Diary of a Fusspot by Victoria Olasegha - HTML preview

 

January 15, 2015

 

Dear Diary,

There are so many things in life that we have no control over. Whether the sun will rise or not, whether the day will be cloudy or not is not for us to decide. We have no control over life or death either. But what about the things that we do have control over?

My friends have described me as a chronic worrier. I worried about everything. When I was twelve, I worried that I was too tall. When I was seventeen, I worried that I was not tall enough. I worried about whether it would be Ike or not when I wanted to marry. I worried for three years after Ike was ready until one day he told me he wouldn’t take it any longer and literally pushed me to the altar. I worried about what I would do after I was married. And then it hit me. It was not as if worrying added anything to me. Sometimes I just preferred to fuss. It took me a long time to make this decision but I realized there were some things that I did have control over.

Like my deciding to be a stay at home mother despite my degree in Business Administration. I’ve been asked over and over by my friends if my husband pushed me into it but the truth is this is something I decided on my own. It had nothing to do with Ike. My therapist friend has asked me if maybe I was trying to compensate for something in my life perhaps I did not have enough motherly attention as a child, what with my mother being a medical doctor. But it was none of that. I just wanted to be at home, make a home for my children. Was that too much to ask?

The women libbers should take a chill pill: I think I am liberated enough. Perhaps later I shall consider running my own business from home to ‘empower’ myself. But for now my mind is made up. Stay at home mom all the way.

My first baby is almost a year now. When I look into those little brown eyes its simply magic. I cannot tell if it’s because she’s so cute and tiny or because I was involved in the process of making her but I know I want to be there for every important moment in her life. I want to be right there beside her when she says her first word which I know will be any moment now. I want to be the first to see her walk unaided. To be there when she writes her first letter of the alphabet. In a world of uncertainty, I want her to know her mother would be right at home waiting for her to come home no matter where she is.

I can smell it. The cake is almost ready. It’s nobody’s birthday but I’m making a cake just because. One of the advantages of being a stay at home is that you have enough time to do those special things. Anna coos in her cot and I go and pick her up. I rock her to and fro and sing nonsensical songs that only she and I understand. All is right with my world. Until I heard the fire alarm go off.

I brought out a soggy blackened mess. How could I have got so lost in thought? Now Ike would not have a chance to eat the chocolate cake I had hinted I would make this morning. For a woman who spent a lot of time at home, I seemed to find it hard to get anything done.

The doorbell rang and I debated whether to answer it. It was probably my neighbor Christy. She was also a stay at home mum and she was bored stiff of it. She had tried her hands at doing something. Opened a provision store and got bored and tired of it. Got a job at a company but it was too tiring. Her two children were older than mine. One was five and the other was seven and she was all alone at home till they came back from school. Apparently, she wasn’t bored and tired of coming to gist with me over some African Magic. The doorbell rang again, louder this time. Couldn’t Christy take a hint? I was in no mood for a discussion or speculation about whether our husbands were having affairs with their secretaries or not. People like her made me wish sometimes that I was not a stay at home mother.

“Chinelo, I know you are there now. Open the door,” she said.

I sighed. There was no escaping her.

I opened the door to let her in. The sight of her alone gave me a headache.

“What have you been doing since morning?” she demanded.

“I have a headache,” I said which was actually true. The veins in my head were starting to throb.

“Ndo o, take panadol now,” she offered as she sank on to my sofa. I wondered if I should bake another batch of cake. I’d already prepared the soup for dinner but I had promised Ike a special treat today. It would be good to deliver on the promise.

“Ehen Chinelo,”’ Christy’s grating voice cut into my thoughts. “Do you know we have a new neighbor on our street?”

How would I know, I mouthed inaudibly. It wasn’t any concern of mine. She suddenly got up from the sofa, walked to my refrigerator and took out a soft drink without asking. I fumed silently. The gall of that woman!

After popping open the drink, she continued. “I only saw one woman with two small children. I didn’t see her husband. The one that late Chief Baiyero was living in. I’m not sure they are that comfortable sha. I only saw one Jeep in the compound. She said her name is Titi Lawrence or something like that.”

I gave an involuntary shudder as I heard the name. Could it be the same Titi Lawrence I knew in Uni? If it was her, then it meant my arch enemy had suddenly gotten closer than I wanted. What was she doing moving into my street? Life had

suddenly become very unpredictable of a sudden…

 

January 17, 2015

Dear Diary,

The first time I saw Titi Lawrence in the University I knew she was trouble. She suddenly bumped into me on my way to the hostel and then looked at me as if I had upset her apple cart. Confused, I muttered a ‘sorry ,’ and then she laughed. She had a tinkling sort of laugh. Even from that first day, it grated on my nerves.

“It’s me that should be apologizing my dear,” she said patronizingly. “Don’t mind me. I’m just in a hurry to get to class. My name is Titi.”

“Chinelo,” I offered hesitantly.

“Alright Chinelo. See you around,” she said and sauntered off.

I thought no more of it till I saw her in the cafeteria that same afternoon. I was mildly irritated. Was she following me around?

“Hi again,” she said cheerily as she stood beside me. “What course are you studying?”

“Business Administration,” I said trying not to show my annoyance.

“Oh. I knew I had seen you somewhere before. We are in the same department.”

Nice, I thought. Gritting my teeth I Now she would never leave me alone.

Out loud, I said: “Ok.” And then proceeded to carry my tray to a nearby table. Sure enough, Titi was following close at my heels. After a while, I decided to enjoy her chatter and relax. She knew all the campus gossip and was eagerly pouring out every juicy detail over her plate of rice. Besides as an established loner, I didn’t have many friends. I needed all the friends I could get and Titi seemed willing to be one of them. That was my first mistake.

Christy’s shrill voice broke my reverie again. She had come to visit once more.

“Chinelo did you see that?” she shouted. “That woman turned into a snake! I knew she was possessed.”

I hissed inwardly and sighed aloud. Christy and her obsession with African Magic.

I needed to get her to leave so I could concentrate on other things. Like plotting how I could see Titi Lawrence without being obvious. But before then…

“Ehen Christy did you give the new neighbor a welcome present?” I ask Christy.

Christy turns her face towards me, momentarily confused. “Welcome present? Biko, which one be that?”

I scrunch my eyebrows. With all her TV watching, didn’t she watch Desperate Housewives?

“Christy.” I say with exaggerated patience. “When a neighbor moves into your street the proper thing is to go and say hello to them and offer them a welcome gift. It’s usually food especially baked goods. It’s a sign of being thoughtful.”

Christy laughed. “Thoughtful kwa? That one na oyinbo business o. It no concern me.”

I was not to be deterred. I shook my head determinedly.

“No Christy. In this our estate we will do the right thing. So you and I will take a cake over to that Titi Lawrence’s house to officially welcome her into the community.”

Christy shrugged. “As long as you would bake the cake.”

I had expected this. “Of course I will.”

“You get time,” Christy observed and yawned. “Chinelo I’m hungry o. Haven’t you cooked anything?”

Now was the time to get her out.

“See, Christy you just reminded me. I have a lot of work to do. I need to dust the furniture before I start cooking so please you will need to excuse me.”

Christy got up and stretched. “So you are driving me away abi?”

I didn’t answer. “See you tomorrow Christy.” And I closed the door behind her.

I got a rag and began dusting the furniture. I had no idea what would happen when I came across Titi Lawrence again.

 

January 20, 2015

Dear Diary,

I was nervous as I stood in front of the two story duplex. Christy loudly smacked on a wad of gum. I had written: “Welcome to the neighborhood,” in spidery letters across the top of the cake. Now as I held it, it looked like a childish scrawl. The last thing I would want is for Titi Lawrence to poke fun at my famous chocolate cake.

We knocked lightly then slightly louder. No answer. We waited and knocked again. Then suddenly a pale red rimmed face appeared at the door. I almost did not recognize her. It was Titi. What could be wrong with her? Would she recognize me?

“Hi, welcome to the neighborhood,” I said and offered her the cake.

She took it and smiled but her smile didn’t seem to quite reach her eyes.

“Thank you very much,” she said softly.

“I am Christy and she is Chinelo,” Christy offered in between smacks of chewing.

I saw something that looked like a flicker in Titi’s eyes. Was it recognition?

“My name is Titi. Titi Banjoko. It’s so nice to have such wonderful neighbors,” she said absently.

Beside me, Christy was nudging me to take note of something but I couldn’t see whatever it was she wanted me to see.

“Well we live over there,” I said pointing to my modest bungalow and Christy’s more opulent duplex.

“We’re very sociable here. Feel free to drop in anytime,” I said hoping she would invite me too.

“I’ll be sure to take note of that,” Titi said. “Thanks again Chinelo and Christy. My family truly appreciates this.” She made a move as if to close the door.

“I do not mean to be rude but I really must go now as I have some pressing matters to attend to.”

“Of course,” I mumbled. “Not a problem.”

“We understand,” Christy added and we backed away.

On the way back home Christy was full of chatter about Titi. About how red her eyes looked and how old her weave-on was and that it needed changing and how expensive her brocade material was.

I was concerned with only one thing.

Titi was sad for some reason. And I wanted to know why. I was fairly certain that to maintain her image in the community she would try to repay us with a culinary feat of her own. Perhaps when she did it, I would have my chance to talk with her.

The baby was soaked when I got home never mind that I had left her with her grandmother who had come to visit for a few days. But granny was interested in the intriguing characters on African magic. I was beginning to hate those TV stations. The things it does to good women.

I had barely got the baby changed and dinner on the cooker when Ike arrived. He was earlier than usual and he did not look happy. It seemed he was trying to hide it from me because he tried to act as if nothing was amiss. I waited till after dinner to ask him but he wouldn’t say.

“It’s nothing dear. I’m just tired,” he said planting a kiss on my forehead. My internal radar told me that that wasn’t all. But I didn’t want to push. He did look tired. My brain was very active though wondering what it could be. It wasn’t that he was getting laid off work, was he? Did his business deal go sour? Would we have to move from this house? Perhaps I should find a job immediately. I managed to stop myself. Breathe, Chinelo breathe, I told myself. God’s got this, whatever it is.

Titi showed up sooner than I expected. I was rounding up some business online the next day when the doorbell rang. It was Titi with her culinary feat. She had made a batch of homemade cookies. She appeared brighter than the previous day and she said nothing about recognizing me from an earlier time. I was quick to invite her in and then I took one of the cookies she had made. It was absolutely scrumptious. I had expected nothing less. Titi at her competitive best.

“These cookies are amazing Titi. Your husband must be truly lucky to be able to enjoy such wonderful cooking,” I said as she sipped on a glass of lemonade.

To my shock and dismay, she suddenly burst into tears. She wept profusely for about five minutes while I awkwardly put a hand on her shoulder and got her a tissue.

Then she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and looked at me with a tearful smile. “I’m really sorry Chinelo. I’ve just been stressed a lot lately with the move and all and my nerves are not handling it very well.”’

I looked at her with concern. Her skin looked almost translucent. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

“Yes. I’m fine.” She seemed embarrassed or standoffish and she got up to leave. “Thanks a lot Chinelo. See you around.”

I walked her to the door with many thoughts swirling through my mind. Clearly she was hiding something but what? And how could I find out?

 

January 21, 2015

Dear Diary,

Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one who saw Titi’s tear stained face the previous day. Apparently Christy had seen it too when Titi was walking back home because by midday the next day she was knocking on my door. Somehow that woman manages to see everything from her window. How she does that in between watching African magic and forever fixing her nails I’ll never know. Ok, maybe I exaggerate a little.

“So what was wrong with her?” Christy demanded to know.

Did she think I was a psychic?

“She told me she thinks it’s the stress of the move. That it affected her nerves,” I said flatly.

Christy laughed in disbelief. “Tell that to the birds my friend!”

“I told you since the first day I met her I knew she was hiding something. Maybe she’s in some financial trouble. Only politicians can afford that kind of house which I doubt she is. Or maybe she has a terminal illness like cancer. Or maybe her husband is cheating on her…”

“Christy stop, just stop speculating!” I said and raised a hand attempting to halt the conversation.

 “We should be praying for the woman not speculating about what is happening to her.”

“Yes, we should pray Chinelo. But is it not better to know what to pray about so our prayers would be focused? You should have asked her Chinelo. If I was here I would have got it from her.”

I’m sure you would, I thought dryly.

Aloud I said: “It doesn’t matter Christy. We can pray for her all the same.”

Then in an attempt to put an end to the subject, I put on the TV for her while I excused myself to change and feed the baby. While doing that, my mind kept reverting to something Christy had said about her husband. From the way Titi reacted it seemed plausible that the cause of her upset could stem from her marriage, because I had just mentioned her husband’s name before she burst into tears. Whatever it was, I had a strong hunch that it had something to do with her husband. How to find out the truth and how to help her I didn’t really have a clue.

Ike came back home the same way he left looking perplexed and bothered. My tall handsome muscular husband with a perpetually smiley face now having worry wrinkles on his forehead and a frown was not something I was used to. Still, he would not talk to me or reveal what the problem was. I wanted to force a showdown. Talk to me or else…

Then I thought better of it. It may only make things worse. He would talk in his own time. Then a thought crept into my brain. He better not be cheating on me or else…I could feel myself breaking into a sweat. I got down on my knees and prayed. God was the revealer of secrets. He alone knew what was going on in Ike and Titi’s minds. Anna needed my attention and I was getting ready to feed her when Ike came into the nursery.

“’There’s been an investigation in the company Chinelo,” he said plopping down beside me. We had auditors come in and now I’m being accused of corruption. Myself and two other branch managers.”

I nearly put the baby down as the icy hands of fear gripped my heart. No, this could not be happening.

Ike’s voice droned on. It seemed like it was coming from far away. “I have been suspended for two weeks until this issue is sorted out.”

His hands grip mine. “I don’t want you to worry Chinelo. We’re going to be fine.” I nod dumbly while I see flashbacks of the Louie Vuitton bag he bought me for my birthday and our trip to Paris last year. It couldn’t be that it was true, could it? I knew Ike. He wouldn’t do a thing like that. Or would he?

I knew I was supposed to say something encouraging to him but I just nodded dumbly.

He answered my unspoken question. “I didn’t do it Chinelo,” he said softly.

I hugged him in relief. “Of course you didn’t,” I whispered in his ear. Nonetheless my safe secure world had come crashing down.

 

 January 25, 2015

Dear Diary,

What do you do after your safe secure world has come crashing down?

Well, you get up and keep going. And that was what I had decided to do. Ike’s news was terrible and that first night I had a horrible nightmare that the police came to arrest him. He woke up and we prayed together. Our predicament was made even more real when for the first time in years I realized that Ike would not dress up to go to work.

“I’ve been suspended honey,” he said softly when I asked him why he wasn’t preparing to go out. Of course, silly me, I thought. It still seemed like I was living in a dream.

“Let’s try to look on the bright side of things honey. At least I would be able to spend more time with Anna.” He said trying to smile. Bright side? I thought. There is no bright side to this.

Then I realized this was harder for him than even for me. He was trying to stay positive. I needed to try too. “Yeah, Ok,” I said with a bright smile. “I’m putting you in charge of nappy duty.”

That was a stroke of genius on my part. Bright side for both me and him. What better way for father to bond with child than changing soiled nappies?

I found time to do other things since I didn’t constantly have to worry about the baby. I polished the floors till they shone. I washed my hair. Then I remembered that my flowers needed a little watering and that was when the trouble started.

As soon as I came out with my watering can I noticed that Christy was in front of her house watering her own flowers. For one spilt second I wanted to run inside but she had already spotted me. I could never allow her to find out that Ike wasn’t going to work. The whole neighborhood would hear in minutes.

“Hey,” she called out cheerily. “Looks like we’ve got the same idea.”

Oh why today of all days, I grumbled inwardly but managed a smile. “Sure does.”

“How come Ike’s car is in the driveway?” she said pointing to his Lexus. “Is he at home?”

For a spilt second I considered saying no and then thought better of it.

“Yes he is,” I said shortly. “He needs to rest.”

“Oh ok. Hope all is well,” Christy said with concern on her face.

“Everything is fine,” I replied. That was a declaration of faith.

To my relief, she didn’t press further but launched on to what was for her a more interesting topic.

“So have you seen Titi since that time?” she asked me.

I had all but forgotten about Titi in the wake of Ike’s news.

“No I haven’t,” I replied. Perhaps I should give her a call. Besides it would distract my mind from Ike’s horrors at work. I had managed to pry her number out of her when she came to my house. And it seemed like she still didn’t remember me from our undergraduate days.

“I hope she’s fine though,” Christy said with such warmth that I looked at her with some amazement. Had I been judging this woman too harshly? Was she less shallow than I had originally thought?

 “I hope so too,” I said.

Once I got in I picked up my mobile phone and dialed.

“Hello,” I said when she picked the call.

“Please who is this?” The voice sounded groggy somewhat. Perhaps she had been taking a nap.

“It’s me Chinelo,” I said cheerily hoping she wouldn’t be annoyed that I woke her up.

“Oh Chinelo,” she said in recognition and then stopped in midsentence as I heard a loud clang and the sound of something breaking…like glass.

“Stop it, stop it,” Titi shouted then she realized she was still on the phone with me. “Sorry Chinelo, I have to go.”

“’Is everything all right?” I was saying when she cut me off.

I tried calling back after a few minutes but she wasn’t answering. Dear God, I hoped she was alright. What could be going on there?

I called several times and an hour later I got a text message that said:

“I am fine Chinelo. One of my boys just broke a set of dishes accidentally. Thanks so much for your call. See you soon.”

I didn’t believe it. It sounded like someone deliberately broke something. Something was definitely going on in her house and now more than ever I was determined to find out what it was. I wouldn’t wait another day.

 

January 26, 2015

Dear Diary,

I knew that it could be difficult for me to get to see her but I was determined to try. I needed to tell her who I truly was. Perhaps that would get her to open up to me. It was only a five minute walk to her house and so I set out.

I realized that I hadn’t told Ike about her yet. I wasn’t sure why. Titi had nearly cost us everything in school. When I met her I was just considering dating Ike Amadi the hot guy in my faculty three years older than me and two years my senior. He had asked me out on my way to the hostel from class and I was so surprised that he would be interested in shy, diffident me. All I could do was nervously stammer that I would think about it. Then I avoided him for about two weeks

It didn’t take long before I told Titi about it. She was amused at my reticence and inexperience and then said she wanted to meet him to see if he would be a good fit for me.

“I don’t want anyone taking advantage of you my friend. I know you like him but I don’t want that to cloud your judgment,” she said grasping my hand.

She seemed very sincere and I believed her. I didn’t know that that meeting spelt the beginning of doom.

I came out of my reverie when I discovered that I had reached the front of her house and pressed Titi’s doorbell and waited for a response. Nothing. I pressed it again.

A boy who looked to be about seven with Tit’s eyes came to the door. He had a sad, lost look as he greeted me.

“I would like to see your mother,” I told him.

“She’s resting ma. Can I take a message?”

Smart kid, I thought. I wasn’t sure I believed him or not but I didn’t think it would be right for me to push it. Perhaps it could wait another day.

“What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Ayomide,” he replied. For someone whose name meant ‘happiness had arrived’, he didn’t look very happy.

“Ok. Just tell your mum I stopped by and that I need to discuss something important with her. I’ll come again tomorrow. Do you understand what I said?”

He nodded vigorously and watched me as I walked away.

As I walked home, I got lost in my thoughts again. I had been so naïve in school. Titi told me to invite him to my room where she and I would be waiting to meet him. It was difficult for me to muster the courage to speak to Ike on my own but I spotted him leaving one of his classes one day and the words just tumbled out.

He smiled and agreed to come. I was nervous that Saturday evening but Titi was with me and Ike arrived promptly at five dressed in a jersey and jeans and looking even more handsome than usual.

Titi had warned me to act cool while she appraised him. I bought him a cold drink and watched as she dominated the entire conversation. She seemed to do a good job of scrutinizing him. She asked him about his plans after school, what his hobbies were, whether he attended church regularly. She asked questions I would have been too shy and afraid to ask. I sat there nearly mute the entire time. Ike smiled and responded to her questions with relative ease but when it appeared as if the conversation was becoming more of an interrogation he stood up to leave. I escorted him out of the hostel and then he turned to me asked me why I was quiet.

“Nothing.” I mumbled. He said he hoped to see me around and left.

I was eager to hear what Titi, my more experienced friend in this matters thought of him. When I got back to my room, she was waiting with a frown on her face.

“Chinelo, honestly I don’t think you should date that Ike boy.” She said giving me a serious look. “He seems like a shifty person. I don’t trust him.”

When she saw my crestfallen look, she said. “Ok. You know what? Let me find out more about him. If he’s any good, I’ll let you know. If not, I’ll tell you. But for now, I think you should stay away from him. I think he wants to take advantage of you.”

Looking back now, it seems incredulous that I was so naive. But I was. Naïve enough to believe her every word.

 

January 31st, 2015

Dear Diary,

Ike was dozing on the couch in front of the TV when I got home with the baby on his lap. He had a beatific smile on his face. I had just returned from the supermarket. Anna was pinching his nose and grinning at him. It seemed like this father daughter bonding thing was working real well. I watched them for a while and then went to the kitchen to make supper.

As I peeled the yams for my special yam pottage recipe, my thoughts went back to Titi and her elaborate schemes. I didn’t know it till much later but after my first meeting with Ike, she planned another one with him. The one where she told him that I was just a little girl who didn’t know anything and he should look for a real woman to be with; a woman like her. The one where he told her he wasn’t interested. Then she came back to me and told me that she had found out that Ike had asked five other girls out in our faculty and he just wanted to use me as his plaything seeing how innocent I was. I never thought to question her. I believed her totally and thanked her for saving me from potential heartbreak.

She told me not to worry, that she would get me a decent boyfriend. She actually introduced me to two guys but it was very awkward when we met. We literally had nothing to say to each other. I ignored Ike when we passed each other at the faculty. He called out to me several times but I never answered.

One night I was going to the classrooms to do some reading up when I saw a familiar figure in the shadows. I moved closer to see and sure enough it was Titi, talking to a guy. That wasn’t unusual. I had actually lost track of her boyfriends. She had so many of them. Then she put a hand on the boy’s arm and then he turned and I saw it was Ike. I felt sick. What were they both doing here in the middle of the night behind the classrooms? She leaned over to hug him and I hurried away, hoping they hadn’t seen me.

That night in class, I couldn’t read. I tried to analyze what I had seen. Surely it couldn’t be what I thought. She told me to stay away from Ike and I assumed she was staying away from him too. Was Titi really my friend or had she been deceiving me the whole time? There had to be an innocent explanation to all this. I debated whether to ask her or not. It was the first time I was beginning to doubt her.

I watched her for a few days before I finally decided to confront her. I hoped she would tell me something convincing. Something that would let me know she hadn’t been pretending to me for months. Then she said something like: “Look Chinelo, all I was doing was for your own good. You couldn’t have handled Ike. He’s the kind of guy who wants something casual but you want to go the whole nine yards. I just wanted a casual fling with him that’s all.”

It was then I realized how clueless I had been. I took one long look at her and I told her I never wanted to see or talk to her again. I do not know where my new found boldness came from but the next day I sought Ike out and told him I wanted to talk to him. It was one of the best decisions I had ever made.

I never heard from Titi and the last I knew she had left school to get married to one oil well guy. Never heard from her until now. I needed to tell Ike about her, I thought as I stirred my sauce on the cooker. Then I left it to simmer and went to the living room.

“I have something to tell you,” I said as I sat on the sofa beside him. I was surprised that his face looked ashen. There was also a look