ABSTAINING
Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you're generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that sometimes your best investments are the ones you don't make.
DONALD TRUMP
ACCOUNT
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a fuckin' checking account”, to which the lady replied:
"I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man said,
"I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said,
"and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
UNKNOWN
ADAGE
One common adage...that is completely wrongheaded is: You can't go broke taking profits. That's precisely how many traders do go broke. While amateurs go broke by taking large losses, professionals go broke by taking small profits.
WILLIAM ECKHARDT
ADDICTIONS
The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.
NASSIM TALEB
ADVICE
My basic advice is don't lose money.
JIM ROGERS
Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work
UNKNOWN
ANTICIPATION
This idea of anticipation is key to investing and to business generally. You can’t wait for an opportunity to become obvious. You have to think, “Here’s what other people and companies have done under certain circumstances. Now, under these new circumstances, how is this management likely to behave?
EDDIE LAMPERT
ARBITRAGEUR
Let me tell you a little about what I think I do. I think what I am is a risk arbitrageur.
JOHN PAULSON
ART
Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.
MAX AMSTERDAM
ASSETS
Assets require more scrutiny than the liabilities.
CHARLIE MUNGER
ASSUMPTIONS
I never attempt to make money on the stock market. I buy on the assumption that they could close the market the next day and not reopen it for five years.
WARREN BUFFETT
ASTUTENESS
One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.
WILLIAM FEATHER
AUNT
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess and the moral of the story is, ‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket'!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Shirley. Aunt Shirley was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens" said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay away from Aunt Shirley when she's been drinking."
UNKNOWN
BALLOON
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced his altitude and saw a man below.
"Excuse me, but can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am," he said. The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft. above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude." To which the balloonist replied: "You must be a broker." To which the man on the ground said: "I am, but how did you know?" The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far." The man below responded:
"You must be a trader." To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?" To which the man on the ground said:
"You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
UNKNOWN
BANANAS
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him:
"At my age, I don't even buy green bananas".
CLAUDE D. PEPPER
BANKER
An investment banker stood at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The fisherman replied, “Only a little while.”
The banker then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish.
The fisherman said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The banker then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The fisherman said,
“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The investor scoffed, “I am an Ivy League MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. “ The investor continued,
“And instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would then sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution! You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.” The fisherman asked,
“But how long will this all take?” To which the banker replied, “Perhaps 15 to 20 years.”
“But what then?” asked the fisherman. The banker laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions!”
“Millions. Okay, then what?” wondered the fisherman. To which the investment banker replied,
“Then you would retire. You could move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
BANKRUPTCY
Capitalism without Bankruptcy is like Christianity without Hell - it does not work.
KYLE BASS
BARGAIN
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.
FRANKLIN JONES
BEATING
The market does not beat them. They beat themselves, because though they have brains they cannot sit tight.
JESSE LIVERMORE
BED
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNS
BEST TIME
The best time to buy anything is last year.
BESTSELLERS
UNKNOWN
BLADE
As a trader you often walk on the blade. Be careful and don’t step off.
MARC RICH
BETTER
I never said I was better than anyone, just more successful.
@GSELEVATOR
BLINDNESS
If you try to watch the stock market every day and you go blind.
UNKNOWN
BLOOD
The way to make money is to buy when blood is running in the streets.
JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER
BOOBS
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs.
@GSELEVATOR
-Can I borrow that book of yours "How To Become A Millionaire"?
- Sure, here you are.
- Thanks, but half the pages are missing. What's the matter?
- Isn't half a million enough for you?
UNKNOWN
BORROWING
Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back.
UNKNOWN
BRAINPOWER
Everyone has the brainpower to follow the stock market. If you made it through fifth-grade math, you can do it.
PETER LYNCH
BRAINS
Don't confuse brains with a bull market.
HUMPHREY B. NEILL
BROKER
A stock broker is one who invests other people’s money until it’s all gone.
WOODY ALLEN
BROWSER
Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.
@GSELEVATOR
BUDGETING
Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.
A.A. LATIMER
BUBBLES
Stock market bubbles don't grow out of thin air. They have a solid basis in reality, but reality as distorted by a misconception.
GEORGE SOROS
BULB
Question: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Two … one to change the bulb, the other to sell off the old one at the highest price possible before CNBC reports that it’s burned out.
Question: How many commodities traders does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None, they don’t change bulbs; but the trading price of darkness plummets due to oversupply.
Question: How many real-estate agents does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Just one … but after changing the bulb, he raises the asking-price of the house due to “recent renovations.”
UNKNOWN
BUYING
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
JACKIE MASON
CALL
I know you're not standing on your front porch with a bag of money waiting for me to call you. But I'm not some 18-year-old selling a cure for AIDS. I'm 46 years old, I have 22 years market experience, I know this business. So pick up your skirt, grab your balls, and let’s go make some money.
BROKER (BOILER ROOM)
CAPITAL
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
PAUL TUDOR JONES
CAPITALISM
Since the dawn of capitalism, there has been one golden rule: “If you want to make money, you have to take risks."
UNKNOWN
COMFORT
In investing, what is comfortable is rarely profitable.
ROBERT ARNOTT
COMMODITIES
Commodities tend to zig when the equity markets zag.
JIM ROGERS
CONSISTENCY
I always say that you could publish your trading rules in the newspaper and no one would follow them. The key is consistency and discipline.
RICHARD DENNIS
CONVICTION
We are all wrong so often that it amazes me that we can have any conviction at all over the direction of things to come. But we must.
JIM CRAMER
COUNTING
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
JOHN PAUL GETTY
COURSE
The older I get, the more I see a straight path where I want to go. If you’re going to hunt elephants, don’t get off the trail for a rabbit.
T. BOONE PICKENS
CRASH
If you have trouble imagining a 20% loss in the stock market, you shouldn't be in stocks.
JACK BOGLE
CYCLES
Bull markets are born on pessimism, grow on skepticism, mature on optimism, and die on euphoria.
JOHN TEMPLETON
The four most dangerous words in investing are: "This time it's different".
JOHN TEMPLETON
DATING
Raising money for a start-up hedge fund is a lot like blind dating. You meet someone you’ve never met before, you have a limited time in which to make the pitch, and then you try to close the deal. Charm matters. And sometimes people with the best ideas aren’t very good at blind dating.
When I decided to run a hedge fund out of school, I’d meet with 100 people before one or two would finally agree to invest with me. In order to be successful, you have to make sure that being rejected doesn’t bother you at all. So for example, in college when I was dating and a girl didn’t like me, I didn’t get upset, I thought that if she didn’t like me, then she clearly wasn’t right for me.
You should surround yourself with people that believe in you, in life, and in business.
BILL ACKMAN
DAZZLE
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
@GSELEVATOR
DECADE
Every decade has its characteristic folly, but the basic cause is the same: people persist in believing that what has happened in the recent past will go on happening into the indefinite future, even while the ground is shifting under their feet.
GEORGE J. CHURCH
DEFINITION
MONEY, n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DISCIPLINE
The key to trading success is emotional discipline. If intelligence were the key, there would be a lot more people making money trading... I know this will sound like a cliché, but the single most important reason that people lose money in the financial markets is that they don't cut their losses short.
VICTOR SPERANDEO
DIVORCE
This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.
UNKNOWN
DONKEYWORK
If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
LANE KIRKLAND
DOCTORS
Suit 1: “She actually believed me when I said I wasn’t fucking anyone else.”
Suit 2: “She probably thinks chiropractors are real doctors too.”
@GSELEVATOR
DOORBELL
A woman was just getting out of the shower when the doorbell rang. She threw on her towel and went to the door. Dave, a poker buddy of her husband’s was there. He looked at her in her towel for a minute and whispered
“I’ll give you $500 right now if you take of your towel for just 10 seconds! That’s $50 a second!”
She thought about it a second, and then took off her towel. He smiled, gave her the money and walked away. When she walked back into the bedroom, her husband asked “Was that Dave? Did he bring the $500 he owed me?”
UNKNOWN
DOWNSIDE
I really picked up my investment philosophy from Marty [Gruss] and his father, Joseph Gruss. He had two sayings that guided me going forward.
The first was: Watch the downside, the upside will take care of itself. That’s been a very important guiding philosophy for me. Our goal is to preserve principal, not to lose money. Our investors will forgive us if our returns don’t beat the S&P in a given year, but we are not forgiven if we have significant drawdowns.
The other saying really drives the same point from a different angle: Risk arbitrage is not about making money, it’s about not losing money. If you can minimize the downside, you get to keep all your earnings and that helps performance.
JOHN PAULSON
ECONOMISTS
The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters.
JEAN-PAUL KAUFFMANN
EMOTIONS
This market right now is moving on nothing more than emotions. Guess what? It almost always moves on emotions.
DAVID BACH
ENEMIES
The spectator’s chief enemies are always boring from within. It is inseparable from human nature to hope and to fear. In speculation when the market goes against you, you hope that every day will be the last day and you lose more than you should had you not listened to hope. And when the market goes your way you become fearful that the next day will take away your profit, and you get out too soon. Fear keeps you from making as much money as you ought to. The successful trader has to fight these two deep-seated instincts. He has to reverse what you might call his natural impulses. Instead of hoping he must fear; instead of fearing he must hope. He must fear that his loss may develop into a much bigger loss, and hope that his profit may become a big profit.
JESSE LIVERMORE
ENOUGH
What's considered enough money? Just a little bit more.
WILL ROGERS
ENVELOPES
A new manager spends a week at his new Broker office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him,
"I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says: "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious market problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says:
"Prepare three envelopes".
UNKNOWN
EVIDENCE
When an economist says the evidence is ‘mixed’, he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
RICHARD THALER
EVIL
Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any.
JIM YOUNG (BOILER ROOM)
EXPECTATIONS
Stocks are bought on expectations, not facts.
GERALD M. LOEB
EXPENSES
It’s easy to meet expenses – everywhere we go, there they are.
UNKNOWN
EXPERIENCE
I am having an out of money experience.
UNKNOWN
EXPERTS
If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice.
NORMAN RALPH AUGUSTINE
EXTREMES
What seems too high and risky to the majority generally goes higher and what seems low and cheap generally goes lower.
WILLIAM O'NEIL
FALL
A Wall Street trader is leaning out the window one afternoon watching the traffic go by. He accidentally falls, plunging four floors.
As he lies on the sidewalk, a very pretty women comes up to him and asks: “How are you doing?
He looks at her and says: “I make about six figures.”
UNKNOWN
FATHER
- Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?
- I would have five dollars...
- You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny...
- You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
UNKNOWN
FEAR
Buy on fear, sell on greed.
UNKNOWN
FEELINGS
I'm involved in the stock market, which is fun and, sometimes, very painful.
REGIS PHILBIN
FLOWCHART
The whole world is simply nothing more than a flowchart for capital.
PAUL TUDOR JONES
FLUCTUATIONS