Lurch
I have a weakness regarding bullies and those who choose to operate through intimidation. The problem is that I can't stand them and I want to confront them.
There was a huge guy we worked with who we used to call "Lurch". He was a part time bouncer when he wasn't working with us. Lurch was stoic, unfriendly and a goon who loved to intimidate people, as well as complain to get his way. Also, he would love to stick his nose into everything and tell us what we were doing wrong.
One time, my partner on the egg roll filling line tipped over a huge top-heavy bin of diced celery. I went to his aid to help pick it up while he was still keeping the line full. Then I noticed that we had no shovel to scoop it up with.
Meanwhile, Lurch had a separate shovel for each of his ingredients. He was the only person who worked that way. So I went over and asked him if I could borrow one of his shovels. If anything he could have been helping us out.
He said, "No."
I shook my head and said he didn't need them all right now. Then I took one. The big troll became furious and grabbed me around the neck. I just looked at him and thought about bashing him with the shovel. Not the smartest tactical move on his part.
Just then a manager walked by and saw what was going on.
We bypassed the office and went straight up to the personnel office. There were about a half-dozen managers in there and the union representatives.
The human resources manager said, "So I hear we have a couple of banty roosters out there."
I told him, "I don't appreciate your characterization when I was just getting strangled."
"You guys were fighting."
I asked him, "What are you talking about? There was no fight. If there was, he would be laying out on the floor right now."
Lurch did not like that comment.
The argument went in circles. The HR manager said we were fighting but he couldn't prove it. So then he said we would both be written up.
I told him, "So what you are saying is, if I stand up right now and walk over and strangle you, even if you don't resist, we will both be disciplined, right?"
That comment got some snickers out of some of the other managers. The cowardly HR manager just sat there dumbfounded staring at me. I didn't blink.
The cowards did write both of us up for fighting. The Union jerk was happy, figuring that he did his job since no one got fired. I told the managers that did the actual writing that they were screwing up. I suspect management later on decided I was on the wrong side.
Lurch apologized and thanked me for not being mad at him and not trying to get him fired. I told him I was sorry about the whole thing too.
Some days later I challenged him to an arm wrestling match. All of the guys gathered around. They said I had no chance and that I shouldn't do it since I would lose, which they didn't want. I figured with everyone thinking that, I had nothing to lose.
So we squared off on top of a barrel. It was on. We couldn't move each other. My immediate defeat did not happen. If I could defeat the big goon I would be a legend. . .
I smelled blood. I started to push him down, but he had an angle with that long forearm I couldn't get by. He was like pushing against a wall and allowed him to expend less energy than me. The match went on in this position for a long time. Maybe three minutes, which is a marathon in arm wrestling.
Finally, Lurch slowly sank me down and took the match. But I had given a good account of myself. Lurch never looked at me the same way again. We both got along a lot better after the write ups and the match.
Of course, today arm wrestling would be seen as horseplay or fighting. Don't do it at work.
Lurch knew we were only going to tolerate so much of his nonsense. We all started picking on him from time to time. One guy shut the lights off on him when he was in the cooler and locked the door.
They let him out, but instead of feeling threatened, he felt more like a part of the team. He just blew it off without even saying anything.