Fort Bragg: the first day
That day the sun was shining high over Fort Bragg, but it was going to be the last day like this for a long time.
The fifty recruits were all lined up next to each other, stomach in, chest out, in front of the American flag facing the sun.
They were all wearing the usual drab olive clothing and fatigue-uniform baseball caps.
All three of them were there: Delmore Barry, Manuel Ortega and John Rambo were together and staring at the flag just like all of the others.
The long wait was over.
They were finally going to meet the colonel they’d heard about.
Trautman appeared in front of them with a slow walk.
He was silent and stared into the eyes of each and every one of them while slowly walking at the same time.
Thirty years old, of average height and with ice-blue eyes, that morning the colonel had a sullen, stern expression on his face, as if he was mulling something over in his mind, something bad.
He was wearing his dress uniform with all of the decorations he had received during his long career and his green beret with the yellow and red flash of the 5th Special Forces Group.
His hard, unfathomable expression projected a sense of strong determination, even anger and resignation.
His stare looked like if he was trying to find something hidden deep down within himself.
None of the recruits had any idea what might be going through his mind at that moment, but it was nothing good for sure.
He waited for a while, standing in front of the soldiers, then he finally found the words to say.
“If you are here, it's because you know what's going on in Vietnam. You know what you are getting into and what the risks will be. I want you to know as of now that I appreciate it.”
Trautman turned and started walking.
“This is an experimental unit. We are here working in conjunction with the secret services. Everything I say from now on is classified under military law. Whatever happens at this site must remain secret, otherwise you’ll be court-martialed.”
The recruits stood perfectly still.
They already knew what the situation was but every one of them was there also because of that.
The colonel's gaze started to move from one recruit to another and, one by one, he studied their appearance.
“Some of you are going to fail. In fact, most of you will be rejected. But if you listen carefully to what I say to you over the next few days, you’ll have a chance to gain something from this experience no matter how it ends for you. If you hold out long enough and really put yourselves to the test, this selection process will change your lives forever. It's just like being in Vietnam: there's no going back after you’ve had an experience like this.”
The soldiers became suspicious at this point.
They were puzzled and looked at each other, as if they were silently asking, “what the hell is this guy talking about?”
They found no answers in each other’s eyes and some of them began to feel a touch of anxiety as the colonel went on talking.
“What I’m going to do is create something inside of you that wasn’t there before, but there will be a price to pay. And the price is that you will change forever.”
The soldiers looked as if they were mesmerized.
“Yes, that’s it,” he said.
Then he added:
“If you want to join the S.O.G. (Special Observation Group) you will have to change the way you think once and for all. Because you will no longer be simple soldiers who just obey orders and do nothing more than that. You won't be like a bunch of kids who only do what their dad tells them to. No.
Because you are going to fight behind enemy lines, and sometimes this will happen in conditions no one has ever had to cope with before.
So you won’t get a friendly pat on the shoulders or any white lies.
In SOG units there's no place for Macho men who think they’re invincible simply because they can't deal with fear. That’s ok for normal soldiers, but not in the special forces.
In the kind of missions you are going to be a part of, people who feel they’re invincible are the ones who die first.
There will be no bullshit here. We’ll tell you exactly the way things are. Period. And sometimes you yourselves will be telling us what your orders should be, and why.
Because this is one of the aspects of life in the special forces; it means you have to be your own commanders.””
Trautman paused a while to let the recruits think about what he had said.
Then he went on with his talk.
“As I said, there will be a high price to pay.
You will never be the same again.
Day after day you will lose your humanity and in the end you will lose yourselves.
You won't be ordinary men just living their own lives.
You won't be human beings at all.
You are going to become soldiers who command themselves and it will be like that also outside of these walls when, one day, you return to civilian life.”
The soldiers’ expressions became even more inquisitive.
“There are lots of jobs that require what we might call an absurd skill. There are car salesmen capable of selling their own mothers and lawyers who know what to do to get a pedophile out of jail. And there's nothing strange about it; that’s the way it works. In our case, in the special forces, we look for people who are willing to die.”
He turned again and continued walking.
“That’s the way it is.”
He stopped and turned towards them again.
He put his hands behind his back and for a moment appeared to be engrossed in his thoughts.
He then added:
“On the other hand, you will be granted certain privileges other soldiers don’t have. You will be able to plan your own missions, decide what to do and even kill people at your own discretion. You will also be free to be afraid and during this course we will discuss what you should do when that happens.”
He continued to walk up and down in front of the soldiers.
“The purpose of this selection program is not only for you to 'survive' it, but most of all to understand why the selection process is carried out in this particular way.
This is not just about physical fatigue and pain. You are not here just to find out whether you are 'real men' or not.
What's really important for you to understand is that no one wins a war only using weapons.
When you are on a mission, you won't save your lives using force, strength, firepower and so on. You will save your lives, using just one thing: your brain. You must use your intelligence. The important thing is your ability to think straight even when you are suffering like hell and your friends are dying like flies.”
Only then did the soldiers start to understand what he was talking about and believe in what he was saying.
“The most important weapon you must learn how to handle properly will be your own mind. Acquiring a deep understanding of what you will do here and passing the selection process are two completely different things and whether you pass this selection or not, you will have a chance to learn how to use your mind anyway.
In any case, bear in mind you may not pass the selection process. It's rather similar to winning or losing a war: it may not depend on you alone.
It may happen that you become expendable so that other people who are better than you can take your place and we never see you again.
And if you are asked to be expendable, you will sacrifice yourselves without saying a word, just like any other good soldier does in war.
In this way you may succeed in becoming members of the special forces inside of yourselves before it happens in the real world.
And one day, that could save your lives if you find yourself in danger, wherever you are, even during peacetime and even here in the United States.”
Trautman paused for a moment and then started walking again.
“To sum up, I will teach you how to use and deal with two things in particular: body and mind.
These will be your most powerful weapons and the only ones you will ever really need.
The body must be trained and the mind study things.
And I will make you spit blood doing physical exercise and study to the point of insanity.
And that is a promise.”