02. MEMORIES OF THE LIGHTHOUSE
By Tony M Richards
Portishead: Friday July 18th 1980
The weather feels really nice today. I'm lying back on the grass, letting the sun wash over me.
"Don't bum suck it! Dickhead...." Terry says to Kevin, tellin' him off an' that. I hate it when he makes the spliff wet; you can't get a good draw off it or nothin'... You have to tear the flipping back end off! Too much hassle! Especially on a day like today.....
"I ain't bum sucked it Terry! Stop picking on us," Kevin says to him. I know he done it, an' Terry knows he done it aswell!
I'm just lying back, soaking up the sun rays an' that.... I've been waiting for this moment for bloody years. I hated school and the teachers flippin' hated me! I ain't got a brain for school.
Teachers were always tellin' me I was thick an' that. Telling me I was gonna end up moppin' floors or flippin' burgers in a van in a field somewhere..... Fuckin' bastards!
But see, now none of it matters 'cause I'm sixteen and school is over. Schools out ya' bastards! I got myself a job at the local hospital as a porter! I start next week. Can't wait! As soon as I get some money, I'm gonna get myself some new clobber! New loafers; new Harrington; new Brutus shirt with some Sta Press trousers...... I'm gonna get me some tattoos too! Terry's got two already and he's only sixteen! Imagine that! Don't worry! I'll soon catch him up!
Terry's older brother is a proper hooligan, real savage lad. Shane runs with the local football firm.
He's a proper skinhead an' all! He's got 'SLICE HERE' tattooed on his neck! What a nutter!
Terry's got a Bristol Rovers tattoo on his chest and he's got 'CRACKING SKULLS IN PORTISHEAD' on the on his arm. That's our motto:
CRACKING SKULLS IN PORTISHEAD.
Nobody fucks with us! We're skinheads and people are scared of us when they see us! They know we're trouble with a capital T!
"Pass me the cider dickhead!" Terry shouts at me. "Yer' bloody stoned ain'tcha?! What a mess! Can't take you twos nowhere! Pass the cider before I punch you!"
I pass him the cider. It don't bother me, the way he speaks an' that..... Terry always talks like that.
It's his upbringing you see; Terry's old man has spent most of his life locked up!
Before me and Kevin used to hang out with Terry, we got picked on loads.... People thought we were soft an' that. When we started hanging out with Terry and we became skinheads, we started gettin' a rep for being tough! People round here think twice before they fuck with us! You don't fuck around with Shane and Terry Barrett!
CRACKING SKULLS IN PORTISHEAD!! That's our motto!!
An' here we are....What could be better? We're here in the graveyard, smoking pot and drinking cider.... Free from school! Free from those arseholes..... The bastard teachers an' that. This is where life begins.
I'm lying back on the grass, tokin' on a joint and soaking up the sun. Got my boots off and I can feel the soft grass beneath my socks. Terry and Kevin are arguing about The Specials and Madness; arguing about which one is better an' that.... None of that shit bothers me..... I'm looking forward to the future.... Terry's working in his brothers garage and Kev is going to college 'cos he's proper brainy an' that! I've got my job in the hospital! This is it! This is the spice of life! This is what it's about! Even lookin' at all the tombstones and all the creepy statues, I can't feel down about anything! These lot are dead, we're still alive!
"Roll up another joint Terry," I tell him.
"Bollocks! Let's go and get a coke. My throat is dry," he says back, like he's got the hump or something.
"Finish the cider," Kevin says. "There's still a bit left."
"Fuck that! I wanna coke! Let's got to the lighthouse," Terry snaps at us, really annoyed like... "What are you talkin' about?! That tuck shops been closed for bleedin' years Terry! Are you off your rocker?!" Kev says to him.
That's a bad move. You shouldn't argue with Terry...
"How would you know?!" Terry says to him. I'm saying nothing. I'm staying out of this.
"Mrs Parsons has been dead for yonks! That tuck hasn't been open for ages! It's probably full of rats and rotten gear.... Or there's chairs in there an' stuff... Maybe it's empty. Who knows? Who cares anyway?! C'mon Terry! Let's go to the shops, up the hill," Kev says.
I think Kev is right, but I don't dare say nothin'... S'not worth it. What is Kev doing?!
"SO YOU BEEN THERE THEN?! 'AVE YOU DICKHEAD?!" Terry's raging at him. Kevin, yer dickhead....
"No... But I mean, since they built those shops and closed the Lighthouse to tourists, I mean... Stands to reason Terry! Don't it?" Kevin says, like a bird.
"RIGHT! SO IF YOU DON'T KNOW, SHUT IT THEN!"
Terry's pissed off. It's 'cause he's thirsty probably. I put my boots on and we start walking down the pathway, out of the graveyard. Nobody's saying nothin'..... Just have to wait until Terry calms down. He usually sulks for about an hour, then he's fine.
Sods law! As soon as we start walking, the sun disappears behind some clouds! Now I just wanna leave the boneyard. All these statues are creepin' me out! Maybe it's the weed an' that....
This gear that Terry gets of Shane is mind blowin'.... Maybe I need a can of coke too!
We walking down the road in silence and soon we're getting near the lighthouse. Terry lights a fag and points:
"Now we'll see dickhead!"
Kev shakes his head.
The lighthouse was lovely when I was a kid. It's where everybody used to go and have fun:
Families; all the local kids; all the old pensioners; all the tourists visitin'..... Everybody.....
It was really great, especially in the summer an' that! It would be packed outside the lighthouse!
All the adults sat around at the tables; the kids played in this little playground they had next to the tuck shop. I use to play there with my older brother an' that. Great times it was........
Something doesn't feel right. Not now..... The lighthouse doesn't look the same. The big, black gate that was always open has been removed completely..... The grass is all fucked up, dead lookin' an' yellow an' that...... There's a few chairs upside down by the wall; all the rest of the chairs and tables are now gone completely!
"Bollocks Terry, there's no tuck shop here," I says to him.
"We ain't looked yet dickhead! 'Ave we?!" he snaps at us, flickin' his fag end at Kev.... The building looks dark....
Not like I remember it......
"Fliplin' creepy!" Kev says. He's right an' all......
The windows along the bottom used to have this shiny, light blue paint on 'em.
The paint on the windows is cracked and broken now. The paints turned this horrible, yellowey green!
The building looks empty as we walk around, looking for the old school tuck shop.
Haven't been here in a long time......
This place used to be the pride of Portishead! Not anymore mind!
Now it looks like a dump. The concrete on the ground is all cracked and broken; I just twisted my ankle as some of the concrete broke under me bleedin' foot!
We walk to the back of the building; the old outside toilet is still there. The sky looks muggy and grey. I haven't been here in a good while.... Looks like it's gone to the dogs... Shame...
I just wanna get out of here and smoke another spliff.
"Fuck the Coke Terry! There's nothing here!" Kev says.... This time he's right. There's nothing here. Terry's being a right prat.
"We ain't got around the back, 'ave we? Dickhead!" He says again.
Old Mrs Parsons used to sit in that tuck shop. You could get what you needed in there: Bottles of Coke; ice lollies; bags a crisps; Joe Cola ice creams..... She would always ask if you'd been good; otherwise she'd tell you there was no treats. She always remembered your name an' that. I loved going to the lighthouse when I was a kid, running around, getting treats from Mrs Parsons....
Just before we hit the old tuck shop, Kev spots the old toilet. The toilet was a flushable one with a chain an' that... No sink mind..... It was the size of shoebox! All the kids used to hate taking a wee in there because the light never worked and there was spiders. It was proper creepy... I'd rather go behind a tree and take stick off the other kids! Nobody wanted to do a piss in there...
Kev tries to pull the door open.
"Maybe Mrs Parsons is taking a huge shit in 'ere Terry! You can ask her for a coke!" Kev says. I start laughing, I can't help it!
"Fuck off the both of yers!" Terry says and pulls hard on the door. He really has to yank the door hard. It's stuck or it's locked. Don't matter either way, if a doors locked, we just break it! Fuck it!
Give it the boot!
Terry blasts the handle with his boot.
BANG!
The handle flies off the door! WHAT A NUTTER!! Terry don't know his own bloody strength!! He took the fuckin' handle off the door!!
"Thats how ya' do it! Yer' couple of poofs!" Terry says....
Now the door is wide open and we can take a look inside.... Its disgusting an' that! The bloody toilet seat is missing and the toilet bowl is full to the brim with dirty water! Nobody could take a piss in that even if they wanted to! Me an' Terry grab Kev and make him think we're gonna shove his head into the dirty water! He's really scared an' he's really putting up a fight! I can't stop laughing! This is too much! Too much!
"GO ON KEV! DRINK OL' MRS PARSONS SHIT WATER! DRINK FROM THE DIRTY BOWL!"
Terry shouts. I'm dying with laughter! We've nearly got his head in the bowl! His forehead is an inch away from the shitty bog water!
"STOOOOOP!! STOOOP!!" Kev is shouting, really scared. His forehead is now nearly touchin' the shitty water!!
I let go of him, but Terry's still pushing his head down.
"WHATTA YA' DOING YER DICKHEAD!" Terry shouts. "WHY'D YER LET GO YER FUCKING POOF?!"
Terry can go too far an' that.... To be honest he scares me a little bit sometimes. A jokes a joke! If Kevin was to drink that, he'd be really ill an' that. Terry see's the look in my eyes and let's go of Kev.
"I was joking yer couple of fags! Kev, get up! Yer dickhead!" Says Terry.
Kev gets up. We close the door best we can, 'cause the hinges are proper fucked.... We walk around and there it is. The tuck shop.
The tuck shop was a hole in the wall. Two wooden doors that would open an' that..... Mrs Parsons would sit inside and sell the goodies.
Sometimes, Mrs Parsons would go a bit mad in the summer.... When it got really hot an' that.... It was like she would change and go a bit doolally. My mum always said it was when she hadn't taken her medication.
"Silly woman!" My mum would say. "Why doesn't she take her bloody pills!"
My mum said she was a lovely lady and that she had experienced some bad things in her life. She had to take medication to keep her calm.
When she went a bit funny, she could be a bit scary!
"Beware of the perverts lads!! There is evil beneath the lighthouse. Dirty people!! With all their bits hanging out!! Dirty bastards! Having sex! Lots of people having sex! Penises! Vaginas! All hanging out! The boy underneath the building, he's done nothing! He's done nothing! All those perverts!"
We'd all laugh. She'd be talking about sex and the devil. Evil spirits and dicks! Us lads still have laugh about it now, when we're getting stoned:
"THERE'S DICKS AND VAGINAS! EVIL LADS, EVIL PEOPLE! DIRTY FUCKERS! 'ORRIBLE FUCKERS!! SONS OF THE DAMNED! SONS OF THE DAMNED!"
Kev can do her voice perfectly. He can even copy how she used to spit when she talked 'cause she had teeth missing.... I can remember the spit drippin' off her chin. I remember my mum leading me away one day when she was havin' a right episode in front of all the kids! My mum kept saying:
"Poor woman, poor woman! Poor, bloody woman!!"
The wooden doors are closed but not locked. The light blue paint is now green, all the paint is cracked.
"See, it's closed," Kev says. "Can we go now?"
"Wait," Terry says. He pulls open the doors. And there it is. Nothing. Nowt!
Just a cold, damp room.
Bare, dirty brick walls an' that....
Seeing the old shop makes me feel sad. There's nothing there.
Looking at the ceiling inside, I can see the wood is all damp and starting to break. I'm even wondering what happened to Mrs Parsons.....
"Can I help you gentlemen with something?"
I turn around and see some trampy looking bloke staring at us. He's got on an old blue boiler suit. His eyes are evil looking. I don't like the look of this bloke.
"We're trying to get a can of Coke," says Terry, looking at him like he wants to deck him!
"There's been no tuck shop here for year's lads," this fella says, crossing his arms. "Told'ya!" Kev says.
"Right," says Terry, "We'll be on our way. We was only lookin'"
"Back the way you came," this fella says. "Back around the way you came." "Or what?" Terry says.
Kev's looking frightened; I'm looking frightened too. Terry looks like he wants a square go with him. This guy looks mental! I don't like the look of him. His teeth are all rotten. Dirty brown stumps. Looks like he ain't seen a dentist in years.
"Back the way you came," he says again. "Back around, the way you came in."
We're walking off; Terry is walking backwards; proper staring at him!
"FUCKING CREEPS!" Terry shouts at him. "I'LL BE BACK WITH SHANE BARRETT! CRACKING-SKULLS-IN-PORTISHEAD!"
The creepy fella doesn't take his eyes of Terry.... Not for one moment!
We get onto the path and head back to the graveyard.