As Skies Became Crimson by Thane Hounchell - HTML preview

Ch. 20

O’ how I am thankful for the joy of new beginnings. For the peace of family’s love. For the wonder that surrounds me. For the awe that lay above. And for the grace God has given in the ever presence of his spirit and the sacrifice of his son. That’s what I was praying there to God as I lay in my bed that was conveniently relocated to my parents house. I was home now. And across the ceiling of my room danced an orchestra of lights as Palma Violets rustled in the background. Little green and red dots waltzed up above me as a separate paranoid flow of lights skimmed the walls. No I wasn’t on fucking acid… well I did buy these lights for tripping, but that’s neither here nor there. As I was laying there, the room erupted in color as I made a subtle change from Palma Violets to Explosions in the Sky’s The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place. Their music trimerized in my mind and I wondered silent thoughts to myself as I beheld such an array. What a moment. What a brief beautiful fucking moment was I in as the eternal fell upon me with the stopping of the rains. Little drops hung in the air like crystals. The wind but gently swaying to the melodies of a song. God smiled with love upon me and the lights brightened. God was there with me and I could barely move. Peaceful wonder intrixed me. I always was prone to crying, but not even tears were to be in this moment as they evaporated before they could ever be. Evaporating while leaving only their sacred mist to rise from my eyes. The sun never sets in a now like this, for there is not even a world left for it to surmise. I could no longer see beyond the four walls of my room. Just this room. Just this room was left as the universe collapsed into this small and cumbersome space. But now, even as the room itself began to fade, I was left to only my bed. Just this bed and I. I can’t move. I can barely breathe. Nothing and everything was now here with me. Me and the Father. Me and the Son. Me and the Spirit. Me and Love. What is this? This ephrael breeze. What...  Was I dying? Was I near… Heaven? Yes… Was this it? What God was this that could bring such forth? What was this? What was going on? Was this… wait was someone knocking at my fucking door?

God Damnit! Here I was having the transcendental moment of becoming with my fucking lord and savior and someone decides to knock on the god damn mother fucking door! What the fucking hell is this shit! Here I am ready to fucking die, all for it to be just snatched away because some asshole has the balls to knock on my fucking door out of all the other fucking surfaces in this goddamn cosmos. Fucking Mother Mary Virgin Saint, this better be someone fucking important or I swear to sweet fucking baby Jesus and every single one of his goddamn golden diapers that I will shit hell fire on someone! Ok calm down. Calm the fuck down buddy. Let’s see who the hell could be at the door. Its like 5 in the morning. Wait what the fuck, last time I looked at a clock it was 9 at night. What happened up there. Was I dreaming or something? I must have been. But was I?

Knock, Knock, KNOCK. Goddamn that was even louder than the last one! Did Z lock himself out while getting his Black ass some dick again? Jesus he’s gunna wake everybody up, I says to myself, fuddling with the lock on the door. No it won’t fucktard, Dugan said behind me as my mom and dad begin to laugh. I guess that snarky little remark of his just put a fucking smile on Mom and Dad’s face. That little shit. Why I ought to kick him in the balls. Wait… What the fuck is the entire fam doing in the living room, I exclaimed as I turned around to see them. Mom, Dad, Dugan, Bobby, and Z were all sitting there just looking at me. Uhhh… Hey guys… this isn’t some kind of intervention or fucking something is it? Ok, I took some of Dugan’s meds a couple days ago, but I swear to God I’m sorry. Dugan I swear I’m sorry. You did what, my mom yelled! O shit what did I just get myself into. FUCK ME! FUCK ME!

Honey, honey calm down. Bud, well why don’t you just answer the door and we’ll talk about how totally fucked you are for that little tid bit of truth later, my father says to me in a quiet military sort of calm. I couldn’t tell how serious he was about being totally fucked and all, but more importantly who was at the fucking door. What the fuck was going on? But as I opened the door with an air of caution my pants began to shit themselves because… because… It was her. It was… My balls shriveled in my boxers as my dick retreated up to my bladder… sorry that was a little bit graphic, but something weird like that happened with my body before I could fully comprehend this magnanimously confusing moment. Hey Denise, is all I said, and then their was silence.

Hey there dead boy, she said with a smirk. What… Why… was all that I could muster. Just shut up and put this on, she said with a daunting grin, as she threw a blindfold in my direction. I peered down at the black strip of cloth with a look concocted with hesitation.  Don’t worry dumb ass your parents already know, if you couldn’t tell from the lil pow wow behind you, she practically barks at me. Hey Denise, my parents chimed in from the background. Hey guys I promise I’ll be gentle with him, she says, leaving the bark with me and returning to her normal sweet and emphatic voice. Sounds good Denise have fun and be safe, they both say in a cluttered unison. O we will don’t you worry about that, she returns kindly. Ok wait a fucking second, I say with assertion, as I regain some decently solid footing in reality. I may have just gotten out of the looney bin, but you guys are all acting crazy and shady as fuck, I says to all of them. What the hell is going… Didn’t I tell you to shut your fucking mouth, she snapped at me, grabbing my chin and jerking my head so our eyes could strictly meet. As my back tightened and my bladder loosened I proceeded to shut the fuck up. Don’t think I’ve entirely forgiven you for that shit you pulled with me a couple months ago, I swear to fucking god I ought to… Sorry, she she says, quickly regaining some semblance of cool as she runs her hand through her hair a couple of times. One too many coffees getting down here, but anyways just shut the fuck up and put that on, she says almost kindly. As I proceeded in utter confusion to remain shut the fucked up I slowly moved the blindfold over these eyes of mine. As I tied the knot behind the back of my head and darkness was at last before me, she gently grabbed my hand and with one last tightening of the knot darkness fell over my eyes. Come on buddy we have a lot of driving to do. Your bags are in my car already so lets get fucking going, she says to me.

 I had nothing else to even think other than to follow her every command. Denise, I mumbled. I know I’m suppose to keep my fucking mouth shut right now, but… Denise I thought I was never going to… Not now buddy, she whispered to me. Just keep that blindfold on and get in the car. So I did. As she gracefully aided me, we descended what I could only assume to be the stairs to my parent’s front porch and headed to what I could only assume to be her lil VW Bug. I got in and she buckled my seat belt for me. Don’t want anything to happen to that pretty lil face of yours now do we, she says, as if she was both flirting with me and threatening me simultaneously. What the seat belt and the safety of my face had to do in correlation to one another I wasn’t quite sure. I mean if we were to get in a wreck I’m pretty sure the airbag would probably smash my fucking nose into my throat with my luck, belt or not, but that was neither here nor there. It didn’t matter because off we were as she turned the keys to her car and the engine ignited but inches away.

As the car slowly pulled out of the driveway the radio sparked. Best of Friends by the Palma Violets began to blast just as they were moments ago in my room. I didn’t even know she knew that song fucking existed, but then again, given the circumstances, nothing more was truly surprising to me. And as we drove off, going wherever the fuck we were going, I tried my best not to shit myself. After our last encounter what was I supposed to think. How was I supposed to know anything in this moment. We drove for 8 hours. 8 hours and I wore that god damn blindfold the entire way. I didn’t know what else to do, but wear it without contestation. I didn’t know what else to say but to sit in silence devoid of even a thought. We didn’t talk. Not once that entire time we spent in the car speeding at a mph I couldn’t see. We just sat there listening to a playlist that I guess she had made just for the occasion, whatever this occasion might be. And just as Elvis Costello had reached his turn on the tunes she paused the music and grabbed my hand.

I can’t forget what happened… I just can’t, but I also can’t let you die, not without this, she says in a way she’s never spoken to me before. The music turned back on. It was Heroes by David Bowie. I knew exactly where we were. And as I lifted the blindfold to a racing tunnel I saw the Pittsburgh skyline erupting before my eyes. I cried with a scream. We both did. The sun wasn’t setting (actually it was the middle of the fucking day by now I assumed), but who needed that when a girl like Denise was back in your life and just gave you that perks scenery you’ve only but peered upon a million times through a flickering screen. Denise… I don’t know what to… You don’t have to say anything bud. Anyways, this is just the fucking appetizer. The first fucking course of much more to come and, oh by the way, do you have to piss or anything? I almost stopped to let you go on the side of the road the few times, but I figured if you had to go I might as well make you fucking hold it as fair and ample punishment for that douche baggery shit you did, she busted out with a laugh. I laughed too because, honestly, I have had to piss since about an hour into the trip and was in utter pain for most of the remaining 7 hours. Ya I could drain the old snake I guess, I says as if it was no big deal, when honestly I was screaming like a two year old on the inside. Good, she said, because I have to take the biggest fucking shit. At a girl, I said in a girlish little giggle of my own concocting. You’re such a pussy, she said. Plus do what you gotta do because this is one of the only stops we’re gunna make for the remainder of the trip, she says, as we pull into a nearby gas station. I packed enough drugs for us to stay up for 3 days and were going to experience every fucking second of it. And so now that you’ve gotten this little jizz sesh out of the way we got a deadline for all this shit. What’s that, I asked. Where’s your sense of mystery kid, she said to me with utter authority still grasped. Stop asking fucking stupid questions and just sit back and enjoy the ride.

As she finally let go of my hand and slipped the blindfold over my eyes. I was in darkness again. Luckily she quickly removed it. I’m just fucking with you bud, she says to me. I’m not going to make you wear this goddamn thing again. This time you can enjoy the scenery, just don’t let me catch you checking out my rack or anything. I know how much of a little fucking perv you can be. I laughed, but I honestly I didn’t know what she was talking about. I just said ok and went along with it. There was no sense fighting the matter on whatever she said. Not with a girl like Denise. If she had declared me a perv and ordered me to keep my eyes off her tits so fucking be it, but that wouldn’t be too much trouble I guess, not as long as every once in awhile I could catch a glimpse at those beautiful brown eyes of hers.

Though I was no longer blind to my surroundings, as they now darted by us at accelerating and decelerating speeds, they nonetheless obtain no greater relevancy to me than when darkness was all I saw. For as I looked up to the mid afternoon sun peeking through the clouds over us it was so that its light became nothing of merit to me, for I bathed in so much more than any celestial body could ever hope to offer. I bathed in the light of a beautiful soul, and O’ how beautiful Denise was. How blessed I was to have her back when all logic, every ounce of fucking sense I had, told me that would never be. But we were… we were together, and our souls knew this most, for there wasn’t a second of silence between the two of us, not a moment when we ceased to smile and laugh with one another. For two days we drove around with nothing but gas stations and rest stops to call home. It was all I needed because I was with… Well I think you get the point. I fucking love this chick.

 As we were driving through some butt fuck part of the country, down every back ass road Denise could navigate, I would from time to time catch her gaze. I did this often enough to let her know I was looking at her. So she would know. Know that I missed her dearly. That I never again wanted to let her go. So there we were looking at each other. Sometimes for a second. Sometimes a brief moment longer. But eyes met and not a word of relevance need be said, because no matter what we were talking about she knew how thankful I was that she had forgiven me. That I didn’t have to die thinking I was leaving this world hated by the woman I love most. I didn’t have to die thinking that I had forsaken her. That when I finally do go now it would be knowing that I hadn’t forsaken myself. Where we went beyond that didn’t really matter to me. As long as she was near.

After swingin by one FAMOUS FUCKING BURGERS (no shit that was the name of the place) we hit the road again. That was our last stop fucker, so I hope you took a shit while you were in there.  After I quickly responded with a yes mam she hastily transitioned from authority figure to poet, as she summoned the beauty of the terrain in her laughter and painted the landscape with her smile while we made our last stretch. I thanked God for these moments. I imagine I might sound repetitive, like an endless soliloquy of sappy ass love, but if that is the case… Well go fuck yourself. I’m trying to enjoy this goddamn moment, and if I want to be the sappiest mother fucker on the planet right now then I’m gunna be the fucking sappiest mother fucker there ever was. Please, if you have a problem with it, please feel free to… anyway you get my point. Sorry to berate you, but I don’t know if it’s possible to stress how seriously I had accepted that I was never going to be alive with her again. Can you imagine what I’m feeling right now. Can you dream a little and put yourself in my shoes. I was dead to her as far as I was concerned and, to me, she was all but a dreamy curse to haunt me in wake and sleep. Going from that to what was happening now was an apocalypse of the heart. A salvation I thought I was never meant to see. I wasn’t damned anymore to the perdition of her tears. Tears that bore my namesake/ My devil no longer to whisper in my ears. I wasn’t alone any longer though, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been alone in my entire life. Being with her again she was helping me see that now too. Through her I could appreciate all that I was ungrateful for. This was because her forgiveness wouldn’t let me forget that which all to often slipped my mind. That I was loved and worthy of such. That I was loved and I was capable of loving myself. Jesus fucking Christ, how have I stayed alive so long outside your abundant fucking grace? How did I end up still breathing and doing so next to her?

Though cigs and Red Bull were never far from hand, along with the occasional indulgence in a drug or two, we made our way to the end of her not so planned planned trip. But then BAM FUCKING BAM BAM!!! It fucking occured to me where I was and what was happening. I don’t know if I was just not paying attention to my bearings or if I just didn’t care that there was a world outside this car, but all of a sudden intuition kicked me in the mental teeth. I had been here once before. I had fucking been here. Goddammit when the fuck was I last here.

As I simultaneously heard the lakeside tides rustling in and the whipping sway of sails bustling through the winds, I looked around and wondered why she would bring me here. This was the yacht club my beloved frat bro Captain Crook had belong to. I had just been here last summer with him and his stellarly gorgeous fiance Rach. They both, for some reason, had a soft spot for me in their hearts that long precluded any signs of my death to be. They cared for me truly like one can only find in family. A rarity to consider we once were strangers for most of our lives. Denise looked at me. I looked at her curiously. You know where we are don’t you, I can tell from that dumb fucking look on your face, she says all snarky at me. You know right, she asked again in my failure to respond instantaneously. Ya I do, but why are we here, I asks, probably sounding as dumb as I looked. Don’t get me wrong, every place we’ve stopped so far has been dope, but what’s the draw to Lake Fucking Erie, I asks her. The only reason I came here was because Crook wanted to take me on one of his sailboat races while I was in town visiting him, but he hasn’t lived up here for like a year, I says, prying whatever I could get out of her. Ya I know, she says. So why here? How do you even know about this place, I asked, still confused yet intrigued.

Denise wasn’t much for the purely random let alone to score randomly on a place I never made blatant to the public awareness about. Ya, I told a few people, mainly my mom and dad, that Crook took me out here, but it's not like I gave them the address of the fucking… Before I could even finish that thought I heard her. Off in the distance I heard her yelling. Get the fuck out pussy, we’re all waiting for you. Wait Franky is that fucking you, I said, having no clue if I was even audible at this point considering how fucking confused I’d been. Ya you piece of shit who else would it fucking be. I didn’t even need to turn around to know that voice, but as I did, little to my surprise, emerged a stoned Clefus. But if Clefus was here that means… Bobby… Chancey… 

What the fuck are you guys doing here? But they didn’t say a word, just contained their laughter as best they could. I looked at Denise for some kind of confirmation of what was going on. But she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking to what seemed to be over my left shoulder, out toward the docking bay, that I could barely catch out of my peripherals. Fuck me is that the rest of the fam. Holy shit Z.. Dugan… I ran up about to hug them till I saw Mom and Dad. How many fucking people were here?

Either this was some sort of newly converted drug rehab/crisis center that they were all about to force me to spend my last days in or maybe it was about to be a mercy kill. The point is, I was hopelessly confused because it was all happening so fast. New faces popping up out the blue like I hadn’t seen them in decades. Then someone grabbed me from behind like a bear in fucking heat. It was Barstool and Ethan grabbing me in one hell of a bear hug as Matt Maney, JoJo, and Polly watched a little too happily from behind. As I scrambled around saying hi to everyone while trying to get some semblance of what was going on, one by one they all directed me back to her. Denise… did you do all this? She smiled and looked at the ground in a blush. Denise, I said, as I grabbed her hand and pulled her close. Thank you, I whispered. But why, I asked. She kept looking at the ground for a moment longer. Denise, I said again, as I used my curled index finger to slowly raise her chin so that our eyes would meet. I read your bible, she said. I read what you wrote. Which part, I asks timidly, still holding her. You know what part, she says. I did. I knew, but… then she kissed me and all trepidations, my worries, my fears, they all went away. I responded in the only way I knew how to. Wanna get married, I asked, somehow laughing while maintaining our kiss. She snorted in her giggle as she pulled her lips away from mine yet still ever close to me. I’ll take that as a yes I guess, I says still laughing.

Whether the friends and family were watching all this go down matter not because, as far as I was concerned, everything I had ever wanted was culminating in this moment. Right now. Right here. So what do you think, I asks her. I’m sure there’s a captain and a boat around here that wouldn’t mind doing a little charity work. But… she says to me. I know, I says. Let’s… I pause for a moment. Let’s just pretend for tonight. Let’s just pretend we got eternity in front of us girly, even if it’s only a dream. We don’t have to, she said in a whisper. We don’t have to pretend, her voice raised but in the slightest tinge of inflection. It can be real even if it’s for a moment, she says, looking to me. Let tomorrow worry about itself and all that jazz, huh good lookin, I asked, regaining splinters of my cocky jackass self. Ya something like that, she said. I would like that very much, I says to her.

I have one more surprise for you, she said, as her voice rose to normal volume and enthusiasm regained its place back in her smile. Somewhere between a whisper and a shout she yelled, hey fucktards slow down before you ruin my last god damn surprise. There is that verocity I loved so dearly about that girl. Though that particular moment had passed without any total resolve in sight for the two of us, I did not totally mind. Honestly, I don’t think that resolve was ever in the cards for our story however much longer it may continue from this moment on. I think we were meant to be unfinished, uncultivated, unnamed outside the confines of the love we had for one another. And, as I looked to the direction she was now cursing and yelling at in a mad fury, I saw it and I saw them.

Captain Crook and Dick Fealey were coming in on the water and coming in fast. So fast, in fact, I thought they were about to hit the fucking dock. Now I understood why Denise was cursing so fervently in their direction, but as the Captain banked hard and by a miracle of some fucking sort he managed to ease up to the dock. They proudly high fived one another, as if nearly going shipwrecked was the nautical maneuver of their choosing. God, those two, always seeming as if they had not a care in the world. Rach, the Captain’s fiance, couldn’t be said to share their feeling of calm. As she took a few deep breathes and the color returned to her face she looked at me and smiled that purty smile of hers. Hey Darling, she said. Before I could say hi back to her the Captain was mid air between boat and dry land. As he half gracefully landed he released a cackling laugh. Slightly inebriated at first smell, he bellowed out a good ole fashion how the fuck are you doing you sexy piece of shit. Good as ever Captain, I says to him. Good as ever.

I know out of all the people I have introduced you to in my story these two you probably will end up knowing the least, that is if you can even claim to know anyone of the scoundrels I call friend and family. But I guess this will just have to be ok for right now. Because though you may know them not, I for sure as hell did and they knew me. I love you guys so much, I said, half choked up. We know, bud we love you too, they both said to me on their own. Then came that mother fucking laugh that only a Dick Fealey could produce. All Aboard, he yells in a slur. Ya, as expected, he had a half drunken bottle of Hornitos in his hand and yet never ceased to sway in harmony with the waters gentle movements. Last stop to Put-in-Bay for a weekend of blow, boobs, and boos… O’ shit, sorry Mr. and Mrs. Colonel, he says, as he quickly realizes my parents were right next to him. My parents began to laugh to no surprise on my end. My dad but walked up to Dick, patted him on the back, looked him straight in the eye and said this. Listen here frat boy I’ve puked up more beer than you’ve probably drank in your entire life. Have a little respect… pussy. Dick was in nothing short of fear and trembling before the Colonel, my beloved dad, as he most rightly should. And as the rest of them boarded the ship Denise tapped me on the shoulder right before I could jump aboard. What’s up girl, I half asked, before she quickly pulled me closed to her and kissed me softly as a dream. Even if it’s just for a moment, she whispered again, it can be real. It always...I whispered back...it always was.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way. Peace, joy, calamity, and chaos all came to live within. To be honest, I don’t even fucking care how crazy that sounds, because I feel it now in every breath I take, and that is a wonderful thing. To feel and be felt by those who love you most. And as the wind took hold of our fates old faces and new unharbored together into open waters. Each had story filled with marks of pain and blemishes of hope all their own, but then again that soon would not matter. For we were about to breach into a place where stories hold as past and future go for a moment to rest in sleep. Where men become children again surrounded in the vast array of opening spaces. And as sun embraced earth, and purples gently intertwined with calming fires, I saw love and I saw those whom I shared it with. And shit… it was good.