The Savvy &
Influential
Communicator’s
Starter Kit
Power Up; Speak Up;
Be Heard
Say What Needs To Be Said; Be Confident
and Clear. It’s All About Being Heard.
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of the contents of this material. The information contained in this material is strictly for educational purposes.
Therefore, if you wish to apply ideas contained in this material, you are taking full responsibility for your actions.
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Every effort has been made to accurately represent this product and its potential. There is no guarantee, express or implied, that you will earn any money using the techniques and ideas in these materials. Examples in these materials are not to be interpreted (The Legal
as a promise or guarantee of earnings. Earnings potential is entirely dependent on the efforts and skills of the person applying all or part of the concepts, ideas and strategies contained in our course materials. Any case studies presented in our materials can be verified upon request. These are for il ustrative purposes only and should not be interpreted as example of what consumers Smallprint)
can generally expect from our course. Your level of success in attaining the results claimed in our materials depends on the time you devote to the programme, ideas and techniques mentioned; your finances, knowledge and various skills. Since these factors differ according to individuals, we cannot guarantee your success or income level. Nor are we responsible for your actions.
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The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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“If you’re making
yourself understood,
you’re always
speaking well”.
—moliere
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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Contents
2 Being Seen: Showing Up And Staying On The Radar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
3 Difficult Conversations: They Don’t Have To Be Difficult . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
4 Influencing Skil s: Your Jedi Mastery…When Your Rubber Meets the Road . . . . 69
5 Persuasive Language: The Difference Between “Yes” And “Whatever” . . . . . 94
bonus resources
One of the most powerful chapter’s from Kay’s # 1 best-sel ing book. Use these powerful y and you’ll never be stuck or lost for words again.
Use this set of careful y-crafted questions, set out in a specific order, to guide you through decisions when you’re stuck. The layout, the exact wording will help unlock indecision and help you move from stuck to find your way forward.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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So who is Kay White?
About
Known as the “Savvy and Influential Communication Expert” Kay is the author of the international number 1 bestsel er The A to Z of Being Understood, Kay White
contributing author to the bestsel ing books Smart Women Live Their Why and Turning Points. As Mentor to hundreds of ambitious professional women (and a few smart, savvy men) Kay is CEO of her own company, Way Forward Solutions Ltd. Living just outside London in the UK with her husband and their 3 rescue hounds, Kay works worldwide with clients, both in person and virtual y. She offers 1 to 1 mentorships and popular group trainings—
all focused on enabling her clients to Speak Up and Be Heard using savvy, influential communication secrets.
Why does she do what she does?
Kay’s passion is to help ambitious and often frustrated professionals get seen and heard and noticed (for the right reasons) and then position themselves with power and influence for the success they want and deserve—all by using subtle and instantly effective communication secrets. You can’t do it
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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on your own—you always need other people’s help and input. You have to communicate what you want clearly and be heard so that other people take action, rather than tune you out or ignore you.
You need to be heard.
You can work your little tail off and still be overlooked, undervalued and it’s such a waste of your talent and a waste of your time. Wel , enough already.
People need to notice you for you to get ahead and be rewarded. That’s Kay’s mission. As she says herself “small changes in the way you communicate make a GIANT impact on the way you’re seen, heard and understood”.
What happens for people once they’ve worked with Kay?
Her work is often described as “Jedi” in that after working with Kay her clients get the promotion they were looking for, they earn more money and people who used to tune them out, suddenly sit up and listen to what they say. They also notice that it’s easy—all that Kay shares can be adapted to your own style.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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If you’re a business owner just as if you’re working in an organisation—you need to grab and keep people’s attention so you can get your work done and get the praise, recognition, and rewards you deserve.
How does she work with people?
Kay offers:
• in-person workshops and trainings
• popular Virtual Live Trainings and Teleclasses (Skype Livestream & telephone)
• VIP one-to-one mentoring, in-person and virtual y
• Regular interviews on radio and TV shows and iTunes podcasts What’s Kay’s background?
With over 20 years of corporate experience working in the City of London to Director level, Kay negotiated and marketed multi-mil ion dol ar insurance contracts working for the top international insurance broker, Wil is. Always being able to express herself clearly and persuasively both in person and
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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in writing, Kay designed ‘blueprints’ for her team to design effective presentations, sales letters, and events.
Working for 6 months in Paris as liaison between the two offices, Kay travel ed on business and as a Director, Kay became the ‘Go To’ person to design, craft and present information to underwriters, clients and investors, in French and in English!
When Kay was promoted to Divisional Director, interestingly she was told “oh, I thought you already were a Director”. What she learned in that moment is that the way you carry yourself, how you put yourself together and come across plays a huge part in how people perceive you. Kay now brings these distinctions to her clients too. As she herself says “People have to ‘see’ you in the role, ‘see’ you as capable and how you present yourself, real y present you, is crucial to your success”.
Married for 10 years, Kay and her husband live close enough to London for a bit of ‘bright lights, big City’ when they want it and far enough away for long countryside walks with their 3 rescue hounds.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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“Well done” and “good for you”. Learning how to get noticed, how to connect About
with people all day and everyday is one of the best investments you’ll ever make in yourself and in your business life.
Your eBook
Knowing how to say what needs to be said, how to say it in a way that’s both assertive and still respectful is one of the BIGGEST chal enges for people in both their careers, their businesses and—let’s be honest—in their day-today personal lives. It’s often why people are ignored and overlooked. Their intention is good, they have great things to share…they just don’t know how to express themselves so they’re heard.
(Oh, and pssst—a savvy, secret aside to you—by grabbing this eBook and using the tools and tips in here, you’ll start to notice that they work just as well at home as they do at work! Children, partners, parents, friends, family.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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My intention in designing this eBook for you is:
• For it to be easy to use, each chapter being useful for you in and of itself.
• It’s a place to start. By reading and absorbing these helpful, succinct chapters and using the tips and nuggets in each one, you’ll start to notice places to use these tips…everywhere! It’s a meal in and of itself but rather than a main menu, it’s a sample platter. Simple dishes served up for you in bite-sized chunks.
• By dividing it into 5 key areas, you’ll always know where you are and there are exercises and “To Do” points for you in most chapters to get you into action.
• There is also a “Notes” page for you at the end of each chapter for your scribbles and reminders.
Stop struggling and banging your head against the wall and start to be heard—feel more comfortable, powerful and confident as you go about your business. Have your say.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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It’s time for you to take yourself off ‘mute’ and express yourself and power up your communication. I mean, if not now—when?
Go and connect more comfortably with the people around you and get the praise and recognition for it you deserve. It’s time people noticed you for the right reasons.
Warmly to you,
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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Assertive is a word worth defining. Many people confuse ‘being assertive’
with ‘being aggressive’ and there’s a huge difference and I want to put this out there for you before we go any further.
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Assertive is defined as “having or showing a confident and forceful personality”—other words close to ‘Assertive’ are:
Being
self-confident • bold • decisive • assured • self-assured • self-possessed • forthright • firm •
emphatic • authoritative • strong-willed • forceful • insistent • determined • feisty Assertive
I define it as knowing you have a natural right to have a say, to have a voice Staking Your Claim
and—quite frankly—to not be pushed around or brushed off.
Aggressive on the other hand:
bel igerent • bellicose • antagonistic • truculent • pugnacious • combative • two-fisted
• violent • macho • confrontational • quarrelsome • argumentative You can tell the difference clearly now and it’s the difference that makes the difference in your ‘come from’, how you think about how you communicate.
Go and be assertive, people will respect you and listen to you…they may not always like what you say but, hey, that’s being alive for you!
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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How and Why It’s Good To Be Direct
Do you go around the houses or beat about the bush?
It’s important to be able to be direct. There are times when it’s crucial to be direct. There you are, I’m being direct with you. It’s got your attention, you know what I’m saying and it’s a key piece to being a clear, confident communicator.
We’ll start with the ‘Why’ of being direct first. I’ll be direct with you. I promise—and before we start, being direct is very different from being rude.
That’s the key.
So many people struggle with saying what has to be said. They ‘beat about the bush’ as we say, chatting about everything else but what they actual y want to say. We can feel they’re struggling, they can, and the longer it goes on the harder it is for them to say what has to be said.
They put all sorts of waffle in and dilute the message…do you know what I mean (that’s a question and an example!) Expressions like “Wel , without being funny” and “I know you might struggle with this but…”
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If you think about it, more often than not, when someone’s direct with you, it’s actual y a relief. You know and understand what they’re saying, you’re able to decide whether to take the information or their opinion on board and you can keep moving.
I believe the struggle with being direct is two-fold. Firstly it stems from, ultimately, fear. It’s a primal fear of rejection at the root of being unable to be direct. Putting an opinion or instruction out and either hurting someone’s feelings or being seen to be ‘wrong’ is scary.
The struggle is both about fear and it’s about thinking that you have to please everyone all the time. The trick is to be able to respect the other person’s position or point of view and still be able to put across yours. (Oh, and as we all know, we always fail if we try to please everyone. It’s impossible.)
‘This is going off-track. We have to get those expenses down otherwise all the budgets will be blown’. This two-sentence, direct opinion has given us everything we need to understand that something’s going wrong, there’s a direct action and the consequence is laid out for us if we leave things. We may not like the message, it may not be strictly true but at least we know what the other person’s thinking.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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You can imagine that these two, direct sentences could have gone like this and, in many meetings I’ve sat through, they have: ‘Wel , we’ve got to be careful to understand how exactly the numbers are all adding up at the moment. We’ve said it before and it’s time to say it again. If we aren’t very strict with ourselves and what we’re spending then the whole project could be jeopardised and then we might all be at risk of being told the budgets have been blown and then who knows where we’ll be’. Phew, we got there. It was painful and ‘clunky’ or bumpy to get there and—if they held our attention to the end of it—the importance of the message has been severely diluted.
Can you see in the second version, that as well as diluting the message, there’s also a real danger of both confusing and, crucial y, boring your audience. Be it a listener, a reader, a crowd—your audience is the person or people you’re communicating with. You want their attention not for them to start tuning you out.
Personal y, I resent spending my precious time listening to or being made to read something that’s rambling, jumbled and wool y. My brain has enough vying for attention and so does yours. It’s a relief when someone tel s you what’s what.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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Most people will love you for it. They actual y want your opinion and they can then choose whether they take your opinion on, or not. Just as you can choose whether you take someone else’s opinion too.
There’s a handy formula—and here it is for you—to make it easier (and more comfortable) for you to be direct.
Your opinion + Your reason + Offer a solution.
That colour is a bit drab on you. (opinion)
You look lovely in blue. (solution)
It brings out the colour of your eyes (reason).
This is going off-track. (opinion)
We have to get those expenses down (solution)
otherwise all the budgets will be blown. (reason)
It’s less about the order you express yourself and more about having these 3
key components in there. Opinion + Reason + Solution = Usefully Direct.
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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What to Say When All You Want To Say is “No, I can’t” Assert yourself (and stay positive and helpful)
You can hear yourself, can’t you? You’re asked a question or someone’s asking you to do something and all you can hear in your head is “no I can’t” or “no, not another thing” or “no way mate!” It’s so natural to be answering the question directly as it’s being asked, instead of taking a second to re-position your response. It’s about saying what you can do, what you’re able to do, what’s possible without actually saying no.
There are a myriad of ways to do this and too many to list here for you but it’s very much part of the secret sauce of being a more savvy communicator—
being able to say “no” effectively without saying it.
One of the ways you can immediately take and use, is the “What Can I Do” principle. Think about this scenario for a second—you’re at your desk, the phone rings and suddenly, as the phrase goes “someone’s urgency becomes your emergency”. Or does it have to?
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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Of course it’s all about context and recognizing a true jump-to-it moment but a lot of the time the person making the request will be happy with you saying “Ok, of course I can get that to you and I’ll send it across by 4pm” for example. You’re acknowledging the request, you’re being helpful and you’re saying what you can do. You don’t have to list all the things you’re doing and all the “reasons” why you can’t do it, you just cut to the chase and say “Yes, of course, I’ll do that for you by XYZ o’clock”. They can always come back and tell you if that’s too long or too late but what you’ve told them by your first response is “yes, and I’m making space for your request a bit later”.
So many people immediately say “oh, no—I’m right in the middle of XYZ and up to my eyes in things, I can’t possibly do that too” or “Oh, ok then” and drop what they’re in the middle of, what they’re already concentrating on, and rush off to attend to this request.
Interestingly, it will take you even longer to complete your own piece of work because you’ve broken off and started something else. It takes at least 5 or 6
minutes to get your brain back in tune with something you’re concentrating on after you break off. That’s why constantly checking emails, always
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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answering your phone because it rings means that—as well as the physical distraction—the mental distraction makes it take even longer for you too.
So, what will you decide to do, now?
The Savvy & Influential Communicator’s Starter Kit © 2006–2011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com
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7 Words To Raise Your Game
How using assertive language raises your visibility There are so many ways to say something and every way means something different to your listener as you say it. Imagine you’re in a meeting and someone asks if anyone is able to take on a new project or put some figures together. You think to yourself, ‘I could probably do that’ but you may sit on that thought and say nothing and wait for someone else to offer or you may put yourself forward. The trick here is, if you do decide to step up and offer, it’s how you put yourself forward.
To use assertive, positive language when you’re going about your business sends a message, very clearly, to those around you that you’re someone who gets on with things and who can be trusted to do things.
A lot of people struggle with the difference between coming across as aggressive instead of assertive. Assertive is ‘self-confident, self-assured, firm’
and aggressive ‘hostile, bel igerent, forceful’ and there’s a different energy about the two, of course there is.
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As a savvy communicator, you’re going to be far more effective if you come across as clear, firm and self-confident as you go about your business, rather than bel igerent or, almost worse, wishy-washy using indecisive language. It casts doubt.
You could offer to help on this new project in so many ways and depending on how you say it, your message lands differently:
• ‘I suppose I could do it’—I suppose meaning I might be able to, if pushed. I could meaning I can, but I’m not saying I wil .
• ‘I might have some capacity to do it’—I might doesn’t mean to say I wil
• ‘I’ve got enough on my plate’—unhelpful, defensive
• ‘I’ll try to do it’—I might be able to do it but I’m not real y sure I’ll be able to
• ‘Leave it with me. I’ll do it’—I’m able to do it and I will do it.
We all know which one of those simple phrases