The Psychology of Self-Development
I was once told that the most useful concept for helping people turn their lives around was what is called the “four little words.”
The first two were if only. I was told that many of us spent our lives in the past anguishing about what we should have done in various situations and circumstances.
When we are unable to secure a job, we say, “If only I had prepared better for that interview…”
When we are unable to manage our work, we say, “If only I had expressed my true feelings to the boss…”
When we find out that we are inadequately qualified for something, we often say, “If only I had taken that accounting course…”
We all know that wallowing in this sea of regret is a serious emotional drain. I personally think that the antidote is very simple. We should try our best to eliminate these two words (if only) from our vocabulary and substitute these with next time to convince ourselves.
“Next time I am going to be well prepared…”
“Next time I am going to speak out…”
“Next time I have a chance I am going to enrol in that course…”
This concept was never easy for me and I know that it would not be easy for anyone but if we get determined and practised this simple technique until it became our habit then I feel we would never ever rehash errors we have been making.
However, if we do find ourselves doing so, simply begin telling ourselves. “Next time I will do it differently.”
The possible consequence of this change in attitude will be that we will find that this closes the door on the matter to free us to devote our valuable time and our important thoughts to the present and the future instead of the past.