3. First Day
"OK, there's Lauren over by the office; Becca, she's gonna take you in and get you squared away, and Seamus, you make sure you guys meet me here right after school, ok?" Mom said to the occupants of the minivan.
"Got it Mom, no problem, just chill. We'll be here after school" Seamus said in that flippant teenaged tone.
Mom rolled her eyes in Seamus's general direction and looked Becca in the eyes. "You ok honey? Do you want me to come too?" she asked.
Big breath, pushing down the terror "It's ok. I gotta do it sometime, might as well be now, right?" she said with transparently false bravado. "I'll see you after school".
"Let's go Sis" Seamus said, opening the minivan door and motioning her out. "Lauren, make sure today goes smooth, ok?" he said to his older sister, motioning vaguely to the mass of buildings and kids behind her.
"Come on Bec, let's get your schedule and get this party started, woo hoo" Lauren said, pantomiming the now-uncool "raise the roof" motion, universally despised by teenagers the world over. Rebecca could not help but laugh at her sister's efforts to distract her, and realized that it was working, if only a little bit. And she also realized that Lauren's confidence in her was also giving her the final nudge she needed to take that first step. She did NOT want to let her new family down.
Ten minutes and one new class schedule later, Lauren and Becca left the office wing with 6 minutes to spare before the first get-to-class bell rang, thanks in large part to Lauren's polite bullying of the office staff to make things happen.
Lauren glanced again at the schedule card and then scanned the "quad" area, the large, bench-lined center of campus, looking for something. "Hey, Sophie, come here" she yelled, directing her statement to a short, wiry girl with wet hair and a huge armful of books. Sophie turned and seeing Lauren, twirled mid-stride to walk in her direction.
"Hey Lauren, what's up?" Sophie asked, directing a friendly smile toward Becca. "Is this your Sister?"
"Sophie, this is Becca, Becca this is Sophie. Sophie is my best friend and she and I are captains of the polo team together" Lauren told Becca. Becca's first reaction was to be intimidated, both by the fact that Sophie was Lauren's best friend, by choice, not just some weird adopted sister...and by the fact that she was the captain of any sports-related team, something as foreign to Becca as the surface of the moon.
"Nice to meet you" Becca said quietly, not daring to meet Sophie's gaze, assuming that she would be immediately forgotten now that Lauren's real friends were around.
"Hey, come here munchkin" Sophie said, somehow managing to hold the huge stack of books in one arm while reaching out toward Becca and grabbing her in a fierce one-armed hug. Becca's first thought had been that Sophie was tiny, but she soon realized that while she may be short, she was as strong as a very petite ox. The image of a dainty ox made Becca laugh spontaneously, but it came out more like a hiccup due to Sophie squeezing her so hard.
"Welcome to Claycord High, and more importantly welcome to the family" she said, a big smile lighting up her face and immediately convincing Becca of her sincerity. Becca recovered with a deep breath and the fleeting thought that she just might make it through today if she had two people that she already knew. Little did she know...
"Carla, Annie, Jody, come here" Sophie shouted somewhere over Becca's head. Becca turned to see what or who Sophie was yelling at, and saw three other girls all change course and make a bee line for their ever expanding group.
"This is Lauren's sister, Rebeccah, the one she was telling us about at practice. This is her first day." The three girls all greeted Becca with a chorus hello's, hey's and how ya doin's, which Becca tried her best to return.
"Hey guys, Becca's got first period history with Smithson, anybody got that?" Lauren said in a new tone, all business and every bit the captain Becca now knew her to be.
Jody piped up "Yeah, me and Susan have that, we got her covered. What's her second?"
And it went on like that for the next couple of minutes, the girls figuring out who of their clan had what classes in common with Becca, and sketching out plans to make sure she was escorted to and from every class.
Becca's head was swimming as she tried to keep up, and finally all she could do was squeak out "You guys don't have to do this...I can probably figure it out, you don’t have to waste your time helping me...but it was so nice of you to offer..." her voice trailing off into uncertainty as she faced the silence of the group.
"Hey Becca, I know this is your first day" Annie said, stepping a little closer, "But you gotta understand...this is how we roll", motioning toward the group of girls standing behind her. "We've got each other’s backs, ALWAYS, no matter what. And if Lauren needs something, then we’re gonna make damn sure she gets it". Murmers of assent rippled through the group.
"But why are you being so nice to ME?" Becca said. "You don’t know me at all.".
"Not yet kiddo" Carla chimed in with a serious expression, "but we'll fix that soon enough. Any sister of Lauren's is a sister of ours. She would do the same for any of us...heck, she HAS done the same, or more, for each of us. Don't worry about being new; I can tell right now you’re going to fit in just great." she finished with a smile.
"And if there are any problems, we have the entire Boy's polo team to make sure they get, shall we say, resolved" Jody added with a wink, causing all the girls to laugh out loud.
"Come on Becca, we don’t want to be late to your first class on your first day!" Jody added, grabbing her by the elbow. "See you guys at lunch" she threw over her shoulder to the other girls as she pulled Becca toward the next building.
"See you in a bit Becca!" Lauren yelled as she waved, turning to head toward a building in the opposite direction.
Becca still had no idea exactly who these girls were or why they were being so nice to her...but her BS Meter, well-honed after a lifetime of foster homes and shelter living, told her that there was no threat here, that for whatever reason they were genuinely on her side. As this realization took root in her mind, she realized that she was smiling for the first time since the alarm clock went off that morning. Maybe it was going to be ok after all.
The day flew by in a kaleidoscope of classes and teachers and room numbers and names and faces. She was never alone, sheparded from one class to the next by an ever changing group of girls who mysteriously arrived as if on cue to move her along through the day and made sure she always had the right book or pen or paper or whatever she needed.
She was whisked away to a seat at a lunch table full of even more impossibly gorgeous girls who tried unsuccessfully to keep their questions to a minimum so she could eat...which was fine because she was so busy trying to make sense of everything that she forgot what food was.
Lauren kept popping in and out, checking on her and making sure she didn't need CPR or a new brain...and took over chaperone duties as she was headed to her last class of the day.
"You sure you're ok Sis?" she asked, a concerned smile on her face.
"I think so...I haven't really had time to think about anything too much" Becca replied, taking a much needed breath.
"Well, last class coming up - you'll like this one, it's Psychology with my favorite teacher Mr. Champlain. Just sit next to Jody, take some notes and have fun, the tests are easy so you don’t have to worry about catching everything".
"That sounds good right about now...Lauren, I can't thank you enough, this has all..."
"Zip is Sis - this is nothing more than the Holt First Day of School treatment; all Holts get the same package" Lauren said, interrupting Becca’s halting thank you speech. "Hang in there and I'll see you at home in a bit".
"Ok, see you later...hey Jody, hi" Becca said, greeting one of her gaggle of new friends.
"Let's go Bec, Mr. Champlain awaits!" Jody said, holding the door open.
Psych was just as Lauren had said, comfortably low key but fascinating. However, mid-way through the class Becca realized that when the final bell sounded, she was going to have to find her way to the parking lot to meet Seamus and Mom...and at this point, she had no idea whatsoever where the parking lot was...or where anything was.
All the worries that had been held at bay by the constant ebb and flow of the day started to come crashing back down...where do I go, how will I find the parking lot, what do I do with my books, will I look stupid walking around lost... Becca started breathing heavily and was suddenly feeling warm...
Jody noticed, and put a gentle hand on her arm, nodding slightly to let her know she was there, which helped calm her down. She scolded herself, telling herself that if worse came to worse she could just hide somewhere and wait until everyone was gone and then sneak out...but then Mom would worry...and then...
"BBBRRIINNGGG" the final bell sounded, jolting Becca from her reverie of terror. She mechanically put her notebook back in her bag and started frantically thinking of a way she could nonchalantly ask Jody to help her FIND THE FREAKING PARKING LOT BECAUSE SHE WAS SUCH A DORK ….and realized that she was already two feet from the door, right behind Jody, but she didn’t know what to say...
When she heard the now familiar voice, and then saw the familiar face.
"Hey Sis, how was Psych?" Seamus asked, falling into step beside her, as if walking his fake sister from class to the parking lot was the most natural thing in the world...she let out the breath she had not realized she had been holding and slumped against him like a life raft in a churning sea. "Hey, Bec, you ok?" he asked, catching her as she stumbled against him, ironically from relief. "Fine, fine, just...tired from the big first day, you know" she said, finally finding the strength to pull herself upright. "Lauren was right, Psych is a GREAT class, and I LOVE Mr. Champlain" she added.
"Yeah, he rocks...although I wouldn't expect to get any favors from him because of me...let's just say I wasn't his best student" he said, laughing at some not-so-funny memory.
As they walked on, she quickly recovered her equilibrium, both physically and mentally, and when one of Seamus's friends joined them she spared the newcomer a quick glance and a shy "hello" before going back to her jumbled thoughts, trying to sort out the newness that was, quite literally, everything.
"Seamus, man, you didn't tell me your little sister was smokin' hot" Jake said, punching Seamus in the chest to make his point.
Seamus casually but authoritatively put his arm around Jake's shoulder in a friendly fashion, but spat out the words like a drill instructor:
"Don't
Even
THINK
About
It”
And I mean, dude, whatever you are thinking right now, don't even THINK about ever even THINKING about it AGAIN."
He stopped and stared the larger boy in the eyes and continued in a low voice "NOT EVEN ONCE, get me?"
Jake took an involuntary step back, and held his arms up in mock surrender "Ok, ok, I feel ya man, I'm just sayin'"
"DUDE, I TOLD YOU NOT TO EVEN THINK!"
The other boy laughed and slapped Seamus on the back "You got it dude, off limits. That's cool. I'll see you at practice tonight. But think about it man, I may be the first to say something, but I won't be the last!”
Becca finally registered that Seamus had stopped walking, and stopped herself to wait while he caught up. Belatedly she replayed the conversation she had just overheard and realized that that boy, Jake, had said something about "little sister" and "hot" in the same sentence.
Wait, what?
She literally looked around in a full 360 degree circle, trying to figure out who Jake had been talking about, because it could NOT have been her...or could it?
Seamus caught up to her just as she was trying to figure out if her hearing had been correct, but quickly put that thought out of her head, filed away to come back to later. She had much more pressing things to worry about right now, like how to not get lost trying to follow Seamus to the car.
"OK, everybody buckled up?" Mom asked, putting the van into drive only after hearing the two "yeahs" from the back seat.
"So...how was school today Seamus?" she asked, casually.
"Fine"
"Anything interesting?"
"Nope"
"Learn anything new?"
"Not really"
"Did anything occur that would justify us continuing to pour our tax dollars into your public school education? Anything at all?"
Seamus gave Becca the long suffering look of the picked upon younger child, rolling his eyes at what to him was the thousandth edition of this one act play. "Not that I can think of" he said, winking.
"A mother can always hope...well, how about you Becca?" she said with a forced casualness that didn’t fool anyone "How was your day?"
Becca and Seamus burst out laughing at the absurdity of the idea that Mom was only marginally interested.
"OK, OK, yes, I am DYING to know how it went!!! Tell me!"
"Hey Mom, how about we save this until we get home, as it might be pretty hard work...maybe a little snack would help give Becca the strength to give you the full story, you know?" Seamus said, shooting Becca a conspirational glance telling her to play along.
"I am a little hungry, now that you mention it" she chimed in.
"Well, what do you know. It just so happens I DID do a little baking this afternoon...chocolate chip cookies in fact, Seamus's favorite." Mom replied, feigning serendipity.
Then she looked over her shoulder at Becca and said "Actually Becca, I was GOING to make YOUR favorite homemade cookies for your first day of school snack...but I realized I don’t even know what your favorite cookie is! I am so sorry I forgot to ask you this morning.
"That’s ok" Becca said, choosing that moment to look out the window.
"So, for future reference, what is it honey? What is your absolute favorite kind of homemade cookie?"
Becca paused briefly, and then quietly replied, still looking out the window "I don’t know...I've never had a homemade cookie before"
The silence that fell was like a huge bubble that enveloped the three of them, muting the outside world while they shared a moment, each with their own thoughts and feeling the others.
Seamus covered the sound of their mother's soft sob by pronouncing in his best carnival barker voice:
"Well then little sister, it will be my pleasure to be the first to introduce you to what is probably the world's only perfect food - the Holt Chocolate Chip Cookie!"
Becca knew what he was doing, and knew how sad it must seem to them that she had never had a real cookie before...but she realized in that moment that it wasn't sad anymore.
They weren't judging her or pitying her or making fun of her; she knew in that moment that Seamus was genuinely excited about sharing their Mom's chocolate chip cookies with her, and she found that she could think of no words that could describe what she was feeling.
Love?
Belonging?
Family?
Peace?
Nothing seemed adequate to describe what she felt when she looked inside her heart of hearts and realized that it wasn't empty anymore, because she wasn't alone anymore, even there.
Her smile, the cookie-smile, came from that place, the place inside her that she used to be afraid to go. "Well all I can say is there better be milk" she said, putting on her best I'm-pretty-hard-to-please look, failing miserably, and bursting into giggles when Seamus said, in all seriousness, "What do you think we are, SAVAGES???"
Neither sibling noticed that Mom's tears flowed anew, but this time they landed on a smile.
After schlepping all the school gear in from the car and finally getting settled around the kitchen table, Seamus solemnly selected the biggest, most perfect cookie of the batch and held it reverently aloft. He looked around the table, making sure all eyes were locked on the precious article.
Slowly, with as much gravitas as a 16 year old can muster about a cookie, he pronounced
"The...
First...
Cookie...
Of...
Fall...
Quarter..."
and distributed a small chunk to Lauren, Becca and Mom, keeping the largest for himself, of course.
"A toast to the best school year ever!" Lauren added, clinking her glass of milk with the others.
Later, in bed, when the homework was done, the dishes were clean, the laundry was folded and all 50 other chores of a normal household were done, Becca let her mind wander to the events of the day.
Worrying ahead of time had made the first day of her public school career seem like an insurmountable task that she could never hope to handle. She had been sure that she would be overwhelmed and make a fool of herself and probably get herself sent back to an orphanage or at least back to elementary school.
But here, in the quiet of a house, her house, school seemed more like an adventure than a punishment, and she found she was looking forward to trying it again the next day, committed to learning everything she could as fast as she could about her new environment. Last of all she vaguely remembered the "hot sister" comment as she slipped into her dreamless slumber, but decided that craziness could wait.