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Henry watched as Hope descended the staircase, her expression sad and grim. He
walked toward her.
“How is she today, Hope?”
She shook her head, her eyes downcast. “Like yesterday, she didn’t want any
breakfast this morning. I even prepared her favorite meal-scones, eggs and tea.” She sighed,
worry shrouding her face. “She is going to become ill if she doesn’t begin to eat regularly again.”
Henry nodded, the concern upon his face likewise evident. “Dr. York told us that
such behavior is only natural and we should just give her some time, but it has been almost three
months now since Willie died. I thought that Mother would have been feeling better by now.” He
looked at Hope wonderingly. “Does she just lie in bed all of the time?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so. She doesn’t knit, sew, read, or do anything else.”
Henry exhaled, running a hand over his face. “All right, then. How about you or
one of the other maids takes her outside for a bit? That should do her some good. And do not let
her refuse. Be strict with her.”
Hope curtsied, her hands balancing the breakfast tray. “Very well, sir.” She
stepped away toward the direction of the kitchen.
A half of an hour later, Kim stepped into the mansion again with Anne’s arm entwined
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through hers. The sad woman appeared disheveled and weary as she walked slowly along with
her maid, her shawl barely cast about her thin shoulders. Henry looked over at the pair from his
place near the drawing room’s hearth. He stood up, a small smile of hopefulness illuminating his
face.
“Well, Mother, did you have a good time?” he cheerfully inquired.
Anne did not do so much as glance quickly in her son’s direction before lowering
her eyes again. Kim, however, looked at Henry with sadness and disappointment, slightly
shaking her head, whereupon his face fell and the worry in his eyes increased.
July 1800
Anne lay in her bed early one morning, her empty eyes listlessly cast upon one
wall of her bedroom. The sun’s rays reached toward her through the windows, but she was
oblivious of it as her mind slowly awoke from the stagnant attitude that it had been wrapped in
for months. Grief and pain filled her eyes as she thought of the execution of Grace and the
suicide of Lucifer and her eyes tightly closed. Within the same month she had lost two of her
children, and when she thought of everything else that had been lost to her throughout her life,
her depressed mind seemed to crumble within her. With tears gathering in her eyes, she realized
how long she had been waiting for fate to bless her with happiness and how it had never truly
given her lasting contentment.
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I’ve lost many people dear to me, including my children, she thought miserably.
As her tears fell, her expression suddenly acquired a look of submission. Fate will never value
me. It has only taken additional things from me; it’s never made me permanently happy. That is
the way it will always treat me; I know it.
Downstairs, Henry was gathering a few of his belongings whilst speaking to the
three maids, who were all standing about him.
“Now I’m only going to be absent for the day, but I would be very appreciative if
you all took special care of Mother today. I haven’t left the estate since Willie died and I don’t
want her to become upset just because I’m going to Bath. Also, her morale seems to be declining
more with each passing day.” He sighed before straightening himself and looking at the women.
“So please take good care of her today, and watch her closely.”
The women curtsied.
“Don’t worry, sir. We will care for Anne.” Hope assured him. “She will be fine.”
Henry smiled and nodded before proceeding toward the door. “Very well; thank
you. I will see you all tonight.” He turned and walked hurriedly out of the mansion. Moments
after Henry left, footsteps could be heard on the staircase and the three maids turned to see Anne
slowly descending it, her features surprisingly cheerful and happy. Clara’s hand covered her
mouth, Kim gasped, smiling, and Hope stepped toward her mistress, her expression blatantly
shocked.
“Why, Anne-you are out of bed! Are you feeling better?”
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Anne smiled before finishing her descent and walking forward. She grinned at the
women. “I would like to go swimming this morning,” she said frankly.
Hope looked back wonderingly at Kim and Clara, who appeared quite happy and
relieved. Kim nodded excitedly at Hope and she turned toward Anne again, smiling gloriously.
“I believe that swimming would be a very good activity for you today, dear. It is a
warm morning, after all. However, I will be accompanying you to the river. It is for your own
good.”
Something seemed to fall within Anne’s countenance, but she blinked and smiled
larger than before. “All right.”
Hope smiled at her, gratefulness sparkling in her eyes. “Very well. Let me assist
you into your bathing gown so we can go.”
Once the women were near the Avon, Hope watched closely as Anne slowly walked near
the river, clad in her burgundy bathing gown.
“Now Anne, I don’t want you to swim to an area where I cannot see you or go to
a place where the water is too deep,” Hope carefully instructed her mistress. “Please do not, dear.
Just stay where I can see you, all right?”
Anne nodded at her, smiling peaceably before turning to look at the river again.
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She walked forward and stepped into it, her deadened skin not feeling the refreshing water flow
gently over it. Her cheerful countenance melted away as she let herself sink into the water and
then she lifted her feet and swam, her eyes staring ahead of her blankly, not betraying any joy or
pleasure in what she was doing. With one fleeting glance at Hope, she threw herself under the
surface and traveled to a spot that was more dangerous than any other, letting the water pull her
downward. Her head appeared for a moment to look at Hope, whose gaze was momentarily
diverted from her mistress. She disappeared quickly underwater again and surged forward where
the water ran swiftly, and her body completely relaxed as her arms and legs stopped moving and
she fell, her eyes closing as her expression became tranquil and her lungs filled with water.
This isn’t painful at all, her subconscious mind vaguely observed. It’s even a bit
pleasant. Why didn’t I choose this option long ago? I always knew that fate would never treat me
right. I was cursed the day I was born, or why else did my mother die? Fate has always despised
me, and it always would have if I had stayed alive. Yes…I’m glad to choose death. Nothing can
stop me from making this decision, especially something like fate.
More water flowed into her mouth and nostrils as her brain gradually emptied and
she slipped happily into unconsciousness.
“Anne! Anne! ” Hope screamed, desperately shaking her mistress as she lay upon
the bank, seemingly dead. Sobbing, her hands pressed on Anne’s chest and that woman’s eyes
fluttered before she hurriedly sat up and vomited all of the water that she had ingested. Hope
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gasped with happiness, but then she became quite beside herself, grabbing Anne and staring at
her lividly.
“Anne, what in God’s name were you thinking? Why, why would you try to kill
yourself, especially after poor Willie…oh, Anne, how could you do this to me?”
Anne appeared disoriented as she looked confusedly at Hope, but after a moment
her eyes filled with anguish and she struggled to stand, her expression set. “Hope, I have made
my decision. I do not want to live; please allow me to die!” She writhed fiercely, but Hope’s grip
upon her was firm.
“No, I absolutely will not! ” she yelled, tears streaming down her damp face.
“Why would I? I promised Henry that I would keep you safe and I am not going to allow the
deaths of Grace and Willie to destroy you! Anne, how could you do this to me? I was here
watching you, and when my eyes were away from you for just a moment, you took advantage of
that to…” She closed her eyes, struggling to compose herself. “Anne, I’m very disappointed in
you. Why would you even consider disposing of your life? Even with two of your children gone,
you still have so much to be happy and thankful for.” She suddenly appeared tender, peering at
Anne closely as she gently touched her cheek. “I know that you feel hopeless and lost right now,
but you can still enjoy your life. If you strive to, you can healthily manage your grief and live
happily again. You still have a future ahead of you and God can help you, if you allow Him to.
There is no point in acting hopeless when you still have so much. Anne, please-you can still
live!”
Anne stared at Hope, blinking before her face wrinkled and she bent over,
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sobbing endlessly. Hope leaned forward to embrace her, petting her hair soothingly. After a few
minutes Anne was quiet and Hope lifted her to her feet, looking at her lovingly yet sternly.
“We are going to go back to the estate now, Anne, and you will rest in your
bedroom. I will give you some brandy and Kim, Clara or I will stay in your room and watch you,
just as I watched you out here. Of course, it will be much easier to keep our eyes on you in an
enclosed place like that.”
Anne nodded once, appearing contrite and obedient, yet her eyes still contained
pain. She let Hope take her arm and they walked away from the river.
Once Anne and Hope were within the mansion, Hope led Anne to her bedroom and
watched as she climbed tiredly into her bed. Clara came to the doorway, glancing at Anne and
then looking at Hope wonderingly.
“Clara, please fetch a glass of brandy for Anne,” Hope ordered when she saw her,
and Clara nodded quickly before obeying. Hope then settled herself onto a chair in the room, and
when Clara had returned and handed Anne the brandy, she stepped quietly toward Hope,
lowering her voice to a whisper.
“What happened? Why did you come back so soon with her?”
Hope shook her head. “I’m sorry, Clara, but I believe that Henry is the only one
who needs to know. When he returns, you or Kim must watch Anne carefully. We must do this
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until she comes out of this state. Please let Kim know this.”
Clara nodded understandably before leaving the room and Hope leaned back in
her chair to watch Anne, who was now lying comfortably, nearly asleep.
The sun had nearly set when Henry arrived home that evening, and as soon as he
entered the mansion he made his way toward his mother’s bedroom. He found her sleeping,
Hope gazing at her from her chair. The man frowned.
“Hope?”
She looked up at Henry before quickly standing, glancing at Anne. Her expression
became sad and afraid. “Sir, I need to speak with you privately, if that’s fine.” She went out of
the room and saw Clara at the end of the landing. “Clara, could you please watch Anne? She is
sleeping, but I feel like she needs it nonetheless.”
That woman nodded before hurrying into the bedroom, closing the door behind
her. Hope glanced around her before looking at Henry again.
“I think we should speak in the drawing room.”
When they had reached that room, Henry frowned at Hope with concern.
“What is it, Hope? Did something happen to Mother?”
Hope looked at him despairingly before inhaling, closing her eyes. When she
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opened them again they were full of tears and her chin trembled. She leaned forward to speak in
a low voice, her tone upset.
“This morning Anne came out of her bedroom, Henry. She looked quite happy
and said that she wished to go swimming. Kim, Clara and I decided that such an activity would
be good for her, so I took her out to the river, remembering to watch her. She went into the water
and swam, but when my eyes were away from her for just a quick moment she deliberately went
toward a bad spot.” She paused to collect herself. “When I could no longer see her, I leapt into
the water myself, catching sight of a place that appeared to have some suction. I was able to
revive her on the bank, but she still thought of death even after I reprimanded her. Afterward, I
was afraid to let her out of my sight even for an instant.”
Henry did not say anything but turned away silently, his head bowed. He closed
his eyes, his expression incomprehensible. He sighed heavily before slowly turning to face Hope
again, wearied and anguished.
“Thank you for telling me, Hope, and thank you very much for saving her. If you
hadn’t thought swiftly, she would be gone now.” His voice cracked on the last word he spoke
and his eyes were wet as he reached for Hope’s hand, squeezing it tightly. His brow furrowed
slightly. “What exactly did you tell her after she awoke from her unconsciousness?”
“I said that she still has a life to live even with Willie and Grace gone, and she can
happily live it with God’s help.”
He nodded comprehensibly. “Very well, then. I think that I will take care of her
tomorrow. I have work to see to, but you and the other maids have tended to her so diligently
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that I think you all need a rest from it. I will keep my eye on her and give her everything that she
needs, including her meals, and I will see about talking to her also.”
Anne was awakened by the bright, summer sun the following morning, and for the first
time in months she lifted her eyes to look at the rays that poured through the windows. Her mind
recollected the events of the day before and her heart filled with some guilt about her attempted
suicide. However, when she thought of her deceased children she still felt quite unwilling to live
her life the way that she always had.
How can I, anyway? It’s obvious that my life is always going to be cursed.
She heard a rap on her door then and Henry stepped into the room. He tapped
Hope, who had fallen asleep whilst watching Anne, and motioned her to take her leave before
addressing Anne, his voice taking her by surprise.
“Good morning, Mother!” he cheerfully bellowed, his expression stern and
determined. He walked to the windows to gaze outside. “It really is a nice morning. I was outside
already and I can tell that the weather isn’t going to be too bad today. The sky is blue, the sun is
shining, and breakfast is all prepared and waiting for you-downstairs.”
Anne shifted in her bed, her eyes set on the sky outside. “Hope usually comes in
with my breakfast,” she mumbled despondently.
“Not this morning.” He went to the foot of the bed and stood there, looking down
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at her strictly. “I will be the one taking care of you today; the maids have been tending to you so
well that I decided to give them a rest. They are certainly deserving of it.” He crossed his arms,
his eyes impatient. “Now come downstairs to eat, Mother. It’s not going to come to you today.”
A small silence ensued before Anne spoke again. “I’m not hungry.”
Henry frowned at her, his eyes narrowing. “Yes-you have been saying that for the
past several months. Nevertheless, you need daily nourishment, especially if you’re going to start
living again, because you are.” He took a step toward her. “I know that you have gone through
great pain with losing both Willie and Grace, but Mother-do you think that Grace would want
you to be acting in this way? You know how much she loved you; she treasured you more than
anything else. She knew the consequences if she murdered Father and she risked her life so that
you could be happy. She killed him for your sake. And Willie loved you as well, even if he took
his own life at the end. His letter said that he did it for justice. Love and justice-I know that’s all
he cared about. You’re not going to dishonor them by continuing to behave in this way. You had
your chance to grieve, but it was a long time ago. Now it is time for you to live again.” He
walked forward until he was beside her and then he extended his hand toward her. “Mother,
please. Show that Grace’s death for you was not in vain, and that Willie’s wasn’t, either.”
Since Henry had mentioned Grace, Anne had silently cried, but as his discourse
had continued, her eyes had widened at the horrifying truth of how she had acted because of her
children’s deaths and she had cried all the more. Now she looked at her son for the first time in
months and drew the bed sheets away from her, her feet swinging down from the bed. A
relieved, jubilant smile came upon Henry’s face as he watched her push herself toward the edge
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of the bed and tiredly take hold of his hand. He gently pulled her to her feet, his mouth gaping
with the shock at how thin she had become.
Oh, Mother. We will all need to work together to help her recover.
He smiled gently at her, leaning forward to kiss her happily. She smiled
exhaustingly at him and allowed him to lead her out of the room, walking haltingly and with
some difficulty.
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31 Reformation
Three years later
October 1803
London, England
Anne knelt upon the filthy ground of the lane, smiling at the young, orphaned boy
before her. She took his small hand into hers.
“How are you today, Paul? Has your cough gotten better?”
The child nodded, smiling at her in return. She squeezed his hand warmly.
“I’m so glad, dear. Well, it’s certain to become colder out here, so I bought you a
coat.” She stood, went to the carriage, which was in the near street, took a brown greatcoat from
the cab and then went back to the boy, extending the item toward him.
“It is perfectly suited for the worst kind of weather,” she happily said. “Try it.”
Paul took the coat, his childish eyes widening with surprise and delight as he kept
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them on Anne. He laced his arms through the coat, and when he realized how comfortable he
would be with such a kindness, he stepped toward Anne and embraced her tightly.
“Thank you!” he cried, his face jubilant.
Anne knelt down again to embrace him as well. “Absolutely, my dear,” she
murmured. “But you must take care of it so that it lasts you a long time, all right?” She stood up
again, looking down at him lovingly. “I’m afraid that I need to go now, Paul, but I will visit you
again in a short while. Stay warm in this weather, eat well, get plenty of rest, and remember that
I love you very much.” She bent to embrace and kiss him before turning his face toward hers.
“And never give up hope, all right, dear?”
He nodded, his eyes filled with love and contentment. Anne caressed his hair once
more before turning and hurrying back toward the carriage.
Henry smiled at the window, watching as the carriage carrying Anne wheeled through the
gate and into the stable yards. He hurried outside to meet her, embracing her warmly.
“Oh, Mother, it’s so good to see you,” he greeted. “How have you been? How
was London?”
“It was a fine trip, dear,” she returned, stroking his cheek. “And thank you; I have
been just fine.” She glanced at the mansion. “How is everything here?”
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“Fine as well; not much has changed since you’ve been gone. I had planned on
going into Bath next week.”
Anne looked at him in surprise, and then smiled. “As was I.”
He looked at her, frowning. “What for?”
“For my regular visits to the orphans and Wain’s friends.”
Henry’s face fell as he began to walk toward the mansion with her. “But you just
returned from London today. Are you really leaving again so soon?”
Anne laughed, placing her hand momentarily on his cheek. “Now, Henry, you
know how near Bath is. I will only be gone for a day.”
He chuckled. “Of course.” Stopping suddenly, he took her hand in his and gazed
at her affectionately. “Mother, you should know how proud I am of you for everything that
you’ve been occupied with for the past few years. I know that I’ve told you this before, but I’m
going to say it again nonetheless: both Willie and Grace would be very proud of you as well.”
Anne smiled softly, squeezing his hand. “Thank you, Henry. I know.”
“Why, Anne, how good to see you!” a man happily greeted her outside of his
home, shaking her hand.
“Thank you, Stephen,” she returned. “How are you?”
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“Oh, I’m getting along. Please come inside.”
“Thank you.” She produced a black, woolen scarf and held it out before her. “I
knitted this for you, in preparation for the winter months ahead.”
Stephen slowly took it from her, smiling grandly. “Well, thank you, Anne. It’s
very kind of you. I was actually thinking of purchasing a scarf for myself, but that won’t be
necessary now. Please make yourself comfortable while I prepare some tea for us.”
“Oh, no, Stephen, I’m sorry. I cannot stay. I just wanted to give this scarf to you. I
was going