She left the Range Rover in her usual place at twelve forty-five. It was only a ten-minute walk past the school and up the High Street to Sarnies, the village coffee shop, and she needed the walk. She had toned down her attire, having yesterday seen Jade looking decidedly scruffy and driving a battered old car, so she thought jeans and a plain shirt were more appropriate. For the same irrational reason, she wanted to keep the Range Rover out of sight.
Jade was waiting for her at a table by the window and she noticed with some irony her friend had obviously made an effort for their lunch date, smartly dressed in jacket and trousers. Jade stood up and hugged her, but Jess felt stiff and awkward.
“Hi, Alice. Aw, I can’t tell you how nice it is to see you. I want to know everything,” she gushed, and Jess felt a wave of despair. The coffee shop was three quarters full, mostly ladies lunching, and Jess wondered how, in such a small village, the place was not only so popular, but where all these people had come from.
“It’s great to see you too,” she said. “How long have you lived in Fotherham?” She’d driven through the village several times but never stopped so didn’t know it well.
“About a year. Love it. It’s perfect.” They were interrupted by a waitress who handed them some menus. “What about you?”
“I live here in Chalton, have done so for about five years.”
“So straight after you left the pub?”
“Yes, that’s about right.”
They decided on sandwiches and mineral water.
“Those girls of yours are just beautiful. How old are they?”
“About four and half.”
“And the older one, Leila wasn’t it?” Jess nodded. “Is she … yours?” Jade’s hesitation was transparent and revealed her inevitable and obvious confusion about Alice having an older child who was clearly of mixed parentage. Jess was reminded why initially she had been so reticent about meeting, but here she was, and the questions would keep coming so best she try and answer them.
“Yes. I was married before I met you, but my husband left and took her away. But later, I got her back.” Five years later.
“Aw Jeez, that must have been terrible. You never said at the time. I always thought there was something troubling you, you know.” Jade nodded to herself in satisfaction. “And then you got married again?”
“No. I don’t see the twins’ father anymore.”
“Strewth, Alice. How do you manage?”
“I manage.” I live in a three million pound mansion and drive a Range Rover and have more money than I can possibly spend!
The waitress brought their food and drinks and Jade tucked in. She’d ordered a portion of chips on the side and Jess wondered uncharitably whether Jade’s loss of figure was post-natal or carbohydrate driven. She decided the best way to divert attention from herself was to ask Jade about Jade.
“So, what brought you to Fotherham?”
“The pub. The King’s Head. Me and my old man run it.”
“Oh. Really?” Jess tried to sound interested but wasn’t. She could visualise Jade in the pub, but it brought back bad memories. Jade was looking at her knowingly, as if she could see through her, or maybe she was holding something back.
“Jeez, Alice. You’ll never guess.”
“What?”
“Well ...” Jade took a big bite of sandwich and a handful of chips, and Jess knew this was the precursor to a long story. “Remember the day you left …” How could I forget? “… well, shit hit the fan big time.” She stopped for a second to swallow and Jess could feel her own heart beating faster. “Trish and Dave had this massive row. About you.” She nodded towards her and Jess took a breath, trying not to react.
“Well, I know you and Dave had a thing going, and that’s fine. He tried it on with all us girls and we all told him to piss off. But he really fancied you and I can understand, you know, having a little frisson of excitement about the boss, and perhaps falling for his charms. He was a bit of a charmer, Dave. And obviously Trish found out, and that’s why you were fired. I mean, I heard her coming in and out of your room in a major strop and then attacking him in the kitchen, chucking pots and pans and crockery at him. It’d be hilarious if it weren’t so tragic. Still, we can all laugh about it now.” She chuckled and stuffed her mouth with chips.
Jess wanted to scream.
We can all laugh about it?
She couldn’t bear to hear it. Jade was so wrong, and even if she had a way of putting her right, she didn’t have the will. I had a “thing” going with him? But Jade was in full flight.
“Well, Trish chucked him out the flat. Wouldn’t speak to him. And he had a gash over his eye where she’d hit him with a plate. He was in a terrible state!” She glugged some water to wash down a mouthful of sandwich and took another bite. Jess had lost her appetite and just stared down at her plate, wondering under what circumstances she might feel sorry for Dave Morley.
“So he ended up in your old room because it was the only place left, and I felt a bit sorry for him, you know. So I went in to see if he was all right and” – she smiled wickedly – “you know, one thing led to another, and we…” She winked at Jess who simply stared at her blankly.
“You and Dave?” Jade nodded enthusiastically while still chewing. “But … I thought you hated him?” She was confused and bewildered, and although she didn’t want to hear about it, she wanted to understand.
“Aw, it was just a one-off, you know. And I thought if his missus has chucked him out then, you know, fair game!” Jess didn’t know. “And then, next thing I know, the regional manager comes round cos Trish won’t work with Dave and wants him out, tout suite, so while they’re getting divorced, they ship him off to run some other pub miles away cos all they want is to settle things down. So Dave suddenly disappears.
“Well” – she wiped her mouth with a paper napkin and took another bite – “everything goes quiet for a while and then he calls me and asks me if I’ll go and work with him as assistant manager and it’s loads more money, and it’s a no-brainer, so I tell Trish and she goes ape-shit, but you know, I tell her it’s nothing to do with her anymore, and next thing, I’m off.”
Jess knew it couldn’t have been as simple as that but had no interest in challenging Jade’s version of events, and anyway, Jade looked so pleased with herself for apparently asserting her independence, she wasn’t going to disabuse her.
“Where was the pub?”
“Carnhill. Near Cambridge.” Jess had no idea where it was, but it sounded far enough away. “Real dive. Grottiest pub in the estate, but we made a go of it. Got the sales up.” Jess’s instincts were beginning to bother her and were fuelling something deep down that was making her feel queasy. She wanted to change the subject, but she knew there was more to come and it wasn’t going to be good.
“So … you and Dave ran this grotty pub and then you left and came to Fotherham?” she asked tentatively, but she sensed palpitations. Jade was grinning at her.
“Can’t you guess?” The wickedness was back and she flashed her left hand where something sparkled. “Dave’s divorce came through and we got married and they gave us The King’s Head. In Fotherham!” She finished with a triumphant flourish of napkin.
The air seemed to have been sucked out of the room; there could be no other reason she found it difficult to breathe. She had just been told by this woman that her husband, her nemesis, the rapist father of her beautiful babies, was living and working in a pub three miles from where they were sitting. She wanted to scream, sweep the contents of the table onto the floor, overturn the furniture and slap Jade so hard she’d be prosecuted for assault. But Jade was still talking.
“He sends his regards. I told him I saw you yesterday and we were having lunch.” Jess instinctively swung round to face the entrance, expecting him to swagger in, lascivious grin, sneering, strutting, drooling over her. Her flesh crawled. “But he’s busy at the pub. I had to get lunch off!” she laughed. “Not that Tuesday lunchtime is the busiest session. But he said we should meet up. Have a foursome?”
“That won’t be possible,” said Jess, too quickly.
“Aw, yeah. Didn’t know you were, you know, by yourself. Well one day, maybe.”
And then another thought came to her.
“So, Ben is …”
“Dave’s and mine. Can’t you see the resemblance?” Jade was bursting with pride, like any mother would.
“Yes. I can.” She needed air. “Jade, sorry. But I have to go and do something before school. Do you mind?”
“Nah, we can do this again sometime.” Jess reached for her purse. “No,” said Jade, putting a hand on Jess’s arm. “My shout. You can get the next one.” Jess nodded, they embraced awkwardly and she fled the coffee shop.
She sat in the car, alone and quiet, a sanctuary of sorts. She couldn’t stop her hands shaking, her heart thumping or her head pounding, weighing up the implications of her worst nightmare suddenly turning into reality.
She tried to calm herself, look at it rationally. What threat did Dave Morley pose to her? Jade had said he “sent his regards” but what did that mean? Maybe he was shocked to find out that the woman he raped five years ago lived close by, and not only that, she now knew where he lived. Maybe he just wanted to stay away? Then why suggest they “get together and have a foursome”? An olive branch? Did he want to say sorry, make amends? Jade couldn’t possibly know exactly what happened between them. “I know you and him had a thing going.”
But that wasn’t the way Jess saw it. She saw the evil of a man who had manipulated her, forced her to do what he wanted, threatened to ruin her unless she submit to his carnal lust. Psychological pressure; a precursor to rape. The thought she might bump into Dave Morley again was repugnant and repulsive enough, but, above all, she had to keep this monster away from her children.
Then a thought came to her. She could threaten to go to the police and accuse him of rape, because that was what it was. But she could hear the questions. Why did she leave it five years? Why didn’t she go to the police at the time? She couldn’t even imagine explaining that one. Because I was used to it. Being abused. That’s why.
She realised it was for her children that she was most fearful. They must never know. At the moment, he had no way of knowing he’d fathered any children, and he need never know, must never know. Logically, the last thing he needed was to find out he had two other kids; not only would that be extremely damaging to his own family, he might think she would come after him for maintenance. She knew she wouldn’t and clearly she didn’t need it, but he didn’t know that. The more she thought about it, the more she realised that Dave had much more to lose than she did, so provided she never laid eyes on him, she could live with it, and maybe, just maybe, that would suit him too.
But she couldn’t live with seeing Jade every day and keeping up the pretence that Alice and Dave had just had a “fling”. She would just have to tell Jade that it was nice seeing her again, but that she’d moved on and didn’t want to rekindle old memories. And she’d have to accelerate the house-moving project. It would be better if she put distance between them.
She picked up the kids at three. She saw Jade walking towards her but was able to rush off with just a wave. She’d pick her moment in the next day or two and politely but firmly, end it. They all had their own lives to lead, and that was that.
***
Dave Morley was sitting in his favourite place when his wife and son got back at three fifteen.
“All right?” he mumbled without looking up from the sports section. He was bored, fed up with life, fed up with the fact that his wife seemed to put on a pound or two every week and fed up with the burden of family responsibilities. He looked up at her. “Nice lunch?” he sneered. I bet she went for the chips again. She’s turning into a real lard-arse.
“Yeah. Great.” Ben, go up and get changed, there’s a good boy.” Ben trotted off without a word from his father. “Alice sends her best.”
Dave scoffed, knowing she’d made that one up. There was no way Alice was going to “send her best”. He knew something about Alice that Jade didn’t, and he had no doubt that Alice was feeling pretty nervy at the moment, wondering whether he was going to come after her.
He was still pissed off that he’d had to do the lunchtime shift so his wife could go and pig-out somewhere else, but at least it gave him the chance to have a chat with that new Lithuanian waitress, Irena, and give her a bit of “training”. Maybe life had its compensations.
“So what did she say when you told her we lived here?”
“Aw, she was surprised, you know. Thinking about it, she looked a bit shocked.”
“I’ll bet she did,” he sneered, pleased that the bitch might be a bit wound up.
“What do you mean? I thought you two got on all right. I mean, I know you got your leg over, Dave, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”
He closed the newspaper with a slap of the hand, barely concealing his annoyance and frustration.
“I’ll tell you what that bitch did. She fucked up my marriage and my career.”
Jade looked at him and her mouth dropped open.
“Aw, thanks a bunch, mate.” She put her hands on her hips and shifted her weight in preparation for yet another row. “Sorry, me and Ben not good enough for you?”
He spotted his faux pas immediately.
“No, no. That’s not what I meant.”
“Well what did you mean, Dave?”
He racked his brains for a plausible explanation, a suitable compliment, something to get himself out of his self-inflicted problem.
“Look, it was a very difficult time for me. If it hadn’t been for you, well, I don’t know what I would have done.” That was the best he could come up with and he embellished it with a look that demanded sympathy. It was true; he didn’t know what he would have done if he had thought about it, but it wouldn’t have been this. “Anyway,” he said, going back on the attack, “the bitch owes me twelve hundred quid.”
“What?”
“She owes me twelve hundred quid!” he repeated for emphasis, his voice rising to a falsetto. “She nicked it.”
“What? Alice stole twelve hundred quid off you?”
“Yeah!” He stood up. “While me and Trish were going at it in the kitchen, she buggered off and took a wad of money off the bar, and then disappeared.” Jade was still looking confused. “Trish left it there, stupid cow, and that bitch Alice walked off with it.”
“Why didn’t you call the police?”
“If you remember,” he said, ladling on the sarcasm to make the fat tart understand, “I was suffering a bit from concussion and blood loss while trying to dodge flying bloody kitchen knives. I didn’t notice till later and then Trish chucked me out. Then, when she found out, she said she’d deal with it but she didn’t. Just fucking blamed me.” He wiped his mouth to clear some spittle that had formed during his rant. “I’ve a good mind to go down there and tell her what I think.”
“No, Dave. Don’t do that. We don’t want no trouble. We don’t want people seeing you getting all wound up in the street, shouting at a young mother and kids. Word’ll spread and folks might stop coming in.”
“Yeah, well. She’d better not come in here while I’m around.” He stomped off to the coffee machine and poured himself another cup. Jade left him to stew.
Dave was twitching. He was twitching because he hadn’t stopped thinking about Alice since his wife had mentioned seeing her. He remembered their little dalliance fondly. He remembered the excitement he felt at the time and the way she had first quivered at his touch and then cracked and smouldered when he put her under pressure. He’d never worked her out.
He wondered what she looked like now. Apparently she had three kids and one of them was a bit of a Paki so she obviously wasn’t fussy about the sort of blokes she had, and by now she was probably a lard-arse too. But he could still smell the perfume, see the make-up, sense the fear and the vulnerability, and it turned him on again. He still lusted after her. He’d have to go down to the school and take a peek.
***
Jess rehearsed her speech in bed that night. She didn’t want it to sound rude or unfriendly, but she had to make it clear that she didn’t want to pursue an old friendship. Yes, that was the best way. She anticipated responses and had answers to them all; she just had to be firm but polite. It would be difficult, but it was necessary.
***
She planned to say something the next morning, as soon as the kids had gone in and she could have a minute or two alone with Jade, but they got held up in traffic and only just got there as the bell rang, by which time Jade and Ben had already gone. She was partly relieved that the moment had passed, but having convinced herself to confront Jade, she wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. She would get back early this afternoon and make sure she saw her before the kids came out.
At ten to three she waited alone outside the school gates as other parents gradually appeared. She nodded and smiled at one or two, nervously watching the street, and then saw Jade walking towards her purposefully. She looked less than her ebullient self; arms folded, face set, mind preoccupied. She came straight up to Jess, no welcoming smile, no greeting and certainly no contact. Jess waded in.
“Jade ...” she started, but a hand came up.
“Alice, I don’t wanna hear it.” She looked upset and nervous. “I know what happened and I think it’s wrong, but it’s all ancient history now as far as I’m concerned. So the less said about it, the better. All right?”
“Well, if you …” Jess tried to respond although she wasn’t sure what she was responding to, and before she had a chance she was interrupted.
“I think it’s in everyone’s interests to just leave it be, and we go our own separate ways. For the kids’ sakes. Okay?”
It hadn’t gone according to plan. It never did. But the same result had been arrived at without her having to say anything. She wasn’t sure why Jade was upset. Maybe something Dave had said to her? Maybe he’d confessed? Maybe he’d done the decent thing? Whatever. She just wanted the problem to go away.
“Okay, Jade. I understand.” Jade turned abruptly and stood ten yards away, waiting for her son to appear. Jess turned away, saddened but relieved, a potential new friendship destroyed before it had even started. Time to move house for good.
The girls arrived, the twins excitable as ever, Leila controlled and calm as usual, shepherding her little flock, vigilant and wary.
***
Dave had parked in the side street opposite where he could see the school gates, and he saw the brittle exchange between Alice and his wife from fifty yards away. Alice had her back to him so he couldn’t see her face, but he could tell from her figure she had kept herself well, and next to Jade, she looked positively fit.
He saw them separate abruptly and then, within a second, two little blonde girls and a mixed-race kid came out, and he watched Alice hug them and lead them up the path in the opposite direction to Jade and Ben. He leapt out of the car and scurried down to the main road, following them at a distance.
Other kids and parents were walking the same way but thinned out progressively as they jumped into the line of parked cars, until only Alice and the three girls were ahead of him. He kept his distance and then saw them stop by a brand new Range Rover. His jaw dropped open.
The car’s lights flashed as she pulled the back door open and shovelled the kids in. Heart racing, he quickened his pace and got to the car just as she closed the back door.
“All right, Alice?”
She froze. He sounded just the same. She was sure he was about to tell her how much he appreciated her, tell her he was going to give her a bonus, tell her that she ought to be nice to him or else.
“Go away, Dave.” She strode around the front of the car to the driver’s side.
“Nice motor, Alice. That must have cost a bit.”
“I’ve nothing to say to you. Now go away!”
“Aw, come on, Alice. How many blokes did you have to shag to get that, then?” He put his hands in his pockets and leant forward, making a show of peering into the back. “Two or three. I reckon,” he said, chuckling at his own wit. He walked towards her.
“Stay away. Or I’ll call the police.” He frowned at her, feigning hurt and confusion. “Tell them what you did.” She inadvertently snapped her head to look in the back of the car. The girls were still, quiet, watching, apprehensive.
“What I did?” he said, turning serious. He sensed something in her voice and in her posture and he looked at her. She presented very well, was nicely scrubbed up. She was turning him on again and he was enjoying it.
“You stay away from the girls. They’re mine! You hear?”
Two blonde kids. Same age as Ben. The penny dropped and he was thrown off balance for a moment, lost for words. She yanked open the door, climbed up into the driver’s seat and the V8 roared into life. He stepped back swiftly onto the pavement and watched her swing the car round in a U-turn and speed up the hill. Holy fuck!
***
“Mummy?” Leila had helped put the twins to bed and was now drying up dishes in the kitchen. “Who’s that nasty man? The one after school?”
Jess had tried to hide her anxiety and although she was sure the twins hadn’t noticed anything untoward, Leila was not stupid. She thought about trying to brush it off, but her eldest was experienced beyond her years and she didn’t deserve to be told any lies, even if Jess had the ability to tell them.
“He’s someone I used to know a long time ago. He’s not a nice person and I don’t want to see him again.”
“Is he Sophie and Lucy’s daddy?” Jess shook her head, not in denial, but in admiration. What am I going to with you, Leila? You’re far too clever for your own good.
“Yes,” she nodded. “But they don’t know that and I don’t want them to know that. It’s just us, okay?” She pulled Leila up against her and held her head against her body. “We don’t need anyone, do we? We just need each other. Just us.”
“Just us.”