16
Festivities abounded, merriment ensued, music and mayhem filled in the blanks of the wild turkey hangover. She’d known there was more to the story, and pried loose every detail of the only moderately embellished fishing expedition. The audience was enrapt as they tasted the drippings of exhilaration.
They still managed to eat well, as always, though their full bellies slowed the dancing and made room for a desert full of long-winded appreciation. No one knew any more about their travel plans, other than Cap leaning towards not, but there was still a bunch of hours between now and then, so they elected to wallow in the moment. The closing ceremony brought them back to the flame, tobacco in hand, a final offering of gratitude, as this could be the last fire the six of them would share, for now at least.
Those with travel confirmations were sure to sleep tight as they swayed in the wake of their contented hearts, and Cap always slept soundly, so soundly that you could hear him through the walls of the RV, but Miles doubted that he’d find himself among the hidden metaphors of tonight’s downhill dreamtime.
He sat alone by the fire, talking to it, talking to himself, talking to the universe. He yearned for clarity as his path was illuminated. He landed on not landing and sprinkled one last prayer into the heat of the night.
“Oh good, I was hoping you’d still be up,” her delicate voice approached through the darkness. “Couldn’t sleep, or didn’t want to, or wanted a smoke, or to talk or something, I don’t know, this could be our last night together, you know.”
“Yep, could be, what’re you thinking about it all?”
“Trying not to really. I’ll know when I know, I guess. Thinking that moon looks rather infatuous though.”
“Mm hmm,” he agreed as they stared off into space.
Consensual silence consumed the stars until she finally broke the peace.
“You know I like you, don’t you Miles?”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Like, really like you, like a lot.”
She pulled his gaze from the moon’s gravity as he looked into the twinkle of her midnight confession.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Oh yeah?”
“It’s not for lack of trying not to, just couldn’t help it.”
“Well then, what are you thinking we oughta do about it?”
Her open invitation stirred his repressed ideas on the matter.
“Oh I dunno, guess I figured I’d keep spinning my wheels and try not to get caught up in the tangled geometry of monogamous celibacy.”
“Ha,” she snortled. “Monogamous celibacy? I got news for ya bud, I’m far from celibate. Or monogamous. That’s what had your tongue tied this whole time? No wonder I could hardly get you to flirt back with me.”
His sideways stare of perplexed epiphany prompted further explanation.
“Yeah, I mean, I’m with Spaz, in a majorly deep emotional kinda way. We’re bonded across dimensions it seems like sometimes, but the whole abstinence thing is a spiritual journey he’s on for himself. I’m not gonna hop on the bandwagon just because that’s his ride, I haven’t been that codependent on anyone for a long time. And that’s not to say that I won’t one day do my own purging of desire, on my own terms, but believe me when I tell you that that day, is not today.”
Miles hurriedly flipped back to analyze the introduction of his confliction. Spaz had said that he was MonoCel, not that both of them were, it was Miles who misextrapolated the conformity of unconvention.
“So how does Spaz feel about all that?”
“He loves me dearly, as I do him, and obviously I’m celibate when we’re with each other, which has been most of the time lately, but he has no intention of stifling my journey of self-discovery. Or discovering someone else’s. We both want each other to grow into the most evolved expression of ourselves possible, which sometimes means experiencing connections outside of our own, but we don’t see them as stumbling blocks to pull us apart, if anything, they only enrich the magic between us.”
“So you don’t ever worry about one of you falling in love with someone else?”
“I used to, not with Spaz, but with this other guy I dated for a few years. I was a pretty jealous person actually, when I was younger, but he showed me that love isn’t finite, it multiplies, and that it’s possible to be in love with more than one person in a way that’s healthy and meaningful for everyone involved.
People think that they’re only supposed to have feelings for the costar of their Hallmark moment, and if you do catch feelings for another, then you better squash ‘em, or else leave the wife who you also love, because people aren’t allowed to love more than one person at a time.
It’s only because of the jealousy, and the guilt, and the lying and hiding and sneaking around, that it’s necessary to implode one relationship to start another. But once you communicate past all that stuff, you realize that the more someone loves, the more they increase their capacity of love, and the deeper your own connection becomes, which makes it all that much easier not to be jealous. It’s just like when you have your second kid, it doesn’t diminish your ability to love your firstborn, that’s ridiculous, it expands your capability of love, as you experience a spectrum of emotion through completely unique relationships.
Plus, when you love somebody, like genuinely love them for who they are, then you want them to be as happy and healthy as possible, and as emotionally fulfilled as possible. So if they find someone who nourishes their soul in that way, why would I not want that for them?
It doesn’t mean that they want you any less, it’s only when you feel insufficient in your own connection, that you get jealous of whatever it is you must not be providing. But if you simply understand that we’re creatures with complex emotions that weren’t evolved in a Hallmark movie, able to expand our consciousness by experiencing a diverse range of human interaction, then how could you not want the richest experience possible for your partner, especially when it makes your own relationship stronger because you’re both a little more complete.”
“I’d imagine the defenders of monogamy would claim the same results from true love.”
“Sure sure, and I’m sure there are some cosmic connections out there that perfectly align to form a mystical soul bond, but people also change as they grow towards the light. And how many true loves get divorced over adultery? Or live inside a lifeless marriage as they fill the void with work, beer and tv? And how many mighta kept the passion alive, if they hadn’t put it in a cage and stuffed it into the musty basement?
And yeah, maybe Spaz meets someone who completes him on a level beyond what we have, or maybe I do, and that would be the most beautiful thing I could possibly imagine for anyone that I care that deeply for.”
Miles was fascinated with infatuation, still a little confused about how he was supposed to feel, but he was pretty sure he was feeling it.
“I think you guys might be the coolest people I’ve ever met,” he confessed.
“Aw, we both like you a whole lot too, though I’ll bet you’re gonna meet all sorts of rad folks on your travels, especially if you end up going to camp.”
He’d nearly forgotten the upcoming deadline.
“We talk about you a lot actually,” she confided. “It’s been really gratifying to watch you learn how to walk in a good way, with your own sense of integrity, we feel blessed to have gotten to be a part of it with you.”
“The biggest part.”
“Oh no, you’re the biggest part, you’re doing all the work, we’re just on the sidelines cheering you on. “
“Whatever you say, but I think you had a little bigger hand in it than you’re taking credit for.”
“You trying to say I got big hands? C’mon now, I happen to think my hands are quite delectable.”
She held one up as she inspected her evaluation.
“Gimme that thing,” he begged, as he took it into his. “I’d say that delectable was a pretty fair assessment.
“Oh goodie,” she purred, as she squeezed back. “Because I’d have hated to have had to smack you around with it.”
“That doesn’t sound half bad either.”
“Oh hush, you,” she reprimanded, as she tapped his chest with the other. “And here I was thinking that you’d grown up, not that I’m into grownups or anything. You know, Spaz knows I like you too, we talk about it, he thinks it’s cute how you get all giddy around me.”
“I do not.”
“Do so, at least as far as I can tell, guess I don’t see you too much when I’m not around though. If it’s any consolation, he said you do the same thing to me too.”
“Consider me consoled.”
Her precious giggle melted into another comfortable silence, fingers explored the subtleties of one another, the moon doesn’t get any newer than this.
“And Spaz isn’t weirded out by his buddy and his girlfriend feeling some kinda way about each other? I mean, an open relationship is one thing, but isn’t it a little more complicated when we’re all so close?
“Complicated, sure, but that’s the fun part, itn’t? And besides, I’m not into casual hookups with some stranger I don’t care anything about, my sensuality is sacred, and I don’t share it with another lightly. So I’m only going to become involved with someone I have intimate feelings for, which take time to develop, so of course Spaz is also gonna get close to anyone I’m hanging around that much. Plus, he’d much rather see me spending time with someone he also loves, than with some random dirtbag builder boy.”
“Is that all I am to you?” he kidded. “Your little dirtbag builder boy?”
“Yep, I just like to kick back and watch you up there tamping your little heart out while I sip my lemonade, gonna get you to build me a stone bottom hot tub next.”
“That could be fun, huh?”
“Uh huh,” she mumbled, as her fingers worked their way up his forearm.
“One way to keep warm at least.”
“Uh huh,” she whispered, as her caress rose with the tension.
“Could probably come up with a couple other ways too, I guess.”
“Uh huh,” she exhaled as she drew closer, her nomadic fingers reaching his kitchen as the other hand pulled his to her cheek.
“This is the part where I’m supposed to kiss you, huh?”
“Uh huh.”