Disciple by Gurmeet Mattu - HTML preview

Comedy Thriller Love Story

Premise:

An original and funny story of Andy's conversion to Sikhism. The issues of religion, conversion and everyone's right to choose their own beliefs, whether or not they reflect their traditional background, are raised subtly but effectively. The comedy is well constructed, coming from a mixture of situation, dialogue and characters, particularly Raj and Gurdev.

Structure:

The script works in a classic three-act structure but Andy's initial motivations are slightly muddled. Although it is clear why he first says that he will marry Pritam - because he is scared - it is not so clear what it is that makes him keep to this plan before he discovers a true conviction to Sikhism. Does he really love Pritam or does he originally intend to keep things going for a week or so until the furore dies down? There needs to be some reason that bridges his declaration and his discovery of his true religion. If it is that he is still scared, then Raj and Gurdev should be watching him constantly until it is clear that he truly means to convert. If it is that he does truly love Pritam, then their relationship should initially be stronger, even if Pritam is only really going along with it to escape her family. Then she would be driven away from Andy when it becomes clear that he is happily embracing the Sikhism and the tradition of her family that she thought he would help her escape.

Once Andy becomes committed to Sikhism, his story flows very well. There are many layers to his story and various sub plots which add to and contrast with it; Pritam's relationship with Calum; Raj and Gurdev's hypocrisy and business problems; Alastair's money making plans. All of these contrast with Andy's idealistic view of his new religion and contribute to the themes of the script.

Characterisation:

What is lacking in Andy's life that makes him so readily embrace his new found religion? At the start, Andy is a clown but once he starts to study Sikhism he quickly becomes committed. What is the void in his life that this religion fills and where does this void come from? It would be interesting to know a little bit more about Andy. Did he have a religious upbringing? What did he want or expect out of life before he became involved in this story? What are his emotional roots? His father and brother already exist within the story, so it would 86

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be easy to reveal some more about his past which would help understand his personal motivations as opposed to his practical ones. It is clear at the start that Andy needs to grow up but is he aware of this? It is also unclear what is meant at the end when Andy winks at the camera. Is this because he is happy to be with Sheena, or is there an implication that he was pretending all along? If it is the latter, then this needs to be much more firmly seeded throughout, as this is never the impression created.

More could be made of Pritam's story, particularly as her opinions about the Sikh religion and traditions are so different to those that Andy adopts. Instead of going along with the engagement to teach Andy a lesson, could Pritam have real feelings for Andy or truly believe that their relationship can help her escape from her family? Then, as Andy becomes more and more committed, Pritam would grow further and further from the man who now embodies everything that she wanted to leave behind. This would then drive her more convincingly to Calum, the true opposite of what Andy has become and would also create clearer parallels between her and Andy's stories. Her journey away from her family and towards Calum could also be expanded upon. Currently she sees Calum a few times, they have sex and then run off together. But it is never clear if she really cares for him and apart from one other trip to the club she never really has the opportunity to experience more of life before settling with him.

All of the supporting characters are well drawn and are clearly individuals rather than just the possessive father or the bully brothers. Raj and Gurdev are the most comic characters and their antics, especially when they are trying to hold down jobs, are often very funny, creating a real contrast to Andy's pious behaviour.

Visual storytelling:

This script intercuts frequently between sub plots and the writing shows a clear understanding of the importance of creating parallel action. The visual storytelling could be increased by using some montage, possibly as a short cut to revealing more about Pritam and her experiences before she starts to date Calum.

Dialogue:

All the characters have individual voices and it is easy to distinguish between them. Many of them, especially Raj, Shandev, Andy and Alastair have great comic timing and their dialogue is funny without constantly cracking jokes. Andy has a clear and consistent Scottish dialect but it is not stated whether the Ruprai's, of either generation, also have Scottish accents which would be useful to know.

Pace:

The pace is quite fast, accurately reflecting how quickly Andy embraces his new found religion and builds well when Pritam and Calum go missing. There are moments of real tension, for example when Raj and Gurdev come to look for Pritam at the club and when they are all chasing Pritam and Calum, which emphasise the real danger that firstly Andy and then Calum are facing. The intercutting between Andy's growing religious conviction and Pritam's sexual awakening enhances the excitement which they are both experiencing as well as increasing the pace and tension as the action builds towards Andy and Calum's confrontation.

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Feasibility:

This is an original and funny story that is easily achievable on a low budget. The subject matter is interesting and topical and the comedy would help bring it to a wider audience than one with just a racial or religious interest. It is commercially viable and could succeed in the marketplace.

CONCLUSION:

An interesting and topical premise that should make a funny and thought provoking film. Some of Andy and Pritam's early motivations could be stronger, particularly so that Andy's decision to learn about Sikhism is totally believable, and the visual storytelling could be increased in places. But apart from that, the script is coherent, funny and original.

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