlier, but they get the desired result-data- more quickly and are easier on the individual answering.
Curiously, many individuals don't know why open-ended questions are better or how to ask them, yet they may be the easiest part of conversation imaginable.
Understand the difference. An open-ended question calls for an answer greater than a single word or two. A closed-ended question
may be answered with a simple "Yes," "No," or additional really simple answer.
For instance, if you wish to know what happened after you left the party, you may ask,
"Did you talk to Bob?" or
"Did Susan leave with John?" or
"Did they finish all the bubbly?"
Open ended questions are, you may simply ask "What happened after I left?" Chances are you'll hear what you wish to know somewhere in your answer. If not, you may follow that up with another open-ended question, "What happened with Susan and Jim?"
Let's say you wish to know why a date was cancelled. Was it something you had said or done? Did someone get sick? Did somebody with a pressing need call? You could ask any of these particular, closed-ended questions or the very simple and open, "Why did you cancel our date?"
If the answer was vague or too general, my next open-ended question may be just slightly less open-ended.
Me: "Why did you cancel our date?"
You: "I wasn't feeling well."
Me: "Oh? I hope you're feeling better now. What was wrong?"
After you've asked your open-ended question(s) and haven't gotten the particular information you want, it's now effective and acceptable to ask more particular questions like, "What happened to the bubbly?" A major mistake individuals make is to start with particulars, which wastes a lot of time. End with particulars, if essential.
Follow up with "Why?" or "How?" A different technique that may help you get particular information and a lengthier answer is to ask a closed-ended question followed up with "Why?" or "How?"
For instance, if I wish to know whether I might find a class useful, I may ask someone who took it.
Me: "Did you like that Sociology class?"
Him: "Nope."
Me: "Why not?"
Him: "Oh, well, it was a lot of reading and theory without much practical application, for one thing."
Be narrow and then open. If you're fighting to get the individual to open up with broad open questions, attempt narrowing the questions first and then make them broader after getting them into the conversation.
Illustration of this would be when talking to your youngsters after school and you ask, "What happened today?" "Nothing" is the response. Go to something like, "What assignment were you assigned?" Likely you'll get an answer and from this start opening up the question further.
Listen! Occasionally we're guilty of formulating the next question without attentiveness to the answer to the first. You miss excellent opportunities for follow-up questions if you do this! Make an effort to listen to the reply you asked for!
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