Prince Charming
Husband number three was a good man. We were together for around 7 years, but his behavior towards me was changing. I was focused on my children, their school, their diet, their friends and their spiritual education. I worked hard as a Marketing Director, a real estate sales person, a publisher and a restaurant owner in the end, but I was sick of being criticized for everything I did. The verbal abuse never seemed to stop. After a few of years, we fought constantly. He pushed and shoved me and choked me and then one night he pushed me too far. I called the police. Things kept going downhill until one day when I took action. We were living in an old house and there was no heat in the bathroom. He told me that in order to help keep the bathroom warm, I should leave the water in the bathtub after bathing. So, one day, I did. Afterwards he flew into a rage yelling at me, chasing me around the house (for leaving the bathwater in the bathtub) until I ran out the back door and spent the day in a parking lot at the local grocery store chain, crying. I returned much later that day to his changed behavior, silent and afraid to make a wrong move. When he went to work that evening, you guessed it, once again,
I Escaped! Number four, if you’re counting.
I took the children and went to stay with a friend. Lucky for me, she was working at the safe house in Boulder, Colorado as an intern for psychological counseling and was compassionate to my situation, especially since she had seen my husband’s violent behavior firsthand, as well as his passive aggression that was killing me. She gave me professional advice and that was the end of that. I demanded he move out and I moved back in with the kids. It took nine more months of therapy to start some kind of normal life again. Truly my life sucked, if it weren’t for my kids. I loved them so much. They were the light of my life. I occasionally went out on a weekend night when the kids were with their father, but mostly I was home helping with homework and being a mom, you know, cooking, cleaning, washing, putting to bed, reading stories and all the things mothers do when they love their children.
Then Along Came Sex - REAL SEX - for the first time!
You would think I would have given up on men by now, but no, not me. So here I go again. My Latino finally showed up! (Remember the gal in the property management job who said her latino boyfriend made love to her three times a day?) From time to time I would visit the Krishna temple in Denver, Colorado although I was living north of Denver in the college town of Boulder. One day I went to the Krishna ‘Sunday feast’ and while there, he spotted me right away and I noticed him as he checked me out. He was so gorgeous, I couldn’t believe it. Why does that guy keep staring at me? I thought. I was flattered, but more than that I was ‘flushed’. I could feel his desire for me from 25 feet away! I later referred to him as Ricky Ricardo because his looks were so exceptional. He walked up to me as I sat with my daughter and said, “Is anyone sitting here?” He sat down next to me. I didn’t know he was Latino. I thought maybe he was middle eastern but I was wrong. Boy was I wrong! He was the answer to my prayers. He was a devotee and a Latino. He was not fanatical but very liberal and most of all, he was in to me! I actually didn’t put too much thought into it at first because I didn’t trust myself with men anymore. He wrote down my phone number, but that didn’t mean he would actually call, so I just let it go. But he did call and I was surprised and delighted. Things went slowly at first, talking once or twice a week until we finally made a date. Then things moved very fast. On our first date, he took me out to hear jazz at the Hotel Boulderado in Boulder, Colorado and we slept together that night. I joked with him that he was a dream come true with Krishna beads around his neck and leopard skinned bikinis under his pants. He was philosophical, talented, sexy and gorgeous! I was done for!
Three times a day was normal for him with incredible endurance. On top of that, we spent many hours talking about our spiritual beliefs. But there was more! He had an incredible voice and was an amazing jazz keyboardist. He was a college graduate with a major in voice and a minor in English. He could improvise any jazz song he wished and he often did as he played out with different groups and I adoringly looked on. In the mornings he would make love to me, sing to me and grab me and swirl me around the floor, dipping me and kissing me and professing his love. He sang Krishna songs and he played jazz standards, both. He relentlessly fucked me three times a day and I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love, although by then my lovers were beginning to add up. The numbers were mounting, but do me a favor and don’t count! Ok, I’m gonna count later.
This Latino lover would take me out to hear jazz on weekends and when we were invited to formal Christmas parties, he would wear his own tux and he looked amazing. I was so proud to have him by my side. We spent years together, working as well as loving and going to the temple to hear about Krishna. My son was playing hockey and he loved sports, so we enjoyed going to games together. But all is never perfect. Even though I probably spent more time with him than anyone (around 13 years), nothing seemed to work out in “love and war” for this lady. Maybe this is where I began to realize, for real, my only true relationship was with Krishna, just as my spiritual master said. Because although he was an amazing sex partner and an incredibly talented jazz musician, singer, and spiritual partner, we disagreed on something major. No two people are alike and no one person can be everything for the other person. He was a cheapskate and would never take me out to dinner, only Taco Bell. Now that’s not much of a problem for two people who love each other, it just made me realize that Prince Charming was here and yet he was not at the same time. But there were other issues of course. He abandoned his three children. I could never respect a man who did that. I couldn’t help it. And finally, drugs took him away. He started doing lots of cocaine as the prices fell to an all time low and then, he was gone.
Ok, here is the count. (Lovers, not all husbands) Number one was sweet and kind and loved me more than I knew, yet he was a lamb when I needed him to be a lion. Number two was a strawberry-blonde genius Viet Nam vet. Number three was a good looking, blonde-haired, green-eyed devotee who served as the temple president in the Washington, DC. He earned his graduate degree in Cinematography from Columbia University in New York. He was a writer and artist, but made me feel inferior to him.
Number four was interested in meeting me while I was with number three. He called me to schedule an appointment to measure for curtains in his apartment as I was making extra money from sewing at the time. It was a ploy to get to know me. I never made any curtains for him. He continued to stalk me by moving in next door and flirting with me daily even though I was living with number three. He professed his extreme attraction to me and persuaded me to leave number three and go with him. Boy was I deluded! I was so deluded that I married him. That one lasted about a year.
Number four was also very good looking. He was tall, dark and handsome. He was sexually driven, a good quality for me and was my main focus and my reason for choosing a man in my life, other than his spirituality, at that point. But I didn’t really love him and I don’t think he loved me. He just wanted to own me, to be his eye candy.
The first four were all Krishna devotees (Larry tried hard to become one) and by that time I was ready to get away and meet someone not connected with the devotees and their and patriarchal behaviors.
Number five was a Pharmacist who was working as a baker because he lost his license due to drug abuse. He was talented and charming. He could bake a perfect loaf of bread, make beautiful danish and he possessed an incredible work ethic with stamina. He got clean and sober and got his pharmacy license reinstated. He was a good father to my children, providing for them very well. We were together for seven years.
Then there was number six, my ‘Prince Charming’ who in the end turned to cocaine at the age of 55 tearing us apart. We were already on the ropes, but that became the final blow.
So there I was, addicted to sex and becoming addicted to alcohol. Just give me a bottle of wine every night and I could manage. At one time I looked at receipts in my checkbook (back then that’s how we paid for things) and saw to my amazement how many checks were written to Discount Liquor. And where was my intelligence? Did I simply give up on my spiritual goal and forget my promise in the womb? Kinda. What was I supposed to do? My children were my number one priority, but my sex desire was gnawing at me and I was simply becoming more and more of an alcoholic every day. I was confused about my life, but satisfied with my wine. I was pretty much done with men, just give me some Rioja from Spain.
From age 48 to 54 menopause took over my persona. Then at the age of 54 my heart and eyes began to wander again as I began to feel myself getting wet for the first time in six years. I tried to start a long-distance relationship with an artist devotee man from Canada. Thank God that one didn’t go anywhere. And then finally I was alone. I wanted to be with a man but yet I was afraid. It was evident I was not capable of making a good choice where men were concerned, so I decided that making money was better than having a man at this point in my life.