5. Lessons
"Hey Dad"
Becca's Dad glanced over the top edge of the book he was reading, "Hey yourself" and went back to his book.
"How ya doin?"
Now he put the book down.
"Fine. But I don’t think that is really the question of the day... How are YOU?"
"Fine, great, excellent, yeah, no problem."
"Oookkaaaaayyyy" he said with obvious suspicion.
"Dad, I want to learn how to swim."
"Oh thank goodness. That was literally the last thing I have been worrying about for the past 30 seconds" he gushed.
"I'm serious. I want to learn how to swim."
"No problem honey, I would be happy to teach you" he said, warming to the topic immediately.
"No Dad...don't take this the wrong way, but I don’t want you to teach me" Becca said in a faltering voice.
"Oh. Ok sweetie. I'm sure Seamus or Lauren would be happy..."
"No, it’s not that. I don’t want any of you to teach me."
"OK sweetie, if that's what you want" he said sincerely, but with some obvious hurt.
"Look, it's not you guys. Well, not that way at least. What I mean is, I know any of you would be an awesome teacher, no doubt. But that's kind of it. You guys are so awesome at swimming, it’s like you were born in a pool. I have never even been in a pool. I know I'm gonna stink at first, I get that...but what if I never learn? What if I never get better? I don’t want to be embarrassed by sucking at something that you guys are all so good at."
After a few seconds of silence, he replied "I get it sweetie. I understand what you're feeling, thank you for telling me so I understand."
Becca sighed with relief, her shoulders relaxing as she exhaled. "I'm sorry Dad, I'm just a chicken about stuff like this."
He laughed out loud at that. "Becca, the last thing you are is chicken about anything. Think about what you're saying; there is a challenge out there, an obstacle you want to overcome. And you want to do it as much as you can on your own. All you're asking for is a tiny bit of help so you can try to conquer it. That is what bravery is all about. And as your parents, me and Mom are thrilled whenever one of you guys tries to do something positive, and we will do anything we can to help in any way you need. Even if that means stepping back and NOT doing anything."
Now she knew he really understood, and was once again floored by the unconditional support she received every day.
She jumped up and threw her arms around his neck "Thanks Dad! Wish me luck!"
…
"So how are her lessons going? It's killing me not to ask, but I know she'll tell us when she's ready. You MUST know something from picking her up..." Dad asked his wife after dinner a few weeks later.
"I told you Katie O'Brien is her teacher; I did manage to "bump into" Katie on the way to the bathroom, and she said that Becca is killing it. She’s only had 6 lessons, and she already knows backstroke and breaststroke, and competitive freestyle."
"What does she mean by "competitive freestyle"?"
"She said that Becca can already swim two laps, without stopping, and even has a wicked flip turn."
"Whoa, only 6 lessons? Sounds like she's a natural after all" her Dad said with obvious pride and awe.
"Agreed...I wonder what her next step is gonna be?"
…
"Dad"
Putting the book down first this time "Yeah sweetie, what's up?"
"I wanna join the swim team"
"Which one? The one at school?"
Deep breath and slightly trembling voice "Yes."
No hesitation this time "OK, kiddo, that sounds great. I think the signup meeting is sometime this week during lunch at school" he said, trying his best to sound casual.
"It's tomorrow. I already talked to Lauren and Seamus, and they're good with it. I just wanted to make sure you and Mom were ok."
"Of course sweetie, like I said before, anything positive that you guys wanna do, we are all for it."
"Thanks Dad."
"Just two rules."
Becca looked up in alarm; nobody said anything about rules in swimming!
"The rules are the same in this house for any sport. First, you have to keep up your grades. And second, you have to try your best."
"That's it?"
"Yep, that's it"
"Ok, phew. No problem with either of those, I'm good."
"Honey...are you scared? I mean I know you did awesomely awesome in your lessons; Katie said you were hands down the best, hardest working student she ever had. But swimming in competition is a big step. I don’t want you to think you have to do this just because Lauren and Seamus do it."
"Yes, I’m terrified. And yes, I am doing it partly because Lauren and Seamus do it, and I want to share this with them, and with you and Mom, because I know you are such Uberfans. And I want to do it for me, too.”
“From the first time I had the guts to put my head underwater, in my first lesson, I loved it. I love the feel of the water, I love being able to shoot through it like I am weightless or in space or something, it feels like I am flying instead of swimming. And I want to see if I can do it. I know I am not going to be all super-studly like them, and that's cool. I just want to be like everybody else and find out how that feels. I have never been a member of any kind of team or anything like that before. It scares the crap out of me, but it also makes me excited just to think about being part of it, just like everybody else."
The words tumbled out in a rush, leaving her breathless, sitting literally on the edge of her seat. He had seldom seen her so animated, the combination of fear and excitement making her a bundle of nervous energy.
"Becca, have I told you how unbelievably awesome you are?" was all he said.
As the words cut through her hyped up nervous haze, she blushed like a tomato ripening in time lapse.
"Thanks Dad. I know I'm gonna suck, but I gotta try. I am a Holt after all."
"Pretty much the best one ever" he laughed, giving her a fierce hug. "Marie, we need another trip to Swim Country for another team suit" he yelled down the hall on his way to the kitchen.
Neither father nor daughter saw the other's tears through their own.
…
"I think I'm dead. Actually, that can't be true; if I were dead it wouldn’t hurt so much" Becca said as she sprawled out on the couch after her first swim team practice.
"That's good Sis, that means you're doing it right" Seamus said over his shoulder as he raided the fridge. "You were awesome today, by the way" he added, waving the turkey drumstick in his hand to somehow emphasize his point.
A non-distinct grunt was Becca’s only reply, but he continued unabated, turning his attention to his Mom.
"You should have seen her Mom, it was crazy. Coach knew she was new so he started her in the slowest lane, but she kept lapping everybody so he moved her up. She kept lapping everybody in that lane too, so he bumped her up to lane 3 already. A rookie starting out in Lane 3 on the first day - man, you should have seen it!" he rambled, excitedly pacing the floor between the fridge and the couch.
"Well that sounds like quite a first day Becca, can I get you anything?" Mom said, eyeing Becca's prone form, wondering if she had already fallen asleep.
"Sleep, sleep and more sleep, that's what I need right now" she answered without opening her eyes.
"Alright sweetie, but first things first. You need some protein, then you need to do your homework... THEN you can sleep as much as you want. Until school tomorrow" she added.
"Aaaarrggghhh can't you see I am inches from a chlorine induced coma over here?"
"Yes dear, this isn't my first time treating a chlorine induced coma. Now come to the table, eat your steak, and I promise you'll feel better."
Becca cocked one eye open "Did you say steak?"
"Your father is bringing it in off the grill right this second. Wash up and come sit down."
"For steak I will risk moving by poor aching body. I sure hope there are potatoes somewhere to go with it" she muttered as she crawled to a standing position. "I'm just glad the hardest part is out of the way" she added, limping to the sink.
"The hardest?" Seamus said with a mischievous glint in his eye. "I hate to break it to you sis, but the first day is the easiest practice of the season. Workouts will get harder every day for the next 10 weeks, until we start easing up to prepare for the League Meet on the last day of the season. But don't worry, you'll get used to it; you'll be zipping around again in two, three weeks tops" he added, as seriously as he could muster.
"Son of a nutcracker! Mom, I'm gonna need a lot more steak..."
…
“Ok kiddo, first meet of the season, you nervous?” Seamus asked with poorly disguised amusement.
“What do you think Einstein? I’m about to get up in front of hundreds of people and make a fool of myself, no doubt finishing last in a Junior Varsity race, probably getting disqualified…and all while wearing a bathing suit in front of all these strangers!” Becca whispered back, loudly.
“Don’t worry, you’ll do fine. You know what to do, you’ve done it in practice, just tune out the crowd noise and race yourself and the clock and no one else.”
“It’s a lot easier for YOU to SAY that than for ME to DO it!” she whispered, even louder this time.
Seamus laughed, knowing she would be fine “Just do your thing, Dog” he added helpfully. Or so he hoped.
“So how was it?” Lauren asked as Becca scrambled out of the pool after her first official race.
“I’m not sure. I mean I didn’t drown, and I don’t think anybody lapped me, so I guess it was pretty good, considering what I was afraid might happen.” Becca replied in between gulps of air.
“Well, just FYI, you not only finished your first race…you won it!” Lauren squealed, catching her little sister up in a big hug. “You were awesome!”
Becca looked back at her sister in absolute shock. She had actually won! It was only Junior Varsity, but still, she was about as Junior Varsity as Junior Varsity could be. Maybe she wouldn’t look like a complete idiot after all!
“So what’s the deal with you and The Bitchy anyway?” Becca asked as she and Lauren walked to the car that evening after the meet.
“We have actually been rivals for a few years now. We literally never see or talk to each other for nine months of the year, but during swim season, while we still don’t talk, we race the same races and we are about equal most of the time. She almost always beats me in freestyle, and I almost always beat her in IM. But we are usually no more than a few tenths of a second off, so it is always intense.” Lauren said, a look of steely determination in her eyes.
“I thought about switching events so I wouldn’t have to race against her every week, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. I don’t know what her problem is with me, but while I go out of my way not to antagonize her, I don’t want her to think I'm giving in either.”
“She actually seems kind of human in the pool sometimes.” Becca said, considering some memories from the past 6 weeks of swim practice involving the usually-nasty cheerleader.
“You know, I have this feeling that inside she is not as bad as she wants people to think she is outside” Lauren said somberly. “It’s almost like something is pressuring her, pushing her, hurting her, so she has to push back to try and control it, like trying to get some balance against whatever is hurting her”.
Becca stopped mid-stride and looked intensely at her older Sister, considering what she had just said. “Yeah, that kind of fits, now that you put it in words like that. I do kind of get the feeling that she is always looking over her shoulder, waiting for something bad to happen, whenever I see her around school. The only time she looks even remotely normal is when she’s at practice, like that’s the only time she can forget about whatever else is bugging her.”
“Or” Lauren said innocently as she unlocked the car door “She COULD just be a bitch.”
The sisters laughed their way home and melted gratefully into the now familiar routine of dinner, chores and homework, at peace with themselves and their world.
…
“Where are my goggles?” Becca heard the distracted voice asking over and over again from the other side of the low wall separating the pool area. Swim races were starting with the loud crack of the Starter’s gun and ending with the crescendoing swell of hundreds of parents and teammates cheering madly until all the swimmers had touched the wall. In the midst of this controlled mayhem the unknown girl’s voice took on an increasingly urgent tone.
“Come on, come on, come on, WHERE are those FREAKING GOGGLES!” she yelled at no one in particular. Becca had a few more races until it was her turn to swim, so she stood up and walked over to the origin point of the frustrated voice, finding out too late that it belonged, in fact, to none other than The Bitch. Who happened to turn suddenly in Becca’s direction in her search for her missing goggles. She stopped mid-rant and eyed Becca’s sudden appearance with suspicion. “What do you want?” she asked, able to spare only a small sneer from her fruitless search.
Becca realized that she only had a split second to decide how she was going to respond, and sorted through her options like the Terminator:
1) Pretend she didn’t hear her and walk away
2) Say something sassy, taking advantage of her distracted state to piss her off even further
3) DO THE RIGTH THING, which pulsed in her mind’s eye like a flashlight beam in a dark room.
Snap.
“Uh, I don’t swim until a few races after you…if you need some goggles, you can borrow mine. If you want. You don’t have to, you know.” She stammered, reddening furiously.
That stopped The Bitch, literally in her tracks. She stopped searching, stood bolt upright, and stared intently at Becca, with part suspicion, part disbelief, and part hope.
“What’s the deal? Do I have to apologize in front of the whole crowd or something?” she snapped, proving that old habits do in fact die hard.
“N, n, no, nothing like that. You can just use ‘em, I mean, I don’t need ‘em right now. You know, being teammates and all” she stuttered. When her adversary didn’t make any further snide remarks, Becca plucked up a little more courage.
“Really, you’re welcome to use them, I’d be happy if I could help” she said, immediately feeling embarrassed by going too far.
Just then the announcement for her race was made over the loudspeakers, so she was out of choices. “Thanks” The Bitch grunted as she reached out to grab the goggles from Becca’s outstretched hand. Without a backward glance she ran to the starting blocks and stood up in her lane, adjusting the goggles as the Starter called the girls to begin.
Becca watched the beginning of the race in nervous fascination, marveling at The Bitch’s skill, and realizing only after the first lap that in all the last second activity she had forgotten that Lauren was in this race as well. She ran to the edge of the pool and cheered loudly for her sister, who wound up losing by less than half a second to her rival. She watched with a smile as the two shook hands after the race, but was not surprised when they parted ways after getting out of the pool.
"That was a great race Lauren!" Becca beamed when she met her sister back at the team area.
Lauren gave her a smile and a thumbs up "I would call that a very good race. I liked my time a whole lot, but it would only be GREAT if I finished first when SHE is in the pool" she joked.
Becca laughed and agreed "If I ever come in first in a race with her, I will officially consider that the GREATEST RACE OF ALL TIME and I will retire, right then and there, since there would be nothing else that could possibly compare".
"Good call" Lauren nodded in reply. "But as they always say, be careful what you wish for."
"I don’t think there are enough wishes in the world to get me in the same race with her, let alone winning it" Becca scoffed. "I'm still trying to learn butterfly".
"Oh, and by the way, kiddo" Lauren drawled, "your new friend asked me to give these back to you", handing her the goggles she had loaned The Bitch.
"Because, apparently you loaned them to her for her race, you know, like friends do" she continued, enjoying Becca's obvious discomfort.
"So...this is where you explain why you lent your mortal enemy your goggles...or, the why's and how's of hell freezing over, whichever came first, I can't tell."
Becca couldn't resist the smile lurking and finally gave in "I didn't mean to, I mean, I heard someone looking for goggles and I went over and before I realized it was her..."
Lauren threw her head back and laughed, enjoying her sister's discomfort "No worries Sis, I actually think it’s pretty cool. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it, but you know what? I would have WANTED to. But you just did it. Pretty awesome if you ask me".
Becca was silent, chewing on Lauren's compliment, and realized in retrospect that it did feel pretty good to do something unexpectedly good.
…
"No, no, no, it can't be, please, no!" Seamus cried in anguish as he watched Becca preparing for her race.
"What’s up bro?" Lauren asked as she stepped up next to him to watch Becca's race.
"There are no other kids in Becca's race!" he said desperately. "That is the worst! It is sooo embarrassing to be the only one in a race....she'll be crushed!"
Lauren did not hesitate "Not on my watch" she said as she started putting her goggles on while she ran to the blocks.
Becca was distracted by the usual terror she felt before a race; in only her third meet it was still so new to her that she had to reassure herself that it was going to be ok, people did this every day and no one was going to notice one more anonymous kid swimming in the middle of a pool full of kids in a Junior Varsity race.
She was doing ok with her self-psych job…until she noticed that as the soaking wet kids cleared the pool from the race before her, there were no other dry kids like her waiting to step up on the starting blocks for the next race.
No way.
She tried to at least appear nonchalant as she frantically looked around the starting area for another swimmer that was getting ready to join her race…any, any, anyone, please! she pleaded silently, as if she could conjure up at least one other kid from the chlorine laden air.
“Junior Varsity girls 100 yard freestyle” the Starter announced over the loudspeaker. “Step up”.
Becca froze, vacillating between climbing up onto the starting block like she was supposed to and either feigning illness or just plain running in the opposite direction.
One of the Moms that was timing the race in her lane tapped her gently on the shoulder “It’s time honey, this is your lane. Step up”.
Becca nodded mechanically and realized that anything she did to dodge the race at this point would draw even more unwanted attention to herself, as she was starting to gum up the flow of the meet. She grudgingly put one foot and then the other up on the starting block, breathing deeply to try and calm her racing heart. All these people would be staring…at HER, alone in the pool…
“Exhibition” a familiar voice called out as Becca saw a flash of movement to her right. Curiosity cleared the fog of fear that enveloped her brain long enough for her to glance over and try to assess this newest threat to her quest for anonymity.
Her eyes widened well beyond their natural capacity when she saw her sister standing on the block next to her adjusting her goggles. “Lauren!” she stage whispered as loud as she could “What are you doing?”
“I’m swimming in this race, what does it look like?” she replied, trying unsuccessfully to make it sound like nothing more than business as usual
“This isn’t your race, this is JV; you just finished your Varsity race what, like 10 minutes ago? You can’t do this one too!”
“That’s why I announced ‘exhibition’; that means I’m swimming as an unofficial extra. I get to swim with you, but on paper, I was never here” she explained, trying to sound like a Twilight zone commercial.
“No one should have to swim alone, and certainly not my kid sister” she added, giving Becca a ‘and-that’s-final-don’t-argue’ look.
“I’ll just kind of chill and keep you company” she added, “it’ll be fun”.
“Oh man…Lauren, I appreciate the thought, I really do” Becca whispered “but…” she stopped suddenly as she looked at the expectant timers and fans, who were starting to notice something was amiss.
“Ladies, it’s time” the Starter began.
Both girls turned toward him simultaneously and said in perfect unison “Hang on”, eliciting a laugh from those close enough to see and hear the uncanny synchronization.
“Wait, wait” Becca said, realizing how unbelievably kind her sister was being and not wanting HER to be embarrassed by having to dumb down her skills to baby sit her lame little sister in a JV race.
“You’re time is what, 8 seconds faster than mine, right?” she asked, brightening to a wacky but possibly ingenious idea.
“Yeah, about that…but don’t worry…” Lauren replied.
“No, no…if we’re going to do this, let’s make it interesting” Becca said, warming to her insane plan. If you’re going to look foolish, might as well make it worthwhile she thought.
“OK, so you give me an 8 second head start, then see if you can catch me. “
“What?” Lauren asked, looking quizzically at her little sister, wondering if she had gone off the deep end.
“What, are you afraid you won’t be able to? That your little sister will beat you?” Becca taunted, fully engrossed in their own private world now, ignoring the increasing attention the crowd was directing toward their little drama.
“Oh so that’s how it’s going to be, eh?” Lauren said, giving in to her sister’s crazy scheme, also forgetting the crowd. “It’s on, punk. It is SO on” she finished, sealing their deal with a fist bump.
“Exhibtion” someone else called out from behind Becca, making her swivel around to see what was going on.
"What the…" the Starter mumbled under his breath "What now?"
And there stood The Bitch herself, goggles on, her own this time Becca noted randomly as she tried to process what was happening.
“What are you doing?” Becca demanded, genuine curiosity getting the best of her.
“It’s called exhibition...”
“I know what it means, why are you doing this?” she asked.
“The more the merrier, right?” The Bitch asked, looking past Becca to catch Lauren’s attention. “I want in.”
“Ladies” the Starter said again, this time with obvious exasperation “We need to…”
This time all three girls turned toward him simultaneously and said in perfect unison “Hang on”, drawing a burst of laughter from the larger crowd that was clued in to what was unfolding.
Becca and Lauren looked at each other, immediately agreeing on an unspoken reaction. Lauren turned her attention to The Bitch and said “OK I give her 8 seconds, and you give me 1 more since you’ve been kicking my butt in this race for the past two years.”
“No cheating, and no slacking off” Becca added, giving the two girls a stern look. “Let’s do this!” she added, no longer caring about the crowd, which was now fully aware of what was happening and giving the unprecedented scene their full attention.
Without thinking, she reached over to initiate the customary fist bump with The Bitch, realizing too late what she was doing. After only a slight hesitation, The Bitch returned the bump, and actually smiled. This latest development was perhaps the craziest part of the whole deal Becca thought to herself.
"Ladies, do I have your kind permission to continue the meet?" the Starter asked sarcastically.
"Yes" the three girls answered, once again in complete unison, and now drawing full on laughter from the crowd which was completely engrossed.
Lauren turned back to the Moms who were timing the races, all of whom were standing up straining to hear every last detail of the exchange. Virtually all of them knew the girls, and their fascination with the goings on was high.
"Mrs. Morgan, can you let me know when it has been 8 seconds?" she asked one of the Moms she knew well.
"Of course Lauren - and all of you girls" she said waving to encompass all three of them "good luck!"
Lauren looked over at The Bitch "Give me that one extra second and then give it your best shot, because I plan to be long gone" she taunted good naturedly, sharing a strange but oddly sincere grin with the girl she had assumed was her enemy.
"Watch and learn" The Bitch replied, softening the challenge with an uncertain grin, daring to join the comfortable banter.
"Swimmers, take your mark..." and BANG went the Starter’s pistol, along with the click of a hundred cell phone cameras.
Becca dove off the blocks and did her best to maximize her glide underwater before she surfaced and started swimming for all she was worth. Forgetting about pacing or saving some for later, she just swam as hard as she could.
"Five...six...seven...EIGHT!" Mrs. Morgan yelled, Lauren diving off the blocks with a whoop and a neat splash as she cut through the water on her dive.
Followed exactly one second later by a second splash, and the game, as they say, was afoot.
Nailing her best ever flip turn at the first wall, Becca continued her kamikaze swim, holding nothing back as she began her second lap. Gaining slowly but steadily, Lauren had halved the distance between them by the beginning of the third lap, and The Bitch's head was even with her feet as they flew down the pool.
As Becca pushed off the wall to start her final lap she saw Lauren close by and knew that she was on pace to catch her by the finish. Lauren glanced sideways as she pushed off the wall underwater and similarly saw that The Bitch was now only a single stroke behind her.
The large crowd was doing the math and each person knew that the three swimmers were on a pace to finish in a dead heat, which spurred them on to cheer even louder, encouraging the girls to push even harder.
All three girls knew the finish was less than one lap away now and unleashed whatever they had not even known they had in reserve as they thrashed toward the final wall. The crowd was on its feet as one as the three girls continued their alignment, reaching perfect symmetry in a single line as they thundered the last few feet and all touched the wall in what seemed like a single stroke with one final splash of white water.
There was a moment of dead silence as the crowd tried to make sense of what they had seen, and then they roared with approval, not knowing or caring what the final result was.
The timers were huddled together like a football team, looking at each other's stopwatches, gesturing wildly at each other trying to be heard above the crowd. The Starter came over and joined the huddle, in turn listening, looking at watches and scratching his head.
For their part, the girls had each collapsed against the wall, lips blue, gasping for breath, pained but exultant looks on their faces, knowing that whatever happened they had each given more than they ever had before. Lauren managed to catch her breath long enough to duck under the lane rope and join Becca in her lane, pulling her into a tight hug.
Becca managed to finally open her eyes and as she started to focus and once again notice the world around her, the first thing she saw was The Bitch, similarly wrung out, breathing hard and trying unsuccessfully not to notice the intimate moment of sportsmanship the two sisters shared.
Without thinking, Becca reached across the lane rope and grabbed her in a hug, at first meeting surprised resistance, which quickly gave way to a fierce return. Lauren impulsively joined in, and the three of them floated there for what seemed like an eternity, sharing the satisfaction of absolute competition and the warmth of shared achievement. The lane rope between them did nothing to separate their companionship.
Eventually they separated, finally realizing they were still in the middle of a swim meet, and they prepared to scramble out of the pool.
Before any of them could climb out, the beleaguered Starter broke ranks from the huddle of timers and officials that had swelled to more than a dozen people.
The still buzzing crowd shushed so they could hear what he was preparing to say, as no indication had yet been given as to who had actually won the race.
The Starter silently walked over to Becca's lane, and after glancing down to make sure she was in it, he slowly raised his hand over his head, one finger extended, and nodded over at the scorer's table to confirm that he was signaling that the swimmer in that lane was to be awarded first place in what was called a "photo fini