Driving Sideways
A One Act Play
Driving Sideways is a One Act Play written in Spring 2011. The relationship dynamics between Aasta and Keller, and between Keller and Danny are not my personal views of how a family should be run.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
KELLER...Cognitively Dissonant, sad, confused, m, 38, Aasta’s boyfriend, and Danny’s Dad
AASTA...Emotionally scarred, f, 28, trying to regain her voice
DANNY...Wise, mature, m, 14, learning to stick up for himself
CANDY CANE...Wise, f, 29, entertainer in a Candy Cane tube dress
JIMMY...Semi-crooked Mechanic at a gas station
TIME: 2000s
PLACE: A car, highway, and gas station. Near the mountains.
SETTING: The Jeep and the van do not have to be real. It can be some wooden boxes. The Jeep does not need to actually move, even when they are pushing it. There needs to be special effects of a tire popping and music on the stereo. The gas station can be hidden, until present in the play. The outside of the gas station is all that is seen. There should be a bench at the gas station. For Props: Skis and duffle bags would make this play more lifelike. Candy Cane will need a large purse filled with Durex condoms. She absolutely needs to wear a short, tight, red and white, candy cane dress.
(LIGHTS UP)
(AASTA, 28, loads two duffle bags into the back seat of a Jeep with its top off. She lingers in the car.)
(Aasta’s boyfriend, KELLER, 38, and his son, DANNY, 14, carry a heavy cooler and set it in the back of their Jeep.)
(Aasta, mumbles words that cannot be made out, under her breath, as if she were rehearsing something to say.)
KELLER
Aasta, get your butt out of the car and come over here!
(Aasta hurries over.)
AASTA
I’ve been meaning to tell you something.
KELLER
Big thing, or small thing?
AASTA
Um – Pretty big.
KELLER
Can it wait till after the trip?
AASTA
I suppose. What’s wrong?
KELLER
Danny, come over here.
(Danny runs over.)
Guess who just got her license?
DANNY
She told me.
KELLER
Well, guess who gets to drive today?
AASTA
Honey, I can’t drive on the highway.
KELLER
Well, sure you can, Aasta. You just got your license.
AASTA
I don’t really have any experience driving on the highway. Just a quick in and a quick out to Danny’s high school that one time.
KELLER
Aasta, you’ll be fine. Won’t she, Danny?
DANNY
(already bored) Yeah, fine. Can we go, now? The season’s almost over.
KELLER
Tighten the skis and I’ll lock up the house. (to Aasta) You’re going to be fine. I was nervous my first time on the highway.
DANNY
(poking fun) So was I.
AASTA
You’re fourteen, how’d you get on the highway?
DANNY
I guess some people are more mature than others.
(Keller locks the house and tightens the skis himself.)
KELLER
I don’t like doing work for you son.
DANNY
What work?
KELLER
If you’re going to be an Olympic skier, you’re going to have to tighten your own skis.
DANNY
I don’t want to be an Olympic skier.
KELLER
Hog wash! You’ve been running races every season, since you were five. And if you keep practicing, there will be no stopping you from winning the gold. You’ve got a lot of talent, but it doesn’t just take talent, it takes skill, which takes discipline, which means you have to practice.
DANNY
The season’s almost over. One weekend left.
KELLER
Don’t give me that lip, son. This is a lifelong dream and it’s going to take dedication, and what?
DANNY
Practice, sir.
KELLER
Yes, and discipline. Now get in the car. Aasta, you’re driving.
(Danny gets in the empty back seat and shuts the door.)
AASTA
But –
KELLER
If you are going to try to be a part of this family, you are going to learn to jump over all of those hurdles of yours, like school, and skiing, and driving. Driving is simple. It will come easy to you. You have your license, now there’s no excuse. Don’t wimp out in front of the boy. He needs strong role models in his life. I know you haven’t always had it this easy, but you’re tough, and driving is a piece of cake.
AASTA
Family? Oh, honey, I’m part of the family, now? That’s great to hear, because --
KELLER
Don’t harp on me, about this family stuff. I just let you move in. Baby steps.
DANNY
(under breath, sarcastic)You’ve only been dating her two years.
AASTA
But he’s worth the wait.
(Aasta goes in for a kiss, but Keller pushes her away.)
AASTA (CONT’D)
What’s wrong?
KELLER
I don’t want the boy to get the wrong idea.
AASTA
That we love each other?
KELLER
I don’t want to get into this now.
AASTA
You confuse me sometimes, you know that?
KELLER
I’m not in the right place for this conversation.
AASTA
(unsure)Okay? When will you be?
DANNY
Season’s almost over!
KELLER
Season’s almost over, honey. (slaps Aasta on the butt) Get in the car. You’ll be fine!
(Aasta gets in the car, adjusts the seat and mirrors, and turns on the car.)
DANNY
(snotty) Aren’t you lucky this is a stick?
AASTA
(snotty back, wiping tear) Yes, I am.
KELLER
Okay, folks, we are ready to rock and roll.
(Keller turns on a classic rock station.)
KELLER (CONT’D)
Buckle up!
(They buckle up.)
(Driving.)
(Five beats of silence.)
KELLER
You’re doing good. Isn’t she doing good, son? Son, isn’t she doing good?
DANNY
(bored) Yes, sir.
KELLER
See, you’re a natural. Now pull onto this entrance coming up. Good job. See, your fine.
AASTA
Okay, but –
KELLER
No buts – you’re fine. Now let’s listen to some Mazzy Star.
DANNY
There’s a reason why they call it heroin rock.
AASTA
I think it’s enchanting.
DANNY
Now aren’t you the epitome of love?
KELLER
I think it’s enchanting.
(Keller looks at Aasta doe eyed. She tries to kiss him but –)
KELLER (CONT’D)
Eyes on the wheel, hon. Eyes on the wheel.
DANNY
I know you guys kiss. I know that’s not all you do.
KELLER AASTA
Son, you’re crossing the line. Danny!
DANNY
Sorry, sir.
KELLER
Yes, you are. I’m gonna need fifty suicides when we get up to Breck.
DANNY
Yes, sir.
KELLER
You understand me, son?
DANNY
Yes, sir.
KELLER
And you know why.
AASTA
Honey…
KELLER
I told you not to give the boy the wrong idea.
AASTA
What wrong idea?
KELLER
Just drive!
AASTA
What did I do wrong?
KELLER
I’m not getting into this argument with you now.
AASTA
What argument?
KELLER
I knew it was too soon for you to move in.
AASTA
Honey, why, what did I do?
KELLER
Just drive.
AASTA
But –
KELLER
Drive!
(THUMP! POP! SQUEEK! The car steers to the right lane.)
AASTA
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
DANNY
Holy shit!
(They steer off onto a side ramp, in view of a gas station.)
KELLER
Danny, don’t cuss in front of Aasta.
DANNY
She just said fuck.
KELLER
Lip!
DANNY
But Dad!
AASTA
(crying) I told you I couldn’t drive on the highway. I’ve never really driven on the highway. You just push me too hard sometimes. I’m not one of your kids. I’m your girlfriend.
KELLER
You’re fine.
DANNY
Good one.
KELLER
No lip! She’s fine. We’ll get you driving in no time. There’s a spare in back.
DANNY
No, there’s not.
KELLER
Look, there’s a gas station down the ramp. Danny, help me push.
DANNY
But-
KELLER
Now!
(They all get out of the Jeep.)
AASTA
I’ll push, too.
KELLER
I’m sure somebody at the gas station can help. Hopefully it’s quick. We should still be able to get up to Breck by two.
AASTA
I don’t want to drive.
KELLER
It’s no big deal. Really, you’re fine. Just get back behind the wheel.
AASTA
No, Keller, please, please. I really just do not want to drive. We can still go, but I’m a little shaken up.
DANNY
Let’s just go home. I don’t even want to go anymore. I don’t even care about skiing that much.
KELLER
What are you trying to tell me?