Love in the Caribbean
In Barbados I swam every day and the water was fabulous! On March 30th, I flew to Colorado to first visit my children for a few weeks and then returned back to the island in mid April to make plans to sell the boat. I hoped to return to Vrindavan in July for the annual Rupa Goswami Conference, but until that time, I woke up every day just before the sun rose and went deep into meditation while chanting the Holy Names. A light breeze was blowing one morning at the end of April as I took a deep breath and did some stretches in the cockpit. The air felt great! I made myself some nice black coffee and the aroma, carried by the breeze, surrounded me as I took it out to the cockpit. Uuuummm!
The tide was low that day giving me a bit of a start. I didn’t want to damage my keel. When the tide rose I thought, I could pull in my anchors and move out a bit. But for now my anchors were dug in deep, one at the bow and one at the stern and the boat lay perfectly still. I grabbed my Tulasi beads, walked outside and offered my prayers to the Sun God. Then I settled in for a few hours more of meditation. Life mellowed like fine wine with melted brie and my heart was still, as I softly chanted to myself, sometimes in silence, sometimes just under my breath. I went deep inside my soul and felt humble and blessed to have no desire to go anywhere or do anything. The deeper I went, the more still I became and bliss was growing daily.
The peace and transparent warm water were amazing in the caribbean and I realized this was the best thing I could have ever done for myself, but I knew it was temporary because I wanted to return to Vrindavan. I meditated for a few hours that morning in peace and went very deeply into a trance. Thoughts of Radha and Krishna were filling my mind and sometimes I couldn’t tell whether my thoughts were imaginary or real.
Around 10:30, I put on a bathing suit. There were small yellow and silver fish swimming around the boat and I thought I would swim with them. The water was cool, the color of turquoise, and I could see the bottom as I climbed down the steps. Swimming felt so good as the water rushed through my limbs and enlivened my whole body. I thought I’d stay in the water for a while and watch the fish scavenging for morning breakfast. I climbed back up the swim steps and grabbed my snorkeling gear. Krishna was showering me with kindness and I felt bathed in the sunlight, the wind and the water.
Oatmeal was easy for breakfast. I lit my gas stove and it cooked in only five minutes. One mango was left in my fruit bowl, so I cut it, and laid it on a plastic plate decorated with sea shells. I offered a prayer in thanks for the blessings and settled down to taste the sweetness of Krishna’s mercy. Afterwards, I grabbed my favorite book and dreamt of Krishna’s rendezvous with Radharani and her maidservants. Lost like being in a dream, I forgot the time.
The sun was starting to rise high in the sky as I came back to consciousness and I thought I should probably get some more fruit. So I grabbed my little backpack, and sarong and descended back down the swim steps to walk in to the shore. The water was so shallow there when the tide was low that walking was easy. It was only around 100 yards to the shore and the exercise was exhilarating. I developed the habit of chanting one mantra with every step I took, in my mind, so I was chanting all the way. Vrindavan was in my heart, even though my body was in the caribbean.
As I reached the shore, I wrapped my sarong around my waist and noticed a group of people gathered around in a large circle with some flower decorations hanging from the trees along with twinkling lights that looked like fireflies. Butterflies were everywhere and the air was surcharged with beauty. Large bowls of fruit were placed here and there, and buttery looking balls were being passed around as everyone laughed and smiled and popped one of those balls into their mouths. They turned and looked as I started to walk by and motioned for me to come over. It looked as if it might be a birthday party as the guest of honor was being decorated with all kinds of ointments and flowers and was being perfumed with crystal perfume sprayers. Smoky incense filled the air and pink petal showers were blowing in the light breeze. Bright green parrots and beautiful blue songbirds filled the trees and small animals like white rabbits and fuzzy squirrels were moving in close to the crowd.
Everyone was so happy as I walked up and the guest of honor turned to smile at me. In absolute and unbelievable shock and astonishment, I fainted and He came over to pick me up. His love and beauty and sweetness were so strong and overwhelming when I awoke that I fainted again as he reached for me and pulled me to my feet. His complexion was a blueish black but shined like the sun. His smile was filled with love and kindness and mango juice was dripping from his lips. I felt like my heart was my entire body and it was warm with peace. He picked me up once more and I noticed how soft his hands were and I swooned at the black curls surrounding his face and the golden fish earrings dangling from his ears. The fragrance coming from His body sent chills up my spine and the hairs on my arms stood on end. Tears flowed from my eyes as I was flooded with the knowledge of Everything. His hair was decorated with peacock feathers and pearls and there was a sparkle in His large, lotus petal shaped eyes that made me faint, yet one more time. He embraced me to His heart and gently gave me a kiss on the forehead and yes, I fainted again. The love of my life, Sri Krishna had just appeared.
When He picked me up again, He directed my eyes towards all of his cowherd friends, parents, and gopis who were all stunningly beautiful and blissful. I first noticed the golden complexioned Radharani who smiled at me with a love that felt like melting butter. She was more cooling than millions of moons and the compassion in her heart brought tears to my eyes. I could feel ecstasy both within me and without of me as I noticed Srimati Radhika stealing glances at Sri Krishna through the corner of Her large blue eyes. Then, the women motioned for me to come over and sit with them as someone was about to speak.
Gradually my mind was becoming absorbed in my surroundings and I forgot all about my fruit, the sailboat, the ocean, the fish or my morning coffee. Somehow I thought I was someone else. I looked down and I was wearing a multi-colored silk gopi skirt and choli decorated with pearls and crystals, sparkling in the sunlight. There were hundreds of tiny little pleats at my waist making the hem of my skirt full and flowing. My hair was decorated jewels in the part and there was a sheer, and iridescent scarf covering my head, with tiny white jasmine flowers and miniature pink lilies forming a wreath on top. I was feeling shy and looking down but I could feel His eyes on me and my heart was jumping with joy. Honestly, it felt like my heart was pumping love instead of blood. I was thinking, “Who am I?” and then I remembered.
My name is Sukhada and I am only eleven years old. My favorite dress to please Krishna in the moonlight is a translucent, crystal white. He loves me in white and thinks I am full of color, therefore I wear white on full-moon nights, the vessel for all color. I make Him laugh and He loves the way I like to swing him when he is with Srimati Radharani. He wants me to be with Him and Radha as they swim in the beautiful lake known as Radha Kunde. I remembered diving deep into the crystal waters to see their legs wrapped around each other, feeling as if His legs were wrapped around mine. Krishna kept looking at me with His large sparkling eyes, love radiating from His face with His smile. I now knew life without Him would not be possible. He is the cause of my existence, my bliss and my eternal truth, my Sat, Chit and Ananda and my eternal lover.
Looking inwards as if through another set of eyes, I saw my body lying on the beach, still in the bathing suit and sarong, with a smile on my face, as if I had reached eternity. The memory of my life was fading because my mind was now absorbed in the glowing blue light coming from that dark skinned lover who sat across from me, wishing He could take me in his arms once again and kiss my face and hold me tight, but he knew we were in public and it would embarrass the others.
Time is moving slowly now, as if it is not moving at all. I have not forgotten my previous lives, I just don’t care to think about them when Absolute Beauty and Love surrounds me, so the memories fade as if they never existed and I am simply Here Now.
I slowly walk towards Sri Rupa Manjari, who is focused on the tiny sweat beads collecting on the forehead of Srimati Radharani. A silver-handled peacock feather fan appears and I fold my hands, tilt my head and pray to Sri Rupa to allow me to fan Srimati. Rupa Manjari stands back, offers me a sweet smile, hands me the fan as I begin to serve. Krishna notices and shoots me another glance that feels like cupids arrows piercing my heart. He loves me! I feel it all over my body! Another Manjari takes my fan and she begins to offer service to Srimati. Sri Rupa offers me a seat and instructs me to listen to the story about to be told. I sit in trance, melting with love as the speaker begins.
The story begins, full of sweetness and magic, and I can’t keep my eyes off Krishna. The speaker starts with the story of Krishna’s birth. Everyone there is glowing like a sun, filled with joy and knowledge and existence.
It is Krishna’s birthday and the eldest brahmin starts the celebration with the desire to explain the name of Krishna. “The word Krish means ‘to attract,’” he says, “and also this verbal root indicates ‘existence’. In other words, it is the very nature of existence itself to be all attractive. And when one becomes acquainted with real existence which is so attractive, then ‘na.’” He continued, “Na means nirvriti or ananda, joy. It is the very nature of reality and existence to be attractive and full of joy. So the reality, far from being some kind of homogeneous force, actually has personality. Reality has personality. And the personality of reality manifests in so many different forms to enjoy transcendental past times in different ways.”
“There are many incarnations glorified throughout the Vedas such as Rama, Narasimha, Vamana, Matsya, and Kurma. But all of these incarnations are the angas or extensions of Krishna who is the original personality of Godhead, from whom every other incarnation has emanated. So the word anga means expansion or arm of Krishna. And Krishna has millions and millions of expansions. But the form of Krishna alone is the only embodiment of all transcendental relationships.”
“If we analyze the various past times of the different incarnations, we will see in Narayana there are two types of rasas, (relationships) shanta and dasya (neutrality and servitude). From the stories of Ram, we find neutrality, (shanta) servitude, (dasya) friendship, (sakya) and parental (vatsalya) moods. But only in Krishna do we find all five Rasas (shanta, dasya, sakya, vatsalya and madurya) Madurya meaning the conjugal relationship, are present. All seven secondary rasas are there complete in their fullness as well and therefore, it is considered that Krishna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead.”
He explains on this day, it is tradition to discuss how it is that Krishna incarnated in this world. There in the midst of all the devotees were Madhu Kanta and Snigda Kanta, two cowherd boys who were requested to retell the story of how Krishna appeared on this earth. Madhu Kanta said all the Srutis and all the Puranas have glorified the Yadhu Dynasty where Krishna appears. “The crest jewel of the Yadhu Dynasty and the embodiment of all virtues was a king whose name was Deva Midha Maharaja. Deva Midha Maharaja used to reside in Mathura with his two wives. Although he himself was a Kasatriya of the warrior caste, his first wife was a Kasatriya but his second wife was not. She was from the Vaishya caste. She came from the cowherd people.”
“After being married for some time, each of his wives bore him a son. From the first wife a boy was born and his name was Surasena. When Surasena grew up, he had a son named Vasudeva Maharaja who married Devaki. Now from his second wife who was a Gopi or cowherd woman, he also had a son and that son was given the name Parjanya. According to the Vedic conception of lineage at that time, the son would accept the occupation of the mother. Parjanya baba took up residence in Mahavana, across the river from Mathura. He was a very pious and religious person. Even from childhood, he attended to the needs and desires of the brahmana caste and especially the Vaishnavas. Throughout his life he would personally perform puja (worship) of Lord Narayana. He was always satisfied and happy with this performance. His mother’s dynasty was also known to be very pious and famous throughout the world. In his mother’s dynasty there were not only cowherd people but there were also very learned pandits and therefore all the virtues from both the generous cowherds and the learned pandits were manifest in Parjanya as he grew up.”
Madhu Kanta explained that Parjanya’s particular caste was called Abhira, a sub-caste who lived in a Nagira or village. Madhu Kanta explained that Manu or the first human was given the laws for governing society. In one scripture it is stated that if Lord Brahma wanted to perform a yajna or sacrifice, he would need to have a wife. So at that time, Brahma desired to perform a yajna, so he accepted the hand of a Gopi woman and through the tradition of different castes coming together, this lineage became known as the Maha Abhira. That dynasty was to become the Dynasty where Krishna would appear. These Maha Abira were not ordinary cowherd people, but extra ordinary cowherd people who were pandits. They were also called Dwija or twice born as they knew about the Vedic knowledge. They were a very pious and very learned race of people.
Hearing this, Madhu Kanta’s brother, Snigda Kanta asked his brother to go on and please tell us more. So Madhu Kanta began to explain how Krishna came to be born in this dynasty. He said Parjanya baba’s prosperity surpassed the prosperity of all the other ordinary gops in the world. And this is not astonishing because he used to protect the cows and his own people in a very exemplary way. He used to give respect to everyone, unconditionally and he was very generous. And from his own cows he would supply milk to everyone in his district, for free. In this regard, he was also like a parjanya meaning like a cloud. From a cloud so much water will flow and from Parjanya, so much milk would be given away. Parjanya was generous like a cloud in so many ways.
The word yasya means fame, and in fame he was like Pralada, the famous devotee of Narayana born of a demon. In his pratigya, staying true to his word, he was like Druva who inherited the pole star. In his influence, he was like Pritu Maharaja, to his enemies he was seen as Bishma, the great warrior and to his friends, he was like Shankar or Lord Siva who is very easily pleased and gives blessings to anyone.
In dignity, he was like Lord Brahma and in teja, his effulgence, he was like Sri Hari himself. So gradually Parjanya grew to be extremely prominent by his virtues and all other cowherd communities would come and take shelter of him.
Upon seeing the great influence of Parjanya, Ugrasena, the emperor of the Yadhu Dynasty wanted to honor Parjanya Maharaja. So Ugrasena himself gave Raj Tilok to Parjanya. Raj Tilok is compared to a Coronation Ceremony. When someone becomes a king, you give them a crown, but in India one king would pass the honor of being king to the next king by giving them the Raj Tilok. Tilok is a marking usually placed on the forehead with some special substance like kum kum (powder from the stamen of a lotus flower) or sandalwood paste.
In this way, he made Parjanya the Emperor of the Kingdom of the Gops. This was very unusual as kings were usually only from the Kashatriya caste and not from the Vaishya or cowherd caste.
Parjanya’s wife was the very best of all women who were endowed with feminine qualities and her name was thus Variesi, meaning superlative or the best of all. Parjanya’s wife delighted the whole universe by giving birth to five sons, beginning with Upananda. Many poets at the time composed songs about her because she was so qualified and about Parjanya who was so generous. When the five sons were born, one poet or bard composed a poem saying, “Just as there are five forms of the Supreme Truth called Kriya, Amodha, Pramodha, Ananda and Brahma, in the same way, these five sons of Parjanya were not different from him but were five forms of Parjanya himself.” And in this way, the poets glorified the five sons of Parjanya and Variesi. The poets said it was as if the verbal root Nanda or Joy had assumed five forms, Upananda, Abhinanda, Nanda, Sananda and Nandana who were Parjanya and Variasi’s five sons. And it was said although Parjanya had a great amount of wealth, his greatest wealth was his sons.
Madhu Kanta continued the story saying, just as in the different types of opulences like fame, wealth, strength, renunciation, intelligence and beauty, beauty is the most prominent, in this way, among the five sons, the greatest treasure of Parjanya Maharaja, one was prominent. That was Nanda and not only was he born as the middle son, he was the center of everyone’s attention. His heart was so full of affection for everyone that automatically everyone would remember him. They couldn’t forget him for a moment. But Nanda himself would increase the happiness of his other brothers who never felt any jealousy or envy and were themselves always thinking of the welfare of Nanda.
What was it about Nanda that made him so attractive and virtuous? Madhu Kanta explained, if a person is always engaged in the service of God, all the great qualities of the demigods will come into that person. This was the prominent quality of Nanda, the middle son, that he was so devoted to the service of Lord Narayana that automatically all the wonderful qualities came into him.
During Madhu Kanta’s narration, Upananda turned to his younger brother Abinanda and said, “Do you know how it is this cowherd boy speaking, knows so deeply the hearts of others? How does he know how deeply we feel?” Abinanda then spoke to Madhu Kanta and said, “Please, what more can you tell us about this subject?”
Then Madhu Kanta spoke again saying, there was one very influential cowherd who had a daughter and he offered his daughter to Nanda. This daughter controlled every member of her family by her wonderful virtues and only by hearing about her, one became famous. Who was this daughter whom by just hearing about or seeing, one would get fame or Yasya? Her name was Yasoda, one who gives fame to everyone.
So just as Nanda was so loved by everyone in the kingdom, Yasoda, was loved as well. On their wedding day, everyone was overjoyed with the glorious event. Gradually, the years went by and Parjanya grew old and desired to give up his kingdom and pass it on to his eldest son. All the great Kashatriya kings, learned brahminas and citizens were present for the coronation when Parjanya gave the Raj Tilok to Upananda, his first born son. After Upananda received the Raj Tilok, he spoke privately with his father and his father gave him permission to do something. Then, all of a sudden, in front of all present, Upananda called his younger brother Nanda to his side and very lovingly took him upon his lap . With great affection, he took a Raj Tilok and put it on the forehead of Nanda and passed on the position of King to his younger brother.
When he did that, Nanda was very embarrassed. No one expected this, so now Upananda had some explaining to do. Upananda stood up in the assembly and said, “Oh generous and liberal-minded sadhus, when I did this, I did not do it without thinking about it very carefully. When it comes to a proper succession, the real ‘essence’ of succession is sneha (affectionate) succession. My younger brother, Nanda, is the object of everyone’s affection and therefore the succession should come to him. And the reason he is the object of everyone’s affection is that he knows how to reconcile. Whenever there is any conflict or issue, he never takes sides, but rather he sees everything from the point of each individual person and he can expertly reconcile the situation in such a way where everyone is satisfied. The ability to reconcile is the very svarupa (form) of honoring the living entities and this is the special quality that is in Nanda. So if a king is to rule over his citizens, the most important quality he should have, is this embodiment of respect for everyone in the art of reconciliation. And furthermore, even by my name, I should not take the position of being the king. Why? My name is Upa Nanda and Upa means to follow or assist. So from my name alone, I assist and follow Nanda or Joy. I am Upananda, the follower of Joy.”
Madhu Kanta continued, “When Upananda spoke in this way, the people began to clap and there was a loud drumming in the sky as flowers showered down on him for his amazing and great intelligence and this loving deed. And Nanda Maharaja in the future would never do anything without first taking permission from his older brother, Upananda.”
And just like the demigods who showered flowers on Upananda and Parjanya and all the brothers and wives of the dynasty, the people there in front of me where I sat that day (wherever I was), offered jewels from their heart to Madhu Kanta who told such a sweet story.
Madhu Kanta continued, “Nanda Maharaja was as prosperous and fortunate as his father except in one area. He did not have a child. Both he and his wife Yasoda were starting to get old yet still they had no child. The residents of his kingdom were very worried because they loved Nanda and Yasoda so much. They were hoping a wonderful child would be born to carry on their lineage.”
Snigda Kanta then asked his brother, “Why did they not do a sacrificial performance to bring forth a child?” and Madhu Kanta replied, “Because even if they did a yajna, it would not bring forth the right fruit. One day, Yasoda and Nanda were in a private place and were discussing things together. When they were getting ready for the yajna, Nanda first had to make a vow. He said to his wife, “As I was making my vow, I saw a boy who was out of this world! I thought, by doing a yajna, I could never get a son like the son I saw in my heart, because by doing a karmic yajna, you will have a son who is born according to karma. But this boy seemed to be someone from beyond this world, so such a son could never come from the performance of this material yajna.” Yasoda said to Nanda, “Please tell me more. What was he like?” Then Nanda explained, this boy was of a dark complexion. He was very restless and playful. He had very large lotus eyes and he was playing in your lap and He was drinking the milk from your breasts. I cannot understand whether I was dreaming or whether I was awake. What do you think?”
Yasoda said, “Actually, my dear husband, this type of experience is neither a waking experience or a dreaming experience because to be awake or to be dreaming are the functions of the mind. And I have also had this experience but I was just too shy to tell you. I saw that beautiful boy playing within my lap and I became overjoyed. Then I thought just to give up the idea of having a child altogether if I could not have that child,” and Nanda said he felt the same. Then she said, “To have a son like this could only happen by the will of Narayana. The only way to have a son like this would be to please Lord Narayana and therefore, we should follow the Ekadasi and Dwadasi vow” (fasting on the 11th day before and the 11th day after the waxing and waning of the full moon). Nanda Maharaja said, “What you have said resonates within my heart.” So for one year Nanda and Yasoda observed very strictly the vows of Ekadasi and Dwadasi.
One night they both had the same dream at the same time wherein Lord Narayana appeared to them saying their desire to have that son would be fulfilled. They immediately went into the assembly hall and told all the residents who were very joyful at the news. During that assembly, a beautiful elderly lady entered who appeared to be a renunciate and she brought with her a young boy. Everyone in the assembly stood and gave all respect as they walked in and she began to smile affectionately towards the residents. She said, “My name is Purnamasi and I am a yogini who knows about destiny and the knowledge of astrology. This young brahmin boy with me is Madhu Mangal and his nature is exactly like the nature of the great rishi, Narada. Between the two of us we have a special type of nature. And that nature is that if we see anything in our inner vision, then that thing becomes true.”
She looked at Nanda and Yasoda and said, “You are about to beget a son who will give joy to the entire universe.” Her voice was so resonant, that all the residents knew her words were true and she was Yoga Maya herself.
“Then, on this day,” Madhu Kanta said, “the 8th day of the dark fortnight in the month of Shravan, August-September, we are celebrating the glorious day Yasoda gave birth to that beautiful blackish boy,” and Madhu Kanta finished his glorification of Krishna who was still stealing glances at my heart. The whole community was overjoyed with his story and gave their blessings to Madhu Kanta saying, “May you have a long life!” Everyone began to sing a loving song about Krishna, their hearts filled with joy. And my heart was joyful as well, as I could not keep my eyes off the effulgent blueish, blackish Lord of my life who was dressed in pale yellow silk and was looking shy and embarrassed.
I became slightly confused for a moment and then the next thing I knew, I was following Srimati Radhika and Sri Rupa Manjari through a narrow mountain pass on Goverdhana Hill called Sankari Khor where Krishna was blocking our way. He wanted to charge us passage for crossing his land as we brought fresh milk back from the cows to our homes in clay pots on our heads. He was arguing with Srimati Radhe’ but I could feel his eyes on me when . . . . .