Ch. 14
Chancey, Clefus, and I were still in the car on the way back. From where I can’t quite remember, but the sun was setting as we hit 93 mph on the highway. The Devil Makes Three came on the radio and folk began to mist the air around us, well that and the cigarettes. The sun was setting though, setting for the second time since I had last seen sleep. When one faces his final slumber, and his days come to a hastening close, even the thought of a nap seemed vile. Such a waste of moments now so precious. Moments of life that can no longer be sought with closed dreamy eyes. No, only these somberly bloodshot eyes of mine will do. Hey fucker, would you turn that shit down, Clefus yells at me. How bout you suck my fucking dick and maybe then I’ll think about it, I yells back. O’ ya whip it out then, he continues to yell. What the fuck you just say to me, I yell back laughing. You heard me mother fucker, whip it out, he yells even louder. You coked out mother fucker, I yell yet again in his direction playfully. You addy snorting piece of shit, he returned in suite. Fair enough, I says, as I turned down the music. Fair enough, he says, as he quickly grabbed the aux cord from my phone in the cupholder. And what the fuck do you think you’re doing ass face, I says, returning to my yelling voice even though it was now quieter than it was before. Ya man, I was vibing to that song, Chancey says to him. You don’t mess with a man’s fucking music in his own goddamn car, I says, in a tone both odd and completely calm.
First off, no need to get all fucking psycho freaky on me with that calm ass tone of yours, and secondly you’ve had the music the whole ride from Cincy, he says to me pretty fucking whiney like. Show a brother some love. Fine, I says to him, as I throw him the cord. Fuck ya, he says triumphantly. But I swear to God if you fucking play any… But it was too late. With swiftness unheard of, the skinny mother fucker had already enacted what I had tried to avoid for so long. With one push of a play button the sanctity of my car was forever violated, never again to know her purity. As it bust its way out of the speaker’s I could but grimace at what I had just allowed. The terror. The horror. What had I done, I asked myself. What had I allowed Clefus to do, I whispered. Why Lord God? Why, I pleaded. And then with a purely carnal rage I unbuckled my seat belt and threw my arms to the back of the car. There was flailing and gnashing of teeth as we fought in pure chaos. He put up a good fight but in the end, with God on my side, I arose victorious.
As I punched Clefus in the arm and ripped the aux cord out of his phone he sat with the grin of a man full knowing of his sins. You fucking know this Clefus, I yelled again. You’ve known this from the second I fucking met you. There is one goddamn simple rule while in my fucking car. One simple fucking rule, I says in a fury. No… Mother Fucking.... Drake… Ah dude, he said, rubbing his arm still with that stupid fucking grin still on his face. That’s my jam. I don’t fucking care, I says, a little calmed down, but nonetheless still pissed. My car. My fucking rules. You pull that shit again and I’m leaving you on the highway. All right Dad, he says, with one final chuckle. Well that was entertaining, says Chancey. However it is that you two remain friends is always a fucking mystery to me, he says with a smile.
I was with Kristol now. Olivia was in the other room getting ready for the night ahead. They were both beautiful fucking girls, but you already know that. God were they beautiful though. Completely worth saying again and again. Just god damn beautiful people. See they both captivated me. Olivia with her audaciously wonderful spirit that could do nothing but intrigue and Kristol… She had this way of blushing sometimes when she would smile and turn her eyes downward. When she did that, shit it would make me feel a little shy in the warmth of her heart. She was blushing right now. I don’t know why, but she was, and it made me happy. Sheepishly shy, but happy. God only if I could see those beautiful brown eyes of hers right now. Van Morrison only knows how I longed to see them in this moment. As I started up playing guitar again, and she began once more to sing, I let forth a bashful sigh. Her voice. It embraced as I returned to peace and it to I. I was becoming a different person in that moment, in the two of them. They liked me for whatever reason. And that made it easier for me to like me too. Maybe letting Olivia in like I had now began to do little by little and maybe making Kristol blush from time to time... maybe it was helping. Thinking about my situation may give me great clarity in dismay, but thinking of them gave me greater solace. Such great joy was found in their presence. Being with them made me smile in a fucking jubilant sorta way.
I couldn’t help casting my gaze at the floor as we sat there in her room. I was so nervous. We had been known to one another for some time now via JoJo, but it was just as of late that the fruits of friendship began to ripen. I was nervous because of this. Solidifying new relationships did that to me. For no matter how much you may infatuate yourself with a new friend, that friendship is ultimately one of fragility. It takes a long time, a lot of strife and laughter, for true fidelity towards one another to come into its own. Fruition is not easily gained in such matters lest fair weathered they may come to be. Up to that point of the ripening, everything is fragile. All is feeble in the becoming. You’re just one wrong move from turning a pleasant joining of moments into a profoundly awkward acquaintanceship. What the fuck did I mean by that exactly, I’m not entirely sure, but you get what I’m saying right? Let me see… It’s as if to know one’s name, but care not to know one’s soul. I don’t fucking know if that even makes any sense. I imagine many of the things I say don’t, but hell I try. That I sure do. I try to express myself as best I can. I just wonder if my trying makes much sense in the end though. I hope you understand me. I really do. At least you listen. So I thank you for that, whoever you are.