Visions
I was really weird. Maybe you figured that out already, spiritually minded with the mouth of a sailor. I had visions, too. The experience of what it was like to die and take birth again was not one of those visions. It was a Remembrance, an anamnesis.
I worked with a group in the early eighties called the EMIN, that studied everything esoteric in order to get to the real meaning of a thing. You could call it occult study because it investigated all sorts of hidden phenomena. In this group I saw Merlin or Mr. Magic literally stir up a fog in the middle of a meeting until I could not see the feet of anyone in the room. One night our ‘Guide,’ as he was called, by the name of Tagir, and who was also nicknamed Mr. Magic, formed the group in a circle and began to walk around the circle, talking about things that would seem irrelevant, but were actually esoteric. He spoke of simple things like noticing the number of steps up to your apartment door and the meanings of different colors in flags. He talked about noticing everything around us, like how the hummingbird flew and the bear walked. As he walked the fog gradually filled the floor and I shook my head, opened and closed my eyes because I was sure what I was seeing was a product of my vivid imagination. Gradually it became very thick and was all around the floor. I actually saw the same thing in the movie “Merlin” years previously. Before his talk was done, the fog literally rose to the knees of all sitting in the group so I asked the person sitting next to me if she saw anything unusual, and of course, she had not. After the class I told Tagir I saw a fog around the floor of the room we were in. He simply said, “You saw that?” “What does it mean,” I asked, “we’ll talk about it later,” he said. We never did. I’ve seen other things as well, like . . .
a baby falling out of a tree. Then it hit. It was quick, but it was real. The vision appeared.
I saw the tree is the body of a woman, two legs for the trunk, the arms were the branches and hair, the leaves. The woman is pregnant, so the baby is in the (tree top). When the wind blows, (the parturition that propels the baby downward in the birth canal), the cradle will rock (yeah, labor)! When the bow breaks, (the cervix opens completely) the cradle will fall, (the water breaks) and down will come baby, cradle and all. (Birth) I stood silent in amazement wondering what I had just seen or experienced. It must be true, but what a strange way to write about birth!
Saturn in Crystal Meditation
On another occasion I experienced a completely different type of vision, experience or actually, it was both. Again, I was working with this same group. I went with Tagir to someone’s home in the mountains west of Boulder, Colorado one evening. There, someone asked Tagir if we could do a Crystal Meditation. He replied, “Do you have a crystal?” The woman who lived there retrieved it. “I will need some alcohol to cleanse the crystal and a clean cloth,” he said. Tagir cleansed the crystal and set it on the coffee table. We all gathered around as he lit a candle and placed it by the crystal. “I want you to stare into the reflection of the candle light in the crystal,” he said, “and think of something you want in your life like clarity, or wisdom, etc. Close your eyes and go to a sacred space or somewhere you have been before and can imagine, like a mountain top or a river. Then, after some time, allow yourself to receive what you have asked for. But, before we get started, you must promise to come back when I ask you.” He went around the room and asked each one of us individually if we would come back when he asked and we all agreed.
The meditation began as he guided us by saying, “Now, focus on the light from the candle reflecting in the crystal. Be very calm and still and simply focus on the light in the crystal, not the candle light, but the reflection of the candlelight in the crystal. Sit straight without crossing your legs or hands or eyes. Everything should be open, as this is Electrical Work”. After some time, maybe five minutes or more he said, “Close your eyes and go ahead and go to that special place you want to be and meditate on the quality you are looking for in your life.”
Everyone was very silent. The process was quite calming. I began to meditate on a special place I remembered, a spot in the Appalachian Mountains in North Carolina where the ground was soft from all the fallen leaves over thousands of years. I hiked to the top of the mountain and sat down, cross-legged, completely relaxed and focused on what I wanted, to be secure in myself. Insecurity plagued me my entire life and it continued to cause discontentment within me. (Remember my not feeling good about being cute because of my sister?)
As I meditated, two things happened. On my left, in the sky, 5 elementals appeared. Don’t ask me how I knew they were elementals. I did not know, yet I did know. They were five different pale-colored triangle lights, like angels watching me, protecting me. Then, a soft darkish cloud with a silver-white lining appeared on my right and slipped in underneath me.
Instantly, I was floating on the left side of Saturn. I experienced complete peace, feeling like a star, yet I could never explain the experience. All I could say was it was amazing! I noticed the rings around Saturn were orange and purple. I knew nothing about Saturn before and had no clue if those colors were accurate or just a figure of my imagination. Anyway, I was content to stay and never come back, but something inside of me knew that was not what I wanted and it was not what I was going to do. As Tagir began to speak again, I remembered my promise. “I want you to start thinking about coming back now,” and then finally he said it. “Come back.”
After the experience he asked if anyone wanted to explain their journey. Others spoke about something a lot less ethereal, but something along the line of a cool river flowing over rocks, etc. I decided not to speak, thinking my experience was so intense that maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and reveal it to Tagir later. Outside the bathroom, however, after everyone got up for refreshments, I told my good friend, Homer. He didn’t seem very impressed, but just after the end of my story, Tagir came out of the bathroom, having overheard everything, and said, “Amy, why didn’t you tell everyone? That was amazing!” “I didn’t want to seem special, I said and I wasn’t sure I should speak about Saturn especially because I didn’t know what colors the rings were and I was concerned I would look stupid (insecurity, you know). I was just waiting for someone else to tell an equally amazing experience and then I would speak.” “Amy,” he said. “You have just traveled to Saturn.” “What were you asking for?” “I was asking for security, to be confident and secure within myself” I said. Tagir looked into my eyes and said, “That is what Saturn is all about, complete peace within, a transition to a higher plane of existence.”
Oh, I thought. Something must be wrong with me. I am seeing people’s auras all the time now and I can still see trails as if I were tripping on acid. I am having all kinds of realizations and visions. But acid flashbacks were not the reason for my visions. I was different, weird.