Alice woke early. She had been spared the regular torment of voices in the night, and she hoped it meant the ghosts of her past had finally been exorcised. But she felt queasy and sweaty and shivered when she dragged herself out of bed to go the bathroom. She got there just in time.
She lifted her head from the toilet bowl, flushed it and got off her knees. She rinsed her mouth at the basin, put on her dressing gown and stood in the doorway of the en suite, leaning against the door frame for support. She knew what it was. She had her suspicions when she missed her period and had convinced herself it was an aberration. But she had been here before. She knew what it was.
***
They sat silently at opposite ends of the kitchen table, the only sound coming from the hum of the fridge and the sporadic ignition of the gas boiler and its pump cutting in.
A shaft of autumn light streamed in through the kitchen window, creating a ghostly glow that separated them like a luminescent barrier. She had told him about The Navigation, about being violated, about not resisting, about believing she had no choice and that the alternative was probably worse. And then realising, too late, she had been wrong.
She had put it out of her mind, another painful lesson learnt, but not something to dwell on, or be relived. Of no consequence, she thought. She had never set out to deceive him; it was just that relative to all the other crimes committed against her, it seemed of little importance.
She sat, head supported by one arm, bowed in shame and regret. Her skin was grey and damp with sweat, her hair lank and greasy, and she smelled faintly of vomit.
“I’m sorry.”
Peter had listened quietly to this latest appalling chapter in the life of this young woman, and when she finished speaking, he moved to the other end of the table, pulled up a chair and sat down next to her. Without saying anything, he lifted her head and pulled her into his arms. She clung on as if she might fall, but he held her tightly until she knew she was safe.
“Whatever you want to do is fine by me,” he said softly as her body shook with the pain and she wept.