The cottage was actually owned by the Abbot. It was nestled at the bottom of the long lane that wound down the hill from the Abbey, past the little chapel and the cemetery ending up on the village road. It was perfect. While it was outside of the purview of the Church, it provided some proximity which gave Dominique comfort and it was far enough away from the center of the village. Dominique could not bear the thought of living in the village center with all the prying eyes and nosey villagers. Jean Louis Cannard was contacted and drew the funds needed for Dominique’s rent and enough to live on for a while. As executor of her father’s estate, Monsieur Cannard felt responsible for Dominique. He was furious that she had not been as safe at the Abbey as he had anticipated. While his suspicions were certainly directed towards the Abbot, he could not be sure of his transgressions, so had remained silent on the subject. He was not prepared to incur the wrath of this powerful man.
In their negotiation over the rental of the cottage, he hoped to make his position clear. “I do hope I can entrust this young woman’s future safety and well-being to you. I find it quite abhorrent that my ward has been abused in such a fashion at this convent, no less. I will tolerate no further mistreatment of her—I hope you understand that, as the religious leader of this community, I am holding you directly responsible for her welfare.” Shaking his head with satisfied smugness, the Abbot had replied, “I too, am shocked at the condition to which your young ward has succumbed. She has been silent as to the culprit. But knowing some of these young girls at the orphanage and their wanton ways, they are able to find boys in the village with which to couple.” Jean Louis knew very well that this was a most untrue estimation of Dominique. Breathing evenly so that he resisted the urge to punch this self-satisfied priest in the face, Jean Louis took his leave. Feeling that he was placing the lamb in the care of the wolf, he returned to Thouras with a sense of foreboding.
Dominique was ecstatic. She so loved her new home. There were two bedchambers in the cottage and a large, welcoming gray flagstone fireplace in the sitting room. On the other side of the sitting room, the kitchen boasted a huge window that looked out onto what Dominique dreamed would soon be her garden. The room was so inviting and filled with sunlight in the morning. In the back of the house, a small, unkempt yard begged for her loving ministries. She even had an indoor privy which Dominique had never experienced growing up in their little house in Thouras. A white wooden picket fence circled the garden area separating her home from the rest of the world. She had to go out into the street to use a public water fountain and pump but that was a small inconvenience. When she had first entered the convent, she had given up any hope of an independent life and now her heart soared with this new freedom.
Feeling capable and empowered, Dominique no longer cringed at the idea of supporting herself and her daughter, Nicole. She still felt the sting of guilt when she thought about almost following the Abbot’s orders and drowning her own child. But while facing her dark side at the river had been terrifying, it had left her feeling repentant and committed to living her life in God’s light. Dominique knew that she would choose the light in every situation she found herself in from this moment forward. He would provide for them as long as she lived her life in a conscious, faithful way. Dominique knew that God’s light was powerful and loving and they would find protection and salvation in that space.
The Abbot’s continued insinuation in their lives was a constant irritation. But Dominique no longer felt controlled when he tried to take the upper hand in her decisions. Her revelation at the river had shifted her perception. In a moment of pure clarity, Dominique had realized that it was to her own spirit she must look to for answers in her connection to God, something she would never find through her priest.
Dominique immersed herself in her garden, her books and Nicole. She realized that her healing touch was needed in the village and spent much of her time ministering to those suffering in her community. Dominique grew the herbs she needed for her remedies; herbs de grace which were bitter and served to drive out toxins in the system and theriac root which when roasted in onions made for a wonderful remedy for skin conditions. In return, her patients gave what they could and often shared baked goods, preserves and food in appreciation for her help. While it was not a lot, the gifts were enough to keep their larder filled.
Dominique was thrilled at the opportunity to re-connect with her old friend, Helene, who had left the orphanage some time earlier. Dominique had missed their hours spent with Father Pierre in the gardens, learning about all the herbs and plants and their wondrous healing properties. Helene had seen the realization of her dream and was the proud owner of the town’s apothecary. It was a thriving business and Helene reveled in her ability to support, not only her siblings, but her own child, a boy. Helene, upon leaving the convent orphanage, had met and began a relationship with a laborer in the village. He had been sent to prison shortly after Helene had found herself pregnant and now faced raising her son on her own.
Helene had been a good friend in the convent. Dominique was sad that their relationship had been neglected, and that she had not been there for her friend during the birth of her son. Dominique loved taking Nicole into town to visit Helene and her apothecary. It was beautiful, with its wall of leaded window panels streaming sunlight into a shop that boasted shelves of jarred herbs, teas, lotions, and soaps. Dominique was happy to go and sit with Helene for hours catching up on rumors and laughing as they had as children in the gardens. It seemed that they had both found a path forward out of the dismal circumstances of their childhood.
Helene was not always proud, however, of some of the blends and tinctures that she was forced to provide. When men walked in asking for the herbs for “sexual stimulation”, Helene would look in Dominique’s direction and apologize, embarrassed at the need to fill her shop with such things. Though it was not the direction Dominique was following with her practice, she realized that Helene had bills to pay and she must do what was necessary.
Dominique loved her healing work and became quite well known in Loudun for her “miracles”. On one of her trips to Helene’s shop, the Monsignor of the Church in town stepped out and called Dominique over. Fearing that he would chastise her for visiting and ministering to his parishioners, she steeled herself. His reaction could not have surprised her more. Instead of berating her for her work, he praised her. “Dominique,” he began holding out his hands to her, “I am so happy to get the chance to meet you. Father Pierre had told me all about you some time ago. But now I find myself in your debt, how can I begin to thank you for the work that you have done with the members of my church? They not only have boasted excellent health with your ministries but all have spoken of a peace that has calmed their souls. I believe, young lady, that we are both doing God’s work. I would be honored if you would attend our services, it would be lovely to have you join us.” She felt instantly drawn to this man, in no small part because of his connection to Father Pierre, of whom she thought so highly.
She attended the Monsignor’s Church from that moment on. His warm, inviting presence on the pulpit on Sunday gave Dominique a sense of belonging. While she had cringed at the evangelical preaching she had witnessed at Eglise des Carmes, here she felt more in touch with the God she knew loved His children.
The life she found herself living felt blessed. But despite all of Dominique’s successes with her work, her life, and her friendships; it was overshadowed by her inability to bring an end to the physical issues that continued to plague Nicole through her first years of life. Dominique prayed that she had not caused the issues that Nicole faced. It had been a dance with evil believing that she had to drown her own daughter, hopefully that had not been the cause of her physical problems.
Nicole suffered weakness on her left side and the under-developed muscles in her left arm and leg. While hardly noticeable as an infant, it became a challenge for a growing, developing Nicole, as did the occasional bout with asthma. With very little strength on her left side, learning to walk had been difficult and her leg dragged slightly. She was forced to hold her arm close to her body to provide the most control. The palsy, coupled with breathing problems, meant that she was, not only the recipient of her mother’s herbal remedies, but constant bullying and teasing on the part of the village’s children who did not understand her condition. Nicole grew to shun her mother’s beliefs as time went on. Her potions seemed to have little effect on her disability. She was discouraged that her mother enjoyed so much success with her other patients, yet Nicole never seem to get better.
Dominique briefly allowed a glimmer of guilt to enter her mind before pushing it aside. Was she responsible for her daughter’s palsy? She had pulled her out of the water so quickly, surely that could not have caused this issue. Embracing denial, Dominique continued to ply her daughter with herbal teas designed to increase her muscle strength and refused to see the psychological harm from the teasing Nicole endured. To be fair, Nicole did little to share her emotional state with her mother. She chose, rather, to keep the pain to herself yet blame Dominique for not understanding her misery and solitude.
These physical issues were not the only challenges Dominique and Nicole faced in the early years together. The Abbot’s fairly constant interruption in their routine was both unwelcome and damaging. While he was thoughtful about providing them with books and food from the Abbey gardens, he also brought with him a brand of fire and brimstone theology that Dominique would have preferred he kept for his congregation. It had not yet occurred to Dominique that since she had so masterfully bested the Abbot in gaining her freedom from the convent, he was desperate to retain some modicum of control in her life and he was determined that he could do it through Nicole.
The Abbot’s theological view was that Nicole’s “God-less” life was the root of her ailments and physical issues. He preached that her acceptance of God’s tenets and embrace of the church would go a long way to healing her. Eschewing Dominique’s remedies as an unworthy substitute, he lectured Nicole rather on accepting the word of the Lord. Dominique was neither willing nor able to eliminate his influence on her daughter. She feared repercussions of the withdrawal of his tacit approval and support of her living situation. His vehemence was rather overwhelming, leaving Dominique no opportunity to argue.
Dominique instead chose a counter approach with Nicole hoping she would embrace her mother’s religious views and reject the Abbot’s. Dominique’s consistent response to the Abbot’s demonic, God-less theory was to advise Nicole, “Open your heart, my love, to God’s light and love and there you will find healing.” But the bottom line for Nicole was that she rejected both notions. She was convinced that if there was a God, He did not care for Nicole or He would not have given her this imperfect body while giving her mother a perfect one.
Her relationship with her mother became one of conflict and competition: religiously, physically, and intellectually. Nicole embraced their studies without question, however, because she knew that her mind was not palsied. In this arena, she might actually surpass her mother. The situation became over time, even more complex. Despite feeling invisible to her mother, Nicole did her utmost to hide her true feelings. The more that Dominique felt comfortable with their connection, the more Nicole saw them as miles apart. They remained unable to connect, communicate or relate. Both kept their true hearts from the other.
Nicole’s heart was hardened to Dominique and would probably never soften.