“Living your dreams involves action. Otherwise you’re just dreaming.”
—Teresa de Grosbois
“I can’t say I’m the biggest or the best marketer; I’m just a guy that just keeps doing it.”
Dr. John Demartini is sitting across from me, matter-of-factly explaining how he’s been blessed to be part of a group of thought leaders who have spearheaded one of the largest thought movements of the 20th and 21st centuries.
We’re having lunch. At the age of 60 he’s got a spring in his step, and looks like he’s 45. I want to know his secret.
He’s a world-renowned mindset expert and a pioneer in many respects. Many multi— millionaires have attributed their success to his work. In the industry he’s also known as someone who generally does not do affiliate marketing, believing that if people appreciate, love and respect your work, they will refer you without being paid. I want to know how he got started, how he had the courage initially to buck the norm and try a whole new way of doing business that is radically different from what the rest of the industry is doing.
He modestly answers that he didn’t even know he’d done that. And what comes next is so simple and so profound that it almost knocks me backward: “For 43 years I’ve just focused on contributing.”
Influence is as simple and as difficult as that.
John doesn’t think there’s anything he has done that you couldn’t also do for yourself. There’s no magic formula. “I’m just a guy who’s been researching every single day of my life for the last 43 years, trying to find solutions to different issues for humanity.” And he continues to share the results of his research.
His dad told him when he was growing up, “If you deliver more than people expect, you’ll never worry about business and rank,” so he tries his best to keep delivering work that’s mind-boggling, practical, useful and inspires people. “I’ve been told that if you stay with something long enough everyone else just dies out, and you’ll get there.”
I’m glued to my seat. The waitress is trying to get us to pay the bill and I don’t want to miss a single word he says. I let my brief annoyance at the interruption pass. John continues:
I’m relentless in my research and relentless in my desire to give presentations. I just keep doing what I love most. I just keep delivering something I think will make a difference.
And if it doesn’t work and serve, then the customer won’t buy, so you have to find a balance between your narcissistic goal of trying to make a difference and your altruistic goal of trying to serve—playing the two together.
I’ve been on both sides of the pole where I’ve gone too far into myself and too far into others and I found that fair and equitable exchanges are the only things that actually last and work. You have to find something that serves others and which also serves you, otherwise it’s not sustainable.
I’ve tried many things. Somehow, I’ve synchronously run into people who have helped me—all different types—and sometimes from places I least expected. Sometimes they’re planned; but if it isn’t fair and equitable, it doesn’t sustain or work’... you have to tweak it until it works, or you have to realize that just isn’t the right match.
John is clear on the following point: “I research, write, travel and teach; that’s it. I don’t do the rest. I research every day. I write every day. I travel most days and I teach as much as I can daily.”
John has become an expert at prioritizing, and lets his team do the rest: “If I get distracted by what I perceive to be low-priority things, I tend to get in my own way.”
He goes on to stress that it’s not that these things aren’t important; they’re low priority in his value system, and what is low priority for him is high priority to them. He has learned to go and do what he does best. He says he learned this from Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay cosmetics nearly three decades ago. “I met Mary Kay and I asked her what advice she could give a young, aspiring, international speaker and she said, ‘Everyday, write down the six or seven highest priority actions you can do that day that can help you fulfill your dream,’ so on an index card I wrote them down every day and I did what she said and kept the cards. After a couple of years of doing that, I went back and reviewed all the cards and looked at what the highest priorities and four things rose to the top: research, write, travel and teach. So I said, ‘Okay, I’m committed to delegating everything off my plate and I’m really going to do these four things,’ and these four things have sustained me and I have also saved the hell out of my money. Whatever I earned, I saved half because I want my money working for me and not having to work for it all the time.”
I know I’ve been leaning in the same direction. I now have a number of contractors and a team of volunteers working for me so I can delegate all the work I don’t like doing and focus on where I’m really powerful. But when I look at my week, I can see more than 10 hours of rabbit holes I’ve gone down. There is a level of greater intentionality I could have. I start taking stock.
I’m realizing the biggest gift of this meeting is that I’m sitting across from a man who epitomizes everything I teach. He is of high contribution to the world, is deeply passionate about what he does, he builds powerful relationships and, most importantly, he takes action, every day.
Habit #10: Influencers Take Action
There’s a moment when you can see your results as a trainer. Invariably I come back to a city a few years after my last visit and see people who haven’t seen me since I was last there. There’s a moment when I see the results. I had two such moments recently.
The first moment is really sweet. A holistic nutritionist tells me how I’ve impacted her life. She tells me where she was a few years ago and how working through the week-to-week modules of my advanced course has shifted everything in how she works. She is now an internationally known bestselling author, making a lot more money and fully on fire. Her regret is not starting sooner, when we first met.
Exercise 17: The Two-Year Test
1. Write down your dream of what you’d like your life, or the world you live in, to become.
2. Note how far along that path you were two years ago vs. where you are today.
3. Compare the difference.
4. Make a note on your calendar to take the test again in two years.
I also have the second, less rewarding moment from someone who heard me speak two years ago. He liked my content then and likes it now. But somehow nothing has changed for him. He’s still not ready to take action. All the same reasons are still in place—not enough time and resources to move forward.
The sad truth for most trainers is that we know some of you will love the content, walk away and never take a single action. You’ll never implement the daily routine, never enroll in a single other training course. It’s a lot like wanting to be a doctor and never going to medical school.
Although I’ve seen even the slowest of students achieve great results with consistent, committed action, the sad truth is that I more commonly see reasons for inaction.
The biggest difference between people who hold massive influence and those who don’t isn’t in the ideas they have or the plans they create, but in their choice to take action. Having the courage to move forward and take action on your plans is what sets you apart.
Unspoken Rule #15
If you do not take some risk and put yourself out there, you will not be taken seriously by other influential people.
No action, no results. So choose and move. It’s the best gift you will ever give yourself.
Take action. Move forward with the plan you’ve just created. Remember, unspoken rule
number two was, “I will not take you seriously if you play small when you deal with me. Have clarity, focus and confidence.”
An adage you hear a lot in the entrepreneurial world is “Ready, fire, aim.” Some of you will have misread that. Notice that I did not say “Ready, aim, fire”. Seasoned entrepreneurs understand that sometimes you have to implement to see what your aim should have been. Sometimes you have to actually move forward and do something for a little while in order to understand whether it was the right target and the right fit.
Take a “ready, fire, aim” approach and give yourself permission to leap and then figure out whether the aim was perfect or not. It’s easy to make small adjustments as you go. Give yourself permission to succeed sloppily.
Finding Your “Hell, Yes!” Plan
If you’re still not a “hell, yes!” to the plan you created, think what it might take to change yourself to a firm, passionate yes. Sometimes it’s just your internal game that needs to change.
Make the decision and hold to it. If there are legitimately some external constraints, take the opportunity to look again at those constraints and figure out what support, infrastructure and resources you need to create success. You’ll be far more effective at changing the world and impacting lives by stepping powerfully into the Influence Game.
Now that you’ve spoken to those first few key influencers, the next step is to develop a broader group of your founding members. The question to consider is how to enroll the broader group. Who do you want to be your active founding members, and how will you enroll those early adopters?
Celebrate Them
Celebrating your early supporters is key. The first people to come on board are the ones who actually create the community. You are not a leader until you have your first follower. Their role in creating your influence is pivotal.
You want to hold them in high esteem, and acknowledge them as highly influential within the group. Acknowledging your early adopters can include creating a charter member or founding member status, giving them a role as meeting facilitator or regional leader, or some other role or title to ensure they are celebrated within your group.
Think about whether or not you want to gift some kind of special status to those initial people to honor them. Treat them as leaders within the community, because they really are. They’re the folks who jumped first. They’re the folks who took action first. They are your core team. Special pricing, special status, any incentives you can think of, will solidify that initial group that will help you grow the community.
Once you’ve thought about what you’re going to do with that initial group, think about how to encourage your first members to bring in other members. You have two clear options:
By and large, the first option is always your strongest, but depending on your industry, you might want to use some combination of these ideas.
What If You Don’t?
I can hear you through the pages of this book. You have your reasons to put this book down and say, “Great ideas, maybe someday I’ll...”
If you never take a single action from this book, not much will change. Your life will stay pretty much as it is now—the good, the bad, the boring.
Some of you are just hard-wired for dealing with people one-on-one. You create change one life at a time and you simply know that’s why you were put here. If that is you, I honor you, and the opportunities in this book may not call to you.
Some of you, however, know you were put here to do something bigger, to create change, to leave behind a world better than the one you came into. If you do not step into who you are, there will always be longing in your heart for something more - the ability to influence change.
But What If You Do?
I promise when you move forward on the actions in this book, it will at times be messy. Courage is never tidy. Consider a new way of thinking. Perhaps the highest state of perfection is learning to love the imperfect.
I also promise that your life will change. Living from a place of passion and doing something meaningful can bring joy and fulfillment to your life that makes everything richer and more meaningful. Think about what you are role modeling to your kids, friends and others in your life.
True influencers are dedicated, lifelong learners. Continue your training and expansion, because you were put here for a reason. You can influence a lot of conversations, a lot of growth in other people. This book has given you a good grounding in how to become a leader and influencer for change. Now it’s your turn.
Living the life of your dreams requires action. Otherwise you’re just dreaming. If you are ready, then step onto your path of influence.
YOU are the one the world is waiting for.
This is the start.
