"Shut up, Adam! Who do you think you are talking to? You just assume that we should help, don‘t you? No, worse! You somehow in your twisted thinking believe you are entitled to our help. My God! We gave you $6,000 and hundreds of other dollars here and there. None of it has been paid back. No acknowledgements of gratitude. You have no shame. And, here we are giving it another shot, still backing you, trying to work something out. If you would just for once take responsibility for your circumstances, Adam, there would be no need for us to be screaming at each other."
"Yeah, well while you‘re thinking about working something out just keep in mind that mostly everything we own is in that warehouse."
"Hey, that‘s entirely your fault. I‘m not going to take any blame; try being responsible for once in your life."
"You don‘t trust me!"
"Oh, that‘s a news flash. Get real, Adam, you don‘t have any bridges left to burn. Take it or leave it, that‘s it."
There was a long pause. I said nothing and waited in the deafening silence. "What you are proposing won‘t work." The tone in Adam‘s voice was suddenly conciliatory. Just like that, it changed from belligerent and nasty to the opposite, charming and respectful in a few seconds. Well, I think there was a hint of panic in there, too. "Amelia, please. Will you talk it over with Jack one more time? Think of the children, please?" I heard a couple of muffled sobs.
Oh, I was a sucker every time he trotted out that act from his vast repertoire. He was the master. I‘m almost too embarrassed to write what happened next.
"Adam, I‘m sorry, I‘m really sorry about what‘s happening to the children, but this is your entire fault, yours and Susan‘s, accept that."
"I‘m sorry, too, Amelia. If it was just me, it wouldn‘t matter, but...the kids...it‘s just the kids are having such a hard time, and Susan is struggling to..."
"Adam, stop it. I don‘t give a damn about Susan, I never have." I paused and let out a deep breath. "I‘ll talk to Jack."
I put the phone down. What had I done? I felt sick to my stomach. Once I had bought into the children and the family strategy dished up from Adam‘s playbook along with a few tears thrown in to maximize the effect, it was over. I was powerless.
I wasn‘t looking forward to telling Jack I‘d been suckered again. I need not have worried. He smiled, told me I had a beautiful heart, and asked me how I wanted to handle it.
Eventually, we gave him $800.00. They were able to get most of what they had in the warehouse and storage units. It turned out that they had two units stacked full of personal belongings, clothing and furniture that they accumulated from their constant changes of address between all the places they lived.
Adam was out of work. Well, he had the boxes of merchandise to start his business, but I think he even knew that was going nowhere. They had four children, plus one on the way and no place to live. They were desperate. For a second time, they went to live with Susan‘s parents. It was inevitable that these arrangements couldn‘t last.
Ron and Louise had a nice house and property with an in-law unit they had built for Louise‘s mother, Susan‘s grandmother. When she died it became available. Perfect for Adam and Susan, and you guessed it, Adam had no problem taking advantage of the situation when it suited him.
The family would move in, but it would be Ron and Louise who would move out into the in-law unit. Adam, Susan and the children would take over main part of the house. This was the arrangement on three of their occupancies. I say occupancies in the sense of an army taking over another country. Ron and Louise found that they were living under rules laid down by their son-in-law. It was the usual Adam control freak mentality. You might ask why people would put up with it at all. Adam has an extremely powerful personality. You really have to experience his presence to get it.
Poor Ron and Louise were at their wits end by the time the third occupancy was under way. They hated Adam. They were beginning to despise Susan, their own daughter. I mean, that‘s how bad Adam‘s tyranny was getting to them.
They reached the stage where they didn‘t want anything to do with their grandchildren. Adam shut them out of the children‘s lives just as he shut them out to a greater or lesser degree with all of us. Domination and control, the central themes of his way of being, have already been well documented in the story, and I am yet to get to the worst of the consequences, horrific consequences.
Ron and Louise were mortified, of course. In their own home, they were not able to touch their grandchildren when they wanted. They were forbidden to talk to them about Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny. In fact, it was basically inferred that they shouldn‘t have conversations with the children unless one of the parents was present.
There came the fourth and final time when the Allertons, desperate as usual, needed a roof over their heads, and once again they turned up on the doorstep of Ron and Louise‘s home. At last, but still generous to a fault, Ron put his foot down. "Fine, but you guys are in the in-law unit."
Adam and Susan never paid a cent for anything. Ron and Louise would buy them food, clothing and personal items that soon add up to substantial amounts of money for a large family. It cost Ron and Louise a small fortune to repair all the damage done to the unit. The bathroom was flooded time and again, eventually ruining all of the downstairs area. One way or another, Louise and Ron were out almost as much money as Jack and I.
For the next year or so we continued to send money for groceries, gas, oil for in the house, money to fix the car, and on and on and on. Adam went through jobs like crazy. I don‘t know how his wife could stand it. I know I was getting tired of continually bailing them out. What we had given them, I couldn‘t say 'loaned‘ anymore because I knew we would never see any of it again, was adding up to a considerable sum.
There was the $6,000, the eight hundred dollars and the hundreds of other dollars given here and there, running up a total already past the $9,000 mark. Jack was amazing the way he supported me, but I knew it wasn‘t fair on him, on both of us. And it was very stressful for me. I was trying to get pregnant with our second child, and I just didn‘t need Adam‘s problems any longer. Something had to change. I picked up the phone and called his number.
"Yes?"
"Adam, it‘s Amelia. Can you...?
"I know it‘s you. Do you think I‘m stupid? I‘ve got caller ID to check what idiot is calling. What do you want?"
Why did I bother to call? It was always the same unless he wanted something. My energy level tanked.
"Why can‘t you be decent to me, Adam? Gosh, we‘ve helped you out so many times. Jack works hard to provide Abbey and me with the things we need to have a good life. Why can‘t you do the same for your family?"
"You have got to be joking? Jack‘s had a charmed life; a silver tail job handed to him on a platter. That‘s never happened for me. What‘s he making, a million plus? "Yup, you‘re right Adam, millions and millions"! Don‘t insult me, Amelia; I know he‘s making millions. What‘s a few dollars to him to help out family? It‘s what he should do."
I wanted to scream. His sense of entitlement and absence of any gratitude whatsoever was so frustrating. I wanted to go after him and tell him how Jack worked extremely hard to get to where he was, and that if he, Adam, would have done the same, he could have been just as successful. But, I didn‘t. I‘d been over the same story on countless occasions. I decided on a different approach, to confront him head on.
"The old game just ended, Adam. No more cash. That‘s done. Instead of wiring $200 here and $300 there, we are setting up an account at the local grocery store."
"What! What do you think this is, some small town like Mayberry RFD, and they‘ll let you do that? Are you stupid?" He yelled at me, a reaction I pretty much expected, and for the most part I was resigned too. His use of the word stupid, something he called me many times over the years somehow relieved me of the guilt I usually felt over these conversations.
"Yup, I already checked with them. And take this anyway you want, Adam, I‘m tired of your condescension, your anger and abuse; I don‘t like you, what you‘ve become, and I don‘t care what happens to you. The only reason we are working out a deal with the grocery store is because of the children, so they won‘t starve since you can‘t take care of them."
"You‘re crazy. I have to buy gas, stamps and other things I can‘t get at the grocery store." "Not my problem," I said relishing the new found power in my voice. "We‘ve gone way above and beyond what help any rational person could expect from a family member." "But, Amelia, how do you...?"
"You have two months to work it out. Then, the cash payments are over and the new deal kicks in."
We set up the account so he couldn‘t go over a certain amount in a month‘s time. He was furious, but the little bit of sense that he had left took over, and he accepted our deal. Eventually, he found another job, but his car broke down and he didn‘t have the money to fix it. I‘m not going to try to explain why we did it, but we helped him out again. And, here they were still living with Ron and Louise and not paying them a penny in rent. I guess they were so good at conning us that they were able to put enough money away to get a down payment on an apartment they eventually moved into.
We didn‘t hear much from them for some time, but with Adam and Susan‘s history of screwing up now firmly established we knew that it would only be a matter of time before the phone would ring, and it would be Adam on the end of the line demanding we help him out.
In the winter of 1997 I finally became pregnant. It seemed that all the tests, the treatments, the pain, the discomforts and challenging commitment to the in vitro process were worthwhile and had paid off. I was wrong. To my consternation, I miscarried in April. It was a horrible, horrible period in my life.
When I arrived home after getting the news from my doctor I just collapsed on the couch worn out from crying. I think I was still in shock when the phone rang, and I answered without bothering to check the caller ID.
"Amelia?"
Oh, God! Adam! He was the last person in the world I wanted to hear from. I thought about hanging up.
"Amelia? Answer me, damn it."
"Yes." I could hardly get the word out. "Speak up, I can‘t hear you."
I sobbed a couple of times. "What‘s the matter with you?" I explained.
"I‘m sorry about that. I suppose it wasn‘t meant to be; God‘s will and all that stuff." There was a pause. I waited for what I knew was coming. "Amelia, we don‘t have any electricity."
The only time I ever heard from him was when he wanted something, so I wasn‘t surprised by his 'problem;‘ it was always money for some damn thing. I was on auto pilot, asked him how much he needed and hung up. I didn‘t want to bring up Adam‘s request with Jack, so the next day I closed out an old savings account I‘d had for ages. There was $800.00 in it. I wired the full amount to Adam and followed up with a phone call.
"I‘ve sent the money, Adam. don‘t call anytime soon. We‘re raising our own family, and all of us are very upset from losing the baby." I spoke quietly, hardly having enough energy to speak to anyone let alone Adam. The last thing I wanted was more abuse or a fight. "We can‘t raise your family. Just leave us alone. Stop having babies; you are incapable of looking after those you have."
He cursed me and hung up. There was no thank you for the $800 I sent him. Good riddance.
Jack was really good. Over the years, he did extensive research looking for places where Adam could get a good job; where it would be a good environment to raise the children and an inexpensive place to live. It didn‘t matter what Jack came up with, or what advice we gave him, he was either above it, it wouldn‘t work for him, or he‘d tried it before. He never accepted any advice. All he wanted was a free ride and money just handed to him.
We wouldn‘t have a lot of contact with him for the next few years, and I wouldn‘t meet his last three kids until the next disaster erupted, which was inevitable, of course.
So, he never called, and I certainly wasn‘t about to be the one to pick up the phone and call him. Besides, I was very focused on my infertility treatments, and they took almost all of my commitment and energy to keep to the demanding and risky regime necessary for any chance of my getting pregnant again. And of course, more important of all taking care of my baby girl during all of this. I have to admit that I was rather peeved more than a couple of times when the thought crossed my mind that not once did Adam call to see how I was doing, or if I wa